Texts From Last Night

sak624's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Nobody is perfect

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page. (913): Nobody is perfect (816): I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other http://tfl.nu/yd5r
  Replies (12) Good night (7594) Bad night (895)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time? http://tfl.nu/zyvh
  Replies (30) Good night (5427) Bad night (1742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. http://tfl.nu/qw6q
  Replies (50) Good night (19644) Bad night (1993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me. http://tfl.nu/jxdy
  Replies (12) Good night (4778) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Am I supposed to find that romantic?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts (1-412): Am I supposed to find that romantic? http://tfl.nu/carb
  Replies (19) Good night (6645) Bad night (2315)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person? http://tfl.nu/yet0
  Replies (8) Good night (3826) Bad night (1195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful http://tfl.nu/3xv5
  Replies (4) Good night (1076) Bad night (2952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit. http://tfl.nu/pqn2
  Replies (9) Good night (1265) Bad night (3828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka. http://tfl.nu/l16y
  Replies (12) Good night (4972) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out http://tfl.nu/ozsp
  Replies (7) Good night (905) Bad night (2563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat. http://tfl.nu/q1ic
  Replies (27) Good night (5067) Bad night (1805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!

  (1-859): View more from Kentucky

  please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes! (1-859): please elaborate on, "atleast one ear" http://tfl.nu/8j2w
  Replies (20) Good night (6560) Bad night (1227) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with. http://tfl.nu/dbx0
  Replies (18) Good night (4715) Bad night (1690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno http://tfl.nu/ajny
  Replies (12) Good night (3712) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall. http://tfl.nu/7ndl
  Replies (3) Good night (3395) Bad night (1212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general. http://tfl.nu/8yi1
  Replies (9) Good night (4731) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  this will be a night to untag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): this will be a night to untag. http://tfl.nu/f6xw
  Replies (6) Good night (7644) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign? http://tfl.nu/ahav
  Replies (8) Good night (3607) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name... http://tfl.nu/e8r1
  Replies (18) Good night (851) Bad night (4444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?' http://tfl.nu/x9n6
  Replies (13) Good night (8165) Bad night (1203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich http://tfl.nu/k8p8
  Replies (14) Good night (5996) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila. http://tfl.nu/yi5v
  Replies (13) Good night (1964) Bad night (5841)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account http://tfl.nu/ufbc
  Replies (20) Good night (5236) Bad night (1139)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex. http://tfl.nu/3z60
  Replies (20) Good night (1519) Bad night (3821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night. http://tfl.nu/esr4
  Replies (6) Good night (894) Bad night (3182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though http://tfl.nu/50vd
  Replies (15) Good night (4334) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine? http://tfl.nu/wblw
  Replies (39) Good night (3965) Bad night (1685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay http://tfl.nu/s2rn
  Replies (65) Good night (20506) Bad night (1813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob http://tfl.nu/gzh9
  Replies (25) Good night (4607) Bad night (1301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?" http://tfl.nu/uzh1
  Replies (16) Good night (1716) Bad night (4744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are http://tfl.nu/vwno
  Replies (22) Good night (7074) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard http://tfl.nu/ecro
  Replies (21) Good night (5779) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers! http://tfl.nu/0unq
  Replies (28) Good night (6287) Bad night (1310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT http://tfl.nu/ci1u
  Replies (17) Good night (5623) Bad night (1059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?

  (1-605): View more from South Dakota

  No. It just means your good at giving head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head? (1-605): No. It just means your good at giving head. http://tfl.nu/6xkt
  Replies (22) Good night (4001) Bad night (1020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/6dfu
  Replies (25) Good night (7136) Bad night (985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night http://tfl.nu/jx5s
  Replies (13) Good night (6373) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex. http://tfl.nu/ik0l
  Replies (15) Good night (5508) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror http://tfl.nu/1dr8
  Replies (14) Good night (5949) Bad night (1467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad http://tfl.nu/o7wi
  Replies (32) Good night (1606) Bad night (8598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus. http://tfl.nu/fd89
  Replies (19) Good night (7161) Bad night (981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now http://tfl.nu/y80h
  Replies (15) Good night (3923) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  The panties match.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  I'll be right there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): The panties match. (1-847): I'll be right there. http://tfl.nu/jbhz
  Replies (35) Good night (5803) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things" (1-519): I didn't realize you were one of the "good people" http://tfl.nu/039y
  Replies (16) Good night (4312) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to. http://tfl.nu/5t0r
  Replies (22) Good night (4506) Bad night (2017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius. http://tfl.nu/nzur
  Replies (26) Good night (6542) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize http://tfl.nu/86pd
  Replies (10) Good night (3770) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!" http://tfl.nu/qrwa
  Replies (44) Good night (8167) Bad night (1292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules. http://tfl.nu/ttz2
  Replies (26) Good night (7856) Bad night (1196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches" http://tfl.nu/07la
  Replies (17) Good night (6347) Bad night (1600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us http://tfl.nu/tf5l
  Replies (4) Good night (3317) Bad night (1105) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in? http://tfl.nu/ejnj
  Replies (25) Good night (6662) Bad night (1536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  it glows. i had to have it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): it glows. i had to have it. http://tfl.nu/ygwq
  Replies (14) Good night (5315) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part. http://tfl.nu/7yrx
  Replies (8) Good night (5013) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja http://tfl.nu/h6o5
  Replies (30) Good night (7302) Bad night (1038)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm. http://tfl.nu/whuj
  Replies (39) Good night (7284) Bad night (978) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting" http://tfl.nu/dmjy
  Replies (25) Good night (15144) Bad night (1129) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Best friends brother. Beat that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): Best friends brother. Beat that. http://tfl.nu/zx73
  Replies (91) Good night (6192) Bad night (1286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it http://tfl.nu/o2df
  Replies (33) Good night (9114) Bad night (1083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something... http://tfl.nu/7h7f
  Replies (21) Good night (6928) Bad night (1046) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day. http://tfl.nu/k9f2
  Replies (17) Good night (5345) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.

  (812): View more from Indiana

  and...?

  (936): View more from Texas

  I told him it was alright.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him. (812): and...? (936): I told him it was alright. http://tfl.nu/yirn
  Replies (28) Good night (3791) Bad night (5490)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee (1-440): please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation http://tfl.nu/gydk
  Replies (78) Good night (6210) Bad night (6700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together http://tfl.nu/6q67
  Replies (20) Good night (7412) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix
  Replies (104) Good night (38283) Bad night (1722)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here? http://tfl.nu/0w0h
  Replies (23) Good night (5038) Bad night (2107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer http://tfl.nu/m2mn
  Replies (11) Good night (6211) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick http://tfl.nu/778x
  Replies (69) Good night (14278) Bad night (3600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life. http://tfl.nu/ab1p
  Replies (87) Good night (7460) Bad night (1300) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented. http://tfl.nu/jb6b
  Replies (810) Good night (12462) Bad night (5722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore. http://tfl.nu/7ot8
  Replies (24) Good night (5544) Bad night (1588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants http://tfl.nu/bet3
  Replies (14) Good night (13880) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one. http://tfl.nu/7onj
  Replies (36) Good night (7772) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): we should become lesbians. not together. just in general. http://tfl.nu/a6ds
  Replies (15) Good night (6430) Bad night (1023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it. http://tfl.nu/l5ke
  Replies (29) Good night (8835) Bad night (1784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (769): View more from Mississippi

  she said she likes her vagina punished

  (1-769): View more from Mississippi

  being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (769): she said she likes her vagina punished (1-769): being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough http://tfl.nu/ts79
  Replies (35) Good night (1627) Bad night (6950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.

  (1-970): View more from Colorado

  People still let you watch their kids?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer. (1-970): People still let you watch their kids? http://tfl.nu/8t1p
  Replies (18) Good night (5954) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit. http://tfl.nu/mbv0
  Replies (8) Good night (4532) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'. http://tfl.nu/aatj
  Replies (44) Good night (1521) Bad night (6034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out http://tfl.nu/fsk9
  Replies (106) Good night (21009) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer. http://tfl.nu/24xs
  Replies (16) Good night (1255) Bad night (2932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type. (1-813): Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type. http://tfl.nu/055q
  Replies (90) Good night (7861) Bad night (1540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  clearly you have your priorities straight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON (651): clearly you have your priorities straight http://tfl.nu/87z9
  Replies (68) Good night (4445) Bad night (1123)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer. http://tfl.nu/5zs6
  Replies (44) Good night (4349) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick http://tfl.nu/i68n
  Replies (73) Good night (18460) Bad night (3573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified. http://tfl.nu/2va0
  Replies (27) Good night (5002) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (297) Good night (73372) Bad night (2464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region? (1-513): The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well. http://tfl.nu/bwog
  Replies (28) Good night (1546) Bad night (5396)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  You are an asshole

  (574): View more from Indiana

  haha sleeping beauty awakes.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Where did you find this costume?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): You are an asshole (574): haha sleeping beauty awakes. (616): Where did you find this costume? http://tfl.nu/m4ai
  Replies (31) Good night (12241) Bad night (770)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  bitch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five (1-262): bitch http://tfl.nu/m1tn
  Replies (62) Good night (2972) Bad night (4703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?

  (573): View more from Missouri

  pat the guy you slept with

  (314): View more from Missouri

  still need a last name

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this? (573): pat the guy you slept with (314): still need a last name http://tfl.nu/e97s
  Replies (53) Good night (10475) Bad night (1622)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story. http://tfl.nu/x6qv
  Replies (18) Good night (6364) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you http://tfl.nu/ij50
  Replies (27) Good night (3243) Bad night (3988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (139) Good night (38532) Bad night (1466)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train" http://tfl.nu/x0cf
  Replies (32) Good night (3330) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else http://tfl.nu/09lv
  Replies (13) Good night (4113) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network. http://tfl.nu/hbga
  Replies (27) Good night (4392) Bad night (2737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass http://tfl.nu/zmgu
  Replies (13) Good night (519) Bad night (6033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out. http://tfl.nu/5bm3
  Replies (65) Good night (1562) Bad night (3684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010. http://tfl.nu/w6c7
  Replies (11) Good night (5871) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him http://tfl.nu/azjb
  Replies (50) Good night (1787) Bad night (4623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate? http://tfl.nu/77q7
  Replies (77) Good night (6906) Bad night (1053) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am. http://tfl.nu/d1e6
  Replies (111) Good night (9815) Bad night (1665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself. http://tfl.nu/s9we
  Replies (64) Good night (1831) Bad night (4720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby. http://tfl.nu/ia9y
  Replies (46) Good night (3673) Bad night (1434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Good thing spelling doesn't count.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test. (319): Good thing spelling doesn't count. http://tfl.nu/8f4i
  Replies (23) Good night (6417) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome. http://tfl.nu/vi3x
  Replies (32) Good night (9947) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit. http://tfl.nu/j2fi
  Replies (27) Good night (1368) Bad night (4012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win. http://tfl.nu/cl0o
  Replies (67) Good night (6673) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars? http://tfl.nu/0mdx
  Replies (56) Good night (26239) Bad night (1528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight http://tfl.nu/a290
  Replies (69) Good night (1174) Bad night (8852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs. http://tfl.nu/2lff
  Replies (62) Good night (6279) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away http://tfl.nu/g1qo
  Replies (19) Good night (5270) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me http://tfl.nu/k760
  Replies (40) Good night (3023) Bad night (4746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning.. http://tfl.nu/cvhe
  Replies (39) Good night (7091) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks" http://tfl.nu/u0u9
  Replies (18) Good night (5646) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics http://tfl.nu/kq58
  Replies (44) Good night (1522) Bad night (4225) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays. http://tfl.nu/wjf7
  Replies (25) Good night (4756) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face http://tfl.nu/bl8e
  Replies (16) Good night (7263) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried http://tfl.nu/gu6n
  Replies (131) Good night (6014) Bad night (7195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (474): View more from

  Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (474): Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now. http://tfl.nu/0awf
  Replies (28) Good night (6438) Bad night (1020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway http://tfl.nu/b3sf
  Replies (23) Good night (2203) Bad night (6903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell. http://tfl.nu/z3u3
  Replies (21) Good night (6111) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye? http://tfl.nu/ztfn
  Replies (14) Good night (996) Bad night (4772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  smell my finger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): smell my finger. http://tfl.nu/i0ta
  Replies (80) Good night (1542) Bad night (4959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter. http://tfl.nu/zjf3
  Replies (25) Good night (943) Bad night (3816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck http://tfl.nu/4030
  Replies (24) Good night (4696) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed http://tfl.nu/93gi
  Replies (45) Good night (2164) Bad night (11046) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option. http://tfl.nu/ipw1
  Replies (34) Good night (9938) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it. http://tfl.nu/bdg5
  Replies (34) Good night (10533) Bad night (1301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes http://tfl.nu/8prz
  Replies (27) Good night (4280) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them. http://tfl.nu/9mrx
  Replies (22) Good night (6291) Bad night (1109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say. http://tfl.nu/fs2e
  Replies (70) Good night (10168) Bad night (1086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess. http://tfl.nu/8pax
  Replies (47) Good night (4663) Bad night (1257) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss. http://tfl.nu/xujk
  Replies (16) Good night (5774) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over http://tfl.nu/x2t5
  Replies (318) Good night (5409) Bad night (2920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire. http://tfl.nu/xwgk
  Replies (43) Good night (6688) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  (917) i just came from walking.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  haha you just came from walking?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): (917) i just came from walking. (309) haha you just came from walking? http://tfl.nu/6hd4
  Replies (53) Good night (5804) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is. http://tfl.nu/aqok
  Replies (97) Good night (7769) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!) http://tfl.nu/z6cg
  Replies (49) Good night (8025) Bad night (1113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world http://tfl.nu/tdpx
  Replies (70) Good night (8144) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion http://tfl.nu/5o7j
  Replies (15) Good night (5027) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later" http://tfl.nu/dpva
  Replies (17) Good night (6678) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them http://tfl.nu/jmz8
  Replies (12) Good night (3567) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (124): View more from

  Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (124): Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all. http://tfl.nu/q25u
  Replies (107) Good night (31474) Bad night (1286)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations http://tfl.nu/eytk
  Replies (16) Good night (5486) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags http://tfl.nu/jbrv
  Replies (24) Good night (1492) Bad night (3839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk? http://tfl.nu/2ehj
  Replies (26) Good night (7053) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options. http://tfl.nu/3za2
  Replies (33) Good night (3653) Bad night (1384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim. http://tfl.nu/snt6
  Replies (21) Good night (1065) Bad night (3875) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today. http://tfl.nu/t5a7
  Replies (13) Good night (925) Bad night (3743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Oh no, it isn't official until she poops. http://tfl.nu/gc75
  Replies (20) Good night (659) Bad night (3426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water http://tfl.nu/opqy
  Replies (15) Good night (7417) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like http://tfl.nu/masc
  Replies (81) Good night (8834) Bad night (1199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning. http://tfl.nu/55ug
  Replies (12) Good night (4345) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it http://tfl.nu/rdim
  Replies (15) Good night (1044) Bad night (4617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us. http://tfl.nu/ztab
  Replies (31) Good night (13694) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley. http://tfl.nu/4bq4
  Replies (18) Good night (3711) Bad night (1593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang... http://tfl.nu/ct1j
  Replies (35) Good night (4747) Bad night (1897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic http://tfl.nu/4fd0
  Replies (35) Good night (3430) Bad night (1492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  it was average length and chubby

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  so kinda like him?

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): it was average length and chubby (1-919): so kinda like him? (919): now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis... http://tfl.nu/92b0
  Replies (50) Good night (4260) Bad night (953)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting. http://tfl.nu/pz3u
  Replies (27) Good night (8802) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME http://tfl.nu/ljwk
  Replies (35) Good night (913) Bad night (4270) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room

  (1-225): View more from Louisiana

  haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room (1-225): haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom? http://tfl.nu/q6me
  Replies (55) Good night (10255) Bad night (865)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness http://tfl.nu/hxgt
  Replies (70) Good night (816) Bad night (5466)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house? http://tfl.nu/tnd3
  Replies (30) Good night (9073) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation. http://tfl.nu/r77c
  Replies (19) Good night (4998) Bad night (1152) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire http://tfl.nu/o1m1
  Replies (17) Good night (672) Bad night (5129) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry http://tfl.nu/l5su
  Replies (40) Good night (5549) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels. http://tfl.nu/jjfn
  Replies (13) Good night (4680) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore. http://tfl.nu/ogz1
  Replies (19) Good night (1042) Bad night (3645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ". http://tfl.nu/tf5y
  Replies (386) Good night (40794) Bad night (3882)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success. http://tfl.nu/y8ni
  Replies (15) Good night (5071) Bad night (545)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before. http://tfl.nu/42ka
  Replies (93) Good night (5524) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  dude she's married.

  (1-269): View more from Michigan

  so? a ring don't cover no holes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): dude she's married. (1-269): so? a ring don't cover no holes. http://tfl.nu/8xdg
  Replies (42) Good night (4937) Bad night (1441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat. (1-214): Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/vioy
  Replies (74) Good night (1514) Bad night (4284)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  All of them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want? (1-812): All of them http://tfl.nu/mhdi
  Replies (42) Good night (9693) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches. http://tfl.nu/tdy2
  Replies (57) Good night (1268) Bad night (6554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk http://tfl.nu/am6s
  Replies (40) Good night (5091) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you http://tfl.nu/oo8d
  Replies (36) Good night (943) Bad night (4400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?

  (812): View more from Indiana

  You're dead to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up? (812): You're dead to me. http://tfl.nu/331c
  Replies (48) Good night (8801) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast. (1-702): do you want me to pick up budweiser instead? http://tfl.nu/46t6
  Replies (24) Good night (5218) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable. (201): I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around. http://tfl.nu/syx6
  Replies (44) Good night (4093) Bad night (623)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  you should probably use water

  (440): View more from Ohio

  i dont have any

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water? (1-440): you should probably use water (440): i dont have any http://tfl.nu/eak0
  Replies (33) Good night (5838) Bad night (702)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  I wanna be on tlc

  (905): View more from Toronto

  Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I wanna be on tlc (905): Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless. http://tfl.nu/gr13
  Replies (17) Good night (4165) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg
  Replies (289) Good night (62251) Bad night (4267)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  i take joy in having bigger boobs than others

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): i take joy in having bigger boobs than others http://tfl.nu/4ho3
  Replies (93) Good night (6284) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  false alarm. still invincible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): false alarm. still invincible. http://tfl.nu/rmc6
  Replies (35) Good night (8195) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year http://tfl.nu/i8j9
  Replies (85) Good night (3229) Bad night (1459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  do you want me to make hamburgers?

  (541): View more from Oregon

  i'm vegan

  (209): View more from California

  i'll put lettuce on them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): do you want me to make hamburgers? (541): i'm vegan (209): i'll put lettuce on them http://tfl.nu/hb72
  Replies (37) Good night (7427) Bad night (884)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him. http://tfl.nu/aa9y
  Replies (34) Good night (3044) Bad night (4583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim http://tfl.nu/dc24
  Replies (24) Good night (570) Bad night (7502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  she looked like the before picture.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): she looked like the before picture. http://tfl.nu/zq32
  Replies (4) Good night (478) Bad night (3896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :) http://tfl.nu/dwum
  Replies (36) Good night (10498) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.

  (305): View more from Florida

  Did you save them?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Who?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning. (305): Did you save them? (404): Who? http://tfl.nu/1xdf
  Replies (28) Good night (5393) Bad night (1057)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from England

  Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call. http://tfl.nu/fjfe
  Replies (35) Good night (4320) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it http://tfl.nu/xcmh
  Replies (19) Good night (652) Bad night (3439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me. http://tfl.nu/obxv
  Replies (38) Good night (5282) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet. http://tfl.nu/xezw
  Replies (12) Good night (675) Bad night (3365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties? http://tfl.nu/8a9h
  Replies (283) Good night (1155) Bad night (13329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships http://tfl.nu/cs10
  Replies (28) Good night (714) Bad night (4108) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (188) Good night (56837) Bad night (4687)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her. http://tfl.nu/rtst
  Replies (58) Good night (8368) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer. (978): college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you. http://tfl.nu/udtk
  Replies (45) Good night (4419) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind. http://tfl.nu/4b1q
  Replies (3) Good night (3088) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message. http://tfl.nu/nzcw
  Replies (31) Good night (5362) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink? http://tfl.nu/zmgw
  Replies (61) Good night (3613) Bad night (983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (51686) Bad night (2730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy http://tfl.nu/msis
  Replies (76) Good night (6295) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  yeah i got into a fight with my man last night

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  why can't men just shut up and put out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep (860): yeah i got into a fight with my man last night (860): why can't men just shut up and put out? http://tfl.nu/05si
  Replies (60) Good night (2245) Bad night (1822)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little. http://tfl.nu/w7gx
  Replies (31) Good night (846) Bad night (2883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets. http://tfl.nu/lw2y
  Replies (6) Good night (3174) Bad night (425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month http://tfl.nu/ruzp
  Replies (4) Good night (1881) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis. http://tfl.nu/knfk
  Replies (14) Good night (4609) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning

  (805): View more from California

  1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning (805): 1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992. http://tfl.nu/ljqj
  Replies (31) Good night (4533) Bad night (650)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker. http://tfl.nu/49dy
  Replies (25) Good night (4149) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous. http://tfl.nu/bkt2
  Replies (20) Good night (2138) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  What should our trivia night team be named?

  (925): View more from California

  Define Statutory

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): What should our trivia night team be named? (925): Define Statutory http://tfl.nu/hrvk
  Replies (27) Good night (4504) Bad night (540)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this http://tfl.nu/tv14
  Replies (8) Good night (2315) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?

  (1-312): View more from Illinois

  not while she was awake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl? (1-312): not while she was awake http://tfl.nu/qknf
  Replies (15) Good night (2534) Bad night (1255) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!" http://tfl.nu/2zn1
  Replies (49) Good night (4444) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  You weighed it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car? (1-817): You weighed it? http://tfl.nu/lai6
  Replies (37) Good night (21985) Bad night (1422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one. http://tfl.nu/qdhb
  Replies (17) Good night (3798) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  one might say we're banned from that church

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): one might say we're banned from that church http://tfl.nu/l4dz
  Replies (5) Good night (3836) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  This is evicking siegelnvs

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Im sorry?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  This is fucking ridiculous*

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): This is evicking siegelnvs (443): Im sorry? (410): This is fucking ridiculous* http://tfl.nu/9l7k
  Replies (13) Good night (3753) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"

  (1-415): View more from California

  What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.

  (415): View more from California

  He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!" (1-415): What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy. (415): He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie." http://tfl.nu/chbe
  Replies (27) Good night (880) Bad night (9530)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds

  (404): View more from Georgia

  She started it, but I totally finished it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds (404): She started it, but I totally finished it. http://tfl.nu/luqt
  Replies (6) Good night (3418) Bad night (475)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster. http://tfl.nu/3vkx
  Replies (22) Good night (4071) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I hate bills.

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Like ones you have to pay or people named William?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I hate bills. (479): Like ones you have to pay or people named William? http://tfl.nu/wp4z
  Replies (11) Good night (2391) Bad night (479)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her (860): but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!" (860): but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies http://tfl.nu/084i
  Replies (42) Good night (2491) Bad night (840)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  what are you wearing?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just my guilt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): what are you wearing? (703): Just my guilt http://tfl.nu/ln7i
  Replies (6) Good night (2178) Bad night (680)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 http://tfl.nu/vzb8
  Replies (109) Good night (39854) Bad night (1919)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...

  (714): View more from California

  Didn't you just get a DUI last week?

  (818): View more from California

  Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong... (714): Didn't you just get a DUI last week? (818): Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it http://tfl.nu/by7p
  Replies (3) Good night (2611) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  the red head has a bf

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): the red head has a bf (1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score http://tfl.nu/bdta
  Replies (118) Good night (44951) Bad night (3381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus http://tfl.nu/il4r
  Replies (12) Good night (877) Bad night (1120) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Do you need to be saved?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  No I think I'm God

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Do you need to be saved? (847): No I think I'm God http://tfl.nu/obwr
  Replies (11) Good night (1534) Bad night (495)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors http://tfl.nu/2p2o
  Replies (25) Good night (2547) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  Good luck man

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  I dont need it. Shes easy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): Good luck man (1-514): I dont need it. Shes easy. http://tfl.nu/vh2g
  Replies (8) Good night (1841) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors. http://tfl.nu/wmwt
  Replies (34) Good night (1237) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties http://tfl.nu/njvs
  Replies (5) Good night (1962) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Did you hit it?

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Did you hit it? (616): Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes. http://tfl.nu/3ocm
  Replies (10) Good night (922) Bad night (2003)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money

  (813): View more from Florida

  sounds like you understand them just fine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money (813): sounds like you understand them just fine http://tfl.nu/0zfp
  Replies (10) Good night (1556) Bad night (623)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules http://tfl.nu/muds
  Replies (2) Good night (1329) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  She didnt have a camera...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera (908): She didnt have a camera... http://tfl.nu/89kt
  Replies (6) Good night (873) Bad night (1523)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/hsj3
  Replies (14) Good night (593) Bad night (1671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night

  (248): View more from Michigan

  he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night (248): he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit http://tfl.nu/a46h
  Replies (6) Good night (836) Bad night (1330)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!

  (650): View more from California

  LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!! (650): LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops! http://tfl.nu/mj23
  Replies (4) Good night (965) Bad night (797)