I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever