It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!