thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.