the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?