you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
More tranny stories later!
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen