im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.