i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
dude. I can hear the air.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.