Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.