You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea