It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad