I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness