So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
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Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
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There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today