we f'd six times
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk