So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving