Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill