It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye