I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.