Texts From Last Night

viggen6889's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock. http://tfl.nu/bwd8
  Replies (40) Good night (4936) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater. http://tfl.nu/r45m
  Replies (4) Good night (1411) Bad night (412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her? http://tfl.nu/5dev
  Replies (18) Good night (2671) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv. http://tfl.nu/rbou
  Replies (8) Good night (1586) Bad night (409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not? http://tfl.nu/b1wq
  Replies (47) Good night (4620) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13. http://tfl.nu/mb7j
  Replies (12) Good night (7659) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur http://tfl.nu/llqd
  Replies (8) Good night (4210) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck http://tfl.nu/w3fd
  Replies (18) Good night (1236) Bad night (3268)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up

  (1-585): View more from New York

  Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up (1-585): Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit http://tfl.nu/gck7
  Replies (6) Good night (2139) Bad night (707)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots. http://tfl.nu/feja
  Replies (4) Good night (2611) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters http://tfl.nu/lstj
  Replies (4) Good night (2416) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL http://tfl.nu/gjdn
  Replies (15) Good night (771) Bad night (3310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands http://tfl.nu/dboa
  Replies (5) Good night (546) Bad night (1983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help. http://tfl.nu/31aq
  Replies (50) Good night (579) Bad night (9665)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is? http://tfl.nu/537k
  Replies (13) Good night (3196) Bad night (962)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work" http://tfl.nu/lj9u
  Replies (6) Good night (3266) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls (702): Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter http://tfl.nu/jyvi
  Replies (9) Good night (4259) Bad night (574)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities http://tfl.nu/pt4w
  Replies (10) Good night (2236) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too. http://tfl.nu/ej6j
  Replies (8) Good night (4261) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina. http://tfl.nu/kcmo
  Replies (16) Good night (949) Bad night (3002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend http://tfl.nu/ls1q
  Replies (11) Good night (588) Bad night (3149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob" http://tfl.nu/t96e
  Replies (15) Good night (4214) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up. http://tfl.nu/6xku
  Replies (4) Good night (1604) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  She's clinging to me like a horny koala.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): She's clinging to me like a horny koala. http://tfl.nu/a9hq
  Replies (10) Good night (3061) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it http://tfl.nu/80uu
  Replies (7) Good night (4552) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed. http://tfl.nu/zk8r
  Replies (29) Good night (5391) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/ve7z
  Replies (21) Good night (6843) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady. http://tfl.nu/u3v1
  Replies (8) Good night (3845) Bad night (526)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch http://tfl.nu/wbxj
  Replies (13) Good night (3788) Bad night (1196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes? http://tfl.nu/o98x
  Replies (9) Good night (5274) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl http://tfl.nu/glhm
  Replies (7) Good night (1176) Bad night (2208) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look. http://tfl.nu/oye1
  Replies (9) Good night (2737) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic? http://tfl.nu/pmld
  Replies (15) Good night (1100) Bad night (2470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/nn7l
  Replies (9) Good night (1845) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one. http://tfl.nu/csjr
  Replies (10) Good night (885) Bad night (4466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener. http://tfl.nu/h6je
  Replies (12) Good night (1701) Bad night (2356) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes. http://tfl.nu/57eb
  Replies (50) Good night (2081) Bad night (5012)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition http://tfl.nu/w42o
  Replies (11) Good night (3738) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (731): What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry? http://tfl.nu/iiar
  Replies (32) Good night (1136) Bad night (4352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing http://tfl.nu/lzer
  Replies (15) Good night (3061) Bad night (952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask? http://tfl.nu/y41y
  Replies (17) Good night (5820) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test. http://tfl.nu/l54a
  Replies (6) Good night (2989) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits? http://tfl.nu/6yhs
  Replies (77) Good night (1111) Bad night (10328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it. http://tfl.nu/j6vg
  Replies (16) Good night (827) Bad night (1727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration http://tfl.nu/y2rq
  Replies (20) Good night (1459) Bad night (2289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood. http://tfl.nu/z2ka
  Replies (13) Good night (3153) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis". http://tfl.nu/o2ql
  Replies (9) Good night (2892) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions? http://tfl.nu/z9u9
  Replies (14) Good night (2956) Bad night (1398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor. http://tfl.nu/leq0
  Replies (12) Good night (3841) Bad night (1134) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit. http://tfl.nu/nygb
  Replies (33) Good night (3841) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with. http://tfl.nu/jmfl
  Replies (13) Good night (5167) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny http://tfl.nu/f2gi
  Replies (39) Good night (1829) Bad night (6808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter http://tfl.nu/a4jz
  Replies (30) Good night (4957) Bad night (1051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same http://tfl.nu/ozek
  Replies (40) Good night (2005) Bad night (6485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever. http://tfl.nu/klad
  Replies (20) Good night (6856) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake. http://tfl.nu/294d
  Replies (23) Good night (7785) Bad night (646)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun. http://tfl.nu/8k8b
  Replies (19) Good night (1783) Bad night (2394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK http://tfl.nu/qbz7
  Replies (9) Good night (2594) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard. http://tfl.nu/f3jg
  Replies (3) Good night (2497) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man http://tfl.nu/fxmb
  Replies (31) Good night (6888) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door. (215): Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go. http://tfl.nu/76is
  Replies (12) Good night (3417) Bad night (1424)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people http://tfl.nu/xhvq
  Replies (26) Good night (1113) Bad night (4987) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening. http://tfl.nu/zy8e
  Replies (26) Good night (1003) Bad night (7717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944

  (720): View more from Colorado

  and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944 (720): and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate http://tfl.nu/x2vg
  Replies (15) Good night (5181) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister. http://tfl.nu/4jvf
  Replies (14) Good night (4080) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice. http://tfl.nu/3g7h
  Replies (13) Good night (2833) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him. http://tfl.nu/79ut
  Replies (9) Good night (4238) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper http://tfl.nu/pzfa
  Replies (21) Good night (4104) Bad night (936)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it http://tfl.nu/qxjz
  Replies (13) Good night (3606) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned. http://tfl.nu/ynjo
  Replies (7) Good night (700) Bad night (3094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town http://tfl.nu/phfq
  Replies (20) Good night (5298) Bad night (1012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  she said she was living bicuriously through me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): she said she was living bicuriously through me. http://tfl.nu/luix
  Replies (14) Good night (3681) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo http://tfl.nu/0kme
  Replies (9) Good night (3118) Bad night (1104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight http://tfl.nu/88wf
  Replies (8) Good night (3352) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it. http://tfl.nu/0ggm
  Replies (37) Good night (12490) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place. http://tfl.nu/ev8p
  Replies (15) Good night (1333) Bad night (4256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property. http://tfl.nu/9au5
  Replies (14) Good night (4792) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock". http://tfl.nu/fz13
  Replies (24) Good night (4581) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M." http://tfl.nu/juhx
  Replies (8) Good night (5802) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick?? http://tfl.nu/vxvq
  Replies (12) Good night (2924) Bad night (1234) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend? http://tfl.nu/hvyw
  Replies (11) Good night (4904) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?" http://tfl.nu/sgk0
  Replies (18) Good night (681) Bad night (4538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj http://tfl.nu/kgi8
  Replies (22) Good night (5184) Bad night (1501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions http://tfl.nu/nm0a
  Replies (8) Good night (1271) Bad night (2327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea http://tfl.nu/d42k
  Replies (17) Good night (5399) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings. http://tfl.nu/tdjs
  Replies (13) Good night (3479) Bad night (1100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off. http://tfl.nu/9ogm
  Replies (11) Good night (1575) Bad night (3838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis http://tfl.nu/41ot
  Replies (14) Good night (4954) Bad night (1359)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness. http://tfl.nu/5sus
  Replies (8) Good night (804) Bad night (2178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing. http://tfl.nu/2fe4
  Replies (18) Good night (2109) Bad night (2569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro http://tfl.nu/6idu
  Replies (13) Good night (3425) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house? http://tfl.nu/bc2r
  Replies (13) Good night (8945) Bad night (1935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping http://tfl.nu/1og8
  Replies (21) Good night (4590) Bad night (1461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal. http://tfl.nu/dcp1
  Replies (15) Good night (2843) Bad night (1639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore. http://tfl.nu/p0bd
  Replies (32) Good night (1711) Bad night (6142) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites http://tfl.nu/fquq
  Replies (21) Good night (8420) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm. http://tfl.nu/uzjb
  Replies (20) Good night (3781) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused." http://tfl.nu/qcvq
  Replies (12) Good night (10956) Bad night (711)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well. http://tfl.nu/o4bp
  Replies (16) Good night (867) Bad night (2128) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges http://tfl.nu/3nw2
  Replies (24) Good night (1101) Bad night (6156)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that. http://tfl.nu/0p85
  Replies (27) Good night (1094) Bad night (4519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen http://tfl.nu/5vux
  Replies (25) Good night (2080) Bad night (10548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever. http://tfl.nu/jt2o
  Replies (8) Good night (6375) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco. http://tfl.nu/8uv1
  Replies (19) Good night (6504) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend... http://tfl.nu/gkjq
  Replies (60) Good night (2344) Bad night (6043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now http://tfl.nu/j96j
  Replies (40) Good night (5978) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her. http://tfl.nu/yn7x
  Replies (15) Good night (4727) Bad night (1479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year. http://tfl.nu/8zt2
  Replies (9) Good night (839) Bad night (3748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news. http://tfl.nu/pxui
  Replies (10) Good night (1744) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters http://tfl.nu/51nh
  Replies (8) Good night (2628) Bad night (1897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.' http://tfl.nu/h44o
  Replies (58) Good night (4138) Bad night (1771)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter. http://tfl.nu/21c2
  Replies (18) Good night (4795) Bad night (1142) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it. http://tfl.nu/c8qq
  Replies (4) Good night (2093) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die http://tfl.nu/4ks9
  Replies (18) Good night (919) Bad night (4558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  we're about an hour out, how's the weather?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): we're about an hour out, how's the weather? (720): cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home. http://tfl.nu/na0o
  Replies (14) Good night (5707) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver. http://tfl.nu/n7jh
  Replies (23) Good night (5210) Bad night (1539)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could". http://tfl.nu/pxbj
  Replies (21) Good night (7646) Bad night (1567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese. http://tfl.nu/9uuf
  Replies (10) Good night (4694) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  One blow job doesn not make me gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): One blow job doesn not make me gay. http://tfl.nu/ismv
  Replies (85) Good night (2556) Bad night (8023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge http://tfl.nu/q5gb
  Replies (17) Good night (3306) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink http://tfl.nu/w0ij
  Replies (12) Good night (6823) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. http://tfl.nu/qw6q
  Replies (48) Good night (18692) Bad night (1653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer. http://tfl.nu/0a2y
  Replies (10) Good night (4200) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us. http://tfl.nu/wdqz
  Replies (5) Good night (4108) Bad night (830)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there.... http://tfl.nu/cfkl
  Replies (10) Good night (3481) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me http://tfl.nu/2y9m
  Replies (25) Good night (10696) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike... http://tfl.nu/h9ar
  Replies (10) Good night (989) Bad night (3628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle? http://tfl.nu/vxb0
  Replies (15) Good night (871) Bad night (3238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break... http://tfl.nu/y0v7
  Replies (22) Good night (3197) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in http://tfl.nu/b3qn
  Replies (15) Good night (6990) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin http://tfl.nu/ftsd
  Replies (3) Good night (2803) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count. http://tfl.nu/d5s2
  Replies (14) Good night (4777) Bad night (1238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday". http://tfl.nu/bzic
  Replies (8) Good night (6770) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot. http://tfl.nu/r2lr
  Replies (17) Good night (5978) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids http://tfl.nu/g564
  Replies (19) Good night (4061) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug. http://tfl.nu/xwvw
  Replies (11) Good night (869) Bad night (3371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits. http://tfl.nu/2cej
  Replies (10) Good night (9184) Bad night (571)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin. http://tfl.nu/vso7
  Replies (13) Good night (3371) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression http://tfl.nu/ti0p
  Replies (30) Good night (943) Bad night (3487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers http://tfl.nu/r5er
  Replies (18) Good night (1603) Bad night (5905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour. http://tfl.nu/xxvi
  Replies (38) Good night (11262) Bad night (991) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter http://tfl.nu/frpq
  Replies (8) Good night (2190) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see.. http://tfl.nu/ubpf
  Replies (9) Good night (3841) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse. http://tfl.nu/tyw2
  Replies (16) Good night (531) Bad night (4495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them http://tfl.nu/300a
  Replies (25) Good night (4442) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over. http://tfl.nu/n0ys
  Replies (14) Good night (8077) Bad night (825)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate http://tfl.nu/8imj
  Replies (16) Good night (1617) Bad night (4451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on. http://tfl.nu/fosj
  Replies (7) Good night (3776) Bad night (699)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Yup.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Yup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then? (636): Yup. (314): Yup. http://tfl.nu/bp2u
  Replies (70) Good night (23407) Bad night (1429)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting. http://tfl.nu/kkkr
  Replies (25) Good night (3443) Bad night (2528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  So....maintenance found the bullethole.....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): So....maintenance found the bullethole..... http://tfl.nu/54el
  Replies (21) Good night (4986) Bad night (1990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely . http://tfl.nu/di6d
  Replies (18) Good night (4139) Bad night (1352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute?? http://tfl.nu/snv5
  Replies (11) Good night (7628) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me http://tfl.nu/5qy1
  Replies (25) Good night (833) Bad night (8086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website. http://tfl.nu/9e82
  Replies (28) Good night (753) Bad night (4586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform." http://tfl.nu/nw1x
  Replies (11) Good night (5038) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety http://tfl.nu/5zfx
  Replies (7) Good night (2306) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast. http://tfl.nu/qvgk
  Replies (140) Good night (1761) Bad night (47880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello http://tfl.nu/squi
  Replies (17) Good night (738) Bad night (9232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking. http://tfl.nu/zh63
  Replies (4) Good night (2267) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up. http://tfl.nu/06n7
  Replies (8) Good night (3301) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes" http://tfl.nu/1j0f
  Replies (16) Good night (1554) Bad night (5681)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping http://tfl.nu/0qth
  Replies (9) Good night (668) Bad night (3500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him http://tfl.nu/4xvd
  Replies (13) Good night (3686) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  The pine trees are waving at me.

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Put the pipe down honey.

  (253): View more from Washington

  Hi trees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): The pine trees are waving at me. (907): Put the pipe down honey. (253): Hi trees. http://tfl.nu/6b23
  Replies (16) Good night (7574) Bad night (1249)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1... http://tfl.nu/ehgf
  Replies (21) Good night (8134) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort. http://tfl.nu/2zhz
  Replies (15) Good night (4424) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here http://tfl.nu/y491
  Replies (17) Good night (3729) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary http://tfl.nu/g62g
  Replies (14) Good night (2340) Bad night (3748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds. http://tfl.nu/bean
  Replies (8) Good night (4309) Bad night (1299) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high http://tfl.nu/24mk
  Replies (11) Good night (4627) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times http://tfl.nu/be2v
  Replies (14) Good night (1390) Bad night (4182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him http://tfl.nu/slwx
  Replies (11) Good night (3713) Bad night (1312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I don't have enough holes for all these australians

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I don't have enough holes for all these australians http://tfl.nu/dq24
  Replies (13) Good night (5536) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned. http://tfl.nu/9j2r
  Replies (30) Good night (4657) Bad night (2943)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me (1-425): Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about. http://tfl.nu/mflc
  Replies (39) Good night (2131) Bad night (4616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was... http://tfl.nu/7mx1
  Replies (49) Good night (10688) Bad night (2185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/1tot
  Replies (16) Good night (3519) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist. http://tfl.nu/mma2
  Replies (35) Good night (4154) Bad night (985)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad. http://tfl.nu/4fga
  Replies (11) Good night (2903) Bad night (1731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (679): View more from Michigan

  You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.

  (679): View more from Michigan

  You really are best friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (679): You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road. (679): You really are best friends. http://tfl.nu/zi1s
  Replies (20) Good night (6121) Bad night (832)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations http://tfl.nu/ujgo
  Replies (13) Good night (732) Bad night (4510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved http://tfl.nu/hfsv
  Replies (15) Good night (3830) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian. http://tfl.nu/x5ta
  Replies (18) Good night (6710) Bad night (1881)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple. http://tfl.nu/553h
  Replies (21) Good night (5171) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours http://tfl.nu/1nv0
  Replies (15) Good night (12369) Bad night (730)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r. http://tfl.nu/crq7
  Replies (4) Good night (2572) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936. http://tfl.nu/hg2d
  Replies (22) Good night (1044) Bad night (9154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween http://tfl.nu/fww2
  Replies (37) Good night (5900) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?

  (1-218): View more from Minnesota

  Both?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants? (1-218): Both? http://tfl.nu/yr9r
  Replies (21) Good night (8785) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN. http://tfl.nu/2o4b
  Replies (32) Good night (13656) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy! (218): I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head. http://tfl.nu/0svk
  Replies (29) Good night (4534) Bad night (1564)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you. (228): Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it. http://tfl.nu/6bli
  Replies (29) Good night (1842) Bad night (4109)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time. http://tfl.nu/dyz5
  Replies (20) Good night (4687) Bad night (1231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend. http://tfl.nu/lag5
  Replies (9) Good night (5228) Bad night (846)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning. http://tfl.nu/odgl
  Replies (57) Good night (15412) Bad night (3105)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does. http://tfl.nu/xwvv
  Replies (13) Good night (6035) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back. http://tfl.nu/842d
  Replies (21) Good night (729) Bad night (3696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs. http://tfl.nu/7j97
  Replies (24) Good night (5395) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson" http://tfl.nu/itij
  Replies (11) Good night (7162) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina. http://tfl.nu/3vsv
  Replies (78) Good night (2160) Bad night (7723)
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets." http://tfl.nu/13ll
  Replies (17) Good night (7076) Bad night (770)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea http://tfl.nu/zoej
  Replies (60) Good night (2852) Bad night (8122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms. http://tfl.nu/aw2i
  Replies (38) Good night (6918) Bad night (1262)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen. http://tfl.nu/9jnz
  Replies (18) Good night (4932) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore. http://tfl.nu/bvdb
  Replies (11) Good night (3928) Bad night (1486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this. http://tfl.nu/u3zd
  Replies (45) Good night (9506) Bad night (1020)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either. http://tfl.nu/z8zq
  Replies (25) Good night (1475) Bad night (3087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices http://tfl.nu/clic
  Replies (34) Good night (7030) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex http://tfl.nu/9dx2
  Replies (17) Good night (5320) Bad night (1361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood. http://tfl.nu/qlw2
  Replies (18) Good night (6279) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years http://tfl.nu/cjjj
  Replies (27) Good night (8058) Bad night (1282)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial. http://tfl.nu/6p87
  Replies (49) Good night (6085) Bad night (2501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up. http://tfl.nu/h2lf
  Replies (23) Good night (7578) Bad night (4487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love. http://tfl.nu/9dmy
  Replies (37) Good night (4560) Bad night (2503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does. http://tfl.nu/p0z8
  Replies (14) Good night (1468) Bad night (3146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon. http://tfl.nu/zm69
  Replies (34) Good night (7826) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get http://tfl.nu/sb3f
  Replies (18) Good night (993) Bad night (3720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ..So we should take it off Youtube?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you. (816): ..So we should take it off Youtube? http://tfl.nu/93os
  Replies (28) Good night (10458) Bad night (1290)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went? http://tfl.nu/99g1
  Replies (78) Good night (13556) Bad night (1907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake http://tfl.nu/rol0
  Replies (45) Good night (6940) Bad night (1208) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard. http://tfl.nu/weqf
  Replies (42) Good night (5921) Bad night (1428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part. http://tfl.nu/1dsi
  Replies (27) Good night (7624) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck. http://tfl.nu/zv2o
  Replies (17) Good night (1208) Bad night (4004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now http://tfl.nu/rdt3
  Replies (23) Good night (3776) Bad night (1179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!! (404): you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship. http://tfl.nu/9p9t
  Replies (34) Good night (6167) Bad night (1092)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time http://tfl.nu/v4kt
  Replies (32) Good night (1499) Bad night (4819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree http://tfl.nu/cqwy
  Replies (19) Good night (5415) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet. http://tfl.nu/ix9e
  Replies (67) Good night (17226) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job http://tfl.nu/ki5a
  Replies (45) Good night (4365) Bad night (1474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I can get orange kush...

  (586): View more from Michigan

  GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I can get orange kush... (586): GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?! http://tfl.nu/voiy
  Replies (32) Good night (6078) Bad night (1120)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/5p64
  Replies (9) Good night (4164) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender http://tfl.nu/9vxe
  Replies (23) Good night (1659) Bad night (4298) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  does that include her cleaning your bowl?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave. (1-616): does that include her cleaning your bowl? http://tfl.nu/8sts
  Replies (10) Good night (5450) Bad night (855)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ask politely.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Thats good enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Ask politely. (610): Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you? (484): Thats good enough. http://tfl.nu/nxir
  Replies (61) Good night (12686) Bad night (831)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?! http://tfl.nu/aect
  Replies (110) Good night (1504) Bad night (7584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out. http://tfl.nu/f1nl
  Replies (43) Good night (16028) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  thats actually pretty good logic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars" (412): thats actually pretty good logic http://tfl.nu/znkn
  Replies (13) Good night (5747) Bad night (814)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her. http://tfl.nu/fyts
  Replies (7) Good night (3754) Bad night (1238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle. http://tfl.nu/baj8
  Replies (52) Good night (1887) Bad night (7378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him... http://tfl.nu/efrg
  Replies (36) Good night (5752) Bad night (1015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip http://tfl.nu/r0us
  Replies (35) Good night (2027) Bad night (6498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it" http://tfl.nu/1hnw
  Replies (19) Good night (927) Bad night (4827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier. http://tfl.nu/o9ed
  Replies (19) Good night (8817) Bad night (1085)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope. http://tfl.nu/lawp
  Replies (25) Good night (4977) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts. http://tfl.nu/wlt6
  Replies (48) Good night (7170) Bad night (1697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring. http://tfl.nu/wizw
  Replies (24) Good night (8313) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes. http://tfl.nu/56a9
  Replies (19) Good night (8552) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  bc i get to see you. naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid? (203): bc i get to see you. naked. http://tfl.nu/db7h
  Replies (24) Good night (7806) Bad night (965)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (121) Good night (44049) Bad night (1351)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint. http://tfl.nu/divk
  Replies (25) Good night (8724) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out? http://tfl.nu/q9ps
  Replies (37) Good night (8208) Bad night (2713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time http://tfl.nu/ixfn
  Replies (44) Good night (6969) Bad night (3712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won. http://tfl.nu/w0xy
  Replies (90) Good night (6753) Bad night (1379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking. http://tfl.nu/3qfc
  Replies (22) Good night (6899) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk http://tfl.nu/l5et
  Replies (7) Good night (4023) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank" (201): hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins http://tfl.nu/g5wh
  Replies (41) Good night (4123) Bad night (1045)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  Not having phil's child is good enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize. (1-513): Not having phil's child is good enough. http://tfl.nu/zrt3
  Replies (19) Good night (6071) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward. http://tfl.nu/6x5x
  Replies (15) Good night (1099) Bad night (6566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock

  (347): View more from New York

  I THOUGHT I SAW YOU

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock (347): I THOUGHT I SAW YOU http://tfl.nu/jrv0
  Replies (27) Good night (12739) Bad night (1707)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010' http://tfl.nu/beuj
  Replies (9) Good night (6210) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer. http://tfl.nu/vx01
  Replies (15) Good night (610) Bad night (4377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed http://tfl.nu/38z7
  Replies (25) Good night (10044) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice http://tfl.nu/hsgc
  Replies (45) Good night (14045) Bad night (1411)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him. http://tfl.nu/tve9
  Replies (14) Good night (5308) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore. http://tfl.nu/fjzm
  Replies (39) Good night (1011) Bad night (6338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that http://tfl.nu/q1k2
  Replies (12) Good night (4377) Bad night (954)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying. http://tfl.nu/rtdk
  Replies (41) Good night (7914) Bad night (1574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick. http://tfl.nu/xsrx
  Replies (20) Good night (1559) Bad night (4582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage http://tfl.nu/vsxr
  Replies (13) Good night (4459) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world http://tfl.nu/xi7q
  Replies (42) Good night (2901) Bad night (4936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad? (952): You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him.... http://tfl.nu/ht91
  Replies (37) Good night (1745) Bad night (7583)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina. http://tfl.nu/ay3j
  Replies (22) Good night (7210) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes http://tfl.nu/0fsj
  Replies (24) Good night (4677) Bad night (2205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup. http://tfl.nu/267r
  Replies (25) Good night (5016) Bad night (1089)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one? http://tfl.nu/0w3a
  Replies (55) Good night (705) Bad night (6324) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month" http://tfl.nu/8vpl
  Replies (45) Good night (14176) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals. http://tfl.nu/wv0a
  Replies (22) Good night (7974) Bad night (794)
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?

  (1-807): View more from Ontario

  Just flip the mattress, it erases all

  (807): View more from Ontario

  Done and done

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town? (1-807): Just flip the mattress, it erases all (807): Done and done http://tfl.nu/aezq
  Replies (99) Good night (2583) Bad night (7257)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility. http://tfl.nu/43su
  Replies (17) Good night (8039) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you' http://tfl.nu/ael6
  Replies (25) Good night (2409) Bad night (5292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy http://tfl.nu/u5b8
  Replies (51) Good night (7835) Bad night (1196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ah tequila...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur # (816): ah tequila... http://tfl.nu/7k34
  Replies (22) Good night (5857) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch http://tfl.nu/zban
  Replies (28) Good night (8292) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven. http://tfl.nu/24p0
  Replies (42) Good night (9467) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie

  (420): View more from

  your the best winggirl ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie (420): your the best winggirl ever http://tfl.nu/bhih
  Replies (34) Good night (12386) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I forgot about that,good spring break.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild" (773): I forgot about that,good spring break. http://tfl.nu/09xy
  Replies (16) Good night (5820) Bad night (1016)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives. http://tfl.nu/lbn9
  Replies (29) Good night (4126) Bad night (3115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me. http://tfl.nu/k06t
  Replies (46) Good night (9321) Bad night (1699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian? http://tfl.nu/oazh
  Replies (42) Good night (9716) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I accept this challenge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you. (301): I accept this challenge. http://tfl.nu/mbqm
  Replies (60) Good night (17738) Bad night (1395)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life. http://tfl.nu/p0ex
  Replies (16) Good night (5512) Bad night (1258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I love boston

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH (781): I love boston http://tfl.nu/jz0y
  Replies (37) Good night (7959) Bad night (680)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class http://tfl.nu/440m
  Replies (29) Good night (9547) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  fireball beer pong. youre missing out

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  how is that even possible?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  ove gloves.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  be there in ten.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): fireball beer pong. youre missing out (732): how is that even possible? (908): ove gloves. (732): be there in ten. http://tfl.nu/dpvx
  Replies (30) Good night (8420) Bad night (774)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated http://tfl.nu/326a
  Replies (28) Good night (1030) Bad night (4727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it. http://tfl.nu/5i1a
  Replies (12) Good night (7870) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up. http://tfl.nu/juwj
  Replies (24) Good night (9714) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch. http://tfl.nu/0vl7
  Replies (74) Good night (2972) Bad night (7464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake". http://tfl.nu/w0jz
  Replies (77) Good night (17721) Bad night (2149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom. http://tfl.nu/yu7b
  Replies (23) Good night (6575) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win. (1-773): Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married http://tfl.nu/w32w
  Replies (19) Good night (867) Bad night (7143)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills. http://tfl.nu/7aj5
  Replies (52) Good night (6193) Bad night (3206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit. http://tfl.nu/890j
  Replies (48) Good night (2455) Bad night (9137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass. http://tfl.nu/xi9h
  Replies (61) Good night (19565) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left. http://tfl.nu/77za
  Replies (62) Good night (10246) Bad night (1293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window http://tfl.nu/ly7e
  Replies (13) Good night (1143) Bad night (3936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now http://tfl.nu/173b
  Replies (25) Good night (8475) Bad night (1019)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later. http://tfl.nu/c4t5
  Replies (25) Good night (6048) Bad night (782)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits" http://tfl.nu/79pd
  Replies (40) Good night (10761) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned? http://tfl.nu/6bz7
  Replies (15) Good night (4872) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list http://tfl.nu/8owq
  Replies (20) Good night (11021) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life. http://tfl.nu/wgtn
  Replies (32) Good night (855) Bad night (5391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life. http://tfl.nu/g5ok
  Replies (35) Good night (14621) Bad night (896)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date. http://tfl.nu/r3cq
  Replies (17) Good night (559) Bad night (6274)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes... http://tfl.nu/9zzk
  Replies (68) Good night (949) Bad night (10748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day http://tfl.nu/20xi
  Replies (14) Good night (8539) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping. http://tfl.nu/aea5
  Replies (30) Good night (3381) Bad night (1131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship. http://tfl.nu/j0tt
  Replies (13) Good night (6230) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (64) Good night (26337) Bad night (1505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad... http://tfl.nu/yh1f
  Replies (52) Good night (2018) Bad night (9696)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared" http://tfl.nu/f1ec
  Replies (19) Good night (5574) Bad night (2381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before... http://tfl.nu/0j29
  Replies (23) Good night (5869) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost? http://tfl.nu/osjc
  Replies (21) Good night (2551) Bad night (6451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple http://tfl.nu/4e1c
  Replies (19) Good night (9529) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico. http://tfl.nu/ifni
  Replies (32) Good night (5981) Bad night (1294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl. http://tfl.nu/oaik
  Replies (47) Good night (8398) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it. http://tfl.nu/uqxt
  Replies (13) Good night (9075) Bad night (1402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew. http://tfl.nu/v7c1
  Replies (7) Good night (3935) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong. http://tfl.nu/ln52
  Replies (28) Good night (8773) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them http://tfl.nu/fxdr
  Replies (33) Good night (11149) Bad night (1946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs http://tfl.nu/58d0
  Replies (15) Good night (5289) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  no, that is not a typo

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night (401): no, that is not a typo (401): i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday http://tfl.nu/nleu
  Replies (49) Good night (6324) Bad night (1900)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation? http://tfl.nu/jmz5
  Replies (52) Good night (11778) Bad night (2416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since. http://tfl.nu/ovf5
  Replies (8) Good night (4009) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this? http://tfl.nu/za6z
  Replies (18) Good night (5654) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated http://tfl.nu/7pju
  Replies (10) Good night (1128) Bad night (4712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again. http://tfl.nu/nv5y
  Replies (28) Good night (12525) Bad night (1582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): 2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck. http://tfl.nu/qowh
  Replies (8) Good night (6573) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive? http://tfl.nu/wveq
  Replies (45) Good night (5500) Bad night (1309) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children. http://tfl.nu/trxp
  Replies (24) Good night (7610) Bad night (824)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way http://tfl.nu/t96w
  Replies (31) Good night (1495) Bad night (4554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks http://tfl.nu/vee8
  Replies (22) Good night (4350) Bad night (1307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe. http://tfl.nu/z3x3
  Replies (43) Good night (7434) Bad night (1587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule. http://tfl.nu/edaa
  Replies (10) Good night (3849) Bad night (2204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items" (973): That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic" http://tfl.nu/yk9d
  Replies (13) Good night (4220) Bad night (725)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me." http://tfl.nu/89qv
  Replies (14) Good night (1444) Bad night (4494)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me http://tfl.nu/osg9
  Replies (45) Good night (7623) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like http://tfl.nu/mlp3
  Replies (54) Good night (10762) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval http://tfl.nu/opwb
  Replies (7) Good night (6772) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy http://tfl.nu/57ze
  Replies (17) Good night (5764) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  how was last night?

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): how was last night? (1-908): i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me. http://tfl.nu/23nl
  Replies (32) Good night (6053) Bad night (2774)
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head. http://tfl.nu/2njk
  Replies (22) Good night (5363) Bad night (723)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology. http://tfl.nu/sp8t
  Replies (32) Good night (9523) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued. http://tfl.nu/19hy
  Replies (40) Good night (10639) Bad night (2703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday. http://tfl.nu/1ia2
  Replies (82) Good night (976) Bad night (4469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him. http://tfl.nu/25q8
  Replies (62) Good night (26359) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned http://tfl.nu/r5xe
  Replies (6) Good night (735) Bad night (4545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties. http://tfl.nu/ddyo
  Replies (21) Good night (5951) Bad night (1729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker" http://tfl.nu/kgaf
  Replies (15) Good night (1726) Bad night (5144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  How am I a tease?

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.

  (813): View more from Florida

  ONLY PART OF IT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): How am I a tease? (1-813): Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away. (813): ONLY PART OF IT. http://tfl.nu/b7xa
  Replies (44) Good night (7972) Bad night (1298)
• Favorite

  (+65): View more from

  He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+65): He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay? http://tfl.nu/afe2
  Replies (54) Good night (6438) Bad night (1947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3. http://tfl.nu/k38v
  Replies (38) Good night (14247) Bad night (1182)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free. http://tfl.nu/2six
  Replies (42) Good night (9309) Bad night (1285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started http://tfl.nu/zumk
  Replies (54) Good night (6764) Bad night (1801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway... http://tfl.nu/qwxo
  Replies (53) Good night (11616) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life http://tfl.nu/bfvb
  Replies (27) Good night (4293) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/tgbz
  Replies (11) Good night (2728) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.

  (917): View more from New York City

  I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God. (917): I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice. http://tfl.nu/jdh1
  Replies (121) Good night (2758) Bad night (14581)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?

  (1-559): View more from California

  That depends on who this is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true? (1-559): That depends on who this is. http://tfl.nu/a6jm
  Replies (42) Good night (13729) Bad night (1582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car http://tfl.nu/lq42
  Replies (40) Good night (4612) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher? (720): Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced. http://tfl.nu/qahj
  Replies (35) Good night (12027) Bad night (919)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was. http://tfl.nu/tore
  Replies (25) Good night (665) Bad night (5781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit. http://tfl.nu/vzj2
  Replies (12) Good night (5196) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  no, didnt close...

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): no, didnt close... (978): What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic... http://tfl.nu/lkpf
  Replies (13) Good night (705) Bad night (5753)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done. http://tfl.nu/i81l
  Replies (18) Good night (8278) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong? http://tfl.nu/9q3v
  Replies (169) Good night (4615) Bad night (16415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered http://tfl.nu/r084
  Replies (23) Good night (3621) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad. http://tfl.nu/8fn1
  Replies (68) Good night (11372) Bad night (2499)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever. http://tfl.nu/mdyd
  Replies (16) Good night (6183) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky http://tfl.nu/clbn
  Replies (90) Good night (7651) Bad night (927)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore. http://tfl.nu/ntw9
  Replies (55) Good night (5266) Bad night (1092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby. http://tfl.nu/f0c2
  Replies (96) Good night (15948) Bad night (979)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party http://tfl.nu/wsii
  Replies (30) Good night (5694) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade http://tfl.nu/sv7y
  Replies (60) Good night (53396) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  what the hell does that mean?

  (208): View more from Idaho

  nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here (1-208): what the hell does that mean? (208): nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages http://tfl.nu/of9o
  Replies (26) Good night (2253) Bad night (3585)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  well i fucked her too, so yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested? (610): well i fucked her too, so yes. http://tfl.nu/6v2h
  Replies (91) Good night (1154) Bad night (8644)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  you had an obligation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right? (314): you had an obligation. http://tfl.nu/0hhp
  Replies (20) Good night (7630) Bad night (427)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event. http://tfl.nu/eg4k
  Replies (22) Good night (8389) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life. http://tfl.nu/paqh
  Replies (71) Good night (24622) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier? http://tfl.nu/2449
  Replies (182) Good night (4963) Bad night (6660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado. http://tfl.nu/h7dy
  Replies (25) Good night (5917) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago. http://tfl.nu/gs96
  Replies (50) Good night (5207) Bad night (1087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place" http://tfl.nu/mdbw
  Replies (39) Good night (5796) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking http://tfl.nu/dj6c
  Replies (49) Good night (1130) Bad night (3704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again http://tfl.nu/470y
  Replies (199) Good night (42702) Bad night (3603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (137) Good night (36759) Bad night (1052)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted http://tfl.nu/rfs0
  Replies (98) Good night (1845) Bad night (8480)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes http://tfl.nu/dswl
  Replies (84) Good night (3045) Bad night (7513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (171) Good night (49215) Bad night (5112)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): She made Precious look like a solid 6.5. http://tfl.nu/qn24
  Replies (32) Good night (448) Bad night (5586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more http://tfl.nu/noxu
  Replies (39) Good night (903) Bad night (5114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it http://tfl.nu/n2gi
  Replies (31) Good night (746) Bad night (8535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating http://tfl.nu/k15b
  Replies (30) Good night (837) Bad night (6678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie? http://tfl.nu/tj9i
  Replies (83) Good night (5965) Bad night (1855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day http://tfl.nu/fmap
  Replies (35) Good night (4753) Bad night (1410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know. http://tfl.nu/sm0x
  Replies (15) Good night (3509) Bad night (604)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick! http://tfl.nu/dynw
  Replies (56) Good night (1045) Bad night (8800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard. http://tfl.nu/8xvq
  Replies (22) Good night (3867) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats. http://tfl.nu/rm40
  Replies (40) Good night (13497) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that. http://tfl.nu/jmlu
  Replies (43) Good night (1273) Bad night (2605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions. http://tfl.nu/m5qp
  Replies (67) Good night (555) Bad night (5491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight. http://tfl.nu/mepj
  Replies (14) Good night (789) Bad night (3569)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next. http://tfl.nu/2m7k
  Replies (32) Good night (573) Bad night (4556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer. http://tfl.nu/2j6i
  Replies (76) Good night (14824) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string.. http://tfl.nu/4pq8
  Replies (28) Good night (487) Bad night (6992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Girls should come with a carfax report

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Girls should come with a carfax report http://tfl.nu/ithx
  Replies (55) Good night (6912) Bad night (1461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there http://tfl.nu/3k7t
  Replies (75) Good night (9558) Bad night (665)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself http://tfl.nu/wwe7
  Replies (12) Good night (848) Bad night (2949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"? http://tfl.nu/0zdv
  Replies (29) Good night (4910) Bad night (1431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork." http://tfl.nu/fte3
  Replies (27) Good night (5846) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough. http://tfl.nu/yln2
  Replies (120) Good night (7732) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for http://tfl.nu/xrwv
  Replies (12) Good night (4461) Bad night (365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot. http://tfl.nu/nyh6
  Replies (41) Good night (4272) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now. http://tfl.nu/1nlv
  Replies (28) Good night (1155) Bad night (5168) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd. http://tfl.nu/5f3i
  Replies (64) Good night (8519) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (130) Good night (57789) Bad night (1339) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble. http://tfl.nu/68ay
  Replies (59) Good night (5882) Bad night (1145) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american. http://tfl.nu/yild
  Replies (53) Good night (4287) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven. http://tfl.nu/hg3t
  Replies (280) Good night (52345) Bad night (3941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark http://tfl.nu/z2dx
  Replies (27) Good night (6717) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day. http://tfl.nu/oasv
  Replies (24) Good night (3724) Bad night (1122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra. http://tfl.nu/ga1u
  Replies (66) Good night (26407) Bad night (1434)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am. http://tfl.nu/u2qi
  Replies (14) Good night (1125) Bad night (5581)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything http://tfl.nu/6c7y
  Replies (20) Good night (3684) Bad night (1762)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room

  (1-225): View more from Louisiana

  haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room (1-225): haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom? http://tfl.nu/q6me
  Replies (55) Good night (9949) Bad night (714)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  ...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): ...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!? http://tfl.nu/yk7e
  Replies (19) Good night (428) Bad night (4584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate http://tfl.nu/yf54
  Replies (64) Good night (4515) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university? http://tfl.nu/bxwk
  Replies (37) Good night (5946) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be http://tfl.nu/q4d6
  Replies (166) Good night (1855) Bad night (3745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..

  (703): View more from Virginia

  this can't be going anywhere good

  (571): View more from Virginia

  nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah.. (703): this can't be going anywhere good (571): nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\ http://tfl.nu/4i13
  Replies (194) Good night (1469) Bad night (25707)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process. http://tfl.nu/s5xk
  Replies (78) Good night (1223) Bad night (5015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked." http://tfl.nu/ikiz
  Replies (37) Good night (4563) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving. http://tfl.nu/e2dg
  Replies (27) Good night (2545) Bad night (4248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me. http://tfl.nu/00st
  Replies (27) Good night (4467) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww http://tfl.nu/qfxi
  Replies (104) Good night (946) Bad night (31347)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.

  (916): View more from California

  It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige. (320): Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop. (916): It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area. http://tfl.nu/1pkh
  Replies (28) Good night (1315) Bad night (2120)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age. http://tfl.nu/4icz
  Replies (31) Good night (436) Bad night (8211)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night http://tfl.nu/fggv
  Replies (32) Good night (1107) Bad night (4665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever http://tfl.nu/61m6
  Replies (33) Good night (5885) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?

  (708): View more from Illinois

  We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday? (708): We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us. http://tfl.nu/9z48
  Replies (47) Good night (13233) Bad night (634)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.

  (214): View more from Texas

  It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls. (214): It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep. http://tfl.nu/5v3w
  Replies (17) Good night (4696) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Random question, how's your gag reflex these days

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Random question, how's your gag reflex these days http://tfl.nu/0fku
  Replies (10) Good night (4264) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before? http://tfl.nu/2y4h
  Replies (50) Good night (530) Bad night (5492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  She does have a great personality.

  (1-864): View more from South Carolina

  Yeah, in her vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): She does have a great personality. (1-864): Yeah, in her vagina. http://tfl.nu/us41
  Replies (9) Good night (4062) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks. http://tfl.nu/ad27
  Replies (16) Good night (4042) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend http://tfl.nu/2gsx
  Replies (74) Good night (2844) Bad night (9591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit." http://tfl.nu/z2kp
  Replies (64) Good night (7550) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie http://tfl.nu/8h9i
  Replies (74) Good night (528) Bad night (6787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg
  Replies (285) Good night (60328) Bad night (3668)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people. http://tfl.nu/d8wc
  Replies (24) Good night (6990) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house. http://tfl.nu/i822
  Replies (16) Good night (2783) Bad night (1068) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  is that a poem?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls (763): is that a poem?! http://tfl.nu/h29o
  Replies (55) Good night (6790) Bad night (1382)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me. http://tfl.nu/uo6c
  Replies (108) Good night (1838) Bad night (34443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends http://tfl.nu/6cx1
  Replies (68) Good night (1047) Bad night (6176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home. http://tfl.nu/78m4
  Replies (15) Good night (3772) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend. http://tfl.nu/tpw6
  Replies (26) Good night (463) Bad night (5278)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this." http://tfl.nu/rnir
  Replies (45) Good night (692) Bad night (6271)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for. http://tfl.nu/2a8f
  Replies (50) Good night (643) Bad night (4441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  you're bored at work aren't you?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): you're bored at work aren't you? (703): I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk http://tfl.nu/77tj
  Replies (78) Good night (3794) Bad night (923)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder. http://tfl.nu/zegq
  Replies (17) Good night (4011) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period http://tfl.nu/tso5
  Replies (217) Good night (1125) Bad night (28012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I just got invited to go home with a married couple...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I just got invited to go home with a married couple... http://tfl.nu/0i8n
  Replies (12) Good night (5474) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend. http://tfl.nu/c0jn
  Replies (55) Good night (3856) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not. http://tfl.nu/eg76
  Replies (54) Good night (2733) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin. http://tfl.nu/cu5c
  Replies (83) Good night (4334) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  pussy has no personality

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Amen to that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that (484): pussy has no personality (609): Amen to that http://tfl.nu/mkon
  Replies (17) Good night (2547) Bad night (450)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?

  (845): View more from New York

  Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one? (845): Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides. http://tfl.nu/6dzh
  Replies (125) Good night (4532) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.

  (1-972): View more from Texas

  I want to be a cop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party. (1-972): I want to be a cop. http://tfl.nu/ucz6
  Replies (104) Good night (22430) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me. http://tfl.nu/bzyr
  Replies (49) Good night (627) Bad night (6421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (184) Good night (53948) Bad night (4175)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is. http://tfl.nu/56s9
  Replies (83) Good night (9051) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?

  (407): View more from Florida

  i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): hey can i ask you a kinda weird question? (407): i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery http://tfl.nu/88o8
  Replies (28) Good night (5123) Bad night (402)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer. (978): college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you. http://tfl.nu/udtk
  Replies (45) Good night (4221) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you. http://tfl.nu/3inq
  Replies (35) Good night (1204) Bad night (3086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names. http://tfl.nu/nfcq
  Replies (26) Good night (764) Bad night (4915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work http://tfl.nu/axgl
  Replies (14) Good night (3349) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish" http://tfl.nu/4kon
  Replies (9) Good night (3241) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich http://tfl.nu/gjvv
  Replies (107) Good night (591) Bad night (14280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile. http://tfl.nu/zkhz
  Replies (30) Good night (525) Bad night (3011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her! http://tfl.nu/ypk8
  Replies (48) Good night (4314) Bad night (303) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers" http://tfl.nu/rpqk
  Replies (11) Good night (475) Bad night (2129)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless http://tfl.nu/dgln
  Replies (23) Good night (3064) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm starting a business if you want to get involved

  (1-781): View more from Massachusetts

  oh boy

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I'm starting a business if you want to get involved (1-781): oh boy (781): Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings http://tfl.nu/e1eb
  Replies (21) Good night (2732) Bad night (316)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you http://tfl.nu/a4zz
  Replies (11) Good night (534) Bad night (3102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.

  (1-321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  no his phone, idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot. (1-321): he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn. (321): no his phone, idiot. http://tfl.nu/beyf
  Replies (43) Good night (8978) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good http://tfl.nu/k903
  Replies (111) Good night (28148) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704 ): I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is http://tfl.nu/z1kt
  Replies (108) Good night (12690) Bad night (1637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber. http://tfl.nu/bjtn
  Replies (24) Good night (744) Bad night (2194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance. http://tfl.nu/csuc
  Replies (171) Good night (3768) Bad night (636)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I can't believe you blew on her face.

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I can't believe you blew on her face. (1-662): I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes. http://tfl.nu/gk09
  Replies (78) Good night (2242) Bad night (1439)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy" http://tfl.nu/dlxe
  Replies (40) Good night (1580) Bad night (3593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay. http://tfl.nu/7iul
  Replies (17) Good night (7715) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me http://tfl.nu/3lvx
  Replies (25) Good night (708) Bad night (3198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup. http://tfl.nu/xbnm
  Replies (156) Good night (1143) Bad night (2467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  dude are you serious?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I know you already have a pic on your phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave (617): dude are you serious? (978): I know you already have a pic on your phone http://tfl.nu/k6lt
  Replies (95) Good night (2212) Bad night (2793)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer http://tfl.nu/qmj6
  Replies (102) Good night (1122) Bad night (3532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid. http://tfl.nu/8dyc
  Replies (23) Good night (3705) Bad night (463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?

  (1-216): View more from Ohio

  i'd get off the bar first.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing? (1-216): i'd get off the bar first. http://tfl.nu/xsi2
  Replies (18) Good night (434) Bad night (2653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear? http://tfl.nu/9u5k
  Replies (111) Good night (1154) Bad night (5216)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair? http://tfl.nu/bhha
  Replies (41) Good night (2987) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was. (314): Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night.. http://tfl.nu/wswl
  Replies (74) Good night (1148) Bad night (6037)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again http://tfl.nu/k557
  Replies (41) Good night (354) Bad night (5513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!" http://tfl.nu/e9j9
  Replies (5) Good night (2108) Bad night (314) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse

  (914): View more from New York

  so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse (914): so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though http://tfl.nu/1ux5
  Replies (11) Good night (3960) Bad night (327)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard. http://tfl.nu/ezls
  Replies (9) Good night (335) Bad night (2623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad... http://tfl.nu/rc76
  Replies (47) Good night (464) Bad night (2641)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  You don't understand. I'm not like you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count (1-609): You don't understand. I'm not like you. http://tfl.nu/ja4i
  Replies (25) Good night (2229) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag http://tfl.nu/fc0e
  Replies (134) Good night (1156) Bad night (4616)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  gross she's a slut

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  yea she doesn't shave either

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear (952): gross she's a slut (612): yea she doesn't shave either http://tfl.nu/93ck
  Replies (30) Good night (531) Bad night (3758)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high http://tfl.nu/6j5i
  Replies (69) Good night (3296) Bad night (538)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with. http://tfl.nu/nobk
  Replies (8) Good night (2574) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight http://tfl.nu/znt4
  Replies (27) Good night (6153) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp". http://tfl.nu/1x9v
  Replies (17) Good night (2707) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now http://tfl.nu/jhc8
  Replies (14) Good night (2492) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator. http://tfl.nu/ju6d
  Replies (70) Good night (995) Bad night (7833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded. http://tfl.nu/57ez
  Replies (49) Good night (994) Bad night (4257)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!

  (917): View more from New York City

  question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done! (917): question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut? http://tfl.nu/3a66
  Replies (24) Good night (2161) Bad night (332)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (151) Good night (62675) Bad night (2952)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex? http://tfl.nu/05zs
  Replies (27) Good night (5796) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (848): I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa http://tfl.nu/605l
  Replies (149) Good night (4959) Bad night (55676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.

  (954): View more from Florida

  Apparently hers is a theme park.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground. (954): Apparently hers is a theme park. http://tfl.nu/yoy4
  Replies (8) Good night (792) Bad night (1798)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass. (1-256): That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years. (256): Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that. (1-256): Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham. http://tfl.nu/egwd
  Replies (54) Good night (4642) Bad night (470)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  You got in a fight last night?

  (818): View more from California

  Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.

  (323): View more from California

  Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): You got in a fight last night? (818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since. (323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you? http://tfl.nu/hf09
  Replies (128) Good night (7629) Bad night (22866)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.

  (912): View more from Georgia

  What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?

  (760): View more from California

  I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool. (912): What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar? (760): I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out. http://tfl.nu/o1sk
  Replies (26) Good night (4310) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style. http://tfl.nu/7qxu
  Replies (31) Good night (1863) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it. http://tfl.nu/qcms
  Replies (2) Good night (1027) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  Two?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Two.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs. (1-404): Two? (404): Two. http://tfl.nu/opzf
  Replies (253) Good night (3186) Bad night (75933)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8
  Replies (484) Good night (128191) Bad night (5060)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man. http://tfl.nu/s3bb
  Replies (1) Good night (414) Bad night (4000) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy. http://tfl.nu/o69i
  Replies (48) Good night (3280) Bad night (1122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i really like this girl i slept with last night

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you ask her out again?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i really like this girl i slept with last night (202): you ask her out again? (703): yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married http://tfl.nu/y34d
  Replies (7) Good night (2525) Bad night (2083)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  i want you now

  (916): View more from California

  you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): i want you now (916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this http://tfl.nu/8egt
  Replies (143) Good night (5998) Bad night (67490)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Sounds like a really classy character....

  (478): View more from Georgia

  He is classy. It was argyle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis (410): Sounds like a really classy character.... (478): He is classy. It was argyle. http://tfl.nu/j1fr
  Replies (18) Good night (6144) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister. http://tfl.nu/fqyo
  Replies (26) Good night (8593) Bad night (956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars. http://tfl.nu/v0mr
  Replies (29) Good night (743) Bad night (2698)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT. http://tfl.nu/zq8a
  Replies (200) Good night (38525) Bad night (2837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me. http://tfl.nu/y7m9
  Replies (24) Good night (2007) Bad night (345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision http://tfl.nu/hkka
  Replies (44) Good night (3083) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  haha what'd she say

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up (412): haha what'd she say (215): i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF http://tfl.nu/bkrp
  Replies (30) Good night (1888) Bad night (646)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER! http://tfl.nu/qf7o
  Replies (9) Good night (606) Bad night (1704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (434) Good night (107956) Bad night (8845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I don't get it.

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Me neither.

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  But I masturbated to it anyway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): I don't get it. (501): Me neither. (501): But I masturbated to it anyway. http://tfl.nu/tklr
  Replies (23) Good night (1819) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud http://tfl.nu/jb23
  Replies (25) Good night (4820) Bad night (477)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood http://tfl.nu/kses
  Replies (4) Good night (3591) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  the red head has a bf

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): the red head has a bf (1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score http://tfl.nu/bdta
  Replies (117) Good night (43647) Bad night (2951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true http://tfl.nu/y8hf
  Replies (405) Good night (100888) Bad night (8674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting. http://tfl.nu/c1w6
  Replies (139) Good night (42582) Bad night (8882)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  No. You're kidding.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto! (1-919): No. You're kidding. (919): I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth. http://tfl.nu/fp67
  Replies (37) Good night (439) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?

  (1-727): View more from Florida

  Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette? (1-727): Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast. http://tfl.nu/lpfv
  Replies (2) Good night (1084) Bad night (281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  You're upset about this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF? (843): You're upset about this? http://tfl.nu/f42n
  Replies (28) Good night (1923) Bad night (603)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is. http://tfl.nu/0bg6
  Replies (13) Good night (1909) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY

  (614): View more from Ohio

  handstands? WTF?

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  she was a gymnast

  (614): View more from Ohio

   go to hell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY (614): handstands? WTF? (405): she was a gymnast (614): go to hell. http://tfl.nu/pyfe
  Replies (9) Good night (2565) Bad night (271)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur. http://tfl.nu/j1y3
  Replies (4) Good night (586) Bad night (272) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin http://tfl.nu/g5qp
  Replies (6) Good night (502) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin. (970): Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right. http://tfl.nu/uxeh
  Replies (18) Good night (607) Bad night (1291)
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  Thats something to write home to mom about

  (305): View more from Florida

  Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): Thats something to write home to mom about (305): Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her http://tfl.nu/y6ih
  Replies (17) Good night (1349) Bad night (265)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  You feel like going out tonight?

  (1-212): View more from New York

  Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): You feel like going out tonight? (1-212): Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle http://tfl.nu/d3o1
  Replies (5) Good night (866) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend. (1-773): Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you. http://tfl.nu/z52z
  Replies (27) Good night (406) Bad night (2343) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree. http://tfl.nu/gm08
  Replies (3) Good night (926) Bad night (259) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom... http://tfl.nu/jmqs
  Replies (8) Good night (368) Bad night (1112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4 http://tfl.nu/vujr
  Replies (8) Good night (850) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you http://tfl.nu/xexu
  Replies (7) Good night (1373) Bad night (309) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (243): View more from

  the bitch is dead man

  (1-243): View more from

  YOUR DOG DIED?

  (243): View more from

  no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (243): the bitch is dead man (1-243): YOUR DOG DIED? (243): no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon. http://tfl.nu/0e8d
  Replies (3) Good night (996) Bad night (362)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  You up for the gym tonight after work?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Chris Brown style, or less felonious?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Haha, all felonious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248) You up for the gym tonight after work? (734): I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog. (248): Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today. (734): Chris Brown style, or less felonious? (248): Haha, all felonious. http://tfl.nu/kj7p
  Replies (5) Good night (1086) Bad night (294)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  toast her oven

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  toast her strudel

  (248): View more from Michigan

  inspect her gadget

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): toast her oven (1-248): toast her strudel (248): inspect her gadget http://tfl.nu/ri0n
  Replies (7) Good night (1977) Bad night (307)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now! http://tfl.nu/8f67
  Replies (1) Good night (403) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word http://tfl.nu/bxy9
  Replies (12) Good night (1041) Bad night (1971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me.... http://tfl.nu/r3jg
  Replies (2) Good night (468) Bad night (1377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever (414): I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us (608): you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow http://tfl.nu/cqad
  Replies (2) Good night (744) Bad night (1450)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm http://tfl.nu/q0uy
  Replies (10) Good night (1564) Bad night (2562) Order T-Shirt