Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....