When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Yup. One sock.
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I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The adults are the big ones right?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.