I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"