What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.