Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
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and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
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Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going