Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
Me, myself and I
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life