Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head