The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
How did you get so drunk?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.