it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.