When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.