His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
More tranny stories later!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine