Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex