Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.