So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets