Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.