My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.