I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.