my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
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There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
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How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed