And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.