i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
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Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
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I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.