My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage