My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
I'm actually proud
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"