He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.