I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.