You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.