Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.