I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He shit in the fireplace
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag