I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows