I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!