There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE