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The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
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