I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
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I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
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People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless