Texts From Last Night

canonymous's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame. http://tfl.nu/pbev
  Replies (3) Good night (5714) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared." http://tfl.nu/t3p1
  Replies (3) Good night (1736) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever http://tfl.nu/ozbc
  Replies (18) Good night (4092) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month. http://tfl.nu/gnax
  Replies (4) Good night (2667) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas. http://tfl.nu/jpxs
  Replies (12) Good night (5924) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out http://tfl.nu/p80s
  Replies (3) Good night (4949) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order? http://tfl.nu/nfxj
  Replies (2) Good night (2516) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill? http://tfl.nu/844o
  Replies (14) Good night (3419) Bad night (1503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me. http://tfl.nu/tnbf
  Replies (9) Good night (3679) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom. http://tfl.nu/a1h2
  Replies (8) Good night (600) Bad night (2936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester http://tfl.nu/vz3v
  Replies (16) Good night (812) Bad night (3839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool. http://tfl.nu/gbzx
  Replies (15) Good night (6006) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this? http://tfl.nu/woh0
  Replies (9) Good night (5021) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood http://tfl.nu/vfy0
  Replies (12) Good night (8646) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs. http://tfl.nu/7j97
  Replies (24) Good night (5395) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him http://tfl.nu/x0sm
  Replies (31) Good night (1246) Bad night (6055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by. http://tfl.nu/au1s
  Replies (16) Good night (4427) Bad night (1188) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome. http://tfl.nu/mczw
  Replies (16) Good night (7645) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom. http://tfl.nu/uq6s
  Replies (22) Good night (6351) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Absence makes the cock grow harder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Absence makes the cock grow harder. http://tfl.nu/yyl1
  Replies (17) Good night (6338) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  she pinky promised me she was 18

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): she pinky promised me she was 18 http://tfl.nu/cbo2
  Replies (67) Good night (7585) Bad night (2698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it http://tfl.nu/ct20
  Replies (29) Good night (4939) Bad night (1348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous http://tfl.nu/iens
  Replies (15) Good night (4999) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix http://tfl.nu/tcv4
  Replies (34) Good night (6991) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?" http://tfl.nu/0sa8
  Replies (19) Good night (10138) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award http://tfl.nu/t3kf
  Replies (17) Good night (5663) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS http://tfl.nu/w0yg
  Replies (34) Good night (10189) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I don't remember much but I know I looked hot. http://tfl.nu/1lsd
  Replies (19) Good night (5646) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to http://tfl.nu/sk6c
  Replies (25) Good night (5187) Bad night (1194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another. http://tfl.nu/sx70
  Replies (11) Good night (4065) Bad night (1270) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page. http://tfl.nu/lhck
  Replies (12) Good night (4122) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not. http://tfl.nu/7iqg
  Replies (9) Good night (4104) Bad night (978) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror http://tfl.nu/1dr8
  Replies (14) Good night (5640) Bad night (1219) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (03): View more from

  you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (03): you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!! http://tfl.nu/e67e
  Replies (18) Good night (6599) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country http://tfl.nu/ju5o
  Replies (9) Good night (4986) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick? http://tfl.nu/mjo7
  Replies (25) Good night (6015) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy http://tfl.nu/f2lx
  Replies (40) Good night (4438) Bad night (1766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake http://tfl.nu/bl2k
  Replies (41) Good night (8404) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants. http://tfl.nu/v3dq
  Replies (51) Good night (8203) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head. http://tfl.nu/up5g
  Replies (17) Good night (5572) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan http://tfl.nu/827h
  Replies (20) Good night (7474) Bad night (1223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time. http://tfl.nu/fjy0
  Replies (18) Good night (4161) Bad night (1683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten. http://tfl.nu/8y7f
  Replies (21) Good night (5698) Bad night (1509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question. http://tfl.nu/ra0q
  Replies (17) Good night (5946) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls. http://tfl.nu/stc1
  Replies (8) Good night (3455) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts. http://tfl.nu/g67r
  Replies (16) Good night (6041) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels. http://tfl.nu/lt6v
  Replies (19) Good night (4204) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him http://tfl.nu/pw5n
  Replies (35) Good night (6914) Bad night (1705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises. http://tfl.nu/xfua
  Replies (68) Good night (14052) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome http://tfl.nu/vmah
  Replies (77) Good night (5842) Bad night (1652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Decisions, decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you." (319): Decisions, decisions. http://tfl.nu/1ou5
  Replies (45) Good night (8301) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?" http://tfl.nu/niuk
  Replies (38) Good night (6563) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on? http://tfl.nu/ru4x
  Replies (20) Good night (3404) Bad night (1086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant. http://tfl.nu/aq1y
  Replies (25) Good night (10735) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete.. http://tfl.nu/bykt
  Replies (28) Good night (5025) Bad night (1005)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober. http://tfl.nu/eick
  Replies (13) Good night (6127) Bad night (1228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance. http://tfl.nu/1cpz
  Replies (16) Good night (7887) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored. http://tfl.nu/j0xj
  Replies (8) Good night (4421) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex http://tfl.nu/9dx2
  Replies (17) Good night (5320) Bad night (1361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed http://tfl.nu/tu27
  Replies (26) Good night (4474) Bad night (1141) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin! http://tfl.nu/gtgt
  Replies (14) Good night (8796) Bad night (1285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check. http://tfl.nu/gtpb
  Replies (12) Good night (741) Bad night (4956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went? http://tfl.nu/9bmv
  Replies (8) Good night (5463) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him http://tfl.nu/h9ln
  Replies (22) Good night (5719) Bad night (1301)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises. http://tfl.nu/vxkf
  Replies (33) Good night (1949) Bad night (4774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  His hands were made for my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): His hands were made for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/uiyy
  Replies (16) Good night (7037) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover. http://tfl.nu/uo1b
  Replies (9) Good night (6245) Bad night (1187) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog. http://tfl.nu/8mg1
  Replies (18) Good night (9396) Bad night (1209) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  the problem with open bar is i never know what to get

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): the problem with open bar is i never know what to get (781): did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..." http://tfl.nu/knqb
  Replies (10) Good night (5420) Bad night (859)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi http://tfl.nu/kis8
  Replies (28) Good night (4197) Bad night (1514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now http://tfl.nu/1wl1
  Replies (29) Good night (4918) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me. http://tfl.nu/zahg
  Replies (14) Good night (8572) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid. http://tfl.nu/c97u
  Replies (14) Good night (3638) Bad night (1316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other. http://tfl.nu/nigv
  Replies (29) Good night (6458) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle.. http://tfl.nu/lwyr
  Replies (15) Good night (8071) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student... http://tfl.nu/ab9h
  Replies (25) Good night (5642) Bad night (1497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  and what did he say?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world. (1-614): and what did he say? (614): there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning. http://tfl.nu/xi47
  Replies (50) Good night (12061) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time

  (1-309): View more from Illinois

  I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time (1-309): I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating http://tfl.nu/74eg
  Replies (21) Good night (4639) Bad night (998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  i can't find my house

  (1-845): View more from New York

  we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.

  (845): View more from New York

  i'm pretty sure my house moved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): i can't find my house (1-845): we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago. (845): i'm pretty sure my house moved. http://tfl.nu/nzng
  Replies (50) Good night (12900) Bad night (1026)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me. http://tfl.nu/s4ft
  Replies (35) Good night (6736) Bad night (1179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span. http://tfl.nu/rd54
  Replies (34) Good night (6403) Bad night (1078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007 http://tfl.nu/tyl3
  Replies (19) Good night (6301) Bad night (1245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me http://tfl.nu/uytx
  Replies (63) Good night (9073) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl? http://tfl.nu/nlrb
  Replies (37) Good night (6219) Bad night (1353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good http://tfl.nu/hwo6
  Replies (14) Good night (4673) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (555): View more from

  Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (555): Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me. http://tfl.nu/aho3
  Replies (20) Good night (5493) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more. http://tfl.nu/r5mk
  Replies (6) Good night (6477) Bad night (1300)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone just got laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness? (774): Someone just got laid. http://tfl.nu/ub8q
  Replies (17) Good night (8717) Bad night (853)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out. http://tfl.nu/anew
  Replies (22) Good night (8279) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield. http://tfl.nu/umxp
  Replies (20) Good night (6965) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already http://tfl.nu/wb0t
  Replies (24) Good night (7292) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii http://tfl.nu/lbrx
  Replies (22) Good night (8621) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened? (308): Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex. http://tfl.nu/5y08
  Replies (17) Good night (4370) Bad night (775)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet. http://tfl.nu/fwq9
  Replies (20) Good night (6192) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud? (262): Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing http://tfl.nu/ndin
  Replies (20) Good night (5781) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever http://tfl.nu/uwj0
  Replies (17) Good night (5691) Bad night (1044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations http://tfl.nu/cpf7
  Replies (19) Good night (7826) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part. http://tfl.nu/1dsi
  Replies (27) Good night (7623) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Why was I handcuffed to the roof?

  (518): View more from New York

  It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Why was I handcuffed to the roof? (518): It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly http://tfl.nu/nk88
  Replies (27) Good night (8740) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit. http://tfl.nu/31my
  Replies (18) Good night (539) Bad night (3701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS' http://tfl.nu/cd1u
  Replies (20) Good night (5411) Bad night (1175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone http://tfl.nu/f58w
  Replies (20) Good night (5090) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off. http://tfl.nu/4dsi
  Replies (22) Good night (7291) Bad night (1687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check. http://tfl.nu/o1ir
  Replies (10) Good night (802) Bad night (3402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome http://tfl.nu/r1ky
  Replies (17) Good night (3563) Bad night (1466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"? http://tfl.nu/3j2r
  Replies (31) Good night (16199) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet. http://tfl.nu/ix9e
  Replies (67) Good night (17225) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed http://tfl.nu/wvyq
  Replies (59) Good night (12449) Bad night (1952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina. http://tfl.nu/hg6l
  Replies (37) Good night (8875) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you

  (917): View more from New York City

  Those had pot in them

  (917): View more from New York City

  And good luck on your interview asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you (917): Those had pot in them (917): And good luck on your interview asshole http://tfl.nu/911g
  Replies (49) Good night (16391) Bad night (1134)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday. (917): Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA. http://tfl.nu/ow5e
  Replies (11) Good night (8636) Bad night (768)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey man your outta milk

  (541): View more from Oregon

  How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Hey man your outta milk (541): How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?! http://tfl.nu/1x3m
  Replies (17) Good night (9703) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed. http://tfl.nu/4z6k
  Replies (26) Good night (8065) Bad night (1014)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on. (217): Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder. http://tfl.nu/huht
  Replies (13) Good night (8415) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit. http://tfl.nu/s2aa
  Replies (33) Good night (10076) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in. http://tfl.nu/awzl
  Replies (12) Good night (7966) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name? http://tfl.nu/6xxw
  Replies (10) Good night (4257) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god http://tfl.nu/byer
  Replies (25) Good night (7138) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed. http://tfl.nu/gt11
  Replies (7) Good night (4111) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  No thats like a top 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night? (1-918): No thats like a top 10 http://tfl.nu/uawo
  Replies (34) Good night (6271) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. http://tfl.nu/ux00
  Replies (15) Good night (5353) Bad night (1090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon... http://tfl.nu/do0i
  Replies (94) Good night (19355) Bad night (1409)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness. http://tfl.nu/5pr0
  Replies (20) Good night (4321) Bad night (948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+31): He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...? http://tfl.nu/se8t
  Replies (16) Good night (3679) Bad night (1203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.

  (1-347): View more from New York

  ofcourse you didnt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless. (1-347): ofcourse you didnt. http://tfl.nu/elq0
  Replies (6) Good night (4195) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks" http://tfl.nu/r0yt
  Replies (26) Good night (6084) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (+43): View more from

  my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+43): my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe http://tfl.nu/lh72
  Replies (16) Good night (7482) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me. http://tfl.nu/o9ei
  Replies (13) Good night (3808) Bad night (1090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth.. http://tfl.nu/0ol0
  Replies (18) Good night (4994) Bad night (1408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs. http://tfl.nu/3fsr
  Replies (19) Good night (4941) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs. http://tfl.nu/b4sz
  Replies (13) Good night (4322) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (819): View more from Quebec

  I woke up to her vacumming the grass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (819): I woke up to her vacumming the grass http://tfl.nu/p4j1
  Replies (18) Good night (4989) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances http://tfl.nu/ijjs
  Replies (28) Good night (6989) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight. http://tfl.nu/5vdu
  Replies (59) Good night (14183) Bad night (1662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running. http://tfl.nu/jcc8
  Replies (76) Good night (15585) Bad night (1515)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on? http://tfl.nu/ottv
  Replies (5) Good night (3635) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for... http://tfl.nu/hz7t
  Replies (23) Good night (6207) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother? http://tfl.nu/8hut
  Replies (8) Good night (3700) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Why is your vibrator in the fridge?

  (1-760): View more from California

  I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Why is your vibrator in the fridge? (1-760): I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there. http://tfl.nu/7etk
  Replies (40) Good night (6501) Bad night (1020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Get out now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me? (513): Get out now. http://tfl.nu/w3kk
  Replies (56) Good night (7656) Bad night (2157)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  And the cops told us we were all naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): And the cops told us we were all naked. http://tfl.nu/sk8w
  Replies (15) Good night (6263) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty

  (917): View more from New York City

  smooth operator

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty (917): smooth operator http://tfl.nu/2sej
  Replies (25) Good night (7296) Bad night (981)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed. http://tfl.nu/zkjg
  Replies (21) Good night (4255) Bad night (1818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch? http://tfl.nu/432a
  Replies (38) Good night (3668) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success. http://tfl.nu/yoei
  Replies (16) Good night (5766) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring. http://tfl.nu/wizw
  Replies (24) Good night (8313) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes. http://tfl.nu/56a9
  Replies (19) Good night (8552) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger' http://tfl.nu/z4iq
  Replies (23) Good night (4876) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question http://tfl.nu/hu7s
  Replies (10) Good night (2508) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is http://tfl.nu/ce5u
  Replies (16) Good night (4889) Bad night (1573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  bc i get to see you. naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid? (203): bc i get to see you. naked. http://tfl.nu/db7h
  Replies (24) Good night (7806) Bad night (965)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (121) Good night (44047) Bad night (1351)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend. http://tfl.nu/fufl
  Replies (13) Good night (5605) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am http://tfl.nu/wxgn
  Replies (7) Good night (3832) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom http://tfl.nu/itfy
  Replies (47) Good night (21228) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire. http://tfl.nu/5e7s
  Replies (9) Good night (5833) Bad night (1248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget http://tfl.nu/82uy
  Replies (7) Good night (3727) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out. http://tfl.nu/skdx
  Replies (17) Good night (7525) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen. http://tfl.nu/oi0t
  Replies (26) Good night (8589) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey. http://tfl.nu/pfjh
  Replies (19) Good night (6252) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch? http://tfl.nu/7fe5
  Replies (16) Good night (4777) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend. http://tfl.nu/xxmf
  Replies (6) Good night (3672) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after http://tfl.nu/tns7
  Replies (38) Good night (13934) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/fxno
  Replies (32) Good night (747) Bad night (8053) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm. http://tfl.nu/gfgw
  Replies (13) Good night (4518) Bad night (1216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college. http://tfl.nu/9ey3
  Replies (9) Good night (3784) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight. http://tfl.nu/ioqv
  Replies (29) Good night (8950) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars" http://tfl.nu/ujcf
  Replies (7) Good night (4517) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  that would be two times in a week with two different guys.

  (913): View more from Kansas

  they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): that would be two times in a week with two different guys. (913): they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right? http://tfl.nu/b8ql
  Replies (21) Good night (3853) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat. http://tfl.nu/ob9t
  Replies (28) Good night (8653) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  And you didn't burst into flames?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church. (1-203): And you didn't burst into flames? http://tfl.nu/aa0l
  Replies (14) Good night (4934) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it http://tfl.nu/r7l5
  Replies (16) Good night (5001) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now. http://tfl.nu/goi4
  Replies (16) Good night (5406) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity... http://tfl.nu/ueq6
  Replies (32) Good night (6456) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles. http://tfl.nu/wcsn
  Replies (9) Good night (3239) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them http://tfl.nu/szer
  Replies (14) Good night (2073) Bad night (6084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week http://tfl.nu/99uq
  Replies (26) Good night (6186) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable http://tfl.nu/h8f0
  Replies (17) Good night (6014) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win. http://tfl.nu/r148
  Replies (13) Good night (8304) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (40) Good night (34729) Bad night (1080)
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard http://tfl.nu/4drm
  Replies (22) Good night (7711) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss

  (301): View more from Maryland

  OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?

  (518): View more from New York

  Doritoesssssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss (301): OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with? (518): Doritoesssssss http://tfl.nu/528p
  Replies (41) Good night (12478) Bad night (870)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong http://tfl.nu/oa40
  Replies (9) Good night (4834) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited. http://tfl.nu/8ftm
  Replies (26) Good night (15547) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel. http://tfl.nu/te56
  Replies (10) Good night (6247) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend http://tfl.nu/ip7i
  Replies (18) Good night (4265) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well. http://tfl.nu/zrfa
  Replies (19) Good night (6535) Bad night (1041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'. http://tfl.nu/kkmi
  Replies (12) Good night (5558) Bad night (1000) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.

  (607): View more from New York

  Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone. (607): Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend. http://tfl.nu/z2i9
  Replies (7) Good night (5480) Bad night (643)
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face http://tfl.nu/4iya
  Replies (26) Good night (10803) Bad night (1301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave. http://tfl.nu/dpnt
  Replies (24) Good night (7531) Bad night (915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me. http://tfl.nu/z6ig
  Replies (20) Good night (8932) Bad night (1081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem http://tfl.nu/lhco
  Replies (25) Good night (4805) Bad night (1560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with. http://tfl.nu/h0cz
  Replies (8) Good night (3774) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i fucked a milf yesterday.

  (619): View more from California

  i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i fucked a milf yesterday. (619): i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old. http://tfl.nu/l3df
  Replies (28) Good night (12660) Bad night (1416)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Vodka is such a love hate relationship.

  (661): View more from California

  Truer words have never been spoken.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Vodka is such a love hate relationship. (661): Truer words have never been spoken. http://tfl.nu/p042
  Replies (21) Good night (4931) Bad night (813)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers http://tfl.nu/g3p7
  Replies (25) Good night (6415) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love http://tfl.nu/i52c
  Replies (12) Good night (4951) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season. http://tfl.nu/xinh
  Replies (24) Good night (4898) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'. http://tfl.nu/39kt
  Replies (10) Good night (4644) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night. http://tfl.nu/uyli
  Replies (12) Good night (4441) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten. http://tfl.nu/vjjo
  Replies (24) Good night (4748) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  so finals studying is going well?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons. (309): so finals studying is going well? http://tfl.nu/jt5e
  Replies (13) Good night (6848) Bad night (726)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
  Replies (51) Good night (15595) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  Good morning to you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday? (1-203): Good morning to you http://tfl.nu/rc7c
  Replies (12) Good night (4529) Bad night (1780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn. http://tfl.nu/9axz
  Replies (30) Good night (6752) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands. http://tfl.nu/553v
  Replies (21) Good night (4122) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer http://tfl.nu/6bxa
  Replies (16) Good night (5240) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter. http://tfl.nu/ujkx
  Replies (6) Good night (8452) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only. http://tfl.nu/ffub
  Replies (7) Good night (4529) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome http://tfl.nu/lk4z
  Replies (37) Good night (8498) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ. http://tfl.nu/s7ef
  Replies (30) Good night (12893) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America http://tfl.nu/yesg
  Replies (20) Good night (3918) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere. http://tfl.nu/zvpn
  Replies (20) Good night (4986) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful http://tfl.nu/oafq
  Replies (19) Good night (6908) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking http://tfl.nu/pou2
  Replies (4) Good night (3606) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day. http://tfl.nu/2bxp
  Replies (5) Good night (3698) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it http://tfl.nu/pt50
  Replies (10) Good night (4259) Bad night (1102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'. http://tfl.nu/ube5
  Replies (8) Good night (5325) Bad night (989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death http://tfl.nu/foc2
  Replies (6) Good night (3075) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything http://tfl.nu/rmdb
  Replies (5) Good night (4510) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them. http://tfl.nu/j4fw
  Replies (7) Good night (7323) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you? http://tfl.nu/jgvr
  Replies (10) Good night (4318) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka.. http://tfl.nu/lv2f
  Replies (20) Good night (4198) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised http://tfl.nu/5ukp
  Replies (10) Good night (3611) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends? http://tfl.nu/08w4
  Replies (98) Good night (32301) Bad night (3093) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me. http://tfl.nu/retd
  Replies (42) Good night (5568) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever" http://tfl.nu/wsl5
  Replies (41) Good night (7797) Bad night (1101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around http://tfl.nu/awow
  Replies (9) Good night (3330) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday. http://tfl.nu/vkd1
  Replies (5) Good night (5668) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number http://tfl.nu/mfjx
  Replies (14) Good night (6615) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston, we have a problem

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  where are u?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Houston, we have a problem (781): where are u? (617): Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here. http://tfl.nu/zyw6
  Replies (43) Good night (14194) Bad night (973)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly. http://tfl.nu/9x6b
  Replies (12) Good night (4379) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is http://tfl.nu/l5nn
  Replies (20) Good night (6567) Bad night (1353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome. http://tfl.nu/831u
  Replies (12) Good night (4341) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth. http://tfl.nu/wd4d
  Replies (16) Good night (3931) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  How was the bike ride?

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): How was the bike ride? (1-734): Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups. http://tfl.nu/2qrl
  Replies (21) Good night (7983) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money. http://tfl.nu/in19
  Replies (33) Good night (5497) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't know where my bra went.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I don't know where my bra went. (1-303): Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy. http://tfl.nu/03yq
  Replies (22) Good night (7513) Bad night (744)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich. http://tfl.nu/hmr5
  Replies (26) Good night (15626) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting. http://tfl.nu/7l1r
  Replies (13) Good night (4146) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats http://tfl.nu/u2vh
  Replies (10) Good night (4089) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I hate the hobo that sits outside our building

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  Joe or Chris?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I hate the hobo that sits outside our building (1-314): Joe or Chris? (314): do i even wanna kno y u kno their names? (1-314): well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye. http://tfl.nu/9vla
  Replies (17) Good night (7679) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  We stopped her at 12

  (708): View more from Illinois

  12 shots? Or 12 midnight?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Which answer would freak you out less

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): We stopped her at 12 (708): 12 shots? Or 12 midnight? (630): Which answer would freak you out less http://tfl.nu/edb4
  Replies (5) Good night (5344) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy http://tfl.nu/rk38
  Replies (16) Good night (6156) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  No subtext here. People are naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): No subtext here. People are naked. http://tfl.nu/tn4y
  Replies (7) Good night (3878) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus. http://tfl.nu/vr5q
  Replies (15) Good night (9246) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday. http://tfl.nu/jjrt
  Replies (23) Good night (3574) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic (1-402): i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities. http://tfl.nu/psst
  Replies (70) Good night (7595) Bad night (1271) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment. http://tfl.nu/sxji
  Replies (13) Good night (4875) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well. http://tfl.nu/7lfy
  Replies (20) Good night (6998) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  That reminds me...we need to get swords

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): That reminds me...we need to get swords http://tfl.nu/9ivg
  Replies (15) Good night (6730) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels. http://tfl.nu/rynp
  Replies (10) Good night (5043) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official. http://tfl.nu/pkh7
  Replies (13) Good night (5441) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed. http://tfl.nu/420i
  Replies (19) Good night (1301) Bad night (3664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes http://tfl.nu/55qw
  Replies (22) Good night (1954) Bad night (4112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic" http://tfl.nu/evdo
  Replies (17) Good night (4276) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back http://tfl.nu/pd0y
  Replies (10) Good night (4578) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands

  (713): View more from Texas

  When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands (713): When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things http://tfl.nu/2j2p
  Replies (28) Good night (5095) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever. http://tfl.nu/blg1
  Replies (4) Good night (3646) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again. http://tfl.nu/nufk
  Replies (9) Good night (4020) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2
  Replies (81) Good night (31292) Bad night (994)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart. http://tfl.nu/liah
  Replies (22) Good night (6650) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high. http://tfl.nu/z4jl
  Replies (25) Good night (5286) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew. http://tfl.nu/qfs0
  Replies (35) Good night (7960) Bad night (1542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high. http://tfl.nu/38z6
  Replies (24) Good night (4087) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets. http://tfl.nu/gp9t
  Replies (21) Good night (7830) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him. http://tfl.nu/tve9
  Replies (14) Good night (5308) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  i think i scared a bird with my dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): i think i scared a bird with my dick http://tfl.nu/1tdx
  Replies (20) Good night (4279) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night... http://tfl.nu/z2d7
  Replies (15) Good night (5146) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw. http://tfl.nu/9aqz
  Replies (17) Good night (4418) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do. http://tfl.nu/0i65
  Replies (13) Good night (6231) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris http://tfl.nu/nmbr
  Replies (43) Good night (8431) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that http://tfl.nu/gfaw
  Replies (24) Good night (3752) Bad night (1481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds http://tfl.nu/sr5n
  Replies (38) Good night (4501) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol. http://tfl.nu/d6go
  Replies (3) Good night (3012) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Too many margaritas?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog. (321): Too many margaritas? http://tfl.nu/18gt
  Replies (9) Good night (3728) Bad night (724)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before http://tfl.nu/9107
  Replies (20) Good night (4963) Bad night (959)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you. http://tfl.nu/6oks
  Replies (11) Good night (3060) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper http://tfl.nu/xl5z
  Replies (89) Good night (9300) Bad night (1303) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more. http://tfl.nu/sgvu
  Replies (12) Good night (4481) Bad night (1083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth. http://tfl.nu/p490
  Replies (30) Good night (5214) Bad night (1105) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal http://tfl.nu/qwe2
  Replies (13) Good night (6923) Bad night (1148) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google.... http://tfl.nu/f2r9
  Replies (16) Good night (5108) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me. http://tfl.nu/8ykb
  Replies (15) Good night (4888) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  so how was last night?

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): so how was last night? (1-586): got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages. http://tfl.nu/4xoa
  Replies (21) Good night (9811) Bad night (727)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.

  (708): View more from Illinois

  May it rest in peace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence. (708): May it rest in peace. http://tfl.nu/csj7
  Replies (17) Good night (4247) Bad night (1054)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying. http://tfl.nu/rtdk
  Replies (41) Good night (7914) Bad night (1574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step. http://tfl.nu/yq43
  Replies (14) Good night (4699) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week. http://tfl.nu/7fuh
  Replies (62) Good night (7027) Bad night (1182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency. http://tfl.nu/gvbc
  Replies (7) Good night (5445) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck. http://tfl.nu/f2m7
  Replies (44) Good night (24327) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester. http://tfl.nu/4eoz
  Replies (4) Good night (5806) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and" http://tfl.nu/hqw1
  Replies (20) Good night (5962) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them http://tfl.nu/3anm
  Replies (10) Good night (3028) Bad night (1429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She just messaged me 19 sad faces.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): She just messaged me 19 sad faces. http://tfl.nu/vblt
  Replies (25) Good night (612) Bad night (5985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her http://tfl.nu/1b2q
  Replies (22) Good night (778) Bad night (7819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year http://tfl.nu/tikr
  Replies (19) Good night (8152) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month http://tfl.nu/ybux
  Replies (10) Good night (5119) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never. http://tfl.nu/g58g
  Replies (27) Good night (8403) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face. http://tfl.nu/e8qy
  Replies (82) Good night (16667) Bad night (1521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday. http://tfl.nu/uhpk
  Replies (26) Good night (4135) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B. http://tfl.nu/2oen
  Replies (38) Good night (4771) Bad night (1725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books. http://tfl.nu/zd3b
  Replies (14) Good night (3705) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now. http://tfl.nu/rvu6
  Replies (10) Good night (3844) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy. http://tfl.nu/rzh3
  Replies (25) Good night (4940) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty? http://tfl.nu/tsac
  Replies (21) Good night (4302) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today. http://tfl.nu/4lg3
  Replies (52) Good night (9683) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it. http://tfl.nu/xhfr
  Replies (24) Good night (3851) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage http://tfl.nu/vsxr
  Replies (13) Good night (4459) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  The beer is more important than you right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): The beer is more important than you right now. http://tfl.nu/guwa
  Replies (8) Good night (3274) Bad night (1055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I'd suck anything for a pizza right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I'd suck anything for a pizza right now http://tfl.nu/grjz
  Replies (42) Good night (5104) Bad night (1430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat http://tfl.nu/ast4
  Replies (56) Good night (14976) Bad night (1203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while http://tfl.nu/c37v
  Replies (15) Good night (4379) Bad night (989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer http://tfl.nu/hop7
  Replies (25) Good night (6185) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again. http://tfl.nu/bm5p
  Replies (12) Good night (7605) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  so you did it...

  (352): View more from Florida

  obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview... (1-352): so you did it... (352): obv...but still...it was inconsiderate. http://tfl.nu/j7x7
  Replies (29) Good night (5479) Bad night (1049)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Church boner. Awkwardddd

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Church boner. Awkwardddd http://tfl.nu/s9a2
  Replies (43) Good night (2178) Bad night (5139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps http://tfl.nu/jjp1
  Replies (7) Good night (4578) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them. http://tfl.nu/jd8a
  Replies (21) Good night (7957) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool (252): Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five http://tfl.nu/6bci
  Replies (13) Good night (5891) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare. http://tfl.nu/t1bj
  Replies (12) Good night (3904) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear." http://tfl.nu/t3d7
  Replies (4) Good night (3665) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style http://tfl.nu/9r5x
  Replies (39) Good night (12060) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis. http://tfl.nu/2bxd
  Replies (35) Good night (915) Bad night (7798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well. http://tfl.nu/7kjf
  Replies (14) Good night (5866) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER. http://tfl.nu/dexf
  Replies (42) Good night (1021) Bad night (4889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives http://tfl.nu/k0eh
  Replies (13) Good night (3266) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this. http://tfl.nu/mix4
  Replies (15) Good night (4969) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer http://tfl.nu/uupu
  Replies (16) Good night (5181) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day. http://tfl.nu/wt3s
  Replies (22) Good night (5520) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut? http://tfl.nu/0rrw
  Replies (37) Good night (7910) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Heyyyy darlin are you busy?

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Heyyyy darlin are you busy? (1-319): Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night. http://tfl.nu/pwb0
  Replies (34) Good night (23965) Bad night (1287)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore. http://tfl.nu/d75g
  Replies (28) Good night (4876) Bad night (1118)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life. http://tfl.nu/5bor
  Replies (17) Good night (4351) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  when did we get a doorman?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  we were also in the wrong building...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman. (508): when did we get a doorman? (203): we were also in the wrong building... http://tfl.nu/c2ke
  Replies (15) Good night (6499) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots http://tfl.nu/lfl0
  Replies (17) Good night (4656) Bad night (1186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja http://tfl.nu/h6o5
  Replies (30) Good night (7024) Bad night (843)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk http://tfl.nu/r6qp
  Replies (8) Good night (4369) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal http://tfl.nu/pmv6
  Replies (23) Good night (9851) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie

  (420): View more from

  your the best winggirl ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie (420): your the best winggirl ever http://tfl.nu/bhih
  Replies (34) Good night (12386) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet." http://tfl.nu/s1m4
  Replies (52) Good night (15179) Bad night (1387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I accept this challenge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you. (301): I accept this challenge. http://tfl.nu/mbqm
  Replies (60) Good night (17737) Bad night (1395)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator http://tfl.nu/8mwn
  Replies (32) Good night (11381) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake". http://tfl.nu/w0jz
  Replies (77) Good night (17720) Bad night (2149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  True romance of the 21st century.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too. (1-410): True romance of the 21st century. http://tfl.nu/laza
  Replies (61) Good night (12458) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR http://tfl.nu/ynfk
  Replies (42) Good night (10636) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes http://tfl.nu/ouc0
  Replies (12) Good night (4562) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan http://tfl.nu/ukhl
  Replies (10) Good night (6214) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?

  (1-502): View more from Kentucky

  eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut? (1-502): eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material. http://tfl.nu/j1ps
  Replies (19) Good night (4691) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that. http://tfl.nu/38s6
  Replies (22) Good night (6977) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you" http://tfl.nu/hln2
  Replies (19) Good night (6577) Bad night (1638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"? http://tfl.nu/qjxq
  Replies (7) Good night (4026) Bad night (862)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand. http://tfl.nu/nkg8
  Replies (44) Good night (14973) Bad night (1255) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza http://tfl.nu/44q3
  Replies (24) Good night (6200) Bad night (1193) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  ill be there in 5.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife. (847): ill be there in 5. http://tfl.nu/y9p2
  Replies (26) Good night (8323) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  It was the best sex i've ever had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): That was the scariest sex i've ever heard.... (1-540): It was the best sex i've ever had. http://tfl.nu/k8p9
  Replies (13) Good night (7372) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was. http://tfl.nu/ift5
  Replies (16) Good night (5658) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj . http://tfl.nu/vtaw
  Replies (17) Good night (7798) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed. http://tfl.nu/819f
  Replies (24) Good night (10574) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting" http://tfl.nu/dmjy
  Replies (25) Good night (14546) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet. http://tfl.nu/z4ao
  Replies (24) Good night (7146) Bad night (1331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue http://tfl.nu/zfyk
  Replies (8) Good night (4442) Bad night (1107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice. http://tfl.nu/qyuj
  Replies (7) Good night (5730) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season. http://tfl.nu/dtjf
  Replies (11) Good night (3357) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"

  (206): View more from Washington

  do it. it's every man's dream.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?" (206): do it. it's every man's dream. http://tfl.nu/a31t
  Replies (28) Good night (6769) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing http://tfl.nu/4nw4
  Replies (29) Good night (3092) Bad night (4245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?

  (713): View more from Texas

  lets deal with that after we figure out where i am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen? (713): lets deal with that after we figure out where i am http://tfl.nu/0phs
  Replies (21) Good night (10339) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right. http://tfl.nu/kss9
  Replies (16) Good night (5516) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  u sound so gay right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me. (978): u sound so gay right now http://tfl.nu/zm49
  Replies (34) Good night (6641) Bad night (918)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave http://tfl.nu/oh8m
  Replies (36) Good night (7182) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him. http://tfl.nu/iiv7
  Replies (15) Good night (7815) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie http://tfl.nu/y2j0
  Replies (17) Good night (4282) Bad night (1629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like http://tfl.nu/ol8k
  Replies (72) Good night (12119) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing. http://tfl.nu/7fgj
  Replies (17) Good night (5543) Bad night (1043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight http://tfl.nu/nfvu
  Replies (48) Good night (12354) Bad night (1090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!? http://tfl.nu/ozc5
  Replies (30) Good night (9146) Bad night (730)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty. http://tfl.nu/9wi8
  Replies (99) Good night (11814) Bad night (1533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  It's not kidnapping if it's romantic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): It's not kidnapping if it's romantic http://tfl.nu/j4mo
  Replies (17) Good night (6087) Bad night (1476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room. http://tfl.nu/c4g1
  Replies (19) Good night (6984) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over http://tfl.nu/tk3t
  Replies (13) Good night (9413) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation. http://tfl.nu/fvna
  Replies (21) Good night (9477) Bad night (995)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again. http://tfl.nu/qawl
  Replies (30) Good night (13190) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg http://tfl.nu/cjr9
  Replies (65) Good night (17613) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist http://tfl.nu/hzre
  Replies (50) Good night (23041) Bad night (1294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same http://tfl.nu/yvn7
  Replies (26) Good night (7605) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home http://tfl.nu/dqj3
  Replies (29) Good night (8546) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas... http://tfl.nu/m2r4
  Replies (19) Good night (5845) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best. http://tfl.nu/ljti
  Replies (20) Good night (6696) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad http://tfl.nu/bnzk
  Replies (74) Good night (11381) Bad night (3083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are. http://tfl.nu/u4g1
  Replies (19) Good night (7152) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Dont! You were just serving you country

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now... (404): Dont! You were just serving you country http://tfl.nu/lcsl
  Replies (70) Good night (6416) Bad night (2065)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme. http://tfl.nu/8vj2
  Replies (12) Good night (7447) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself. http://tfl.nu/6r98
  Replies (27) Good night (10690) Bad night (1107)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod http://tfl.nu/2sd3
  Replies (6) Good night (5381) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it. http://tfl.nu/t9xf
  Replies (30) Good night (18889) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are. http://tfl.nu/ir1i
  Replies (15) Good night (3520) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"? http://tfl.nu/vaok
  Replies (29) Good night (10399) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/eh4f
  Replies (30) Good night (7229) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there http://tfl.nu/bxrn
  Replies (6) Good night (4879) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them http://tfl.nu/fxdr
  Replies (33) Good night (11149) Bad night (1946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude. http://tfl.nu/zgqp
  Replies (87) Good night (24638) Bad night (3946)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I can't believe he would be such an ass

  (1-561): View more from Florida

  Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I can't believe he would be such an ass (1-561): Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything. http://tfl.nu/zk45
  Replies (7) Good night (4602) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  no, that is not a typo

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night (401): no, that is not a typo (401): i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday http://tfl.nu/nleu
  Replies (49) Good night (6324) Bad night (1900)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good. http://tfl.nu/bq51
  Replies (96) Good night (26070) Bad night (1426)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am the drunkest girl in the tree.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I am the drunkest girl in the tree. http://tfl.nu/zje1
  Replies (15) Good night (9857) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil? http://tfl.nu/jfob
  Replies (14) Good night (7255) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade. http://tfl.nu/llb7
  Replies (25) Good night (19370) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night. http://tfl.nu/jfm9
  Replies (68) Good night (26201) Bad night (2768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!" http://tfl.nu/kl2h
  Replies (37) Good night (18325) Bad night (1100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!" http://tfl.nu/jby7
  Replies (37) Good night (17758) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon. http://tfl.nu/tzl9
  Replies (57) Good night (19270) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her. http://tfl.nu/z7hr
  Replies (9) Good night (5585) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M http://tfl.nu/v1d0
  Replies (26) Good night (7362) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week. http://tfl.nu/8afy
  Replies (6) Good night (3819) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations http://tfl.nu/lsw6
  Replies (6) Good night (5303) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas http://tfl.nu/5abk
  Replies (22) Good night (7883) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever http://tfl.nu/goyi
  Replies (22) Good night (7396) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood. http://tfl.nu/u9vs
  Replies (7) Good night (3544) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man. http://tfl.nu/1swk
  Replies (35) Good night (8508) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry http://tfl.nu/ty7k
  Replies (15) Good night (7543) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions. http://tfl.nu/6xcw
  Replies (15) Good night (6222) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else. http://tfl.nu/yur0
  Replies (46) Good night (12420) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar. http://tfl.nu/j0wd
  Replies (19) Good night (5549) Bad night (992)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor http://tfl.nu/m26k
  Replies (14) Good night (5267) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day? http://tfl.nu/2o1l
  Replies (17) Good night (5373) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish? http://tfl.nu/wvgn
  Replies (28) Good night (8273) Bad night (1172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left. http://tfl.nu/3pzj
  Replies (9) Good night (7214) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer" http://tfl.nu/u5kx
  Replies (9) Good night (6975) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now. http://tfl.nu/38zc
  Replies (18) Good night (6559) Bad night (1104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along. http://tfl.nu/ex0g
  Replies (26) Good night (5847) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs. http://tfl.nu/tskr
  Replies (44) Good night (7993) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me http://tfl.nu/osg9
  Replies (45) Good night (7623) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like http://tfl.nu/mlp3
  Replies (54) Good night (10762) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  it's 1 pm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words. (1-203): it's 1 pm. http://tfl.nu/0ewp
  Replies (29) Good night (8184) Bad night (837)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  we'll go far in life on tits alone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): we'll go far in life on tits alone. http://tfl.nu/gwfe
  Replies (22) Good night (4742) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval http://tfl.nu/opwb
  Replies (7) Good night (6772) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar? http://tfl.nu/a7cq
  Replies (37) Good night (6630) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break http://tfl.nu/l0jq
  Replies (19) Good night (5001) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong. http://tfl.nu/20fz
  Replies (26) Good night (6904) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for http://tfl.nu/goo7
  Replies (26) Good night (9719) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex. http://tfl.nu/p49h
  Replies (46) Good night (13655) Bad night (1700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  how can getting a pizza be this hard?

  (817): View more from Texas

  when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): how can getting a pizza be this hard? (817): when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible http://tfl.nu/zgw8
  Replies (12) Good night (4816) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking. http://tfl.nu/ilmx
  Replies (106) Good night (47516) Bad night (1289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries. http://tfl.nu/yhvv
  Replies (12) Good night (6160) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot. http://tfl.nu/qalf
  Replies (15) Good night (7480) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material. http://tfl.nu/r91w
  Replies (15) Good night (11389) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick. http://tfl.nu/abnm
  Replies (20) Good night (7615) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him. http://tfl.nu/25q8
  Replies (62) Good night (26359) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection" http://tfl.nu/gcjm
  Replies (14) Good night (5023) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  How am I a tease?

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.

  (813): View more from Florida

  ONLY PART OF IT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): How am I a tease? (1-813): Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away. (813): ONLY PART OF IT. http://tfl.nu/b7xa
  Replies (44) Good night (7972) Bad night (1298)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3. http://tfl.nu/k38v
  Replies (38) Good night (14247) Bad night (1182)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families (570): That statement alone makes me laugh so hard. http://tfl.nu/jdb3
  Replies (7) Good night (5859) Bad night (767)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling... http://tfl.nu/p0v8
  Replies (15) Good night (5535) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication http://tfl.nu/40rd
  Replies (16) Good night (8635) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was http://tfl.nu/iq7q
  Replies (54) Good night (15852) Bad night (1586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day. http://tfl.nu/k8ur
  Replies (15) Good night (8430) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks. http://tfl.nu/2sae
  Replies (17) Good night (12019) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place. http://tfl.nu/kait
  Replies (25) Good night (22899) Bad night (787)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose. http://tfl.nu/bo74
  Replies (8) Good night (5408) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet. http://tfl.nu/hq1s
  Replies (19) Good night (6032) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made. http://tfl.nu/hust
  Replies (22) Good night (8440) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that" http://tfl.nu/9edj
  Replies (15) Good night (5751) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer http://tfl.nu/m2mn
  Replies (11) Good night (6023) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers. http://tfl.nu/7b3u
  Replies (46) Good night (8414) Bad night (1379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake. http://tfl.nu/tfkj
  Replies (12) Good night (5246) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating" http://tfl.nu/kntp
  Replies (14) Good night (4909) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  i perioded on his leg

  (714): View more from California

  on. his. leg.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): i perioded on his leg (714): on. his. leg. http://tfl.nu/sr0m
  Replies (49) Good night (864) Bad night (10235)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it. http://tfl.nu/sdid
  Replies (11) Good night (5291) Bad night (1072) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy. http://tfl.nu/6xxv
  Replies (25) Good night (8019) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own http://tfl.nu/ot8v
  Replies (27) Good night (8230) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign http://tfl.nu/tzlz
  Replies (18) Good night (4573) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (52) Good night (68161) Bad night (1687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined http://tfl.nu/11oi
  Replies (15) Good night (8103) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight? http://tfl.nu/wnvq
  Replies (38) Good night (16458) Bad night (1665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month. http://tfl.nu/7dyi
  Replies (29) Good night (13952) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number. http://tfl.nu/465z
  Replies (31) Good night (14988) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up. http://tfl.nu/1vah
  Replies (13) Good night (3564) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket . http://tfl.nu/mvi5
  Replies (58) Good night (6444) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour. http://tfl.nu/xoad
  Replies (26) Good night (7837) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me. http://tfl.nu/oae8
  Replies (26) Good night (8404) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  I like it rough

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right? (1-402): I like it rough http://tfl.nu/uqsl
  Replies (38) Good night (6407) Bad night (1277) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work. http://tfl.nu/kzvl
  Replies (26) Good night (3969) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it. http://tfl.nu/1q62
  Replies (17) Good night (6128) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts. http://tfl.nu/4sqd
  Replies (94) Good night (20248) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok. http://tfl.nu/svs8
  Replies (20) Good night (10643) Bad night (1080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud. http://tfl.nu/wi0l
  Replies (18) Good night (6707) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever. http://tfl.nu/psk0
  Replies (14) Good night (5745) Bad night (360)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back http://tfl.nu/kyt1
  Replies (180) Good night (20407) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.

  (1-931): View more from Tennessee

  Wtf? What happened?

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other. (1-931): Wtf? What happened? (931): Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home. http://tfl.nu/q0zo
  Replies (41) Good night (16674) Bad night (662)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  did u really fuck my little sister???

  (706): View more from Georgia

  im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): did u really fuck my little sister??? (706): im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess" http://tfl.nu/dz4c
  Replies (155) Good night (15026) Bad night (1415)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker" http://tfl.nu/30jj
  Replies (44) Good night (17199) Bad night (665)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God. http://tfl.nu/c3gg
  Replies (74) Good night (23240) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over http://tfl.nu/74b2
  Replies (28) Good night (20434) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life. http://tfl.nu/312f
  Replies (43) Good night (5789) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true' http://tfl.nu/1kz1
  Replies (76) Good night (36283) Bad night (1305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA! http://tfl.nu/7pku
  Replies (347) Good night (41958) Bad night (4164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration". http://tfl.nu/m5rh
  Replies (87) Good night (48567) Bad night (2731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time. http://tfl.nu/767v
  Replies (59) Good night (33654) Bad night (708)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs. http://tfl.nu/ibfv
  Replies (124) Good night (40249) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg
  Replies (285) Good night (60328) Bad night (3668)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him http://tfl.nu/pxgw
  Replies (134) Good night (41915) Bad night (1361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am? http://tfl.nu/ppdn
  Replies (114) Good night (62702) Bad night (3540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever. http://tfl.nu/rea8
  Replies (358) Good night (23566) Bad night (6796)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1608) Good night (161239) Bad night (40087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero http://tfl.nu/4z5t
  Replies (68) Good night (37822) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me. http://tfl.nu/61es
  Replies (97) Good night (30811) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him http://tfl.nu/axwb
  Replies (165) Good night (87462) Bad night (3242) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ. http://tfl.nu/qy75
  Replies (36) Good night (24327) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (151) Good night (62675) Bad night (2952)
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
  Replies (208) Good night (49127) Bad night (2154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome. http://tfl.nu/21pe
  Replies (22) Good night (27649) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers http://tfl.nu/97ey
  Replies (15) Good night (23490) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?

  (850): View more from Florida

  I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave? (850): I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife http://tfl.nu/5iik
  Replies (84) Good night (36452) Bad night (1297)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How was it?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Fantastic, but that's not the point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me. (1-847): How was it? (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/muuk
  Replies (199) Good night (82971) Bad night (6405)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  How do you jack off and text at the same time?

  (1-281): View more from Texas

  On my iPhone they have an app for that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): How do you jack off and text at the same time? (1-281): On my iPhone they have an app for that http://tfl.nu/2tk7
  Replies (84) Good night (30534) Bad night (1481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true http://tfl.nu/y8hf
  Replies (405) Good night (100888) Bad night (8674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248) i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem?? http://tfl.nu/bwq7
  Replies (14) Good night (3016) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  your thong is hanging out like whoa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): your thong is hanging out like whoa http://tfl.nu/zppd
  Replies (2) Good night (2043) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret http://tfl.nu/39e1
  Replies (3) Good night (2944) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Can i come over

  (240): View more from Maryland

  After you called me a desperate slut? No

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Come over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Can i come over (240): After you called me a desperate slut? No (240): Come over http://tfl.nu/g0q3
  Replies (10) Good night (3984) Bad night (1087)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right.  I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267) 4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right.  I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room.. http://tfl.nu/v238
  Replies (7) Good night (3312) Bad night (485)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies" http://tfl.nu/wh5q
  Replies (24) Good night (9986) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt