I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?