I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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