Texts From Last Night

nyru40's Favorites Texts:

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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.

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  (308): You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants. http://tfl.nu/tdj1
  Replies (13) Good night (5218) Bad night (966) Order T-Shirt
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  (707): View more from California

  Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.

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  (707): Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage. http://tfl.nu/1an1
  Replies (3) Good night (2225) Bad night (1079) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.

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  (920): I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night. http://tfl.nu/zpas
  Replies (11) Good night (3676) Bad night (2005) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna

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  (310): He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna http://tfl.nu/tldl
  Replies (9) Good night (5600) Bad night (1525) Order T-Shirt
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...

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  (775): Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks... http://tfl.nu/pt70
  Replies (8) Good night (1849) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.

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  (307): We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives. http://tfl.nu/qq5e
  Replies (22) Good night (4409) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"

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  (937): they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America" http://tfl.nu/sewn
  Replies (7) Good night (4168) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.

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  (920): She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off. http://tfl.nu/r6m3
  Replies (12) Good night (4209) Bad night (1535) Order T-Shirt
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry

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  (219): I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry http://tfl.nu/lrp2
  Replies (21) Good night (1058) Bad night (4348) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!

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  (510): EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT! http://tfl.nu/n28b
  Replies (22) Good night (1636) Bad night (5794)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside

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  (570): you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside http://tfl.nu/jkpy
  Replies (8) Good night (3188) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.

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  (201): Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom. http://tfl.nu/isil
  Replies (20) Good night (1532) Bad night (2730) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.

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  (608): I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs. http://tfl.nu/xx6g
  Replies (39) Good night (5181) Bad night (1159) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."

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  (908): While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you." http://tfl.nu/7a3m
  Replies (55) Good night (26458) Bad night (2253) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.

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  (816): I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool. http://tfl.nu/0qcg
  Replies (42) Good night (12146) Bad night (1119) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i hate you

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  (330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0
  Replies (43) Good night (22291) Bad night (1508)
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  (914): View more from New York

  she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"

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  (914): she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it" http://tfl.nu/fy2z
  Replies (41) Good night (13581) Bad night (1308) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Quite the contrary. Sophistication.

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  (541): I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression? (815): Quite the contrary. Sophistication. http://tfl.nu/7jsx
  Replies (24) Good night (7399) Bad night (990)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt

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  (609): i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt http://tfl.nu/t4r8
  Replies (25) Good night (11903) Bad night (1257)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again

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  (906): It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again http://tfl.nu/8319
  Replies (22) Good night (2219) Bad night (4960) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture

  (1-336): View more from North Carolina

  Glad to see your being a lady about this

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  (336): I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture (1-336): Glad to see your being a lady about this http://tfl.nu/pcgd
  Replies (49) Good night (9253) Bad night (1084) Order T-Shirt
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  (858): View more from California

  Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch

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  (858): Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch http://tfl.nu/zban
  Replies (28) Good night (8590) Bad night (1188) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.

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  (510): He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again. http://tfl.nu/1fxb
  Replies (27) Good night (1131) Bad night (7493) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.

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  (541): I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk. http://tfl.nu/yadf
  Replies (16) Good night (7143) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.

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  (971): He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex. http://tfl.nu/3zjj
  Replies (21) Good night (1700) Bad night (6357) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right

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  (540): Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right http://tfl.nu/yhhf
  Replies (38) Good night (4872) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.

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  (818): I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch. http://tfl.nu/o7me
  Replies (19) Good night (6797) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck

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  (260): My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck http://tfl.nu/clun
  Replies (41) Good night (4275) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?

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  (630): hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister? http://tfl.nu/p7gf
  Replies (15) Good night (5118) Bad night (1566) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.

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  (314): I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis. http://tfl.nu/ymag
  Replies (16) Good night (4866) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
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  (936): View more from Texas

  im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...

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  (936): im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses... http://tfl.nu/w5rv
  Replies (6) Good night (3591) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142110) Bad night (9303) Order T-Shirt
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..

  (1-905): View more from Toronto

  With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.

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  (905): Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina.. (1-905): With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there. http://tfl.nu/fkqx
  Replies (33) Good night (19481) Bad night (2009)
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  (848): View more from New Jersey

  a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving

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  (848): a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving http://tfl.nu/nqcq
  Replies (25) Good night (6672) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.

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  (509): I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo. http://tfl.nu/veuj
  Replies (16) Good night (4561) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.

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  (512): Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits. http://tfl.nu/amvg
  Replies (42) Good night (4973) Bad night (541)
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  (714): View more from California

  Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?

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  (714): Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix? http://tfl.nu/0vla
  Replies (153) Good night (3458) Bad night (1118) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  How was your Memorial Day?

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.

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  (717): How was your Memorial Day? (1-717): Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name. http://tfl.nu/grou
  Replies (10) Good night (3635) Bad night (544)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Grow some girl-balls and come out already

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  (703): Grow some girl-balls and come out already http://tfl.nu/dlf5
  Replies (8) Good night (2971) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

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  (703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more http://tfl.nu/zuqw
  Replies (203) Good night (116765) Bad night (3272) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood

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  (563): My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood http://tfl.nu/k7f1
  Replies (1) Good night (1033) Bad night (1560) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  ...so i touched it.

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  (760): ...so i touched it. http://tfl.nu/tqtb
  Replies (8) Good night (2644) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  VAGINAS EVERYWHERE

  (804): View more from Virginia

  they're staring at me

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  (804): VAGINAS EVERYWHERE (804): they're staring at me http://tfl.nu/jqj2
  Replies (6) Good night (1729) Bad night (522)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I molested 6 butterflies tonight

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  (210): I molested 6 butterflies tonight http://tfl.nu/fk5z
  Replies (14) Good night (1374) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
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  (650): View more from California

  I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)

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  (650): I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-) http://tfl.nu/fk4n
  Replies (13) Good night (1757) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....

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  (518): OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX..... http://tfl.nu/r3kn
  Replies (5) Good night (856) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt