He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
7 Great Movies – with Drinking Games that Make them Even Better
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
15 Things You’ll Miss About College – and 7 Things You Definitely Won’t
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
There is a Children’s Book About Donald Trump’s Hair, and it’s as Weird as You’d Expect It to Be