Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.