He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender