Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.