Texts From Last Night

Best Nights of All Time

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"

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  (630): you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread" http://tfl.nu/vwcq
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  (904): View more from Florida

  how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard

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  (904): how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard http://tfl.nu/2uys
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  (619): View more from California

  Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?

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  (619): Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex? http://tfl.nu/8w6e
  Replies (8) Good night (828) Bad night (217) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl

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  (814): you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl http://tfl.nu/ed1u
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.

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  (202): Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools. http://tfl.nu/n6n6
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross

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  (740): Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross http://tfl.nu/1tyn
  Replies (0) Good night (828) Bad night (158) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.

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  (217): Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself. http://tfl.nu/hfdh
  Replies (12) Good night (828) Bad night (7012)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?

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  (570): why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge? http://tfl.nu/lm3z
  Replies (8) Good night (828) Bad night (2336) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works

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  (310): i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works http://tfl.nu/taju
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.

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  (253): I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy. http://tfl.nu/efip
  Replies (12) Good night (828) Bad night (3042)
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  (619): View more from California

  Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.

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  (619): Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear. http://tfl.nu/20ls
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack

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  (217): I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack http://tfl.nu/dmpk
  Replies (6) Good night (828) Bad night (2213)
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  (619): View more from California

  Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.

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  (619): Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out. http://tfl.nu/o96t
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.

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  (920): I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too. http://tfl.nu/1n8l
  Replies (13) Good night (828) Bad night (3439) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.

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  (925): I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m. http://tfl.nu/avly
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