Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."