I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?