We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!