We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10