He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.