List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
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i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
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There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato