My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?