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Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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