Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".