Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up