To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
I've blown a few things in my day
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.