i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...