I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.