May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus