Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...