and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried