Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dick very happy bro
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.