Texts From Last Night

heyitskristi's Favorites Texts:

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  (276): View more from Virginia

  I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me

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  (276): I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me http://tfl.nu/m1mj
  Replies (1) Good night (656) Bad night (88) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka

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  (407): i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka http://tfl.nu/95pf
  Replies (4) Good night (208) Bad night (479)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me

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  (206): Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me http://tfl.nu/vrj3
  Replies (1) Good night (343) Bad night (324) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Why am I wearing a dog collar

  (1-336): View more from North Carolina

  Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.

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  (336): Why am I wearing a dog collar (1-336): Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic. http://tfl.nu/ep7j
  Replies (4) Good night (872) Bad night (135) Order T-Shirt
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.

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  (865): No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing. http://tfl.nu/ca26
  Replies (1) Good night (556) Bad night (173) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.

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  (570): I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned. http://tfl.nu/u9a7
  Replies (1) Good night (443) Bad night (143) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again

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  (918): I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again http://tfl.nu/ke6t
  Replies (6) Good night (703) Bad night (313) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great

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  (610): I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great http://tfl.nu/gyhs
  Replies (2) Good night (893) Bad night (161) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist

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  (412): I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist http://tfl.nu/c6mv
  Replies (5) Good night (558) Bad night (279) Order T-Shirt
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.

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  (604): I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself. http://tfl.nu/ea90
  Replies (3) Good night (518) Bad night (259) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.

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  (519): We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars. http://tfl.nu/3me1
  Replies (7) Good night (725) Bad night (175)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.

  (206): View more from Washington

  so that's what that room is for...

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  (253): she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows. (206): so that's what that room is for... http://tfl.nu/5gyi
  Replies (5) Good night (833) Bad night (215)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.

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  (616): just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day. http://tfl.nu/tw65
  Replies (4) Good night (519) Bad night (373)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.

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  (312): If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes. http://tfl.nu/vx4i
  Replies (4) Good night (907) Bad night (218) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you

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  (616): i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them (1-616): its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you http://tfl.nu/jk07
  Replies (2) Good night (888) Bad night (302)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.

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  (715): I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt. http://tfl.nu/rg1l
  Replies (4) Good night (1110) Bad night (181) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.

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  (480): So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely. http://tfl.nu/qe4o
  Replies (2) Good night (487) Bad night (204) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.

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  (303): My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you. http://tfl.nu/ugo1
  Replies (19) Good night (570) Bad night (1321)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities

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  (646): Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities http://tfl.nu/7b3i
  Replies (4) Good night (708) Bad night (314) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire

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  (267): I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire http://tfl.nu/ih5l
  Replies (4) Good night (270) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.

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  (+61): I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins. http://tfl.nu/5c3n
  Replies (5) Good night (1547) Bad night (204) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka

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  (916): I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka http://tfl.nu/57f9
  Replies (1) Good night (819) Bad night (265) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Most creative movie date proposition... ever.

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  (630): Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes? (708): Most creative movie date proposition... ever. http://tfl.nu/whek
  Replies (5) Good night (1394) Bad night (602)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess

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  (757): think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess http://tfl.nu/lfhg
  Replies (5) Good night (570) Bad night (264) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?

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  (513): I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am? http://tfl.nu/htrk
  Replies (12) Good night (1098) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.

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  (317): It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion. http://tfl.nu/z4as
  Replies (5) Good night (880) Bad night (437) Order T-Shirt
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.

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  (604): I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me. http://tfl.nu/gmo1
  Replies (8) Good night (1074) Bad night (359) Order T-Shirt
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.

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  (620): I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin. http://tfl.nu/7pmc
  Replies (3) Good night (592) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza

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  (484): Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza http://tfl.nu/hmnl
  Replies (0) Good night (978) Bad night (352) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.

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  (817): Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence. http://tfl.nu/yx0o
  Replies (4) Good night (1881) Bad night (343) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there

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  (812): Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there http://tfl.nu/jzmv
  Replies (3) Good night (1061) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime

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  (541): I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime http://tfl.nu/biqg
  Replies (9) Good night (2029) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.

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  (717): Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too. http://tfl.nu/67rw
  Replies (1) Good night (780) Bad night (1163) Order T-Shirt
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.

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  (989): i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway. http://tfl.nu/zfm5
  Replies (1) Good night (2392) Bad night (520)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.

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  (914): Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls. http://tfl.nu/u1ub
  Replies (5) Good night (2886) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.

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  (330): The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life. http://tfl.nu/qfsl
  Replies (5) Good night (3902) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.

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  (802): lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships. http://tfl.nu/002a
  Replies (10) Good night (1868) Bad night (887)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.

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  (386): well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake. http://tfl.nu/2ev4
  Replies (8) Good night (2748) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?

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  (519): On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend? http://tfl.nu/abvl
  Replies (28) Good night (7977) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?

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  (973): I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today? http://tfl.nu/iuhq
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.

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  (541): There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet. http://tfl.nu/xrf4
  Replies (12) Good night (2392) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.

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  (732): I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid. http://tfl.nu/5186
  Replies (4) Good night (2635) Bad night (770)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever

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  (773): oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever http://tfl.nu/1ydb
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards

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  (973): Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards http://tfl.nu/2nd3
  Replies (8) Good night (1825) Bad night (875) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.

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  (513): it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out. http://tfl.nu/ydh3
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.

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  (787): He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him. http://tfl.nu/klex
  Replies (21) Good night (4460) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.

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  (801): Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess. http://tfl.nu/8hwd
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.

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  (215): we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me. http://tfl.nu/nfi8
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  oh my god i'm in a crawl space

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  (715): oh my god i'm in a crawl space http://tfl.nu/mjlz
  Replies (16) Good night (2608) Bad night (1190) Order T-Shirt
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  (239): View more from Florida

  MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.

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  (239): MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned. http://tfl.nu/x1yo
  Replies (6) Good night (1120) Bad night (2479) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood

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  (617): False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood http://tfl.nu/hdoi
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  (760): View more from California

  she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.

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  (760): she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse. http://tfl.nu/wf42
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.

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  (617): He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all. http://tfl.nu/5q9i
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  (850): View more from Florida

  she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."

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  (850): she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.." http://tfl.nu/uij4
  Replies (2) Good night (3675) Bad night (674)
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  (562): View more from California

  she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend

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  (562): she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend http://tfl.nu/ejvb
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  (845): View more from New York

  her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.

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  (845): her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together. http://tfl.nu/creu
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.

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  (413): In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does. http://tfl.nu/f5ii
  Replies (48) Good night (7730) Bad night (1810)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

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  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.

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  (612): you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all. http://tfl.nu/uo2n
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  (212): View more from New York

  lets start a swedish sibling band together

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  (212): lets start a swedish sibling band together http://tfl.nu/bq14
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

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  (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am? http://tfl.nu/ppdn
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now

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  (602): OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now http://tfl.nu/twmw
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