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Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
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