How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.