he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.