Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
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Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
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I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work