The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer