This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
34 Tweets About Student Debt That Will Make You Laugh and Cry At The Same Time
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
14 Craigslist Ads That Will Make You Lose Your Faith in Humanity
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
32 of the Pettiest, Most Hilarious Reasons People Have Broken Up With Someone