Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.