Texts From Last Night

Worst Nights of the Week

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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.

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  (952): I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face. (952): Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him. http://tfl.nu/f0ba
  Replies (2) Good night (330) Bad night (74)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  May the force be with you.

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  (847): bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died. (309): May the force be with you. http://tfl.nu/776r
  Replies (3) Good night (511) Bad night (74)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time

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  (928): So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time http://tfl.nu/6mpm
  Replies (4) Good night (830) Bad night (73) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Thank you for caring about my cervix.

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  (616): Thank you for caring about my cervix. http://tfl.nu/akl3
  Replies (1) Good night (347) Bad night (73) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?

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  (248): On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he? http://tfl.nu/et15
  Replies (4) Good night (344) Bad night (72) Order T-Shirt
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting

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  (479): I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting http://tfl.nu/i8mu
  Replies (1) Good night (652) Bad night (72) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed

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  (425): I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed http://tfl.nu/xp1l
  Replies (1) Good night (277) Bad night (72) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.

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  (+44): Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off. http://tfl.nu/1dmr
  Replies (1) Good night (303) Bad night (70) Order T-Shirt
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  (415): View more from California

  I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week

  (1-415): View more from California

  I don't deserve you.

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  (415): I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week (1-415): I don't deserve you. http://tfl.nu/jnri
  Replies (6) Good night (1174) Bad night (69) Order T-Shirt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.

  (1-618): View more from Illinois

  Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!

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  (618): One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat. (1-618): Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research! http://tfl.nu/3g8w
  Replies (6) Good night (951) Bad night (67)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!

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  (715): It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful! http://tfl.nu/m6vl
  Replies (1) Good night (295) Bad night (67) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.

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  (304): I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation. http://tfl.nu/s759
  Replies (5) Good night (621) Bad night (65) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me

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  (860): I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me http://tfl.nu/egc4
  Replies (4) Good night (405) Bad night (63)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.

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  (541): And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual. http://tfl.nu/zw2q
  Replies (1) Good night (247) Bad night (57) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.

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  (919): We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad. http://tfl.nu/qk8s
  Replies (5) Good night (819) Bad night (53) Order T-Shirt