I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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