Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.