A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED