He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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