my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed