After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
there is puke in my bra ... again
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.