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you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
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