dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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what the fuck happened to the tacos
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.