way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.