way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.