I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....