How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...