I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".