she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.