Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."