When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.