Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.