way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.