I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
there is puke in my bra ... again