we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
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I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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