I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts