I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
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So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
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Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?