he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...