Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night