Texts From Last Night

corona123's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety. http://tfl.nu/58yh
  Replies (4) Good night (4183) Bad night (966)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward. http://tfl.nu/2xfe
  Replies (34) Good night (1632) Bad night (9700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself. http://tfl.nu/i4wo
  Replies (14) Good night (1639) Bad night (5610)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning. http://tfl.nu/odgl
  Replies (58) Good night (16171) Bad night (3383)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing? http://tfl.nu/vakp
  Replies (12) Good night (4509) Bad night (1287) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts" http://tfl.nu/ong1
  Replies (12) Good night (1748) Bad night (4986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs. http://tfl.nu/7j97
  Replies (25) Good night (5606) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen. http://tfl.nu/1m72
  Replies (47) Good night (11511) Bad night (2162) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him http://tfl.nu/h9ln
  Replies (23) Good night (5944) Bad night (1495)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers. http://tfl.nu/jlqp
  Replies (21) Good night (6893) Bad night (1208)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to. http://tfl.nu/5t0r
  Replies (22) Good night (4506) Bad night (2017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say. http://tfl.nu/z11c
  Replies (46) Good night (1872) Bad night (5226) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night http://tfl.nu/9u90
  Replies (14) Good night (6178) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner. http://tfl.nu/lvfr
  Replies (13) Good night (1830) Bad night (4141)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes

  (905): View more from Ontario

  You're fat. Stop making excuses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes (905): You're fat. Stop making excuses http://tfl.nu/rdmk
  Replies (70) Good night (13018) Bad night (5279)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT" http://tfl.nu/x7ms
  Replies (22) Good night (14016) Bad night (1132)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it http://tfl.nu/0jmm
  Replies (27) Good night (2164) Bad night (4774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god http://tfl.nu/byer
  Replies (25) Good night (7373) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting http://tfl.nu/unrs
  Replies (14) Good night (5522) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (123) Good night (46586) Bad night (1693)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam. http://tfl.nu/6oxt
  Replies (17) Good night (4152) Bad night (1101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out http://tfl.nu/0mnv
  Replies (13) Good night (8549) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home. http://tfl.nu/c9s9
  Replies (45) Good night (11808) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/i41h
  Replies (28) Good night (3623) Bad night (5449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me. http://tfl.nu/4ss8
  Replies (18) Good night (6996) Bad night (1764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit http://tfl.nu/gfh9
  Replies (45) Good night (5223) Bad night (984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore. http://tfl.nu/10x7
  Replies (11) Good night (4226) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work. http://tfl.nu/q42i
  Replies (33) Good night (5753) Bad night (2754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom. http://tfl.nu/dmbr
  Replies (16) Good night (2032) Bad night (6556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.

  (760): View more from California

  Wow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered. (760): Wow. http://tfl.nu/1wu1
  Replies (16) Good night (4106) Bad night (1326)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings http://tfl.nu/clzp
  Replies (13) Good night (2815) Bad night (4679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late. http://tfl.nu/bosu
  Replies (17) Good night (4829) Bad night (1046)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient. http://tfl.nu/9tdu
  Replies (19) Good night (1011) Bad night (6370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here. http://tfl.nu/dbsi
  Replies (9) Good night (3444) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away. http://tfl.nu/8l4v
  Replies (21) Good night (1263) Bad night (5344)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action... http://tfl.nu/keaf
  Replies (13) Good night (966) Bad night (6456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover. http://tfl.nu/82ke
  Replies (19) Good night (1375) Bad night (4606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding? http://tfl.nu/zuv6
  Replies (29) Good night (4630) Bad night (2104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard. http://tfl.nu/0z3w
  Replies (15) Good night (4332) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries. http://tfl.nu/9ep5
  Replies (8) Good night (4670) Bad night (1149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win. http://tfl.nu/r148
  Replies (13) Good night (8584) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (41) Good night (37102) Bad night (1384)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock

  (347): View more from New York

  I THOUGHT I SAW YOU

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock (347): I THOUGHT I SAW YOU http://tfl.nu/jrv0
  Replies (27) Good night (13347) Bad night (1966)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians. http://tfl.nu/73dw
  Replies (13) Good night (6013) Bad night (1472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay. http://tfl.nu/4bqn
  Replies (12) Good night (1535) Bad night (4376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal. http://tfl.nu/qev8
  Replies (26) Good night (17269) Bad night (1068) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee. http://tfl.nu/dm1b
  Replies (44) Good night (1557) Bad night (6569)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit. http://tfl.nu/yacj
  Replies (22) Good night (1378) Bad night (5482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what. http://tfl.nu/4g32
  Replies (27) Good night (5432) Bad night (1289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.

  (1-530): View more from California

  fuck. you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight. (1-530): fuck. you. http://tfl.nu/1kgv
  Replies (54) Good night (11958) Bad night (1655)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude, if you don't take her, I will.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle. (1-901): Dude, if you don't take her, I will. http://tfl.nu/8ufn
  Replies (34) Good night (6693) Bad night (1126)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
  Replies (51) Good night (16200) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table. http://tfl.nu/ak9q
  Replies (5) Good night (2716) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  Good morning to you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday? (1-203): Good morning to you http://tfl.nu/rc7c
  Replies (12) Good night (4766) Bad night (2016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this http://tfl.nu/yh2h
  Replies (10) Good night (4629) Bad night (1046) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything http://tfl.nu/rmdb
  Replies (5) Good night (4702) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me. http://tfl.nu/retd
  Replies (42) Good night (5755) Bad night (1183) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do. http://tfl.nu/ggug
  Replies (29) Good night (6298) Bad night (923)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life. http://tfl.nu/x5qx
  Replies (23) Good night (3241) Bad night (3135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today" http://tfl.nu/nsmf
  Replies (20) Good night (6420) Bad night (2216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen http://tfl.nu/0xt9
  Replies (17) Good night (5472) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work. http://tfl.nu/fle5
  Replies (15) Good night (6231) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed http://tfl.nu/38z7
  Replies (25) Good night (10444) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife. http://tfl.nu/rajf
  Replies (20) Good night (1224) Bad night (4335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew. http://tfl.nu/qfs0
  Replies (35) Good night (8231) Bad night (1735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it. http://tfl.nu/n6vl
  Replies (8) Good night (4251) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets. http://tfl.nu/gp9t
  Replies (21) Good night (8136) Bad night (1024)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him. http://tfl.nu/tve9
  Replies (14) Good night (5538) Bad night (1189) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw. http://tfl.nu/9aqz
  Replies (17) Good night (4583) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage. http://tfl.nu/q50p
  Replies (17) Good night (4234) Bad night (1815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal http://tfl.nu/qwe2
  Replies (13) Good night (7164) Bad night (1329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place http://tfl.nu/sgjx
  Replies (30) Good night (12345) Bad night (1238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later. http://tfl.nu/bbcr
  Replies (9) Good night (4467) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck. http://tfl.nu/f2m7
  Replies (45) Good night (25445) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead. http://tfl.nu/t7ti
  Replies (11) Good night (3234) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year http://tfl.nu/tikr
  Replies (19) Good night (8406) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never. http://tfl.nu/g58g
  Replies (27) Good night (8715) Bad night (1163) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy. http://tfl.nu/rzh3
  Replies (25) Good night (5099) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night. http://tfl.nu/uc8g
  Replies (6) Good night (4035) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot

  (818): View more from California

  god is laughing at you again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot (818): god is laughing at you again http://tfl.nu/4fg3
  Replies (20) Good night (4928) Bad night (1447)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him. http://tfl.nu/ur6c
  Replies (20) Good night (1986) Bad night (5345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch. http://tfl.nu/qemq
  Replies (15) Good night (1100) Bad night (4132)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox. http://tfl.nu/xeau
  Replies (42) Good night (8343) Bad night (4659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave. http://tfl.nu/avq0
  Replies (18) Good night (1086) Bad night (4308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  so you did it...

  (352): View more from Florida

  obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview... (1-352): so you did it... (352): obv...but still...it was inconsiderate. http://tfl.nu/j7x7
  Replies (29) Good night (5710) Bad night (1213)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself. http://tfl.nu/lbys
  Replies (14) Good night (4467) Bad night (864)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool (252): Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five http://tfl.nu/6bci
  Replies (13) Good night (6131) Bad night (792)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year http://tfl.nu/bdbv
  Replies (9) Good night (5945) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  nothing about this is right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings. (1-630): nothing about this is right. http://tfl.nu/76cn
  Replies (23) Good night (4978) Bad night (1704)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives http://tfl.nu/k0eh
  Replies (13) Good night (3440) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight? http://tfl.nu/54td
  Replies (13) Good night (3687) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up http://tfl.nu/ti5i
  Replies (20) Good night (2147) Bad night (4369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Heyyyy darlin are you busy?

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Heyyyy darlin are you busy? (1-319): Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night. http://tfl.nu/pwb0
  Replies (34) Good night (25186) Bad night (1604)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal http://tfl.nu/pmv6
  Replies (23) Good night (10169) Bad night (879)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up. http://tfl.nu/oxuw
  Replies (26) Good night (7899) Bad night (1135)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her http://tfl.nu/ofex
  Replies (65) Good night (13601) Bad night (2560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives. http://tfl.nu/lbn9
  Replies (29) Good night (4298) Bad night (3293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test. http://tfl.nu/drd9
  Replies (17) Good night (5575) Bad night (1064) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place http://tfl.nu/zqzf
  Replies (8) Good night (5903) Bad night (1141) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?

  (516): View more from New York

  nope.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"? (516): nope. http://tfl.nu/1bih
  Replies (21) Good night (1150) Bad night (4199)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole http://tfl.nu/otvq
  Replies (434) Good night (54911) Bad night (6417) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella http://tfl.nu/27sq
  Replies (31) Good night (12275) Bad night (1401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe. http://tfl.nu/z3x3
  Replies (43) Good night (7755) Bad night (1774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid. http://tfl.nu/ndn7
  Replies (5) Good night (5619) Bad night (1577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together http://tfl.nu/6q67
  Replies (20) Good night (7411) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  how high are you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos? (828): how high are you? http://tfl.nu/9z76
  Replies (59) Good night (12146) Bad night (1537)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker http://tfl.nu/o91j
  Replies (14) Good night (9222) Bad night (1272) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (53) Good night (72035) Bad night (2121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad. http://tfl.nu/0kg4
  Replies (82) Good night (30065) Bad night (2151)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status.. http://tfl.nu/z1m2
  Replies (25) Good night (6660) Bad night (1222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me. http://tfl.nu/jzk3
  Replies (33) Good night (10268) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  This is sufficient.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living (1-412): bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug (412): This is sufficient. http://tfl.nu/p15m
  Replies (72) Good night (12108) Bad night (813)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  period poops. best. ever.

  (925): View more from California

  omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): period poops. best. ever. (925): omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that... http://tfl.nu/lwj4
  Replies (144) Good night (1716) Bad night (19129)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early http://tfl.nu/4ftf
  Replies (62) Good night (6919) Bad night (837)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (297) Good night (73367) Bad night (2463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity http://tfl.nu/qinl
  Replies (67) Good night (11727) Bad night (998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn. http://tfl.nu/bp9j
  Replies (38) Good night (4766) Bad night (2029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit http://tfl.nu/qd4t
  Replies (63) Good night (1055) Bad night (7347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar. (1-703): I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up? http://tfl.nu/a4zj
  Replies (55) Good night (11732) Bad night (919)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight. http://tfl.nu/vmod
  Replies (23) Good night (4736) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Who said I want to share with you?

  (269): View more from Michigan

  You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you. (616): Who said I want to share with you? (269): You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book. http://tfl.nu/trh2
  Replies (40) Good night (6664) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette. http://tfl.nu/20f3
  Replies (32) Good night (4751) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!" http://tfl.nu/ttkj
  Replies (99) Good night (26272) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (175) Good night (51683) Bad night (5689)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed". http://tfl.nu/ptkf
  Replies (54) Good night (8013) Bad night (3257) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left http://tfl.nu/gb7d
  Replies (57) Good night (13018) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party. http://tfl.nu/vfln
  Replies (46) Good night (641) Bad night (6991) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink. http://tfl.nu/g05p
  Replies (90) Good night (2425) Bad night (3867)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit. http://tfl.nu/j2fi
  Replies (27) Good night (1368) Bad night (4012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party http://tfl.nu/77aw
  Replies (15) Good night (6668) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch. http://tfl.nu/l1wa
  Replies (9) Good night (3568) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck http://tfl.nu/rnye
  Replies (5) Good night (1203) Bad night (3416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard. http://tfl.nu/6ebl
  Replies (19) Good night (6848) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/d4tz
  Replies (28) Good night (2041) Bad night (4667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes. http://tfl.nu/4wgk
  Replies (45) Good night (28345) Bad night (1968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout. http://tfl.nu/rilo
  Replies (62) Good night (18034) Bad night (1995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral http://tfl.nu/k9rx
  Replies (31) Good night (4491) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone. http://tfl.nu/ph56
  Replies (57) Good night (2801) Bad night (4907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out http://tfl.nu/f2m2
  Replies (24) Good night (937) Bad night (5625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign

  (562): View more from California

  You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign (562): You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo http://tfl.nu/9pp5
  Replies (68) Good night (5582) Bad night (867)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/thtn
  Replies (30) Good night (7897) Bad night (1106)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old. http://tfl.nu/1v3o
  Replies (20) Good night (580) Bad night (2834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit. http://tfl.nu/fc4g
  Replies (35) Good night (8954) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot. http://tfl.nu/qo51
  Replies (16) Good night (1079) Bad night (4841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug" http://tfl.nu/c6tu
  Replies (22) Good night (5721) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me. http://tfl.nu/zadb
  Replies (11) Good night (4018) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test http://tfl.nu/0qhc
  Replies (77) Good night (51894) Bad night (2022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously

  (503): View more from Oregon

  you are my hero

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously (503): you are my hero http://tfl.nu/me35
  Replies (20) Good night (4804) Bad night (930)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half. http://tfl.nu/qnaa
  Replies (29) Good night (5673) Bad night (1190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault" http://tfl.nu/a193
  Replies (16) Good night (1380) Bad night (6242) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist. http://tfl.nu/vfvp
  Replies (33) Good night (5485) Bad night (1309) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  How has he not realized you're pregnant?

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Spanx.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): How has he not realized you're pregnant? (201): Spanx. http://tfl.nu/ts9v
  Replies (31) Good night (1120) Bad night (5222)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay. http://tfl.nu/pwts
  Replies (212) Good night (11972) Bad night (3322) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire http://tfl.nu/o1m1
  Replies (17) Good night (672) Bad night (5129) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch. http://tfl.nu/syjm
  Replies (57) Good night (16785) Bad night (1008)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish http://tfl.nu/24oc
  Replies (27) Good night (5267) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well. http://tfl.nu/7lvz
  Replies (143) Good night (4221) Bad night (778)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL. http://tfl.nu/d3ky
  Replies (29) Good night (541) Bad night (7527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  so when am I gonna get some from you?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  when you dick grows 3 inches

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): so when am I gonna get some from you? (617): when you dick grows 3 inches http://tfl.nu/rd2p
  Replies (74) Good night (1829) Bad night (8732)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high http://tfl.nu/0yq2
  Replies (90) Good night (11884) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out... http://tfl.nu/78da
  Replies (23) Good night (725) Bad night (5139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures. http://tfl.nu/5w6x
  Replies (16) Good night (596) Bad night (5515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!! http://tfl.nu/zcda
  Replies (15) Good night (5051) Bad night (408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on http://tfl.nu/x4cw
  Replies (54) Good night (9930) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck http://tfl.nu/4wd4
  Replies (28) Good night (5689) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message. http://tfl.nu/p8es
  Replies (22) Good night (5395) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation. http://tfl.nu/os3u
  Replies (13) Good night (4342) Bad night (1058) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'

  (1-518): View more from New York

  i pity the fetus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations' (1-518): i pity the fetus. http://tfl.nu/r9cp
  Replies (29) Good night (588) Bad night (5239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail http://tfl.nu/5fc6
  Replies (47) Good night (4469) Bad night (901)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen. http://tfl.nu/fkde
  Replies (47) Good night (5392) Bad night (1249)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part http://tfl.nu/ohmf
  Replies (11) Good night (542) Bad night (4727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  ID DO HER

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): ID DO HER (1-904): SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK http://tfl.nu/y38s
  Replies (17) Good night (577) Bad night (6556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid http://tfl.nu/8ij1
  Replies (44) Good night (665) Bad night (3318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142136) Bad night (9311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is... http://tfl.nu/n91t
  Replies (40) Good night (4243) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here http://tfl.nu/onu8
  Replies (15) Good night (5101) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized http://tfl.nu/4l7y
  Replies (22) Good night (789) Bad night (6115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute. http://tfl.nu/y17n
  Replies (40) Good night (28136) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target. http://tfl.nu/enj6
  Replies (15) Good night (903) Bad night (3618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird". http://tfl.nu/qpoq
  Replies (70) Good night (1512) Bad night (4293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy. http://tfl.nu/efip
  Replies (12) Good night (827) Bad night (3042)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  the ice cream truck is coming omgomg

  (1-650): View more from California

  dude, it's 2 am.

  (650): View more from California

  but its COMING

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): the ice cream truck is coming omgomg (1-650): dude, it's 2 am. (650): but its COMING http://tfl.nu/8z5r
  Replies (63) Good night (8121) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina... http://tfl.nu/yr74
  Replies (48) Good night (1191) Bad night (5833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.

  (1-810): View more from Michigan

  Thanks dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game. (1-810): Thanks dad. http://tfl.nu/ga57
  Replies (24) Good night (967) Bad night (4528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  When do i get to see u next week?

  (1-805): View more from California

  When I teabag your entire family

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): When do i get to see u next week? (1-805): When I teabag your entire family http://tfl.nu/lkxo
  Replies (12) Good night (1132) Bad night (2320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life. http://tfl.nu/3r58
  Replies (32) Good night (4866) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?

  (1-705): View more from Ontario

  That would be awkward if he commented on your status

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom? (1-705): That would be awkward if he commented on your status http://tfl.nu/877y
  Replies (18) Good night (787) Bad night (2632)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (51683) Bad night (2730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.

  (1-321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  no his phone, idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot. (1-321): he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn. (321): no his phone, idiot. http://tfl.nu/beyf
  Replies (43) Good night (9397) Bad night (809)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September. http://tfl.nu/oogz
  Replies (19) Good night (4566) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN http://tfl.nu/xbeq
  Replies (26) Good night (477) Bad night (2968)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance. http://tfl.nu/csuc
  Replies (178) Good night (3951) Bad night (780)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is" http://tfl.nu/c0jq
  Replies (36) Good night (1146) Bad night (4116) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album? http://tfl.nu/4xxo
  Replies (28) Good night (798) Bad night (3477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises. http://tfl.nu/lren
  Replies (67) Good night (19693) Bad night (942)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.

  (302): View more from Delaware

  You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends. (302): You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win. (865): They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life. http://tfl.nu/4iwq
  Replies (13) Good night (2862) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast http://tfl.nu/lexd
  Replies (12) Good night (603) Bad night (1882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  dude are you serious?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I know you already have a pic on your phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave (617): dude are you serious? (978): I know you already have a pic on your phone http://tfl.nu/k6lt
  Replies (95) Good night (2432) Bad night (2955)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too http://tfl.nu/262s
  Replies (17) Good night (3192) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van http://tfl.nu/7qz4
  Replies (13) Good night (2008) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom. http://tfl.nu/gkr4
  Replies (13) Good night (785) Bad night (3644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce. http://tfl.nu/89y8
  Replies (11) Good night (820) Bad night (3195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions http://tfl.nu/cic0
  Replies (100) Good night (7080) Bad night (1047)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?

  (206): View more from Washington

  only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it? (206): only if you didn't want to fuck up your life. http://tfl.nu/bqd4
  Replies (72) Good night (799) Bad night (8758)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Tie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet (908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building (201): Tie http://tfl.nu/a5wy
  Replies (97) Good night (43614) Bad night (1461)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug. http://tfl.nu/yra7
  Replies (36) Good night (6604) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal. http://tfl.nu/j0la
  Replies (69) Good night (38058) Bad night (1812)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  who is canola oil?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you're an idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans (1-610): who is canola oil? (610): you're an idiot. http://tfl.nu/vy3c
  Replies (64) Good night (2957) Bad night (730)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you? http://tfl.nu/hgrf
  Replies (16) Good night (4757) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it. http://tfl.nu/dy81
  Replies (23) Good night (766) Bad night (1356)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone. http://tfl.nu/vfbd
  Replies (40) Good night (13996) Bad night (1398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6793) Bad night (40791)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): The ticket read "Found nude in a tree" http://tfl.nu/6rf6
  Replies (47) Good night (47527) Bad night (2091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy. (1-913): You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you. http://tfl.nu/j71x
  Replies (26) Good night (2343) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with http://tfl.nu/jobl
  Replies (82) Good night (2350) Bad night (1987) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (508) Good night (86066) Bad night (8376)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Yes.

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!! (763): Yes. (612): fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria http://tfl.nu/wx8p
  Replies (37) Good night (4422) Bad night (662)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk http://tfl.nu/cgrv
  Replies (5) Good night (2336) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level. http://tfl.nu/ek4x
  Replies (2) Good night (1515) Bad night (370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic... http://tfl.nu/yey5
  Replies (88) Good night (9974) Bad night (1350) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha http://tfl.nu/twp9
  Replies (17) Good night (1402) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  "Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): "Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God. http://tfl.nu/18zl
  Replies (23) Good night (1264) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude. http://tfl.nu/vz4x
  Replies (10) Good night (944) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle http://tfl.nu/ebj2
  Replies (11) Good night (544) Bad night (1727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I feel like death. Did you die last night?

  (305): View more from Florida

  Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I feel like death. Did you die last night? (305): Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta! (859): unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus http://tfl.nu/lgid
  Replies (8) Good night (1969) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket. http://tfl.nu/3353
  Replies (28) Good night (1159) Bad night (431)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me! http://tfl.nu/ye87
  Replies (16) Good night (801) Bad night (1149)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you? http://tfl.nu/mhei
  Replies (8) Good night (2028) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared http://tfl.nu/a5x9
  Replies (29) Good night (902) Bad night (1341)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  no

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls. (248): no http://tfl.nu/la9c
  Replies (21) Good night (764) Bad night (1545)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up! (1-313): it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me... http://tfl.nu/s17x
  Replies (13) Good night (694) Bad night (1791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  The maid of honor just puked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): The maid of honor just puked. http://tfl.nu/qiyl
  Replies (5) Good night (1760) Bad night (1053) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God http://tfl.nu/eo8x
  Replies (5) Good night (833) Bad night (1191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (737): View more from Texas

  You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?

  (1-737): View more from Texas

  That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there

  (737): View more from Texas

  It's my parent's restaurant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (737): You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot? (1-737): That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there (737): It's my parent's restaurant http://tfl.nu/0xzo
  Replies (8) Good night (867) Bad night (2547)