Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life