random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.