Texts From Last Night

APromiseToBurn's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame. http://tfl.nu/9g9e
  Replies (6) Good night (2003) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical. http://tfl.nu/qbx3
  Replies (10) Good night (3159) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out http://tfl.nu/67gz
  Replies (2) Good night (2918) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE http://tfl.nu/bmko
  Replies (7) Good night (3374) Bad night (558)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College" http://tfl.nu/x9bo
  Replies (13) Good night (3547) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in? http://tfl.nu/zbg4
  Replies (10) Good night (2559) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond. http://tfl.nu/174e
  Replies (3) Good night (1494) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP http://tfl.nu/camw
  Replies (11) Good night (4486) Bad night (1076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it. http://tfl.nu/prf6
  Replies (14) Good night (4482) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway. http://tfl.nu/6dio
  Replies (8) Good night (2481) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore. http://tfl.nu/dnny
  Replies (16) Good night (4280) Bad night (838)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on? http://tfl.nu/pffh
  Replies (54) Good night (9445) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in. http://tfl.nu/jad0
  Replies (15) Good night (2168) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding? http://tfl.nu/i14g
  Replies (16) Good night (738) Bad night (2258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you http://tfl.nu/4yxe
  Replies (35) Good night (8788) Bad night (1449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK http://tfl.nu/6k18
  Replies (6) Good night (2625) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life. http://tfl.nu/zm5g
  Replies (12) Good night (7244) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music. http://tfl.nu/oyb0
  Replies (24) Good night (7435) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it. http://tfl.nu/chvq
  Replies (7) Good night (5777) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses. http://tfl.nu/cf7g
  Replies (25) Good night (3281) Bad night (1861)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too. http://tfl.nu/2teh
  Replies (21) Good night (833) Bad night (3941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it http://tfl.nu/hj6c
  Replies (13) Good night (2684) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT! http://tfl.nu/n28b
  Replies (22) Good night (1460) Bad night (5620)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house? http://tfl.nu/bc2r
  Replies (13) Good night (8945) Bad night (1935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas. http://tfl.nu/fgpp
  Replies (10) Good night (5069) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go. http://tfl.nu/u5fo
  Replies (13) Good night (2465) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK. http://tfl.nu/7sxv
  Replies (9) Good night (6312) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off? http://tfl.nu/j7cy
  Replies (15) Good night (4385) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/58do
  Replies (17) Good night (710) Bad night (3929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room http://tfl.nu/yi7m
  Replies (13) Good night (1125) Bad night (3492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex. http://tfl.nu/p3z3
  Replies (20) Good night (1315) Bad night (4227) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him? http://tfl.nu/7fnz
  Replies (17) Good night (1435) Bad night (4145) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her. http://tfl.nu/tg03
  Replies (97) Good night (3913) Bad night (9305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first http://tfl.nu/owtg
  Replies (24) Good night (5938) Bad night (894)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you. http://tfl.nu/a558
  Replies (9) Good night (4644) Bad night (961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible http://tfl.nu/xaoi
  Replies (7) Good night (3711) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding http://tfl.nu/jewl
  Replies (8) Good night (3424) Bad night (1000) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless http://tfl.nu/hdeq
  Replies (10) Good night (4295) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together http://tfl.nu/y1xi
  Replies (16) Good night (3089) Bad night (1441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded. http://tfl.nu/owwz
  Replies (30) Good night (4614) Bad night (3538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar. (1-519): You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make. http://tfl.nu/j6t1
  Replies (12) Good night (9454) Bad night (789)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome? http://tfl.nu/1lt0
  Replies (23) Good night (1156) Bad night (6584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Absence makes the cock grow harder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Absence makes the cock grow harder. http://tfl.nu/yyl1
  Replies (17) Good night (6338) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex. http://tfl.nu/ik0l
  Replies (14) Good night (5300) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES. http://tfl.nu/rhol
  Replies (32) Good night (1333) Bad night (6606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick? http://tfl.nu/mjo7
  Replies (25) Good night (6015) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery." http://tfl.nu/8w5e
  Replies (11) Good night (1095) Bad night (3885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head. http://tfl.nu/up5g
  Replies (17) Good night (5572) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed. http://tfl.nu/jsdy
  Replies (13) Good night (1699) Bad night (3331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love http://tfl.nu/knwu
  Replies (35) Good night (11783) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass http://tfl.nu/ckyi
  Replies (39) Good night (4677) Bad night (2406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me. http://tfl.nu/ei1k
  Replies (19) Good night (1354) Bad night (3552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten. http://tfl.nu/8y7f
  Replies (21) Good night (5698) Bad night (1509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there http://tfl.nu/89or
  Replies (34) Good night (775) Bad night (6851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): those 9 inches of man changed my life forever. http://tfl.nu/b7ob
  Replies (18) Good night (7456) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?

  (1-678): View more from Georgia

  630.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains? (1-678): 630. http://tfl.nu/hncc
  Replies (22) Good night (6391) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  dude how high are you right now?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground. (1-256): dude how high are you right now? (256): do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves. http://tfl.nu/7ihc
  Replies (38) Good night (11050) Bad night (844)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil? http://tfl.nu/rel9
  Replies (22) Good night (4765) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests. http://tfl.nu/eem8
  Replies (20) Good night (1713) Bad night (4674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now http://tfl.nu/4ogy
  Replies (11) Good night (3475) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky. http://tfl.nu/b98l
  Replies (21) Good night (601) Bad night (3553)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex. http://tfl.nu/ugby
  Replies (20) Good night (5748) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Decisions, decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you." (319): Decisions, decisions. http://tfl.nu/1ou5
  Replies (45) Good night (8301) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  You make shower sex sound like waterboarding

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): You make shower sex sound like waterboarding http://tfl.nu/cy83
  Replies (28) Good night (3196) Bad night (2327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?" http://tfl.nu/niuk
  Replies (38) Good night (6563) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete.. http://tfl.nu/bykt
  Replies (28) Good night (5025) Bad night (1005)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked http://tfl.nu/vpbr
  Replies (23) Good night (3866) Bad night (1376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it. http://tfl.nu/6y9b
  Replies (36) Good night (5401) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you. http://tfl.nu/zyub
  Replies (33) Good night (9928) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette. http://tfl.nu/g97t
  Replies (26) Good night (1447) Bad night (4705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off. http://tfl.nu/9btz
  Replies (26) Good night (5911) Bad night (1609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad http://tfl.nu/o7wi
  Replies (32) Good night (1401) Bad night (8320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me? http://tfl.nu/x7by
  Replies (35) Good night (2112) Bad night (9680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old http://tfl.nu/y7b8
  Replies (23) Good night (1573) Bad night (6444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it http://tfl.nu/37fg
  Replies (17) Good night (4277) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue http://tfl.nu/ydk6
  Replies (6) Good night (5304) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister. http://tfl.nu/ezh5
  Replies (9) Good night (6269) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him http://tfl.nu/h9ln
  Replies (22) Good night (5719) Bad night (1301)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises. http://tfl.nu/vxkf
  Replies (33) Good night (1949) Bad night (4774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  His hands were made for my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): His hands were made for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/uiyy
  Replies (16) Good night (7037) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover. http://tfl.nu/uo1b
  Replies (9) Good night (6245) Bad night (1187) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out? http://tfl.nu/cfeo
  Replies (29) Good night (5714) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+27): View more from South Africa

  My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+27): My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos. http://tfl.nu/d1hj
  Replies (16) Good night (1983) Bad night (4338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl. http://tfl.nu/a7t2
  Replies (13) Good night (6718) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me. http://tfl.nu/z6eo
  Replies (35) Good night (18609) Bad night (1143)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears. http://tfl.nu/ziqy
  Replies (31) Good night (7734) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  You are nothing if not reliable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different. (1-206): You are nothing if not reliable. http://tfl.nu/5ioj
  Replies (11) Good night (4340) Bad night (984)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand http://tfl.nu/om9i
  Replies (8) Good night (4347) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink. http://tfl.nu/upl9
  Replies (29) Good night (4386) Bad night (1112)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS. http://tfl.nu/pf4u
  Replies (57) Good night (13970) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes? http://tfl.nu/tmmj
  Replies (7) Good night (3254) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now http://tfl.nu/1wl1
  Replies (29) Good night (4918) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome. http://tfl.nu/gm5a
  Replies (24) Good night (5475) Bad night (1043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other. http://tfl.nu/nigv
  Replies (29) Good night (6458) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does. http://tfl.nu/p0z8
  Replies (14) Good night (1468) Bad night (3146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official http://tfl.nu/mdan
  Replies (15) Good night (4337) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!" http://tfl.nu/hob5
  Replies (12) Good night (5168) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew. http://tfl.nu/ch0g
  Replies (8) Good night (6735) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it. http://tfl.nu/0dlq
  Replies (27) Good night (4664) Bad night (1341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me. http://tfl.nu/edgt
  Replies (20) Good night (1072) Bad night (4506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues. http://tfl.nu/n3ga
  Replies (13) Good night (4266) Bad night (1268)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends http://tfl.nu/aaz6
  Replies (40) Good night (1944) Bad night (5742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan. http://tfl.nu/gm7k
  Replies (11) Good night (1300) Bad night (4260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): 12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began http://tfl.nu/mu8u
  Replies (21) Good night (4944) Bad night (707)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done. http://tfl.nu/315y
  Replies (18) Good night (3907) Bad night (2234) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking

  (404): View more from Georgia

  how did that work out?

  (478): View more from Georgia

  Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking (404): how did that work out? (478): Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder... http://tfl.nu/o1yp
  Replies (15) Good night (4949) Bad night (1304)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  and what did he say?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world. (1-614): and what did he say? (614): there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning. http://tfl.nu/xi47
  Replies (50) Good night (12061) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span. http://tfl.nu/rd54
  Replies (34) Good night (6403) Bad night (1078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick http://tfl.nu/wixt
  Replies (25) Good night (4212) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore" http://tfl.nu/cs3y
  Replies (16) Good night (4684) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems". http://tfl.nu/zcya
  Replies (11) Good night (3477) Bad night (1123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced. http://tfl.nu/90fx
  Replies (25) Good night (5125) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats. http://tfl.nu/6vwk
  Replies (64) Good night (4925) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now http://tfl.nu/563a
  Replies (12) Good night (1115) Bad night (4602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear. http://tfl.nu/2r4l
  Replies (18) Good night (7320) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me http://tfl.nu/uytx
  Replies (63) Good night (9073) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds. http://tfl.nu/xv3v
  Replies (30) Good night (3636) Bad night (1091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl? http://tfl.nu/nlrb
  Replies (37) Good night (6219) Bad night (1353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good http://tfl.nu/hwo6
  Replies (14) Good night (4673) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore. http://tfl.nu/jbik
  Replies (9) Good night (4499) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off. http://tfl.nu/h8iv
  Replies (20) Good night (2247) Bad night (1215) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex

  (1-310): View more from California

  wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex (1-310): wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh http://tfl.nu/mhlr
  Replies (17) Good night (808) Bad night (3897)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice. http://tfl.nu/5xpe
  Replies (21) Good night (6888) Bad night (1378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me... http://tfl.nu/t4o6
  Replies (22) Good night (993) Bad night (3527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names. (901): BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that http://tfl.nu/oy20
  Replies (26) Good night (1540) Bad night (3786)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common http://tfl.nu/qmer
  Replies (47) Good night (1106) Bad night (4179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life http://tfl.nu/2cua
  Replies (27) Good night (6264) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade. http://tfl.nu/j0qu
  Replies (65) Good night (3089) Bad night (6197) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers. http://tfl.nu/jnk6
  Replies (17) Good night (3988) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  But I thought everyone had breakup sex?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): But I thought everyone had breakup sex? http://tfl.nu/04j7
  Replies (24) Good night (4849) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to" http://tfl.nu/ga0k
  Replies (19) Good night (4796) Bad night (1023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair http://tfl.nu/2ava
  Replies (24) Good night (3797) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not. http://tfl.nu/7v4r
  Replies (14) Good night (1250) Bad night (3495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ..So we should take it off Youtube?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you. (816): ..So we should take it off Youtube? http://tfl.nu/93os
  Replies (28) Good night (10458) Bad night (1290)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.

  (979): View more from Texas

  I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me. (979): I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys. http://tfl.nu/btxr
  Replies (23) Good night (5109) Bad night (1433)
• Favorite

  (754): View more from Florida

  He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?

  (954): View more from Florida

  In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (754): He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach? (954): In the hopes he'll just put it in one day? http://tfl.nu/u4da
  Replies (100) Good night (1076) Bad night (7802)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went? http://tfl.nu/99g1
  Replies (78) Good night (13556) Bad night (1907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already http://tfl.nu/wb0t
  Replies (24) Good night (7292) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward. http://tfl.nu/9nr4
  Replies (27) Good night (729) Bad night (7196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened? (308): Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex. http://tfl.nu/5y08
  Replies (17) Good night (4370) Bad night (775)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before. http://tfl.nu/yrqt
  Replies (81) Good night (8890) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you" http://tfl.nu/sv8k
  Replies (41) Good night (4139) Bad night (8413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way. http://tfl.nu/w8yo
  Replies (23) Good night (633) Bad night (4956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night http://tfl.nu/kxc6
  Replies (11) Good night (3331) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now. http://tfl.nu/744a
  Replies (24) Good night (5435) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake http://tfl.nu/rol0
  Replies (45) Good night (6940) Bad night (1208) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's. http://tfl.nu/ot6m
  Replies (137) Good night (6484) Bad night (5107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex. http://tfl.nu/8evv
  Replies (65) Good night (3382) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  she has no idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college (973): she has no idea http://tfl.nu/zn6b
  Replies (25) Good night (4884) Bad night (802)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/9are
  Replies (25) Good night (4067) Bad night (798)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that. http://tfl.nu/r5hc
  Replies (33) Good night (3613) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary. http://tfl.nu/e3xl
  Replies (154) Good night (7685) Bad night (7946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations http://tfl.nu/cpf7
  Replies (19) Good night (7826) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public? http://tfl.nu/9yr1
  Replies (32) Good night (1306) Bad night (4305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point. http://tfl.nu/pwj5
  Replies (28) Good night (4825) Bad night (1494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls http://tfl.nu/uqfq
  Replies (11) Good night (3564) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here. http://tfl.nu/s43y
  Replies (15) Good night (4556) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth http://tfl.nu/b4j6
  Replies (18) Good night (6714) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  I'll google it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time (1-908): I'll google it http://tfl.nu/bsan
  Replies (22) Good night (4715) Bad night (1408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it, (702): Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch. http://tfl.nu/x8zx
  Replies (116) Good night (5963) Bad night (11499)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Apparently senior citizens don't like that position

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Apparently senior citizens don't like that position http://tfl.nu/ttsr
  Replies (34) Good night (800) Bad night (5112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off. http://tfl.nu/0f1b
  Replies (34) Good night (4942) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard. http://tfl.nu/weqf
  Replies (42) Good night (5921) Bad night (1428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied http://tfl.nu/rkdz
  Replies (18) Good night (742) Bad night (3823)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part. http://tfl.nu/1dsi
  Replies (27) Good night (7623) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker http://tfl.nu/yzaq
  Replies (25) Good night (6099) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Why was I handcuffed to the roof?

  (518): View more from New York

  It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Why was I handcuffed to the roof? (518): It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly http://tfl.nu/nk88
  Replies (27) Good night (8740) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS' http://tfl.nu/cd1u
  Replies (20) Good night (5411) Bad night (1175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone http://tfl.nu/f58w
  Replies (20) Good night (5090) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology. http://tfl.nu/8ghc
  Replies (18) Good night (923) Bad night (3677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny. (905): Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night. http://tfl.nu/j8pa
  Replies (13) Good night (4062) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  hes a good boy he deserves a good blow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): hes a good boy he deserves a good blow http://tfl.nu/pix3
  Replies (92) Good night (7478) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  his penis is PERFECT

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm

  (802): View more from Vermont

  or knit it little hat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): his penis is PERFECT (802): I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm (802): or knit it little hat http://tfl.nu/4cuj
  Replies (36) Good night (9304) Bad night (957)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely. http://tfl.nu/tovx
  Replies (16) Good night (4575) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before http://tfl.nu/47j4
  Replies (16) Good night (3484) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex http://tfl.nu/hs2b
  Replies (22) Good night (6074) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this http://tfl.nu/xbb7
  Replies (21) Good night (747) Bad night (4012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever http://tfl.nu/2bk7
  Replies (28) Good night (4516) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love. http://tfl.nu/r7jm
  Replies (19) Good night (5694) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana." http://tfl.nu/t5zw
  Replies (35) Good night (1434) Bad night (3822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go http://tfl.nu/d1mz
  Replies (15) Good night (4886) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid http://tfl.nu/btyl
  Replies (22) Good night (4247) Bad night (1766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night. http://tfl.nu/0cve
  Replies (71) Good night (1136) Bad night (5938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband? http://tfl.nu/o4li
  Replies (176) Good night (1440) Bad night (13994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry. http://tfl.nu/0btw
  Replies (13) Good night (8361) Bad night (714)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked. http://tfl.nu/yy4v
  Replies (16) Good night (4223) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fuck now we have to have sex

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  What?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  In a bet, need to win

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Fuck now we have to have sex (1-203): What? (203): In a bet, need to win http://tfl.nu/ejzn
  Replies (20) Good night (5125) Bad night (815)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like! http://tfl.nu/0t7g
  Replies (31) Good night (833) Bad night (5279) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement. http://tfl.nu/rfma
  Replies (25) Good night (9126) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined

  (714): View more from California

  he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined (714): he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day http://tfl.nu/76ot
  Replies (43) Good night (4305) Bad night (7974)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight http://tfl.nu/1a1e
  Replies (11) Good night (3494) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show. http://tfl.nu/9mds
  Replies (16) Good night (3532) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.

  (1-337): View more from Louisiana

  so you admit it was good then??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600. (1-337): so you admit it was good then?? http://tfl.nu/xl9i
  Replies (26) Good night (8216) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks. http://tfl.nu/e9kk
  Replies (15) Good night (685) Bad night (5434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation" http://tfl.nu/sb0g
  Replies (19) Good night (7262) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award? (734): She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy. http://tfl.nu/0kwr
  Replies (33) Good night (815) Bad night (2641)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke. http://tfl.nu/r10e
  Replies (27) Good night (4581) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick. http://tfl.nu/4s44
  Replies (22) Good night (4554) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants. (401): Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean. http://tfl.nu/96j7
  Replies (29) Good night (5779) Bad night (785)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old http://tfl.nu/b9xq
  Replies (33) Good night (8025) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid http://tfl.nu/u0xl
  Replies (18) Good night (3005) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point? http://tfl.nu/14m2
  Replies (9) Good night (2465) Bad night (1092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her http://tfl.nu/4rsn
  Replies (15) Good night (3122) Bad night (1402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit... http://tfl.nu/oz8a
  Replies (10) Good night (4602) Bad night (1216)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE. http://tfl.nu/b4l7
  Replies (25) Good night (4017) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta. http://tfl.nu/1aj3
  Replies (29) Good night (6155) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night http://tfl.nu/v3fw
  Replies (20) Good night (3514) Bad night (1354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation. http://tfl.nu/alpd
  Replies (23) Good night (812) Bad night (5345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had. http://tfl.nu/tauu
  Replies (26) Good night (5349) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER. http://tfl.nu/3m46
  Replies (23) Good night (1917) Bad night (3457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat http://tfl.nu/ufc8
  Replies (24) Good night (2063) Bad night (3048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems http://tfl.nu/8tgm
  Replies (31) Good night (1326) Bad night (4600)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs. http://tfl.nu/0b7z
  Replies (16) Good night (5108) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty... http://tfl.nu/qvnt
  Replies (17) Good night (5215) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college. http://tfl.nu/tulo
  Replies (39) Good night (6104) Bad night (1207) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with? http://tfl.nu/yzo8
  Replies (56) Good night (837) Bad night (5557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet. http://tfl.nu/fy09
  Replies (16) Good night (6021) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): All of my current injuries can be related back to sex. http://tfl.nu/ncc6
  Replies (14) Good night (5008) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing http://tfl.nu/l66q
  Replies (17) Good night (5722) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed http://tfl.nu/x5dq
  Replies (52) Good night (10883) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever. http://tfl.nu/6dcd
  Replies (20) Good night (5983) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it. http://tfl.nu/vg3u
  Replies (22) Good night (5819) Bad night (1018) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.

  (917): View more from New York City

  me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Sitting here wishing there were men in my life. (917): me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time. http://tfl.nu/mpan
  Replies (21) Good night (1208) Bad night (5062)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay http://tfl.nu/145k
  Replies (12) Good night (3827) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Why are you covered in frosting?

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): Why are you covered in frosting? (262): Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy. http://tfl.nu/9hct
  Replies (24) Good night (6036) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her http://tfl.nu/aiow
  Replies (36) Good night (1359) Bad night (3972)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember. http://tfl.nu/upty
  Replies (18) Good night (3915) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation. http://tfl.nu/p6jv
  Replies (43) Good night (1001) Bad night (4233) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous http://tfl.nu/vmkf
  Replies (62) Good night (716) Bad night (6569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often. http://tfl.nu/bjyl
  Replies (25) Good night (3232) Bad night (1963)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs. http://tfl.nu/jax9
  Replies (34) Good night (4630) Bad night (5957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX" http://tfl.nu/a1ku
  Replies (20) Good night (1332) Bad night (5238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka http://tfl.nu/p67g
  Replies (13) Good night (727) Bad night (5433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero. http://tfl.nu/4xtx
  Replies (33) Good night (1438) Bad night (4731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night http://tfl.nu/9u90
  Replies (13) Good night (5955) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick

  (305): View more from Florida

  I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick (305): I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius. http://tfl.nu/szcg
  Replies (18) Good night (3644) Bad night (1276)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle. http://tfl.nu/tr9x
  Replies (37) Good night (2954) Bad night (6494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him http://tfl.nu/k8ud
  Replies (25) Good night (1352) Bad night (6207) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop http://tfl.nu/8y0s
  Replies (19) Good night (5049) Bad night (2308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it http://tfl.nu/jugc
  Replies (8) Good night (1017) Bad night (3432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was! http://tfl.nu/nt2c
  Replies (13) Good night (8336) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it http://tfl.nu/bivl
  Replies (15) Good night (942) Bad night (6373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you" http://tfl.nu/5pu4
  Replies (18) Good night (4821) Bad night (2149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you. http://tfl.nu/g8rz
  Replies (4) Good night (3557) Bad night (891)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny." http://tfl.nu/6v00
  Replies (8) Good night (794) Bad night (5614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  What?

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just dont open the beer drawer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge. (1-352): What? (352): Just dont open the beer drawer. http://tfl.nu/02la
  Replies (16) Good night (1280) Bad night (5372)
• Favorite

  (235): View more from

  I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (235): I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick. http://tfl.nu/7zv4
  Replies (53) Good night (1788) Bad night (6131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm. http://tfl.nu/5svr
  Replies (17) Good night (2355) Bad night (3739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial. http://tfl.nu/jwzw
  Replies (20) Good night (1203) Bad night (6786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements. http://tfl.nu/vs0n
  Replies (28) Good night (870) Bad night (4837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie. http://tfl.nu/eug9
  Replies (19) Good night (5402) Bad night (1406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better http://tfl.nu/pitl
  Replies (42) Good night (7178) Bad night (1809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  you told grandpa to call you daddy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): you told grandpa to call you daddy http://tfl.nu/jb8d
  Replies (10) Good night (1018) Bad night (4722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking. http://tfl.nu/1cd2
  Replies (13) Good night (3560) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever. http://tfl.nu/0i0j
  Replies (31) Good night (656) Bad night (5617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella http://tfl.nu/sjyh
  Replies (33) Good night (5819) Bad night (1807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail. http://tfl.nu/6ic6
  Replies (43) Good night (5945) Bad night (1321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing? http://tfl.nu/m8p9
  Replies (9) Good night (2989) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  Did i throw a brick at someone last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): Did i throw a brick at someone last night? http://tfl.nu/tk7m
  Replies (15) Good night (5423) Bad night (1146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"? http://tfl.nu/3j2r
  Replies (31) Good night (16199) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw. http://tfl.nu/6c9n
  Replies (19) Good night (3214) Bad night (2229) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes. http://tfl.nu/egav
  Replies (27) Good night (7726) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill. http://tfl.nu/tym2
  Replies (10) Good night (2584) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features. http://tfl.nu/gno1
  Replies (15) Good night (5603) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila http://tfl.nu/4u8b
  Replies (20) Good night (5698) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you." http://tfl.nu/7ipp
  Replies (9) Good night (3952) Bad night (1458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down. http://tfl.nu/bkhk
  Replies (16) Good night (4351) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs http://tfl.nu/06cn
  Replies (32) Good night (1569) Bad night (3417) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is. http://tfl.nu/v4zj
  Replies (49) Good night (8801) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion." http://tfl.nu/tkud
  Replies (12) Good night (5239) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows. http://tfl.nu/2kv7
  Replies (17) Good night (4356) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner http://tfl.nu/04vf
  Replies (15) Good night (3420) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun http://tfl.nu/uh6g
  Replies (13) Good night (2503) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet. http://tfl.nu/ix9e
  Replies (67) Good night (17225) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas. http://tfl.nu/cqgv
  Replies (23) Good night (4307) Bad night (1063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this http://tfl.nu/4kx4
  Replies (16) Good night (4798) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"... http://tfl.nu/s1bt
  Replies (13) Good night (603) Bad night (3885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right?? http://tfl.nu/udb6
  Replies (31) Good night (7457) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever http://tfl.nu/sgij
  Replies (85) Good night (2634) Bad night (14477)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend

  (1-210): View more from Texas

  I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend (1-210): I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning. http://tfl.nu/558s
  Replies (26) Good night (1821) Bad night (4890)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites. http://tfl.nu/ny6g
  Replies (8) Good night (4321) Bad night (1252)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth. http://tfl.nu/vl66
  Replies (16) Good night (1158) Bad night (5603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling. http://tfl.nu/zskd
  Replies (14) Good night (6846) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head. http://tfl.nu/p8jq
  Replies (20) Good night (1132) Bad night (4050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players http://tfl.nu/ani7
  Replies (36) Good night (1131) Bad night (6075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order http://tfl.nu/9jwa
  Replies (12) Good night (4904) Bad night (957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky. http://tfl.nu/4mz4
  Replies (262) Good night (2158) Bad night (26498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better" http://tfl.nu/pc1d
  Replies (15) Good night (4344) Bad night (1175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner. http://tfl.nu/lvfr
  Replies (13) Good night (1655) Bad night (3987)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger. http://tfl.nu/ni0e
  Replies (17) Good night (7558) Bad night (1611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that?? http://tfl.nu/9sps
  Replies (26) Good night (1208) Bad night (5631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm. http://tfl.nu/cydy
  Replies (12) Good night (5836) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  it's gonna be a great weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot (1-203): it's gonna be a great weekend http://tfl.nu/mkok
  Replies (13) Good night (5986) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell http://tfl.nu/jfse
  Replies (17) Good night (5476) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this' http://tfl.nu/libu
  Replies (15) Good night (5139) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard. http://tfl.nu/fxyx
  Replies (8) Good night (4564) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged. http://tfl.nu/p1l3
  Replies (31) Good night (7227) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes

  (905): View more from Ontario

  You're fat. Stop making excuses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes (905): You're fat. Stop making excuses http://tfl.nu/rdmk
  Replies (69) Good night (12290) Bad night (4896)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar. http://tfl.nu/rj0l
  Replies (13) Good night (878) Bad night (3577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off. http://tfl.nu/vq2t
  Replies (8) Good night (5905) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester. http://tfl.nu/hqf6
  Replies (12) Good night (1134) Bad night (3138) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her? http://tfl.nu/cyj5
  Replies (23) Good night (1548) Bad night (3897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls? http://tfl.nu/h3go
  Replies (11) Good night (3869) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face http://tfl.nu/dxi4
  Replies (23) Good night (3447) Bad night (1460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism. http://tfl.nu/fmul
  Replies (15) Good night (5453) Bad night (1035) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays http://tfl.nu/yd37
  Replies (10) Good night (3657) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed http://tfl.nu/wvyq
  Replies (59) Good night (12449) Bad night (1952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina. http://tfl.nu/hg6l
  Replies (37) Good night (8875) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you

  (917): View more from New York City

  Those had pot in them

  (917): View more from New York City

  And good luck on your interview asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you (917): Those had pot in them (917): And good luck on your interview asshole http://tfl.nu/911g
  Replies (49) Good night (16391) Bad night (1134)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist http://tfl.nu/ofkb
  Replies (12) Good night (4676) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  is this the sara with the beer cane?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): is this the sara with the beer cane? http://tfl.nu/bsnc
  Replies (12) Good night (3011) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands http://tfl.nu/eruj
  Replies (12) Good night (2691) Bad night (1266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....? http://tfl.nu/4au4
  Replies (13) Good night (3076) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  The police scanner is talking about you again....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): The police scanner is talking about you again.... http://tfl.nu/f6sk
  Replies (16) Good night (8121) Bad night (987) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors. http://tfl.nu/ipmp
  Replies (36) Good night (2335) Bad night (5257) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes http://tfl.nu/yixn
  Replies (33) Good night (7842) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage. http://tfl.nu/uh3k
  Replies (13) Good night (5418) Bad night (973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank. http://tfl.nu/gxu8
  Replies (10) Good night (4804) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!! http://tfl.nu/9t2j
  Replies (60) Good night (5962) Bad night (1481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes... http://tfl.nu/3so6
  Replies (6) Good night (3267) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement

  (510): View more from California

  big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement (510): big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault. http://tfl.nu/lnx0
  Replies (11) Good night (6106) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion. http://tfl.nu/1y37
  Replies (23) Good night (4931) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house. http://tfl.nu/91p3
  Replies (56) Good night (1776) Bad night (5619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls. http://tfl.nu/oc6k
  Replies (36) Good night (1083) Bad night (5797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run." http://tfl.nu/6vvj
  Replies (17) Good night (6608) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  wow, a mother in the making

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test (1-217): wow, a mother in the making http://tfl.nu/2c41
  Replies (45) Good night (1371) Bad night (5326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people" http://tfl.nu/5d9d
  Replies (20) Good night (7186) Bad night (1413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship... http://tfl.nu/dw4u
  Replies (23) Good night (817) Bad night (6332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore http://tfl.nu/n25p
  Replies (35) Good night (6194) Bad night (987)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do http://tfl.nu/o1hg
  Replies (35) Good night (9020) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified. http://tfl.nu/dihz
  Replies (14) Good night (4712) Bad night (1345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day. http://tfl.nu/xqgd
  Replies (13) Good night (3980) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days. http://tfl.nu/kqbj
  Replies (9) Good night (1237) Bad night (2958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night. http://tfl.nu/xyp8
  Replies (16) Good night (804) Bad night (6278) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees. http://tfl.nu/9alk
  Replies (42) Good night (1496) Bad night (6315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING http://tfl.nu/vg2h
  Replies (18) Good night (5630) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick. http://tfl.nu/zpzn
  Replies (18) Good night (924) Bad night (5953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar http://tfl.nu/aq1i
  Replies (11) Good night (4269) Bad night (1543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I can get orange kush...

  (586): View more from Michigan

  GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I can get orange kush... (586): GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?! http://tfl.nu/voiy
  Replies (32) Good night (6078) Bad night (1120)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/5p64
  Replies (9) Good night (4164) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me. http://tfl.nu/6hfm
  Replies (18) Good night (4523) Bad night (1877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in http://tfl.nu/mvwo
  Replies (15) Good night (6621) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest? http://tfl.nu/07hk
  Replies (29) Good night (842) Bad night (5463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking. http://tfl.nu/oesf
  Replies (7) Good night (842) Bad night (4063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me http://tfl.nu/ef5u
  Replies (12) Good night (4522) Bad night (1371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey man your outta milk

  (541): View more from Oregon

  How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Hey man your outta milk (541): How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?! http://tfl.nu/1x3m
  Replies (17) Good night (9703) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance. http://tfl.nu/0t4j
  Replies (5) Good night (700) Bad night (3476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful? http://tfl.nu/v0si
  Replies (11) Good night (3075) Bad night (1009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on. (217): Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder. http://tfl.nu/huht
  Replies (13) Good night (8415) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there http://tfl.nu/k2pn
  Replies (14) Good night (6332) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night. http://tfl.nu/6lcj
  Replies (39) Good night (1035) Bad night (7288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine. http://tfl.nu/k1fq
  Replies (45) Good night (927) Bad night (6627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I wish I had a frozen water bed.

  (253): View more from Washington

  best. idea. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I wish I had a frozen water bed. (253): best. idea. ever. http://tfl.nu/r1w7
  Replies (58) Good night (5441) Bad night (1746)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender http://tfl.nu/9vxe
  Replies (23) Good night (1659) Bad night (4298) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms.... http://tfl.nu/4wax
  Replies (33) Good night (6212) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it http://tfl.nu/9xaf
  Replies (34) Good night (6701) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday. http://tfl.nu/tx0i
  Replies (16) Good night (5958) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans. http://tfl.nu/hk9w
  Replies (14) Good night (6917) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then. http://tfl.nu/941i
  Replies (24) Good night (4774) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am http://tfl.nu/o84u
  Replies (4) Good night (4644) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  you are both the best and worst wingman ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?" (1-204): you are both the best and worst wingman ever. http://tfl.nu/2hl0
  Replies (17) Good night (6740) Bad night (811)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too. http://tfl.nu/we0x
  Replies (12) Good night (4524) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast http://tfl.nu/q9sr
  Replies (26) Good night (920) Bad night (7224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/ccnb
  Replies (13) Good night (3263) Bad night (1012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat. http://tfl.nu/i3fj
  Replies (6) Good night (2273) Bad night (1304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for? http://tfl.nu/9amw
  Replies (18) Good night (4339) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick" http://tfl.nu/5fi0
  Replies (13) Good night (4418) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  By 8 I mean 9.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  And by 9 I mean 10.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party. (503): By 8 I mean 9. (503): And by 9 I mean 10. http://tfl.nu/vux8
  Replies (62) Good night (2873) Bad night (4638)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  what was i wearing?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  nothing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress' (508): what was i wearing? (203): nothing http://tfl.nu/2bg6
  Replies (21) Good night (14002) Bad night (767)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex http://tfl.nu/wscy
  Replies (22) Good night (939) Bad night (5115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him http://tfl.nu/8x14
  Replies (19) Good night (1100) Bad night (3786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW http://tfl.nu/587x
  Replies (14) Good night (4743) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in. http://tfl.nu/awzl
  Replies (12) Good night (7966) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked. http://tfl.nu/x6u7
  Replies (6) Good night (4306) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps http://tfl.nu/dpvm
  Replies (8) Good night (3997) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory. http://tfl.nu/kmrf
  Replies (4) Good night (3866) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  does that include her cleaning your bowl?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave. (1-616): does that include her cleaning your bowl? http://tfl.nu/8sts
  Replies (10) Good night (5450) Bad night (855)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger http://tfl.nu/u6xr
  Replies (22) Good night (1130) Bad night (4735)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs. http://tfl.nu/6w3y
  Replies (30) Good night (6049) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there. http://tfl.nu/8qlt
  Replies (8) Good night (2882) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again http://tfl.nu/33pv
  Replies (3) Good night (1449) Bad night (2381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency" http://tfl.nu/zhku
  Replies (9) Good night (3746) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while. http://tfl.nu/5c77
  Replies (32) Good night (914) Bad night (8217) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow. http://tfl.nu/v829
  Replies (32) Good night (4410) Bad night (1629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick. http://tfl.nu/3ndf
  Replies (15) Good night (1428) Bad night (5712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened. http://tfl.nu/ncfk
  Replies (45) Good night (6137) Bad night (1043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest. http://tfl.nu/apc8
  Replies (36) Good night (8428) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments http://tfl.nu/zq97
  Replies (15) Good night (4082) Bad night (1079) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore http://tfl.nu/2pmj
  Replies (38) Good night (4886) Bad night (1261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Responsibility does not care about your dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Responsibility does not care about your dick. http://tfl.nu/xdqb
  Replies (10) Good night (3190) Bad night (873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit" http://tfl.nu/xujf
  Replies (8) Good night (4147) Bad night (1389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  Well it worked

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Not the point

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind (1-330): Well it worked (330): Not the point http://tfl.nu/mxs7
  Replies (21) Good night (5651) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing. http://tfl.nu/vu1b
  Replies (13) Good night (6460) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack. http://tfl.nu/fci7
  Replies (14) Good night (5303) Bad night (1766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths. http://tfl.nu/2srv
  Replies (38) Good night (9961) Bad night (1726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer http://tfl.nu/xvzr
  Replies (9) Good night (4468) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Actions speak louder than pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): Actions speak louder than pants. http://tfl.nu/3ga3
  Replies (12) Good night (4665) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman http://tfl.nu/7ssg
  Replies (6) Good night (3657) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day. http://tfl.nu/7t04
  Replies (37) Good night (5687) Bad night (1407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick. http://tfl.nu/bhlk
  Replies (37) Good night (4504) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash. http://tfl.nu/pn5n
  Replies (31) Good night (5437) Bad night (1221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question? http://tfl.nu/2bvz
  Replies (6) Good night (2915) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America. http://tfl.nu/3zlb
  Replies (13) Good night (5636) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you. http://tfl.nu/xn7n
  Replies (40) Good night (10799) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together http://tfl.nu/zzdp
  Replies (50) Good night (3378) Bad night (5177) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay http://tfl.nu/z5xx
  Replies (9) Good night (3884) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy. http://tfl.nu/pewg
  Replies (8) Good night (1286) Bad night (4173) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance http://tfl.nu/bc1t
  Replies (21) Good night (3209) Bad night (740)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer. http://tfl.nu/gsk7
  Replies (10) Good night (3199) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles? http://tfl.nu/g9w4
  Replies (30) Good night (3543) Bad night (1298) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand

  (1-856): View more from New Jersey

  We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand (1-856): We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh? http://tfl.nu/4r62
  Replies (10) Good night (687) Bad night (4955)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit. http://tfl.nu/jcis
  Replies (16) Good night (4554) Bad night (1354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid! http://tfl.nu/xi6r
  Replies (51) Good night (1110) Bad night (10110)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before http://tfl.nu/c77w
  Replies (37) Good night (1693) Bad night (5578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills http://tfl.nu/tub1
  Replies (25) Good night (6591) Bad night (1418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for http://tfl.nu/h1bq
  Replies (18) Good night (4387) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules. http://tfl.nu/ttz2
  Replies (26) Good night (7556) Bad night (991) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is? http://tfl.nu/uyol
  Replies (10) Good night (4439) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys. http://tfl.nu/354b
  Replies (19) Good night (5133) Bad night (1517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am http://tfl.nu/tj8n
  Replies (15) Good night (1364) Bad night (2925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted. http://tfl.nu/0qre
  Replies (11) Good night (3713) Bad night (1152) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be. http://tfl.nu/j7k8
  Replies (16) Good night (4524) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs. http://tfl.nu/cszc
  Replies (15) Good night (4269) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts... http://tfl.nu/9w6o
  Replies (22) Good night (2279) Bad night (6384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks" http://tfl.nu/zxub
  Replies (31) Good night (6826) Bad night (1883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo http://tfl.nu/nrq4
  Replies (23) Good night (4625) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure http://tfl.nu/kj79
  Replies (7) Good night (3143) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever http://tfl.nu/itin
  Replies (11) Good night (4751) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk. http://tfl.nu/wlu8
  Replies (100) Good night (2692) Bad night (11567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text" http://tfl.nu/ij6d
  Replies (9) Good night (1379) Bad night (4210) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo http://tfl.nu/loae
  Replies (18) Good night (9482) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle. http://tfl.nu/j8z9
  Replies (30) Good night (5482) Bad night (3287)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex? http://tfl.nu/35cd
  Replies (26) Good night (811) Bad night (4516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe http://tfl.nu/shgh
  Replies (8) Good night (3677) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome. http://tfl.nu/2x6n
  Replies (8) Good night (3912) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables http://tfl.nu/0ytp
  Replies (11) Good night (4786) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days http://tfl.nu/ngst
  Replies (21) Good night (9547) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already http://tfl.nu/y51h
  Replies (10) Good night (2307) Bad night (2582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside http://tfl.nu/iwzn
  Replies (23) Good night (1015) Bad night (5155) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight. http://tfl.nu/9c3v
  Replies (40) Good night (2949) Bad night (6600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass. http://tfl.nu/z2s4
  Replies (17) Good night (526) Bad night (5511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom. http://tfl.nu/em4c
  Replies (16) Good night (6164) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy. http://tfl.nu/bakf
  Replies (43) Good night (2070) Bad night (7090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this. http://tfl.nu/jiq7
  Replies (15) Good night (6966) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila. http://tfl.nu/cfz3
  Replies (26) Good night (4836) Bad night (1709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A http://tfl.nu/yjw5
  Replies (137) Good night (6711) Bad night (1422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you http://tfl.nu/n46y
  Replies (13) Good night (5154) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever. http://tfl.nu/1r4h
  Replies (21) Good night (4576) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas? http://tfl.nu/mq53
  Replies (15) Good night (5794) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible http://tfl.nu/u9b3
  Replies (16) Good night (3967) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it" http://tfl.nu/8bv4
  Replies (11) Good night (5062) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with. http://tfl.nu/07fq
  Replies (158) Good night (2154) Bad night (11937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs. http://tfl.nu/ukka
  Replies (3) Good night (4080) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops. http://tfl.nu/tuda
  Replies (9) Good night (1054) Bad night (3459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): All I need in life is some dick and a big mac. http://tfl.nu/2v25
  Replies (65) Good night (6111) Bad night (1103) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now http://tfl.nu/hukx
  Replies (10) Good night (4921) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation http://tfl.nu/s4ly
  Replies (15) Good night (983) Bad night (3101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other. http://tfl.nu/vc7e
  Replies (24) Good night (4801) Bad night (1989)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you. http://tfl.nu/z9fg
  Replies (34) Good night (921) Bad night (12786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I wish his dick was as long as his hair.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I wish his dick was as long as his hair. http://tfl.nu/x3k7
  Replies (13) Good night (778) Bad night (6478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else. http://tfl.nu/5mkn
  Replies (5) Good night (3770) Bad night (1090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches" http://tfl.nu/07la
  Replies (17) Good night (6076) Bad night (1366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick. http://tfl.nu/022f
  Replies (14) Good night (635) Bad night (4125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ask politely.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Thats good enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Ask politely. (610): Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you? (484): Thats good enough. http://tfl.nu/nxir
  Replies (61) Good night (12686) Bad night (831)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex http://tfl.nu/eh60
  Replies (16) Good night (5310) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions http://tfl.nu/csf1
  Replies (11) Good night (5457) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again. http://tfl.nu/x69l
  Replies (24) Good night (1069) Bad night (4926)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing. http://tfl.nu/08ze
  Replies (10) Good night (554) Bad night (3246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  What did I eat last night that was bloody?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): What did I eat last night that was bloody? http://tfl.nu/w6f4
  Replies (19) Good night (496) Bad night (6416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites. http://tfl.nu/zd6b
  Replies (27) Good night (1058) Bad night (4787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Am i fat?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Well i wouldnt let you on top

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Am i fat? (1-248): Well i wouldnt let you on top http://tfl.nu/1yk2
  Replies (36) Good night (1362) Bad night (8913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met http://tfl.nu/xjfv
  Replies (10) Good night (583) Bad night (4424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina. http://tfl.nu/jli8
  Replies (54) Good night (1003) Bad night (9469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities http://tfl.nu/habk
  Replies (30) Good night (7075) Bad night (2459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  you thought your balls were fighting each other...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): you thought your balls were fighting each other... http://tfl.nu/ci9x
  Replies (13) Good night (3808) Bad night (1524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?! http://tfl.nu/aect
  Replies (110) Good night (1504) Bad night (7584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works http://tfl.nu/o828
  Replies (11) Good night (4118) Bad night (1474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us http://tfl.nu/tf5l
  Replies (4) Good night (3173) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine. http://tfl.nu/yc2p
  Replies (11) Good night (4255) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  We need to talk about our relationship.

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): We need to talk about our relationship. (403): I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes http://tfl.nu/0ub4
  Replies (20) Good night (8450) Bad night (1069)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER. http://tfl.nu/kfu8
  Replies (23) Good night (5029) Bad night (1204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  So you threw a sword at me last night

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): So you threw a sword at me last night (419): I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised. http://tfl.nu/6fwc
  Replies (11) Good night (5349) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days http://tfl.nu/5mt6
  Replies (10) Good night (4510) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college http://tfl.nu/i5zk
  Replies (27) Good night (5832) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning. http://tfl.nu/n5pe
  Replies (12) Good night (4957) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done http://tfl.nu/fwxa
  Replies (15) Good night (3450) Bad night (2557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America. http://tfl.nu/l7qb
  Replies (11) Good night (3196) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn http://tfl.nu/trfc
  Replies (14) Good night (5072) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex http://tfl.nu/v3ok
  Replies (25) Good night (5553) Bad night (1497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up. http://tfl.nu/glqa
  Replies (23) Good night (4165) Bad night (1066)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  only on the fourth of july.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming. (1-813): only on the fourth of july. http://tfl.nu/s13z
  Replies (20) Good night (7472) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward http://tfl.nu/7d4o
  Replies (9) Good night (3181) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night... http://tfl.nu/rl66
  Replies (9) Good night (3088) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago http://tfl.nu/00sj
  Replies (20) Good night (5949) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  It'd be like medium rare by now.

  (1-419): View more from Ohio

  I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): It'd be like medium rare by now. (1-419): I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat. http://tfl.nu/d8mh
  Replies (9) Good night (1443) Bad night (3302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart. http://tfl.nu/8dw8
  Replies (18) Good night (4958) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again http://tfl.nu/0m8m
  Replies (14) Good night (802) Bad night (4298) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic http://tfl.nu/3sfg
  Replies (5) Good night (2828) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron." http://tfl.nu/0r6l
  Replies (26) Good night (5725) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade. http://tfl.nu/8ipj
  Replies (11) Good night (3039) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean. http://tfl.nu/s35t
  Replies (9) Good night (4412) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age. http://tfl.nu/rqe0
  Replies (25) Good night (1134) Bad night (5186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer http://tfl.nu/75f3
  Replies (11) Good night (3139) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something. http://tfl.nu/x6k7
  Replies (21) Good night (6471) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?" http://tfl.nu/ljzm
  Replies (51) Good night (1802) Bad night (6405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july? http://tfl.nu/9gcl
  Replies (42) Good night (6626) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night. http://tfl.nu/hh8b
  Replies (11) Good night (1085) Bad night (3375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first. http://tfl.nu/nkj3
  Replies (6) Good night (4468) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  ...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): ...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex http://tfl.nu/2clh
  Replies (17) Good night (4587) Bad night (1100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone. http://tfl.nu/g122
  Replies (23) Good night (8551) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT" http://tfl.nu/x7ms
  Replies (22) Good night (13400) Bad night (884)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch http://tfl.nu/nghk
  Replies (11) Good night (3411) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out. http://tfl.nu/f1nl
  Replies (43) Good night (16028) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame' http://tfl.nu/7sje
  Replies (8) Good night (3810) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right. http://tfl.nu/nc3r
  Replies (14) Good night (3875) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust. http://tfl.nu/b11e
  Replies (7) Good night (3437) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water. http://tfl.nu/9vgl
  Replies (6) Good night (4187) Bad night (742)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me http://tfl.nu/08l6
  Replies (16) Good night (1018) Bad night (3311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed http://tfl.nu/59ub
  Replies (8) Good night (5110) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this. http://tfl.nu/j4ab
  Replies (5) Good night (4406) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to. http://tfl.nu/ryqs
  Replies (9) Good night (4122) Bad night (1341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  it glows. i had to have it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): it glows. i had to have it. http://tfl.nu/ygwq
  Replies (14) Good night (5037) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me http://tfl.nu/356r
  Replies (20) Good night (6993) Bad night (1015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store http://tfl.nu/jpa2
  Replies (19) Good night (4881) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex. http://tfl.nu/nr6p
  Replies (7) Good night (5046) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies. http://tfl.nu/8ixd
  Replies (9) Good night (3796) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): 2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine http://tfl.nu/wmh7
  Replies (46) Good night (4519) Bad night (2537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea http://tfl.nu/z8sz
  Replies (29) Good night (3505) Bad night (1540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible. http://tfl.nu/59e7
  Replies (18) Good night (652) Bad night (3424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit. http://tfl.nu/67fb
  Replies (20) Good night (3963) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube. (1-410): I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds. http://tfl.nu/szhm
  Replies (13) Good night (4527) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her. http://tfl.nu/fyts
  Replies (7) Good night (3754) Bad night (1238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C http://tfl.nu/zt1d
  Replies (12) Good night (3621) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us. http://tfl.nu/3t30
  Replies (24) Good night (7246) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july.. http://tfl.nu/uo05
  Replies (3) Good night (885) Bad night (2431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life. http://tfl.nu/g4gg
  Replies (35) Good night (2441) Bad night (3408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though http://tfl.nu/u94q
  Replies (16) Good night (6788) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight] http://tfl.nu/2cq7
  Replies (29) Good night (10880) Bad night (2110) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could http://tfl.nu/ea9t
  Replies (4) Good night (3109) Bad night (915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name? http://tfl.nu/6xxw
  Replies (10) Good night (4257) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god http://tfl.nu/byer
  Replies (25) Good night (7138) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day http://tfl.nu/ayjg
  Replies (6) Good night (2810) Bad night (1044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had http://tfl.nu/e6dk
  Replies (15) Good night (4519) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like http://tfl.nu/tc65
  Replies (6) Good night (3101) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle. http://tfl.nu/baj8
  Replies (52) Good night (1887) Bad night (7378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping? http://tfl.nu/hbh2
  Replies (5) Good night (3562) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.

  (1-931): View more from Tennessee

  That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night. (1-931): That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man! http://tfl.nu/4819
  Replies (17) Good night (708) Bad night (4360)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  First date: that requires underwear, huh?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): First date: that requires underwear, huh? http://tfl.nu/ogif
  Replies (17) Good night (3792) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  No thats like a top 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night? (1-918): No thats like a top 10 http://tfl.nu/uawo
  Replies (34) Good night (6271) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons http://tfl.nu/ha6n
  Replies (28) Good night (894) Bad night (3841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. http://tfl.nu/ux00
  Replies (15) Good night (5353) Bad night (1090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?

  (1-727): View more from Florida

  I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think? (1-727): I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again. http://tfl.nu/gesf
  Replies (32) Good night (2383) Bad night (4239)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got http://tfl.nu/io78
  Replies (20) Good night (1087) Bad night (3878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon... http://tfl.nu/do0i
  Replies (94) Good night (19355) Bad night (1409)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness. http://tfl.nu/5pr0
  Replies (20) Good night (4321) Bad night (948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over http://tfl.nu/18ji
  Replies (22) Good night (909) Bad night (4136) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick. http://tfl.nu/v9tv
  Replies (11) Good night (3692) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking. http://tfl.nu/aegx
  Replies (11) Good night (784) Bad night (2390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer? http://tfl.nu/g4aq
  Replies (33) Good night (1455) Bad night (5612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation. http://tfl.nu/5xqx
  Replies (7) Good night (683) Bad night (4286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  please dont tell anyone i was drunk

  (1-607): View more from New York

  you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): please dont tell anyone i was drunk (1-607): you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know http://tfl.nu/3807
  Replies (11) Good night (932) Bad night (4047) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick. http://tfl.nu/pj3f
  Replies (12) Good night (3692) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks" http://tfl.nu/r0yt
  Replies (26) Good night (6084) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (+43): View more from

  my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+43): my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe http://tfl.nu/lh72
  Replies (16) Good night (7482) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me. http://tfl.nu/o9ei
  Replies (13) Good night (3808) Bad night (1090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth.. http://tfl.nu/0ol0
  Replies (18) Good night (4994) Bad night (1408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis." http://tfl.nu/rkkz
  Replies (10) Good night (707) Bad night (2852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs. http://tfl.nu/3fsr
  Replies (19) Good night (4941) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs. http://tfl.nu/b4sz
  Replies (13) Good night (4322) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them? http://tfl.nu/t23p
  Replies (24) Good night (459) Bad night (5363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck http://tfl.nu/mnqh
  Replies (48) Good night (967) Bad night (6890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him... http://tfl.nu/efrg
  Replies (36) Good night (5752) Bad night (1015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned" http://tfl.nu/aoz0
  Replies (12) Good night (4002) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement. http://tfl.nu/2u7j
  Replies (29) Good night (2336) Bad night (4529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can http://tfl.nu/8xnn
  Replies (18) Good night (2707) Bad night (1679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding http://tfl.nu/pa6f
  Replies (21) Good night (6618) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic". http://tfl.nu/3wpo
  Replies (9) Good night (758) Bad night (3096) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me. http://tfl.nu/au8t
  Replies (40) Good night (4409) Bad night (1227) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (819): View more from Quebec

  I woke up to her vacumming the grass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (819): I woke up to her vacumming the grass http://tfl.nu/p4j1
  Replies (18) Good night (4989) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances http://tfl.nu/ijjs
  Replies (28) Good night (6989) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime http://tfl.nu/yqbs
  Replies (24) Good night (3887) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could. http://tfl.nu/sgrh
  Replies (7) Good night (3843) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  like hot dogs and buns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky (267): like hot dogs and buns. http://tfl.nu/crsi
  Replies (22) Good night (7793) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again. http://tfl.nu/a40p
  Replies (35) Good night (9283) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight. http://tfl.nu/5vdu
  Replies (59) Good night (14183) Bad night (1662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see http://tfl.nu/5bmk
  Replies (12) Good night (861) Bad night (3030) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad? http://tfl.nu/i6v0
  Replies (23) Good night (980) Bad night (4735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates http://tfl.nu/h4yt
  Replies (28) Good night (4382) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on? http://tfl.nu/ottv
  Replies (5) Good night (3635) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward http://tfl.nu/zi7g
  Replies (10) Good night (5451) Bad night (963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for... http://tfl.nu/hz7t
  Replies (23) Good night (6207) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks http://tfl.nu/b2le
  Replies (24) Good night (6010) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother? http://tfl.nu/8hut
  Replies (8) Good night (3700) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!" http://tfl.nu/i1ig
  Replies (16) Good night (918) Bad night (3967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT http://tfl.nu/3806
  Replies (17) Good night (4351) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze. http://tfl.nu/d5vp
  Replies (112) Good night (1019) Bad night (23954)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Why is your vibrator in the fridge?

  (1-760): View more from California

  I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Why is your vibrator in the fridge? (1-760): I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there. http://tfl.nu/7etk
  Replies (40) Good night (6501) Bad night (1020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball

  (419): View more from Ohio

  And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball (419): And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity http://tfl.nu/7q0o
  Replies (35) Good night (4868) Bad night (1211)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool. http://tfl.nu/8q12
  Replies (14) Good night (6193) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy. http://tfl.nu/an4v
  Replies (30) Good night (1253) Bad night (5504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): 2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out. http://tfl.nu/1knp
  Replies (26) Good night (7047) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you. http://tfl.nu/fb35
  Replies (24) Good night (1117) Bad night (4735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day. http://tfl.nu/xpns
  Replies (29) Good night (5550) Bad night (1883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds http://tfl.nu/p9wa
  Replies (26) Good night (10952) Bad night (1151) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations http://tfl.nu/sqlo
  Replies (17) Good night (1617) Bad night (3599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship? http://tfl.nu/5n74
  Replies (30) Good night (1996) Bad night (4339) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life. (732): sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner http://tfl.nu/i1p0
  Replies (26) Good night (1054) Bad night (5253)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3. http://tfl.nu/mf94
  Replies (15) Good night (5605) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this http://tfl.nu/u2zv
  Replies (20) Good night (831) Bad night (5773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist. http://tfl.nu/t4io
  Replies (26) Good night (8526) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?

  (813): View more from Florida

  Nah, just masturbating louder

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): Is it weird being in the house without any roommates? (813): Nah, just masturbating louder http://tfl.nu/cjwy
  Replies (7) Good night (5048) Bad night (710)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter http://tfl.nu/rgti
  Replies (31) Good night (8784) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again http://tfl.nu/8jzt
  Replies (15) Good night (4329) Bad night (1171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her http://tfl.nu/lmu7
  Replies (10) Good night (3421) Bad night (1015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him. http://tfl.nu/quex
  Replies (23) Good night (5604) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right. http://tfl.nu/wcm0
  Replies (46) Good night (5230) Bad night (1783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday... http://tfl.nu/fzwu
  Replies (36) Good night (7549) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator. http://tfl.nu/lq0c
  Replies (30) Good night (8412) Bad night (1191)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight http://tfl.nu/z6vl
  Replies (22) Good night (4085) Bad night (1264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  you should give me head with plastic fangs in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): you should give me head with plastic fangs in http://tfl.nu/ku60
  Replies (58) Good night (1943) Bad night (8361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Every perfect package comes with a warning label.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Every perfect package comes with a warning label. http://tfl.nu/x7rd
  Replies (24) Good night (3474) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Are you still giving blowjobs?

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Who is this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Are you still giving blowjobs? (1-850): Who is this? http://tfl.nu/iq9v
  Replies (29) Good night (9241) Bad night (1862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty

  (917): View more from New York City

  smooth operator

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty (917): smooth operator http://tfl.nu/2sej
  Replies (25) Good night (7296) Bad night (981)
• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (424): I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing. http://tfl.nu/4boy
  Replies (11) Good night (5292) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed. http://tfl.nu/zkjg
  Replies (21) Good night (4255) Bad night (1818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was. http://tfl.nu/qrct
  Replies (39) Good night (1442) Bad night (5041)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars http://tfl.nu/pbzi
  Replies (28) Good night (1265) Bad night (5013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants. http://tfl.nu/k57a
  Replies (19) Good night (1030) Bad night (4964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)

  (708): View more from Illinois

  WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :) (708): WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE http://tfl.nu/vm9y
  Replies (9) Good night (5733) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room http://tfl.nu/jsw5
  Replies (22) Good night (7457) Bad night (985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice http://tfl.nu/25gk
  Replies (18) Good night (5525) Bad night (1355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud. http://tfl.nu/cvat
  Replies (15) Good night (5492) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude http://tfl.nu/ede0
  Replies (20) Good night (6901) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  protesters in toronto definately have the best pot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): protesters in toronto definately have the best pot http://tfl.nu/s38f
  Replies (17) Good night (4280) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick http://tfl.nu/5e6v
  Replies (17) Good night (805) Bad night (9607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it" http://tfl.nu/1hnw
  Replies (19) Good night (927) Bad night (4827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (819): View more from Quebec

  FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (819): FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party. http://tfl.nu/3wga
  Replies (37) Good night (667) Bad night (4919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way. http://tfl.nu/qonl
  Replies (34) Good night (5615) Bad night (1880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv (1-405): we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina http://tfl.nu/dapc
  Replies (24) Good night (2160) Bad night (4987)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward. http://tfl.nu/yset
  Replies (16) Good night (4485) Bad night (1111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it. http://tfl.nu/mvhu
  Replies (12) Good night (6563) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew http://tfl.nu/fmsn
  Replies (16) Good night (6969) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story. http://tfl.nu/p8b8
  Replies (14) Good night (4668) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it. http://tfl.nu/q114
  Replies (10) Good night (7240) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic. http://tfl.nu/yvsq
  Replies (27) Good night (2046) Bad night (4353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me. http://tfl.nu/k4yz
  Replies (4) Good night (4351) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits. http://tfl.nu/cebt
  Replies (18) Good night (805) Bad night (5568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  Where's it at?

  (706): View more from Georgia

  In your pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now. (1-706): Where's it at? (706): In your pants. http://tfl.nu/w8ar
  Replies (19) Good night (6996) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Disappointment?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces. (618): Disappointment? http://tfl.nu/lu72
  Replies (11) Good night (1159) Bad night (3771)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  you will always have a special place in my vag

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): you will always have a special place in my vag http://tfl.nu/evl8
  Replies (23) Good night (5487) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro http://tfl.nu/m8rk
  Replies (31) Good night (851) Bad night (5700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): what date should I let him know how fucked up I am? http://tfl.nu/6aws
  Replies (17) Good night (1011) Bad night (3895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY. http://tfl.nu/qe8v
  Replies (24) Good night (4254) Bad night (1725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.' http://tfl.nu/1grt
  Replies (22) Good night (1955) Bad night (4195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love. http://tfl.nu/j8m9
  Replies (28) Good night (9194) Bad night (1193) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  the part where you beat me to him

  (410): View more from Maryland

  fair enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?! (1-410): the part where you beat me to him (410): fair enough. http://tfl.nu/4y3l
  Replies (18) Good night (7256) Bad night (788)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool. http://tfl.nu/d5dr
  Replies (45) Good night (10349) Bad night (1087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence. http://tfl.nu/nvim
  Replies (20) Good night (7389) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn. http://tfl.nu/voym
  Replies (43) Good night (9888) Bad night (1490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy. http://tfl.nu/zkq5
  Replies (23) Good night (1918) Bad night (4291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare. http://tfl.nu/ceys
  Replies (19) Good night (997) Bad night (5811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex. http://tfl.nu/iyvz
  Replies (17) Good night (8809) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen http://tfl.nu/pvgu
  Replies (34) Good night (1131) Bad night (8291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die. http://tfl.nu/gibq
  Replies (12) Good night (926) Bad night (4691)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex". http://tfl.nu/cd1v
  Replies (40) Good night (18650) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone. http://tfl.nu/u2hu
  Replies (17) Good night (1178) Bad night (4092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end. http://tfl.nu/e1gy
  Replies (56) Good night (8571) Bad night (1215) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Too many people are naked here for this to be normal. http://tfl.nu/s42o
  Replies (20) Good night (5686) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts. http://tfl.nu/wlt6
  Replies (48) Good night (7170) Bad night (1697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before. http://tfl.nu/b7oy
  Replies (21) Good night (13381) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure. http://tfl.nu/ruyi
  Replies (10) Good night (5580) Bad night (1283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game. http://tfl.nu/rksq
  Replies (7) Good night (3241) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill http://tfl.nu/ddir
  Replies (4) Good night (1158) Bad night (4339) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea http://tfl.nu/v7d1
  Replies (20) Good night (1180) Bad night (4893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever. http://tfl.nu/p80i
  Replies (11) Good night (8208) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I won't be sarcastic... just naked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I won't be sarcastic... just naked http://tfl.nu/3vff
  Replies (6) Good night (4487) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family. http://tfl.nu/wak4
  Replies (31) Good night (4742) Bad night (1709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door... http://tfl.nu/wacl
  Replies (14) Good night (3936) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick. http://tfl.nu/r63g
  Replies (6) Good night (712) Bad night (3478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that. http://tfl.nu/zg72
  Replies (31) Good night (4904) Bad night (1769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet. http://tfl.nu/l0f7
  Replies (14) Good night (606) Bad night (3477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this. http://tfl.nu/g7ey
  Replies (9) Good night (3700) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it. http://tfl.nu/sbum
  Replies (18) Good night (6960) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip http://tfl.nu/drj8
  Replies (15) Good night (1759) Bad night (5675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day... http://tfl.nu/iy3f
  Replies (13) Good night (825) Bad night (4325) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  you don't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way (1-717): you don't. http://tfl.nu/p0es
  Replies (15) Good night (5557) Bad night (1118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease. http://tfl.nu/08pd
  Replies (18) Good night (779) Bad night (5813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you? http://tfl.nu/3dbu
  Replies (8) Good night (4424) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm. http://tfl.nu/32ib
  Replies (5) Good night (670) Bad night (4902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job http://tfl.nu/jdmg
  Replies (21) Good night (3344) Bad night (1934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is. http://tfl.nu/s7zh
  Replies (15) Good night (4648) Bad night (1342) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex. http://tfl.nu/3ix3
  Replies (19) Good night (2094) Bad night (5787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today" http://tfl.nu/2j14
  Replies (26) Good night (2760) Bad night (5959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened. http://tfl.nu/hpbr
  Replies (18) Good night (5556) Bad night (1311)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down. http://tfl.nu/lp4z
  Replies (23) Good night (1496) Bad night (4785)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends http://tfl.nu/x0vc
  Replies (17) Good night (4422) Bad night (1926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile. http://tfl.nu/y928
  Replies (5) Good night (5099) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise. http://tfl.nu/jq04
  Replies (8) Good night (4152) Bad night (1194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever. http://tfl.nu/v4fg
  Replies (13) Good night (5243) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train. http://tfl.nu/vfk6
  Replies (23) Good night (10995) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex? http://tfl.nu/cm27
  Replies (12) Good night (664) Bad night (3737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying http://tfl.nu/0ccm
  Replies (8) Good night (2910) Bad night (3709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song. http://tfl.nu/4wzc
  Replies (11) Good night (976) Bad night (3220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college. http://tfl.nu/99x7
  Replies (50) Good night (8892) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls http://tfl.nu/m4sw
  Replies (22) Good night (624) Bad night (3615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it. http://tfl.nu/dm7u
  Replies (42) Good night (7600) Bad night (2150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name... http://tfl.nu/p31n
  Replies (9) Good night (4181) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face. http://tfl.nu/bthr
  Replies (42) Good night (3301) Bad night (8617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home http://tfl.nu/wods
  Replies (17) Good night (769) Bad night (7558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet

  (623): View more from Arizona

  And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs

  (661): View more from California

  Exactly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet (623): And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs (661): Exactly. http://tfl.nu/5o7t
  Replies (18) Good night (6445) Bad night (723)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it http://tfl.nu/l3dc
  Replies (16) Good night (4397) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present. http://tfl.nu/aj43
  Replies (16) Good night (5336) Bad night (885)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name. http://tfl.nu/fuep
  Replies (34) Good night (4238) Bad night (1376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance http://tfl.nu/iqmo
  Replies (17) Good night (4997) Bad night (1151)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch. http://tfl.nu/88o7
  Replies (20) Good night (9791) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina http://tfl.nu/a6qo
  Replies (11) Good night (946) Bad night (4355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  bc i get to see you. naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid? (203): bc i get to see you. naked. http://tfl.nu/db7h
  Replies (24) Good night (7806) Bad night (965)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does. http://tfl.nu/f5ii
  Replies (48) Good night (7488) Bad night (1572)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (121) Good night (44047) Bad night (1351)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her http://tfl.nu/v70p
  Replies (20) Good night (2616) Bad night (3934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever. http://tfl.nu/2hpf
  Replies (37) Good night (12208) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is. http://tfl.nu/gvpy
  Replies (15) Good night (7851) Bad night (843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign? http://tfl.nu/j7ur
  Replies (21) Good night (861) Bad night (6835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times http://tfl.nu/wnel
  Replies (12) Good night (8202) Bad night (1231)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision http://tfl.nu/741x
  Replies (12) Good night (6452) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wasted some perfectly good semen on her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I wasted some perfectly good semen on her http://tfl.nu/b11w
  Replies (17) Good night (780) Bad night (4814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.

  (229): View more from Georgia

  Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass' (973): Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic. (229): Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom? http://tfl.nu/xp9a
  Replies (9) Good night (3780) Bad night (720)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/prts
  Replies (13) Good night (4648) Bad night (1074) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this... http://tfl.nu/h8y9
  Replies (49) Good night (11521) Bad night (1244)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face. http://tfl.nu/ce47
  Replies (74) Good night (1905) Bad night (8512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high. http://tfl.nu/4ptt
  Replies (36) Good night (7448) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off http://tfl.nu/rmt4
  Replies (33) Good night (1730) Bad night (6679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (178) Good night (48655) Bad night (1815)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  She saved the condom from the first time we did it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): She saved the condom from the first time we did it. http://tfl.nu/b22a
  Replies (86) Good night (1488) Bad night (25113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.

  (760): View more from California

  Wow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered. (760): Wow. http://tfl.nu/1wu1
  Replies (16) Good night (3922) Bad night (1181)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever. http://tfl.nu/u46n
  Replies (21) Good night (4825) Bad night (1581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the worst part is we had a camera rolling

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yes.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have to watch that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): the worst part is we had a camera rolling (267): Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys? (215): Yes. (267): I have to watch that. http://tfl.nu/u325
  Replies (30) Good night (4998) Bad night (1070)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ. http://tfl.nu/s7ef
  Replies (30) Good night (12893) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you. http://tfl.nu/6oks
  Replies (11) Good night (3060) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying. http://tfl.nu/rtdk
  Replies (41) Good night (7914) Bad night (1574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up. http://tfl.nu/oxuw
  Replies (26) Good night (7610) Bad night (920)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower http://tfl.nu/n59j
  Replies (43) Good night (1016) Bad night (19113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong? http://tfl.nu/qz2n
  Replies (44) Good night (2156) Bad night (6360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over. http://tfl.nu/mky5
  Replies (13) Good night (723) Bad night (5558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno. http://tfl.nu/xrvd
  Replies (28) Good night (5426) Bad night (816)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Because ur a stupid bitch

  (1-845): View more from New York

  Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Because ur a stupid bitch (1-845): Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch. http://tfl.nu/0sjk
  Replies (54) Good night (10788) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL. http://tfl.nu/srh0
  Replies (21) Good night (3548) Bad night (1299) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive http://tfl.nu/jlaw
  Replies (13) Good night (1693) Bad night (3529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie

  (420): View more from

  your the best winggirl ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie (420): your the best winggirl ever http://tfl.nu/bhih
  Replies (34) Good night (12386) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me http://tfl.nu/jvjy
  Replies (19) Good night (7936) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm. http://tfl.nu/xqmo
  Replies (19) Good night (6348) Bad night (1135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs" http://tfl.nu/07qw
  Replies (18) Good night (6182) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on http://tfl.nu/4tgi
  Replies (10) Good night (3243) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals. http://tfl.nu/x5r2
  Replies (20) Good night (850) Bad night (5243) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card http://tfl.nu/bprl
  Replies (30) Good night (1994) Bad night (7470)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Its weird to pet your cat with a boner

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  What the fuck?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Its weird to pet your cat with a boner (1-406): What the fuck? http://tfl.nu/9pm4
  Replies (48) Good night (1692) Bad night (8297) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking. http://tfl.nu/qzjs
  Replies (22) Good night (5075) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore. http://tfl.nu/590e
  Replies (23) Good night (5785) Bad night (1140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper http://tfl.nu/7n4i
  Replies (53) Good night (26453) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing http://tfl.nu/99kd
  Replies (17) Good night (10280) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex http://tfl.nu/zw16
  Replies (7) Good night (4364) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl. http://tfl.nu/oaik
  Replies (47) Good night (8398) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?

  (503): View more from Oregon

  3some

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You're right, stupid question.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms? (503): 3some (541): You're right, stupid question. http://tfl.nu/lx7x
  Replies (21) Good night (9755) Bad night (797)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  It's not kidnapping if it's romantic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): It's not kidnapping if it's romantic http://tfl.nu/j4mo
  Replies (17) Good night (6087) Bad night (1476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist http://tfl.nu/hzre
  Replies (50) Good night (23041) Bad night (1294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same http://tfl.nu/yvn7
  Replies (26) Good night (7605) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me. http://tfl.nu/c00l
  Replies (26) Good night (5690) Bad night (1162) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked... http://tfl.nu/ab3l
  Replies (27) Good night (6375) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom http://tfl.nu/66s8
  Replies (32) Good night (1392) Bad night (4520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo. http://tfl.nu/heh2
  Replies (22) Good night (6723) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe. http://tfl.nu/8oi8
  Replies (9) Good night (831) Bad night (4257) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Clearly I went along with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her (732): Clearly I went along with it http://tfl.nu/y5y5
  Replies (5) Good night (4382) Bad night (718)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on. http://tfl.nu/n5bj
  Replies (20) Good night (4610) Bad night (1869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"? http://tfl.nu/vaok
  Replies (29) Good night (10399) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/eh4f
  Replies (30) Good night (7229) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there http://tfl.nu/bxrn
  Replies (6) Good night (4879) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them http://tfl.nu/fxdr
  Replies (33) Good night (11149) Bad night (1946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places http://tfl.nu/sf6j
  Replies (13) Good night (6537) Bad night (1353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out. http://tfl.nu/nbi4
  Replies (11) Good night (8299) Bad night (1177) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low http://tfl.nu/d44y
  Replies (14) Good night (865) Bad night (5504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation? http://tfl.nu/jmz5
  Replies (52) Good night (11778) Bad night (2416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?! http://tfl.nu/vv8e
  Replies (26) Good night (11869) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later" http://tfl.nu/lryz
  Replies (19) Good night (9815) Bad night (1389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms." http://tfl.nu/qx21
  Replies (7) Good night (818) Bad night (3686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water... http://tfl.nu/djs2
  Replies (43) Good night (1227) Bad night (6220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.

  (561): View more from Florida

  He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class. (561): He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it. http://tfl.nu/mjkl
  Replies (18) Good night (5872) Bad night (910)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard. http://tfl.nu/kj6h
  Replies (31) Good night (6402) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck. http://tfl.nu/lba2
  Replies (16) Good night (6930) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States. http://tfl.nu/t1qp
  Replies (16) Good night (6158) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team http://tfl.nu/lnn4
  Replies (6) Good night (4135) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum? http://tfl.nu/z56i
  Replies (56) Good night (787) Bad night (9453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind" http://tfl.nu/dke2
  Replies (17) Good night (4695) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major http://tfl.nu/y5g5
  Replies (18) Good night (1088) Bad night (5114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom? http://tfl.nu/y1hl
  Replies (26) Good night (1044) Bad night (7509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna. http://tfl.nu/vetf
  Replies (42) Good night (1993) Bad night (6850)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were. http://tfl.nu/ckqe
  Replies (52) Good night (1516) Bad night (6770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him. http://tfl.nu/oqtn
  Replies (54) Good night (11800) Bad night (1769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella http://tfl.nu/27sq
  Replies (31) Good night (11893) Bad night (1195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home http://tfl.nu/1gm8
  Replies (25) Good night (6691) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him. http://tfl.nu/377w
  Replies (31) Good night (1421) Bad night (5597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated http://tfl.nu/7pju
  Replies (10) Good night (1128) Bad night (4712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too. http://tfl.nu/dkri
  Replies (19) Good night (6581) Bad night (1340)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it. http://tfl.nu/mzwz
  Replies (40) Good night (5060) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes http://tfl.nu/xjd2
  Replies (60) Good night (5903) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum http://tfl.nu/fisn
  Replies (28) Good night (2560) Bad night (8883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010 http://tfl.nu/e381
  Replies (11) Good night (4356) Bad night (565)
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on. http://tfl.nu/zd9d
  Replies (28) Good night (952) Bad night (4950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out. http://tfl.nu/0ttb
  Replies (23) Good night (5774) Bad night (1250) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me. http://tfl.nu/ilti
  Replies (42) Good night (9682) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed http://tfl.nu/zsvf
  Replies (20) Good night (821) Bad night (4368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement... http://tfl.nu/jgil
  Replies (13) Good night (638) Bad night (4829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.

  (716): View more from New York

  gotta love spring break

  (845): View more from New York

  gotta love slutty girls from the south

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy. (716): gotta love spring break (845): gotta love slutty girls from the south http://tfl.nu/ze0i
  Replies (24) Good night (4768) Bad night (760)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party. http://tfl.nu/a5ld
  Replies (33) Good night (10913) Bad night (2707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point... http://tfl.nu/zj6y
  Replies (17) Good night (8290) Bad night (957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking. http://tfl.nu/ilmx
  Replies (106) Good night (47515) Bad night (1289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet http://tfl.nu/r3gc
  Replies (29) Good night (9389) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started http://tfl.nu/zumk
  Replies (54) Good night (6764) Bad night (1801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate. http://tfl.nu/ds0z
  Replies (14) Good night (735) Bad night (5001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  couldn't find a condom?

  (804): View more from Virginia

  basically

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you (1-804): couldn't find a condom? (804): basically http://tfl.nu/rfmp
  Replies (16) Good night (5552) Bad night (1056)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  i don't want you to think of me as your TA

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): i don't want you to think of me as your TA http://tfl.nu/7pvf
  Replies (26) Good night (9662) Bad night (1069) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking? http://tfl.nu/6m2c
  Replies (30) Good night (1766) Bad night (9643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep. http://tfl.nu/seq6
  Replies (14) Good night (5050) Bad night (1105) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks. http://tfl.nu/2sae
  Replies (17) Good night (12019) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy. http://tfl.nu/ar0z
  Replies (21) Good night (4346) Bad night (1577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls. http://tfl.nu/57re
  Replies (23) Good night (7942) Bad night (1240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today http://tfl.nu/mtu3
  Replies (17) Good night (894) Bad night (8968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class. http://tfl.nu/j3lm
  Replies (12) Good night (4163) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth.. http://tfl.nu/wfim
  Replies (17) Good night (3719) Bad night (1265) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest. http://tfl.nu/jip9
  Replies (28) Good night (1319) Bad night (5699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles. http://tfl.nu/gk4i
  Replies (12) Good night (6975) Bad night (561)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway... http://tfl.nu/qwxo
  Replies (53) Good night (11616) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  i told you not to try chat roulette

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world (1-248): i told you not to try chat roulette http://tfl.nu/80bv
  Replies (20) Good night (980) Bad night (6165)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/xhhe
  Replies (25) Good night (795) Bad night (5955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls. http://tfl.nu/m95d
  Replies (8) Good night (5488) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket" http://tfl.nu/imu3
  Replies (13) Good night (8854) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker http://tfl.nu/o91j
  Replies (14) Good night (8903) Bad night (1089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to. http://tfl.nu/mbqt
  Replies (26) Good night (5460) Bad night (934)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Who was that guy you went home with?

  (1-714): View more from California

  Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Who was that guy you went home with? (1-714): Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now. http://tfl.nu/q2tl
  Replies (45) Good night (6268) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top http://tfl.nu/zi79
  Replies (256) Good night (7920) Bad night (1995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina. http://tfl.nu/1ygc
  Replies (30) Good night (5447) Bad night (1515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon. http://tfl.nu/cf99
  Replies (31) Good night (8060) Bad night (2582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (52) Good night (68161) Bad night (1687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home. http://tfl.nu/gpi6
  Replies (32) Good night (8002) Bad night (1118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot. http://tfl.nu/93sx
  Replies (26) Good night (6693) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen. http://tfl.nu/y9v8
  Replies (13) Good night (5561) Bad night (993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.' http://tfl.nu/2fkm
  Replies (17) Good night (9084) Bad night (1196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  What'd you guys eat?

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  Literally everything that was frozen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): What'd you guys eat? (1-918): Literally everything that was frozen. http://tfl.nu/igjp
  Replies (8) Good night (3940) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them. http://tfl.nu/wqtw
  Replies (32) Good night (5022) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition. http://tfl.nu/fwuo
  Replies (13) Good night (9383) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed http://tfl.nu/3q3u
  Replies (17) Good night (895) Bad night (4017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to? http://tfl.nu/fqx3
  Replies (51) Good night (8196) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again http://tfl.nu/dw4b
  Replies (20) Good night (3567) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he. http://tfl.nu/52vb
  Replies (50) Good night (14296) Bad night (1989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame http://tfl.nu/uj51
  Replies (29) Good night (7578) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit. http://tfl.nu/3nc6
  Replies (17) Good night (4321) Bad night (1214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer... http://tfl.nu/txcz
  Replies (20) Good night (4271) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow http://tfl.nu/sj2l
  Replies (13) Good night (5081) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland? http://tfl.nu/lpb9
  Replies (25) Good night (2692) Bad night (5222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands http://tfl.nu/9efg
  Replies (14) Good night (4234) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high. http://tfl.nu/lc86
  Replies (36) Good night (6261) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic http://tfl.nu/w8wo
  Replies (18) Good night (5132) Bad night (1037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar http://tfl.nu/nsmi
  Replies (20) Good night (1177) Bad night (5582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for. http://tfl.nu/jd67
  Replies (14) Good night (3406) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.

  (217): View more from Illinois

  gotta love wednesdays

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st. (217): gotta love wednesdays http://tfl.nu/3grc
  Replies (21) Good night (3876) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad. http://tfl.nu/jkuj
  Replies (9) Good night (544) Bad night (3611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago. http://tfl.nu/l8io
  Replies (10) Good night (5612) Bad night (946)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.

  (917): View more from New York City

  I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God. (917): I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice. http://tfl.nu/jdh1
  Replies (121) Good night (2758) Bad night (14581)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?

  (1-559): View more from California

  That depends on who this is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true? (1-559): That depends on who this is. http://tfl.nu/a6jm
  Replies (42) Good night (13729) Bad night (1582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  she has a santa fetish

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  cute.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place? (215): she has a santa fetish (267): cute. http://tfl.nu/kuhz
  Replies (18) Good night (5391) Bad night (931)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate http://tfl.nu/cll3
  Replies (25) Good night (5638) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Previous statement retracted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay. (828): Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner (864): Previous statement retracted. http://tfl.nu/e7pe
  Replies (46) Good night (12576) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.

  (1-970): View more from Colorado

  you better fuck at least one or both of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes. (1-970): you better fuck at least one or both of them. http://tfl.nu/eeo0
  Replies (12) Good night (4793) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party http://tfl.nu/47pk
  Replies (33) Good night (11954) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?

  (1-941): View more from Florida

  idk, I had a turtle in mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat? (1-941): idk, I had a turtle in mine. http://tfl.nu/ag7m
  Replies (30) Good night (3386) Bad night (5064) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M http://tfl.nu/4y0g
  Replies (34) Good night (633) Bad night (10185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues" http://tfl.nu/4mvg
  Replies (26) Good night (3947) Bad night (1735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it. (201): Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella.... http://tfl.nu/9xtz
  Replies (18) Good night (5561) Bad night (1763)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car http://tfl.nu/lq42
  Replies (40) Good night (4612) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex". http://tfl.nu/7v4e
  Replies (54) Good night (28557) Bad night (1109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing. http://tfl.nu/y30j
  Replies (20) Good night (8497) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night? http://tfl.nu/7t3i
  Replies (15) Good night (878) Bad night (5106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back http://tfl.nu/1qlt
  Replies (16) Good night (6972) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher? (720): Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced. http://tfl.nu/qahj
  Replies (35) Good night (12027) Bad night (919)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish http://tfl.nu/f18y
  Replies (17) Good night (7950) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them. http://tfl.nu/v4vg
  Replies (22) Good night (6424) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was. http://tfl.nu/tore
  Replies (25) Good night (665) Bad night (5781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo." http://tfl.nu/u5wa
  Replies (44) Good night (15981) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible http://tfl.nu/my4k
  Replies (17) Good night (7950) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night. http://tfl.nu/vbgm
  Replies (10) Good night (4526) Bad night (1105) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY. http://tfl.nu/e2x6
  Replies (29) Good night (2553) Bad night (6633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag. http://tfl.nu/s17l
  Replies (11) Good night (5305) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why. http://tfl.nu/rcz3
  Replies (18) Good night (4660) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit. http://tfl.nu/vzj2
  Replies (12) Good night (5196) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast... http://tfl.nu/eo63
  Replies (9) Good night (4864) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture http://tfl.nu/ued3
  Replies (15) Good night (3990) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I'm rooting for #1.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th. (618): I'm rooting for #1. http://tfl.nu/ip6m
  Replies (37) Good night (4481) Bad night (1500)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel. http://tfl.nu/sip1
  Replies (41) Good night (3732) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge" http://tfl.nu/w12y
  Replies (12) Good night (4464) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true http://tfl.nu/pl0k
  Replies (23) Good night (3955) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty http://tfl.nu/ybq4
  Replies (19) Good night (889) Bad night (6380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened... http://tfl.nu/apd0
  Replies (17) Good night (5564) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield. http://tfl.nu/furb
  Replies (29) Good night (10896) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up. http://tfl.nu/7cla
  Replies (23) Good night (4598) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious. http://tfl.nu/m393
  Replies (15) Good night (6583) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face. http://tfl.nu/ozn3
  Replies (39) Good night (1152) Bad night (6107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better. http://tfl.nu/ybcl
  Replies (8) Good night (3779) Bad night (1096)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty" http://tfl.nu/zpfk
  Replies (9) Good night (798) Bad night (4112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary. http://tfl.nu/06cp
  Replies (6) Good night (3640) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick http://tfl.nu/778x
  Replies (69) Good night (13668) Bad night (3307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  no, didnt close...

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): no, didnt close... (978): What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic... http://tfl.nu/lkpf
  Replies (13) Good night (705) Bad night (5752)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done. http://tfl.nu/i81l
  Replies (18) Good night (8278) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in. http://tfl.nu/ogcc
  Replies (59) Good night (7776) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious http://tfl.nu/ofzu
  Replies (31) Good night (5863) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat? http://tfl.nu/b9c7
  Replies (155) Good night (1773) Bad night (34547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong? http://tfl.nu/9q3v
  Replies (169) Good night (4615) Bad night (16415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning. http://tfl.nu/50tz
  Replies (26) Good night (6357) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night. http://tfl.nu/89jq
  Replies (15) Good night (1483) Bad night (3897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered http://tfl.nu/r084
  Replies (23) Good night (3621) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people. http://tfl.nu/oty8
  Replies (46) Good night (6928) Bad night (1075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party.. http://tfl.nu/fqwv
  Replies (14) Good night (6205) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate http://tfl.nu/r0av
  Replies (22) Good night (8622) Bad night (1021) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated. http://tfl.nu/6ris
  Replies (15) Good night (5824) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break http://tfl.nu/6afp
  Replies (9) Good night (4227) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics http://tfl.nu/3wmw
  Replies (68) Good night (10363) Bad night (2139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans. http://tfl.nu/3s10
  Replies (24) Good night (4901) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people. http://tfl.nu/k0xd
  Replies (110) Good night (8952) Bad night (1862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots... http://tfl.nu/3sut
  Replies (14) Good night (4201) Bad night (1113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision. http://tfl.nu/qwmb
  Replies (17) Good night (2527) Bad night (3356) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet. http://tfl.nu/v49x
  Replies (6) Good night (862) Bad night (3457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining http://tfl.nu/3fon
  Replies (9) Good night (5102) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere http://tfl.nu/0cj1
  Replies (17) Good night (6373) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on http://tfl.nu/l1qo
  Replies (14) Good night (4029) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola. http://tfl.nu/yi5l
  Replies (18) Good night (2013) Bad night (4658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket. http://tfl.nu/78sj
  Replies (27) Good night (1753) Bad night (3195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  That changes everything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy. (1-360): That changes everything. http://tfl.nu/pss9
  Replies (27) Good night (4777) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping. http://tfl.nu/hx4w
  Replies (12) Good night (4242) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear." http://tfl.nu/uaxy
  Replies (19) Good night (8817) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon http://tfl.nu/eqby
  Replies (5) Good night (4628) Bad night (1080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this http://tfl.nu/r3y4
  Replies (13) Good night (4017) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave http://tfl.nu/vjg2
  Replies (33) Good night (9560) Bad night (638)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience. http://tfl.nu/m1cq
  Replies (29) Good night (895) Bad night (6246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people. http://tfl.nu/qtnv
  Replies (30) Good night (6205) Bad night (1106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas http://tfl.nu/93o8
  Replies (13) Good night (1509) Bad night (4369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here http://tfl.nu/0qbu
  Replies (12) Good night (5658) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her http://tfl.nu/iw7s
  Replies (13) Good night (1138) Bad night (3799)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted http://tfl.nu/x75x
  Replies (7) Good night (3933) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra. http://tfl.nu/7xhn
  Replies (51) Good night (9291) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan http://tfl.nu/otnu
  Replies (44) Good night (6082) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  dont start drinking without me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor? (609): dont start drinking without me http://tfl.nu/ofdx
  Replies (47) Good night (4737) Bad night (699)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Colt 45 out of anything is classy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy. (919): Colt 45 out of anything is classy. http://tfl.nu/9zxf
  Replies (17) Good night (4265) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend? http://tfl.nu/l4fs
  Replies (46) Good night (9058) Bad night (1699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk http://tfl.nu/s9es
  Replies (25) Good night (5719) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket? http://tfl.nu/lptb
  Replies (48) Good night (1392) Bad night (6923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh

  (1-219): View more from Indiana

  wow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh (1-219): wow. http://tfl.nu/be02
  Replies (38) Good night (6196) Bad night (2497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  thanks it was an honor just to be nominated

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met (1-319): thanks it was an honor just to be nominated http://tfl.nu/yswc
  Replies (36) Good night (10338) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while.... http://tfl.nu/r6bs
  Replies (26) Good night (5289) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass http://tfl.nu/6hj6
  Replies (29) Good night (5611) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am http://tfl.nu/p6fg
  Replies (13) Good night (4401) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  ..im mad u rememberd about that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt (1-732): ..im mad u rememberd about that http://tfl.nu/q0le
  Replies (14) Good night (785) Bad night (3176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever. http://tfl.nu/526w
  Replies (48) Good night (27270) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  How are you feeling today?

  (330): View more from Ohio

  i could've thrown up on command at any point today...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): How are you feeling today? (330): i could've thrown up on command at any point today... http://tfl.nu/ewp1
  Replies (10) Good night (899) Bad night (4260)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy. http://tfl.nu/xos0
  Replies (10) Good night (5369) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on. http://tfl.nu/nsc2
  Replies (20) Good night (5282) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds... http://tfl.nu/1y93
  Replies (16) Good night (1133) Bad night (5809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life. http://tfl.nu/rg12
  Replies (10) Good night (5004) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail http://tfl.nu/spjw
  Replies (9) Good night (4776) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead. http://tfl.nu/caf0
  Replies (6) Good night (3891) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada http://tfl.nu/l5wm
  Replies (414) Good night (6925) Bad night (1760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better http://tfl.nu/bqq0
  Replies (7) Good night (568) Bad night (4169) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife. http://tfl.nu/c5bq
  Replies (36) Good night (9397) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm http://tfl.nu/hl7i
  Replies (37) Good night (8799) Bad night (1324) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant??? http://tfl.nu/mp1l
  Replies (53) Good night (7830) Bad night (2059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad. http://tfl.nu/mllb
  Replies (18) Good night (550) Bad night (4851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout. http://tfl.nu/7ut3
  Replies (3) Good night (4141) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): 4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens. http://tfl.nu/m8yq
  Replies (55) Good night (10161) Bad night (2774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding. http://tfl.nu/4b44
  Replies (16) Good night (7943) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won http://tfl.nu/nhsb
  Replies (208) Good night (1994) Bad night (3953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I? http://tfl.nu/0o9s
  Replies (5) Good night (651) Bad night (3305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  This kid is drunk.

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): This kid is drunk. (410): I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted. http://tfl.nu/8aqa
  Replies (6) Good night (7553) Bad night (572)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell. http://tfl.nu/g9t5
  Replies (22) Good night (3822) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring

  (989): View more from Michigan

  i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring (989): i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me http://tfl.nu/18pl
  Replies (21) Good night (6502) Bad night (714)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  he is a creepy guy.

  (1-937): View more from Ohio

  yea thats what heroine does to ppl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): he is a creepy guy. (1-937): yea thats what heroine does to ppl. http://tfl.nu/28ly
  Replies (14) Good night (614) Bad night (3868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox (1-248): You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities. http://tfl.nu/l19y
  Replies (85) Good night (2480) Bad night (8707)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off. http://tfl.nu/h9sg
  Replies (17) Good night (1187) Bad night (6032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.

  (619): View more from California

  you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up. (619): you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS http://tfl.nu/a8ci
  Replies (22) Good night (6308) Bad night (850)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know. http://tfl.nu/4052
  Replies (16) Good night (918) Bad night (5447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt http://tfl.nu/3ulw
  Replies (17) Good night (1830) Bad night (2867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life. http://tfl.nu/ab1p
  Replies (87) Good night (7039) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts. http://tfl.nu/ixjv
  Replies (634) Good night (4839) Bad night (5778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented. http://tfl.nu/jb6b
  Replies (810) Good night (11920) Bad night (5200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop http://tfl.nu/llg8
  Replies (36) Good night (5191) Bad night (1043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent http://tfl.nu/74gr
  Replies (14) Good night (5759) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore. http://tfl.nu/7ot8
  Replies (24) Good night (5091) Bad night (1176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall http://tfl.nu/8iwm
  Replies (37) Good night (20231) Bad night (1522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women http://tfl.nu/ny5s
  Replies (11) Good night (4229) Bad night (2284) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience http://tfl.nu/ta5s
  Replies (13) Good night (993) Bad night (5790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem. http://tfl.nu/jjmu
  Replies (45) Good night (1940) Bad night (6403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now. http://tfl.nu/yhp5
  Replies (26) Good night (974) Bad night (6557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children. http://tfl.nu/78i9
  Replies (19) Good night (6569) Bad night (878)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old. http://tfl.nu/papu
  Replies (8) Good night (6603) Bad night (1012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Walk of Shame time yet?

  (1+44): View more from

  Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Walk of Shame time yet? (1+44): Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling? http://tfl.nu/qcn9
  Replies (44) Good night (17441) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together? http://tfl.nu/xjvt
  Replies (38) Good night (5605) Bad night (1380)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip. http://tfl.nu/ir9l
  Replies (9) Good night (713) Bad night (3683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself. http://tfl.nu/6w0d
  Replies (30) Good night (4779) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...

  (917): View more from New York City

  no it doesn't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere. (720): ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning... (917): no it doesn't. http://tfl.nu/6x89
  Replies (34) Good night (17260) Bad night (874)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say http://tfl.nu/znzu
  Replies (32) Good night (1636) Bad night (4921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod. http://tfl.nu/vf6z
  Replies (29) Good night (1155) Bad night (8037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag. (610): was it embarrassing when you had to say yes? http://tfl.nu/rz29
  Replies (10) Good night (1267) Bad night (5960)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up http://tfl.nu/mvtn
  Replies (15) Good night (661) Bad night (7866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (368): View more from

  you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (368): you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning. http://tfl.nu/nfr6
  Replies (22) Good night (6517) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound. http://tfl.nu/fc6l
  Replies (13) Good night (804) Bad night (6296) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made. http://tfl.nu/enkt
  Replies (8) Good night (915) Bad night (3203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants http://tfl.nu/bet3
  Replies (14) Good night (13384) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (578): View more from

  drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (578): drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm http://tfl.nu/89pn
  Replies (14) Good night (757) Bad night (5942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile http://tfl.nu/7vam
  Replies (21) Good night (683) Bad night (4831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil. http://tfl.nu/drc4
  Replies (13) Good night (7099) Bad night (1072)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose http://tfl.nu/o30l
  Replies (19) Good night (543) Bad night (6025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor. http://tfl.nu/xv4s
  Replies (12) Good night (865) Bad night (4697)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone. http://tfl.nu/f9qv
  Replies (24) Good night (5182) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green. http://tfl.nu/6tsm
  Replies (25) Good night (6277) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious http://tfl.nu/xtk1
  Replies (47) Good night (2380) Bad night (10770)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class http://tfl.nu/grnd
  Replies (20) Good night (6175) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag. http://tfl.nu/heag
  Replies (13) Good night (962) Bad night (4596)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  didn't feel it. :)

  (217): View more from Illinois

  It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  wait what? so it's not in america?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning (1-217): didn't feel it. :) (217): It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't. (1-217): wait what? so it's not in america? http://tfl.nu/0q24
  Replies (65) Good night (874) Bad night (8268)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore http://tfl.nu/h83b
  Replies (11) Good night (579) Bad night (4981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone http://tfl.nu/hza4
  Replies (15) Good night (5046) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"

  (1-936): View more from Texas

  I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while" (1-936): I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day... http://tfl.nu/1f15
  Replies (19) Good night (9508) Bad night (553)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined http://tfl.nu/11oi
  Replies (15) Good night (8103) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight? http://tfl.nu/wnvq
  Replies (38) Good night (16458) Bad night (1665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good. http://tfl.nu/28dw
  Replies (16) Good night (4811) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean" http://tfl.nu/dsnf
  Replies (33) Good night (982) Bad night (11891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad. http://tfl.nu/0kg4
  Replies (82) Good night (28720) Bad night (1861)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out http://tfl.nu/97pi
  Replies (9) Good night (910) Bad night (5234) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status.. http://tfl.nu/z1m2
  Replies (25) Good night (6469) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake http://tfl.nu/dlo4
  Replies (15) Good night (1852) Bad night (4712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around http://tfl.nu/e0gz
  Replies (14) Good night (1838) Bad night (5569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one. http://tfl.nu/52ae
  Replies (16) Good night (3386) Bad night (1097) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Then she called me a home wrecking whore.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Then she called me a home wrecking whore. (1-702): dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count. http://tfl.nu/bp07
  Replies (15) Good night (5640) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  "I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): "I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face." http://tfl.nu/mi59
  Replies (27) Good night (928) Bad night (3922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline http://tfl.nu/p67r
  Replies (6) Good night (5172) Bad night (1715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody. http://tfl.nu/gh8f
  Replies (17) Good night (6877) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught http://tfl.nu/rq68
  Replies (13) Good night (4652) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties http://tfl.nu/4hbe
  Replies (10) Good night (3664) Bad night (1052) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous http://tfl.nu/o10z
  Replies (9) Good night (1085) Bad night (4793)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer http://tfl.nu/kyu0
  Replies (7) Good night (768) Bad night (3706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis. http://tfl.nu/zjdj
  Replies (31) Good night (1428) Bad night (3711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head. http://tfl.nu/fao9
  Replies (9) Good night (866) Bad night (3176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it http://tfl.nu/rarj
  Replies (14) Good night (6807) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up. http://tfl.nu/uswo
  Replies (14) Good night (1007) Bad night (4025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now. http://tfl.nu/99sk
  Replies (11) Good night (519) Bad night (3236) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you. http://tfl.nu/ld05
  Replies (11) Good night (3517) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today. http://tfl.nu/48rk
  Replies (6) Good night (4641) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think. http://tfl.nu/hmzv
  Replies (12) Good night (651) Bad night (3970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST (602): I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise! http://tfl.nu/2ck7
  Replies (36) Good night (6573) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  it was like fucking gandolphs beard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): it was like fucking gandolphs beard http://tfl.nu/vnqc
  Replies (29) Good night (689) Bad night (6489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three. http://tfl.nu/b36h
  Replies (17) Good night (544) Bad night (4872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life. http://tfl.nu/v7co
  Replies (10) Good night (476) Bad night (3364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access? http://tfl.nu/pvq3
  Replies (27) Good night (5002) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house. (1-847): that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect. http://tfl.nu/7r4g
  Replies (25) Good night (7544) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk. http://tfl.nu/yadf
  Replies (16) Good night (6904) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  everyone's regretting their thursdays.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird? (203): everyone's regretting their thursdays. http://tfl.nu/3lei
  Replies (7) Good night (4016) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you. http://tfl.nu/2p1b
  Replies (8) Good night (4324) Bad night (400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?

  (1-212): View more from New York

  this is Aaron, hi

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud? (1-212): this is Aaron, hi http://tfl.nu/ackd
  Replies (48) Good night (19446) Bad night (1770)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you? http://tfl.nu/lfio
  Replies (72) Good night (20047) Bad night (3295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you http://tfl.nu/yn2g
  Replies (9) Good night (4215) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper. http://tfl.nu/jd33
  Replies (39) Good night (5291) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Have you seen my high heels that I wore out? (1-812): You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave? http://tfl.nu/rqvo
  Replies (15) Good night (7012) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often http://tfl.nu/vudy
  Replies (17) Good night (3549) Bad night (625)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out! http://tfl.nu/n1rp
  Replies (11) Good night (4263) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win. http://tfl.nu/dvpb
  Replies (24) Good night (7106) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight

  (1-480): View more from Arizona

  Why?

  (480): View more from Arizona

  'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight (1-480): Why? (480): 'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward http://tfl.nu/ohlj
  Replies (8) Good night (967) Bad night (4489)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax. http://tfl.nu/uaku
  Replies (13) Good night (983) Bad night (7481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.

  (571): View more from Virginia

  define virginity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying. (571): define virginity. http://tfl.nu/5by8
  Replies (17) Good night (5439) Bad night (1281)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him. http://tfl.nu/d3m1
  Replies (31) Good night (10910) Bad night (973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot http://tfl.nu/time
  Replies (21) Good night (10483) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea? http://tfl.nu/h6xa
  Replies (42) Good night (8909) Bad night (2039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday http://tfl.nu/e47n
  Replies (7) Good night (4198) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid. http://tfl.nu/3tmh
  Replies (10) Good night (638) Bad night (3666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Wish you were here....

  (734): View more from Michigan

  And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Wish you were here.... (734): And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it? http://tfl.nu/j5nc
  Replies (36) Good night (1721) Bad night (6599)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up. http://tfl.nu/gf96
  Replies (19) Good night (5751) Bad night (558)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign? http://tfl.nu/nghc
  Replies (20) Good night (4874) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Please get laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot. (1-919): Please get laid. http://tfl.nu/xffk
  Replies (37) Good night (1581) Bad night (5534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk. http://tfl.nu/e85f
  Replies (12) Good night (4361) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life. (1-775): Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life. http://tfl.nu/spac
  Replies (3) Good night (734) Bad night (2842)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Reggie can tackle my bush.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Reggie can tackle my bush. http://tfl.nu/9r8z
  Replies (32) Good night (4085) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I don't even know what potassium is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember? (703): I don't even know what potassium is. http://tfl.nu/wfp6
  Replies (47) Good night (9564) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home. http://tfl.nu/lnz2
  Replies (23) Good night (909) Bad night (5349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar. http://tfl.nu/wvqn
  Replies (20) Good night (6635) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship. http://tfl.nu/z11g
  Replies (23) Good night (1784) Bad night (4450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay? http://tfl.nu/89t2
  Replies (35) Good night (1886) Bad night (5113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk. http://tfl.nu/exk9
  Replies (25) Good night (6314) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal http://tfl.nu/rcec
  Replies (25) Good night (4653) Bad night (1684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her. http://tfl.nu/icjy
  Replies (53) Good night (2250) Bad night (14356) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"

  (1-312): View more from Illinois

  go get him tiger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun" (1-312): go get him tiger. http://tfl.nu/5kmx
  Replies (17) Good night (4598) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word. http://tfl.nu/hy59
  Replies (21) Good night (4834) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift http://tfl.nu/rkcx
  Replies (52) Good night (5559) Bad night (1630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot. http://tfl.nu/3jpd
  Replies (21) Good night (6659) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My cha cha got a haircut

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): My cha cha got a haircut (724): thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf http://tfl.nu/cixh
  Replies (34) Good night (1176) Bad night (8872)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  God I fucking love America.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016... (1-513): God I fucking love America. http://tfl.nu/eses
  Replies (44) Good night (8618) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere (1-917): no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john http://tfl.nu/sfec
  Replies (24) Good night (5455) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month. http://tfl.nu/7dyi
  Replies (29) Good night (13952) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  You drunk yet?

  (925): View more from California

  Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.

  (408): View more from California

  Cant make any promises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): You drunk yet? (925): Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them. (408): Cant make any promises. http://tfl.nu/jm9i
  Replies (9) Good night (4489) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (246) Good night (64506) Bad night (2455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there. http://tfl.nu/ndt3
  Replies (24) Good night (4692) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please http://tfl.nu/2mvs
  Replies (26) Good night (5510) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...

  (845): View more from New York

  Are you serious?

  (917): View more from New York City

  yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head... (845): Are you serious? (917): yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it... http://tfl.nu/iiih
  Replies (25) Good night (644) Bad night (4201)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful? http://tfl.nu/fnv5
  Replies (21) Good night (530) Bad night (5483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  we convinced you the moon was a planet...again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): we convinced you the moon was a planet...again http://tfl.nu/tbv6
  Replies (23) Good night (6751) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (974): View more from

  You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (974): You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it. http://tfl.nu/orv6
  Replies (28) Good night (7606) Bad night (532)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk. http://tfl.nu/huyr
  Replies (9) Good night (5780) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward. http://tfl.nu/juz7
  Replies (17) Good night (6870) Bad night (1671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?

  (949): View more from California

  I gave it to your brother to give to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it? (949): I gave it to your brother to give to you. http://tfl.nu/fwxt
  Replies (55) Good night (12901) Bad night (4751)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college. http://tfl.nu/ajs9
  Replies (13) Good night (4122) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death. http://tfl.nu/862e
  Replies (10) Good night (1618) Bad night (3600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!' http://tfl.nu/st5y
  Replies (23) Good night (2907) Bad night (3638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho http://tfl.nu/chvf
  Replies (56) Good night (1776) Bad night (14399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport http://tfl.nu/zg9o
  Replies (20) Good night (6483) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone http://tfl.nu/fyy6
  Replies (32) Good night (6813) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you. http://tfl.nu/jbfy
  Replies (27) Good night (8562) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK. http://tfl.nu/4l82
  Replies (23) Good night (4977) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD

  (206): View more from Washington

  Or, you could have used a condom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD (206): Or, you could have used a condom http://tfl.nu/0l3i
  Replies (35) Good night (864) Bad night (6510)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me. http://tfl.nu/jzk3
  Replies (33) Good night (9955) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys http://tfl.nu/ak8d
  Replies (17) Good night (5615) Bad night (2084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad. http://tfl.nu/8fn1
  Replies (68) Good night (11372) Bad night (2498)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I don't wanna die...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!! (615): I don't wanna die... http://tfl.nu/h1ht
  Replies (10) Good night (6337) Bad night (867)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am. http://tfl.nu/8xi2
  Replies (15) Good night (8453) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever. http://tfl.nu/mdyd
  Replies (16) Good night (6183) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now. http://tfl.nu/4cfq
  Replies (54) Good night (7016) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night. http://tfl.nu/15vj
  Replies (50) Good night (4742) Bad night (1404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one. http://tfl.nu/7onj
  Replies (36) Good night (7572) Bad night (503)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.

  (1-909): View more from California

  I worship thee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed. (1-909): I worship thee. http://tfl.nu/jd00
  Replies (54) Good night (7777) Bad night (894)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged. http://tfl.nu/xha8
  Replies (57) Good night (2017) Bad night (4154)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  whatd she say to you?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table (1-256): whatd she say to you? (256): no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle http://tfl.nu/mg7u
  Replies (60) Good night (1652) Bad night (7921)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly http://tfl.nu/58r9
  Replies (24) Good night (608) Bad night (6906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something http://tfl.nu/obfg
  Replies (29) Good night (695) Bad night (5758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.." http://tfl.nu/yyzh
  Replies (124) Good night (39431) Bad night (2264)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0. http://tfl.nu/gdax
  Replies (35) Good night (5861) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is http://tfl.nu/mseg
  Replies (21) Good night (4273) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever. http://tfl.nu/jcyn
  Replies (31) Good night (7195) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion. http://tfl.nu/ntse
  Replies (28) Good night (10487) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!" http://tfl.nu/rb09
  Replies (23) Good night (11003) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me http://tfl.nu/9ayb
  Replies (41) Good night (5519) Bad night (1074) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it http://tfl.nu/kytb
  Replies (18) Good night (1071) Bad night (4533)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer. http://tfl.nu/2zy4
  Replies (59) Good night (9850) Bad night (932)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest. http://tfl.nu/jp7b
  Replies (36) Good night (6038) Bad night (2167) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Intervention is following me on twitter.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  wow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Intervention is following me on twitter. (440): wow. http://tfl.nu/4vti
  Replies (14) Good night (4938) Bad night (1131)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning. http://tfl.nu/zsoe
  Replies (34) Good night (987) Bad night (9297) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): we should become lesbians. not together. just in general. http://tfl.nu/a6ds
  Replies (15) Good night (6253) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it. http://tfl.nu/l5ke
  Replies (29) Good night (8554) Bad night (1565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (769): View more from Mississippi

  she said she likes her vagina punished

  (1-769): View more from Mississippi

  being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (769): she said she likes her vagina punished (1-769): being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough http://tfl.nu/ts79
  Replies (35) Good night (1435) Bad night (6749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  i can respect that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you. (1-404): i can respect that. http://tfl.nu/fvjd
  Replies (14) Good night (4630) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me. http://tfl.nu/y5s2
  Replies (30) Good night (5554) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number. http://tfl.nu/465z
  Replies (31) Good night (14988) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song. (1-706): I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina. http://tfl.nu/b2qf
  Replies (81) Good night (2407) Bad night (5770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you. http://tfl.nu/tn9h
  Replies (18) Good night (7754) Bad night (1010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went. http://tfl.nu/2aw8
  Replies (25) Good night (5084) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again http://tfl.nu/srv7
  Replies (21) Good night (6116) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): You do realize it's a Tuesday, right? (1-586): You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life. http://tfl.nu/em8w
  Replies (22) Good night (7559) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism http://tfl.nu/ktmw
  Replies (15) Good night (4936) Bad night (446)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  and I must say, you were very persuasive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight. (303): and I must say, you were very persuasive http://tfl.nu/e18p
  Replies (74) Good night (17140) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back." (202): buy whatever she's on. a lot of it. http://tfl.nu/b6gr
  Replies (34) Good night (14716) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again. http://tfl.nu/btf1
  Replies (60) Good night (7018) Bad night (959)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone. http://tfl.nu/hjip
  Replies (21) Good night (8022) Bad night (617)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I find this completely acceptable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework? (321): I find this completely acceptable. http://tfl.nu/32xm
  Replies (27) Good night (5260) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent http://tfl.nu/7y58
  Replies (13) Good night (5442) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love. http://tfl.nu/7dfa
  Replies (15) Good night (6168) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood. http://tfl.nu/hew5
  Replies (11) Good night (4039) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination http://tfl.nu/nh5d
  Replies (17) Good night (637) Bad night (3428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  "Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): "Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends" http://tfl.nu/crxa
  Replies (17) Good night (4757) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'. http://tfl.nu/b21s
  Replies (18) Good night (6366) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  What is a GED?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly (1-208): What is a GED? http://tfl.nu/qgi3
  Replies (47) Good night (680) Bad night (9466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Honestly, what else do I have going for me?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  You make a valid point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets. (440): Honestly, what else do I have going for me? (216): You make a valid point. http://tfl.nu/ba8r
  Replies (22) Good night (1369) Bad night (3479)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them. http://tfl.nu/zwx2
  Replies (30) Good night (1092) Bad night (5024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  the diet of an alcoholic...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks. (1-407): the diet of an alcoholic... http://tfl.nu/3a7v
  Replies (15) Good night (3941) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube

  (630): View more from Illinois

  my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube (630): my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up. http://tfl.nu/cxvl
  Replies (17) Good night (6894) Bad night (431)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library. http://tfl.nu/bcrx
  Replies (16) Good night (4147) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I gave up sex for lent.

  (646): View more from New York

  I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I gave up sex for lent. (646): I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter. http://tfl.nu/87gp
  Replies (18) Good night (864) Bad night (4131)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday. http://tfl.nu/pumo
  Replies (30) Good night (11485) Bad night (490)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)

  (1-714): View more from California

  i'm so jealous of you right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;) (1-714): i'm so jealous of you right now. http://tfl.nu/egrq
  Replies (56) Good night (8520) Bad night (1209)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime (724): ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname http://tfl.nu/hnce
  Replies (62) Good night (7042) Bad night (452)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  you would not believe what I got pierced last night...

  (540): View more from Virginia

  son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): you would not believe what I got pierced last night... (540): son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear. http://tfl.nu/q4w6
  Replies (61) Good night (1564) Bad night (6042)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage. http://tfl.nu/ckot
  Replies (212) Good night (573) Bad night (10173) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....

  (1-605): View more from South Dakota

  i always knew you were classy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom.... (1-605): i always knew you were classy http://tfl.nu/hf24
  Replies (44) Good night (1617) Bad night (4937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right? http://tfl.nu/y3vu
  Replies (49) Good night (993) Bad night (7042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high? http://tfl.nu/2d1b
  Replies (38) Good night (8446) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling... http://tfl.nu/h6kn
  Replies (38) Good night (834) Bad night (3628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing. http://tfl.nu/a6am
  Replies (45) Good night (1081) Bad night (6525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent

  (770): View more from Georgia

  don't you ever do that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent (770): don't you ever do that... http://tfl.nu/61yw
  Replies (29) Good night (4277) Bad night (684)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv. http://tfl.nu/a1rt
  Replies (15) Good night (5263) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store

  (949): View more from California

  I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store (949): I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on. http://tfl.nu/06qo
  Replies (33) Good night (1021) Bad night (3639)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off. http://tfl.nu/1gub
  Replies (56) Good night (468) Bad night (5402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome

  (816): View more from Missouri

  no its not leave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome (816): no its not leave http://tfl.nu/95g2
  Replies (91) Good night (1853) Bad night (7626)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober" http://tfl.nu/2nrl
  Replies (19) Good night (638) Bad night (3857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night. http://tfl.nu/vtqv
  Replies (26) Good night (711) Bad night (3652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?

  (1-613): View more from Ontario

  not a thing

  (613): View more from Ontario

  walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom? (1-613): not a thing (613): walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom http://tfl.nu/euwx
  Replies (19) Good night (705) Bad night (4870)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me. http://tfl.nu/8azw
  Replies (16) Good night (604) Bad night (3274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well. http://tfl.nu/uja4
  Replies (56) Good night (796) Bad night (4692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA. http://tfl.nu/q47o
  Replies (31) Good night (1197) Bad night (5096) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I really wanna talk..

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I really wanna talk.. (1-817): if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down http://tfl.nu/qj3j
  Replies (82) Good night (7551) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up http://tfl.nu/dh1d
  Replies (30) Good night (5085) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky http://tfl.nu/clbn
  Replies (90) Good night (7651) Bad night (926)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor http://tfl.nu/d5hx
  Replies (18) Good night (4205) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history http://tfl.nu/gm9f
  Replies (17) Good night (3986) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving http://tfl.nu/h9li
  Replies (28) Good night (655) Bad night (7645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?" http://tfl.nu/o8h0
  Replies (9) Good night (4850) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever. http://tfl.nu/989r
  Replies (18) Good night (5362) Bad night (1408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move http://tfl.nu/msae
  Replies (33) Good night (6896) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list. http://tfl.nu/k33x
  Replies (27) Good night (4654) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer? http://tfl.nu/yj7n
  Replies (26) Good night (4375) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up. http://tfl.nu/1vah
  Replies (13) Good night (3564) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour. http://tfl.nu/xoad
  Replies (26) Good night (7837) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously.. http://tfl.nu/exbf
  Replies (24) Good night (1189) Bad night (6312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them

  (718): View more from New York

  pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them (718): pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed http://tfl.nu/7id4
  Replies (31) Good night (10677) Bad night (605)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex.. http://tfl.nu/g01t
  Replies (17) Good night (4834) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart. http://tfl.nu/xj2p
  Replies (40) Good night (5974) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man http://tfl.nu/37r4
  Replies (21) Good night (4924) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now.. http://tfl.nu/43y7
  Replies (23) Good night (5232) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I love having hate sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): I love having hate sex. http://tfl.nu/fz63
  Replies (43) Good night (5006) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel! http://tfl.nu/ztnc
  Replies (49) Good night (1056) Bad night (4560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant. (847): Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you. http://tfl.nu/48mv
  Replies (63) Good night (2552) Bad night (5646)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning. http://tfl.nu/luil
  Replies (65) Good night (1093) Bad night (6569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Hookers taste better with whip cream

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Fair enough

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Hookers taste better with whip cream (816): Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too (417): Fair enough http://tfl.nu/svnz
  Replies (45) Good night (3760) Bad night (1018)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling. (1-812): Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h). http://tfl.nu/pr6e
  Replies (23) Good night (689) Bad night (2567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them. http://tfl.nu/5z6d
  Replies (37) Good night (6417) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore. http://tfl.nu/ntw9
  Replies (55) Good night (5266) Bad night (1092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick http://tfl.nu/y4fo
  Replies (61) Good night (5296) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles. http://tfl.nu/osg1
  Replies (69) Good night (9146) Bad night (2715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.

  (407): View more from Florida

  Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk. (407): Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked. http://tfl.nu/656t
  Replies (21) Good night (5239) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  I like it rough

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right? (1-402): I like it rough http://tfl.nu/uqsl
  Replies (38) Good night (6407) Bad night (1277) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat. http://tfl.nu/e56w
  Replies (19) Good night (664) Bad night (4539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play. http://tfl.nu/cpw3
  Replies (20) Good night (3925) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work. http://tfl.nu/kzvl
  Replies (26) Good night (3969) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420 http://tfl.nu/8lzk
  Replies (27) Good night (6419) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions. http://tfl.nu/7qp6
  Replies (29) Good night (7889) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall. http://tfl.nu/zz1u
  Replies (35) Good night (5443) Bad night (1258)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i think girls just don't want to fuck you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father (973): i think girls just don't want to fuck you http://tfl.nu/fr5s
  Replies (31) Good night (1874) Bad night (5751)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job http://tfl.nu/pld4
  Replies (19) Good night (956) Bad night (3981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.

  (1-707): View more from California

  you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her. (1-707): you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you http://tfl.nu/2wdi
  Replies (15) Good night (555) Bad night (4889)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me? http://tfl.nu/7eei
  Replies (26) Good night (6606) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Barney's a jerk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments. (617): Barney's a jerk http://tfl.nu/dlz7
  Replies (16) Good night (4494) Bad night (634)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch." http://tfl.nu/35ko
  Replies (29) Good night (962) Bad night (4226) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad. http://tfl.nu/536n
  Replies (22) Good night (963) Bad night (3473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  This is sufficient.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living (1-412): bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug (412): This is sufficient. http://tfl.nu/p15m
  Replies (72) Good night (11558) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots. http://tfl.nu/2a1b
  Replies (23) Good night (746) Bad night (3863)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex http://tfl.nu/vz15
  Replies (67) Good night (803) Bad night (5068) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it. http://tfl.nu/1q62
  Replies (17) Good night (6128) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work http://tfl.nu/rvok
  Replies (20) Good night (4676) Bad night (642)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  suggestion: become a stripper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed. (508): suggestion: become a stripper. http://tfl.nu/xaou
  Replies (22) Good night (4414) Bad night (760)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts. http://tfl.nu/4sqd
  Replies (94) Good night (20248) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before

  (806): View more from Texas

  he probably also told you he thought u were pretty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before (806): he probably also told you he thought u were pretty http://tfl.nu/s8x5
  Replies (22) Good night (1313) Bad night (5801)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis. http://tfl.nu/cpy9
  Replies (35) Good night (4680) Bad night (1606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  he fucked me so hard my future children felt it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): he fucked me so hard my future children felt it http://tfl.nu/ioph
  Replies (43) Good night (10995) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby. http://tfl.nu/f0c2
  Replies (96) Good night (15947) Bad night (979)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator http://tfl.nu/bvrd
  Replies (42) Good night (590) Bad night (6957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy? http://tfl.nu/0629
  Replies (44) Good night (5944) Bad night (1238)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis. http://tfl.nu/rix3
  Replies (17) Good night (4862) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ? http://tfl.nu/0iqw
  Replies (11) Good night (3821) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again? http://tfl.nu/cny9
  Replies (13) Good night (677) Bad night (5313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day http://tfl.nu/i2uc
  Replies (10) Good night (4127) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex. http://tfl.nu/3zjj
  Replies (21) Good night (1556) Bad night (6188) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  So my game is weak??

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): So my game is weak?? (501): If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes. http://tfl.nu/3tou
  Replies (10) Good night (827) Bad night (3282)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit. http://tfl.nu/mbv0
  Replies (8) Good night (4412) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras http://tfl.nu/7rs3
  Replies (16) Good night (5369) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up... http://tfl.nu/b9ou
  Replies (55) Good night (5854) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now. http://tfl.nu/hl5z
  Replies (6) Good night (3597) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass. http://tfl.nu/vn76
  Replies (25) Good night (4579) Bad night (1562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it http://tfl.nu/d9op
  Replies (28) Good night (5839) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one http://tfl.nu/gt0t
  Replies (27) Good night (5924) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk http://tfl.nu/ail4
  Replies (33) Good night (4072) Bad night (1058) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice? http://tfl.nu/r74z
  Replies (90) Good night (3835) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.

  (1-661): View more from California

  Lol thats a classic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me. (1-661): Lol thats a classic http://tfl.nu/zpo3
  Replies (31) Good night (4840) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  No period for spring break; use this wisely.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): No period for spring break; use this wisely. http://tfl.nu/lbmo
  Replies (21) Good night (5128) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated. http://tfl.nu/vtpc
  Replies (40) Good night (1163) Bad night (3378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds

  (1-530): View more from California

  Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds (1-530): Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning. http://tfl.nu/ltqk
  Replies (40) Good night (745) Bad night (4346)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.

  (713): View more from Texas

  what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over. (713): what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper. http://tfl.nu/jxuh
  Replies (95) Good night (676) Bad night (5566)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C. http://tfl.nu/06rr
  Replies (23) Good night (6695) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary. http://tfl.nu/vju6
  Replies (25) Good night (943) Bad night (4439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed. http://tfl.nu/da2p
  Replies (13) Good night (4609) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you http://tfl.nu/m0v0
  Replies (31) Good night (7665) Bad night (1062)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed http://tfl.nu/lr4z
  Replies (18) Good night (1837) Bad night (3698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix. http://tfl.nu/c1od
  Replies (43) Good night (9399) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse. http://tfl.nu/g7w2
  Replies (18) Good night (3748) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again. http://tfl.nu/rkzi
  Replies (27) Good night (5909) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often. http://tfl.nu/ixlv
  Replies (15) Good night (4350) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis http://tfl.nu/8wlo
  Replies (8) Good night (3948) Bad night (493)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"

  (760): View more from California

  When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex" (760): When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely." http://tfl.nu/jlap
  Replies (19) Good night (6496) Bad night (400)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am. http://tfl.nu/ox2k
  Replies (13) Good night (477) Bad night (4011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh... http://tfl.nu/to9x
  Replies (16) Good night (4378) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  please don't let me die tonight

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  what have you done for me lately?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): please don't let me die tonight (860): what have you done for me lately? http://tfl.nu/9vcn
  Replies (18) Good night (4542) Bad night (933)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left. http://tfl.nu/ytq9
  Replies (28) Good night (6922) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package.. http://tfl.nu/0izj
  Replies (37) Good night (6658) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings. http://tfl.nu/sarg
  Replies (28) Good night (993) Bad night (6646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me... http://tfl.nu/6tu6
  Replies (21) Good night (6131) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs http://tfl.nu/qh32
  Replies (21) Good night (3995) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard http://tfl.nu/p7e3
  Replies (16) Good night (4912) Bad night (351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more. http://tfl.nu/ypfs
  Replies (25) Good night (526) Bad night (4424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear. http://tfl.nu/va6s
  Replies (47) Good night (4565) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death. http://tfl.nu/mvsk
  Replies (12) Good night (817) Bad night (4691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp http://tfl.nu/1q8y
  Replies (23) Good night (4491) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  vagina is talking i cant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): vagina is talking i cant http://tfl.nu/cyjf
  Replies (37) Good night (3437) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it

  (206): View more from Washington

  youre the best friend ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it (206): youre the best friend ever http://tfl.nu/6oyc
  Replies (45) Good night (19376) Bad night (642)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them. http://tfl.nu/w7ab
  Replies (11) Good night (5132) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.

  (815): View more from Illinois

  we live in such a classy society.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead. (815): we live in such a classy society. http://tfl.nu/glf0
  Replies (25) Good night (5314) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced. http://tfl.nu/9kh7
  Replies (23) Good night (681) Bad night (8385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces" http://tfl.nu/4r9u
  Replies (20) Good night (854) Bad night (5478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job. (320): Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud. http://tfl.nu/wke9
  Replies (38) Good night (7346) Bad night (464)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight http://tfl.nu/2lmk
  Replies (23) Good night (4411) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  USA! USA! USA!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic (414): USA! USA! USA! http://tfl.nu/meud
  Replies (34) Good night (4549) Bad night (644)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka. http://tfl.nu/j6vt
  Replies (19) Good night (4172) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...

  (775): View more from Nevada

  yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me... (775): yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift. http://tfl.nu/mwdt
  Replies (25) Good night (5213) Bad night (526)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong http://tfl.nu/jy3c
  Replies (23) Good night (3932) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak. http://tfl.nu/34fx
  Replies (30) Good night (5388) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  where are you?

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  sonic

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): where are you? (1-404): sonic (404): Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs. http://tfl.nu/pjgu
  Replies (25) Good night (4878) Bad night (402)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  ...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  That was a text you sent me last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I think I'd do Clint Eastwood. (440): ...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now. (513): That was a text you sent me last night. http://tfl.nu/tvw9
  Replies (36) Good night (9443) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on

  (1-310): View more from California

  I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on (1-310): I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his http://tfl.nu/vdif
  Replies (30) Good night (5245) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy. http://tfl.nu/ah1s
  Replies (35) Good night (692) Bad night (4377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him. http://tfl.nu/tue9
  Replies (8) Good night (4000) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (819): View more from Quebec

  Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Each and every day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (819): Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough? (604): Each and every day. http://tfl.nu/71fx
  Replies (16) Good night (4235) Bad night (661)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i mean you met him at the daytona 500

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife (404): i mean you met him at the daytona 500 http://tfl.nu/ydp4
  Replies (32) Good night (724) Bad night (4563)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool. http://tfl.nu/7f4d
  Replies (11) Good night (3503) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga. http://tfl.nu/5ric
  Replies (16) Good night (3735) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.

  (1-647): View more from Ontario

  Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): 47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over. (1-647): Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead? http://tfl.nu/n8gs
  Replies (57) Good night (864) Bad night (5278)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  period poops. best. ever.

  (925): View more from California

  omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): period poops. best. ever. (925): omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that... http://tfl.nu/lwj4
  Replies (144) Good night (1505) Bad night (18553)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said http://tfl.nu/bvpk
  Replies (41) Good night (6336) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow

  (1-269): View more from Michigan

  Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow (1-269): Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10 http://tfl.nu/n472
  Replies (63) Good night (14309) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams. http://tfl.nu/ox7r
  Replies (47) Good night (10327) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish? http://tfl.nu/2ysn
  Replies (26) Good night (3680) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high? http://tfl.nu/47rp
  Replies (18) Good night (4701) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome http://tfl.nu/w0f6
  Replies (48) Good night (3438) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible". http://tfl.nu/e3k3
  Replies (43) Good night (7267) Bad night (1157)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions http://tfl.nu/rnwr
  Replies (7) Good night (3311) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i just stepped in cum. i hate you.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Thats what happens when you don't swallow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i just stepped in cum. i hate you. (603): Thats what happens when you don't swallow. http://tfl.nu/7phl
  Replies (86) Good night (8971) Bad night (2451)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling. http://tfl.nu/ly52
  Replies (26) Good night (5267) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time. http://tfl.nu/0k6p
  Replies (12) Good night (3486) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward. http://tfl.nu/qgop
  Replies (24) Good night (1730) Bad night (3208) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You're such a slut.

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I prefer opportunist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): You're such a slut. (318): I prefer opportunist. http://tfl.nu/49c1
  Replies (27) Good night (6172) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under. http://tfl.nu/oj4t
  Replies (14) Good night (3214) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  You better have your party panties on Saturday!

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  Why only Saturday?

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): You better have your party panties on Saturday! (1-205): Why only Saturday? (205): Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri. http://tfl.nu/ifn7
  Replies (26) Good night (3923) Bad night (768)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on http://tfl.nu/h45u
  Replies (24) Good night (4524) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me. http://tfl.nu/ol58
  Replies (43) Good night (1437) Bad night (5396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer http://tfl.nu/h8i3
  Replies (6) Good night (3993) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  what did you hear about me?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around

  (630): View more from Illinois

  that was hard to say and not laugh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): what did you hear about me? (630): that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around (630): that was hard to say and not laugh http://tfl.nu/dwdl
  Replies (13) Good night (4310) Bad night (647)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide

  (231): View more from Michigan

  please tell me this is not legit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide (231): please tell me this is not legit http://tfl.nu/bait
  Replies (33) Good night (5390) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER. (610): When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!" http://tfl.nu/bnpd
  Replies (40) Good night (5859) Bad night (899)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan! http://tfl.nu/8a5r
  Replies (26) Good night (5031) Bad night (655)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out. http://tfl.nu/ndw1
  Replies (50) Good night (1230) Bad night (17805)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Nevermind, it's not water.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle. (907): Nevermind, it's not water. http://tfl.nu/jzsy
  Replies (24) Good night (6814) Bad night (451)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point http://tfl.nu/celc
  Replies (40) Good night (1693) Bad night (6840)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed. http://tfl.nu/5sxg
  Replies (14) Good night (471) Bad night (4610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  where are my pants?

  (1-219): View more from Indiana

  you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): where are my pants? (1-219): you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm http://tfl.nu/h936
  Replies (14) Good night (4580) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  safety first

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle (612): safety first http://tfl.nu/lbuo
  Replies (32) Good night (5146) Bad night (529)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  clearly you have your priorities straight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON (651): clearly you have your priorities straight http://tfl.nu/87z9
  Replies (68) Good night (4305) Bad night (1003)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer. http://tfl.nu/5zs6
  Replies (44) Good night (4205) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/vt43
  Replies (16) Good night (4315) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me. http://tfl.nu/m7oc
  Replies (14) Good night (4696) Bad night (356) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today. http://tfl.nu/ix6a
  Replies (43) Good night (6727) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter http://tfl.nu/u1op
  Replies (24) Good night (6807) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  Me specifically?

  (903): View more from Texas

  Yep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Today in psych we learned that you are a whore. (1-314): Me specifically? (903): Yep. http://tfl.nu/w818
  Replies (44) Good night (9123) Bad night (803)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?

  (330): View more from Ohio

  yes... and buy you lunch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer? (330): yes... and buy you lunch http://tfl.nu/rnfb
  Replies (24) Good night (7636) Bad night (410)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?

  (1-707): View more from California

  logic in its finest

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i? (1-707): logic in its finest http://tfl.nu/z7qz
  Replies (41) Good night (4388) Bad night (2314) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops http://tfl.nu/07bg
  Replies (45) Good night (9909) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again. http://tfl.nu/a0p6
  Replies (23) Good night (4166) Bad night (1151) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand. http://tfl.nu/cnkx
  Replies (25) Good night (6265) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out. http://tfl.nu/825u
  Replies (14) Good night (3448) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming. http://tfl.nu/ara4
  Replies (39) Good night (4852) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog http://tfl.nu/fdsx
  Replies (27) Good night (1216) Bad night (6957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Want any specific kind of beer?

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Yeah. Alcohol flavor.

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Got it. Anything but Miller.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Want any specific kind of beer? (623): Yeah. Alcohol flavor. (701): Got it. Anything but Miller. http://tfl.nu/wg65
  Replies (39) Good night (6814) Bad night (610)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick http://tfl.nu/i68n
  Replies (71) Good night (17661) Bad night (3272) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls. http://tfl.nu/2hrl
  Replies (30) Good night (9995) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line. http://tfl.nu/zp2p
  Replies (15) Good night (972) Bad night (4130) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor http://tfl.nu/0k04
  Replies (17) Good night (742) Bad night (4598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt. http://tfl.nu/oq6j
  Replies (38) Good night (4563) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend. http://tfl.nu/3lzx
  Replies (20) Good night (764) Bad night (4012)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

  (1-949): View more from California

  are you seriously doing this over text message

  (949): View more from California

  hahaha no, but i am dumping you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me? (1-949): are you seriously doing this over text message (949): hahaha no, but i am dumping you. http://tfl.nu/2zd7
  Replies (351) Good night (7018) Bad night (46845)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it. http://tfl.nu/o8fq
  Replies (27) Good night (754) Bad night (6757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy. http://tfl.nu/gv2k
  Replies (14) Good night (444) Bad night (4846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  ...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): ...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear... http://tfl.nu/jb6u
  Replies (14) Good night (5868) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower. http://tfl.nu/v1s4
  Replies (33) Good night (5141) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition. http://tfl.nu/zjox
  Replies (9) Good night (4679) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser. http://tfl.nu/232e
  Replies (24) Good night (1484) Bad night (7688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  i wish semen tasted like chocolate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): i wish semen tasted like chocolate http://tfl.nu/nknz
  Replies (61) Good night (7772) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys? http://tfl.nu/bo9t
  Replies (33) Good night (794) Bad night (5590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified. http://tfl.nu/2va0
  Replies (27) Good night (4864) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist.. http://tfl.nu/9c4j
  Replies (48) Good night (876) Bad night (3552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now. http://tfl.nu/drco
  Replies (57) Good night (6304) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon. http://tfl.nu/7cpz
  Replies (56) Good night (8103) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball... http://tfl.nu/7xuo
  Replies (26) Good night (6489) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk

  (415): View more from California

  yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk (415): yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts http://tfl.nu/5sxt
  Replies (49) Good night (8024) Bad night (948)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me. http://tfl.nu/n11o
  Replies (46) Good night (2038) Bad night (7745)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back http://tfl.nu/7hrx
  Replies (34) Good night (5197) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook. http://tfl.nu/a58w
  Replies (23) Good night (6634) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  New charity walk idea!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished. (202): New charity walk idea! http://tfl.nu/skxt
  Replies (31) Good night (12477) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy." http://tfl.nu/a1we
  Replies (91) Good night (20561) Bad night (2710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain http://tfl.nu/cvqd
  Replies (24) Good night (941) Bad night (3371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night. http://tfl.nu/j04h
  Replies (19) Good night (6752) Bad night (358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry. http://tfl.nu/w271
  Replies (10) Good night (4968) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  drunk me is so punny.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life. (843): drunk me is so punny. http://tfl.nu/qdzv
  Replies (19) Good night (8297) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice. http://tfl.nu/ukpc
  Replies (17) Good night (1078) Bad night (4436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night. http://tfl.nu/n564
  Replies (22) Good night (5441) Bad night (508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America. http://tfl.nu/aex4
  Replies (15) Good night (7154) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant" http://tfl.nu/lcyo
  Replies (27) Good night (816) Bad night (4791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night. http://tfl.nu/lzo0
  Replies (21) Good night (5211) Bad night (376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving. http://tfl.nu/b59v
  Replies (36) Good night (5648) Bad night (1253) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend. http://tfl.nu/02a8
  Replies (23) Good night (7666) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed. http://tfl.nu/ikx6
  Replies (21) Good night (5554) Bad night (1015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow http://tfl.nu/61vx
  Replies (66) Good night (475) Bad night (5813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!" http://tfl.nu/kefh
  Replies (16) Good night (5240) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level. http://tfl.nu/r4mw
  Replies (21) Good night (4197) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy. (1-907): Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more.. http://tfl.nu/8g8e
  Replies (44) Good night (7065) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox. http://tfl.nu/v0mm
  Replies (45) Good night (8758) Bad night (2452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.

  (1-931): View more from Tennessee

  Wtf? What happened?

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other. (1-931): Wtf? What happened? (931): Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home. http://tfl.nu/q0zo
  Replies (41) Good night (16674) Bad night (662)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points http://tfl.nu/hnze
  Replies (18) Good night (6303) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from? http://tfl.nu/obbh
  Replies (27) Good night (2126) Bad night (6449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins http://tfl.nu/u9n2
  Replies (23) Good night (7761) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook http://tfl.nu/ft2u
  Replies (36) Good night (9879) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband. http://tfl.nu/y7jc
  Replies (31) Good night (5506) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me

  (847): View more from Illinois

  No promises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me (847): No promises. http://tfl.nu/emuw
  Replies (33) Good night (5285) Bad night (777)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  What?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I have a yeast infection.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I'm bakin' bread in my pussy! (1-314): What? (314): I have a yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/o2ns
  Replies (175) Good night (1646) Bad night (27406)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference. http://tfl.nu/xg4w
  Replies (51) Good night (8620) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (292) Good night (69192) Bad night (1984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  well i fucked her too, so yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested? (610): well i fucked her too, so yes. http://tfl.nu/6v2h
  Replies (91) Good night (1154) Bad night (8644)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  I've always been the spiritual type.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion. (1-702): I've always been the spiritual type. http://tfl.nu/v0oc
  Replies (27) Good night (7226) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard. http://tfl.nu/gkmc
  Replies (62) Good night (9226) Bad night (1213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes. http://tfl.nu/jrvg
  Replies (63) Good night (6717) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward. http://tfl.nu/i2tt
  Replies (40) Good night (1248) Bad night (9514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class http://tfl.nu/hb3s
  Replies (22) Good night (4694) Bad night (1011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since. http://tfl.nu/s9zv
  Replies (61) Good night (17826) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate. http://tfl.nu/t5hj
  Replies (31) Good night (5705) Bad night (1216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him http://tfl.nu/q5w1
  Replies (60) Good night (6187) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical. http://tfl.nu/d9c8
  Replies (29) Good night (10659) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite. http://tfl.nu/yk7i
  Replies (21) Good night (7844) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart. http://tfl.nu/dd9c
  Replies (21) Good night (6658) Bad night (646)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  I'm on my way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now. (1-804): I'm on my way. http://tfl.nu/8nvt
  Replies (28) Good night (6857) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.

  (208): View more from Idaho

  ha well at least you have goals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong. (208): ha well at least you have goals. http://tfl.nu/c71p
  Replies (49) Good night (6640) Bad night (509)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back

  (914): View more from New York

  that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back (914): that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart http://tfl.nu/d09e
  Replies (102) Good night (1403) Bad night (5188)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face http://tfl.nu/cojx
  Replies (60) Good night (1567) Bad night (7274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Haha. Niice.

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  both.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack. (307): Haha. Niice. (479): Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered. (307): both. http://tfl.nu/wvm3
  Replies (46) Good night (5684) Bad night (574)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway. http://tfl.nu/26i6
  Replies (39) Good night (3638) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious. http://tfl.nu/99ri
  Replies (47) Good night (5848) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar http://tfl.nu/dooq
  Replies (28) Good night (4479) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic? http://tfl.nu/xncy
  Replies (71) Good night (7672) Bad night (1237) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident http://tfl.nu/4t8c
  Replies (28) Good night (517) Bad night (2444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  you lied. pity sex is amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): you lied. pity sex is amazing. http://tfl.nu/c61w
  Replies (27) Good night (6684) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex. http://tfl.nu/maqt
  Replies (29) Good night (683) Bad night (7163) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room. http://tfl.nu/rb5o
  Replies (24) Good night (838) Bad night (6032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Come see our sink grown plant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Come see our sink grown plant. http://tfl.nu/3v5r
  Replies (25) Good night (4044) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies. http://tfl.nu/tvv6
  Replies (78) Good night (6630) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS http://tfl.nu/np1i
  Replies (235) Good night (3135) Bad night (3958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights. http://tfl.nu/0a84
  Replies (29) Good night (4759) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well http://tfl.nu/bwmv
  Replies (42) Good night (746) Bad night (6111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them http://tfl.nu/55o4
  Replies (99) Good night (4453) Bad night (2133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up. http://tfl.nu/ev42
  Replies (22) Good night (4918) Bad night (1507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea http://tfl.nu/o6ch
  Replies (28) Good night (1094) Bad night (3625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  i hope so.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night? (816): i hope so. http://tfl.nu/2flb
  Replies (18) Good night (5057) Bad night (1113)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  giving yourself 2 days to recover i see

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): giving yourself 2 days to recover i see (828): I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night. http://tfl.nu/33op
  Replies (11) Good night (4362) Bad night (486)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days?? http://tfl.nu/olry
  Replies (35) Good night (1278) Bad night (3553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now http://tfl.nu/squr
  Replies (40) Good night (8882) Bad night (1039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications http://tfl.nu/d1qr
  Replies (21) Good night (7061) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning http://tfl.nu/cata
  Replies (56) Good night (857) Bad night (4884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level. http://tfl.nu/6nqz
  Replies (27) Good night (1152) Bad night (8507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls http://tfl.nu/yvx9
  Replies (7) Good night (2994) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica. http://tfl.nu/vdor
  Replies (23) Good night (861) Bad night (3571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook http://tfl.nu/tp82
  Replies (24) Good night (1641) Bad night (9802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine. http://tfl.nu/e72g
  Replies (25) Good night (8065) Bad night (718)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet. http://tfl.nu/ajf1
  Replies (23) Good night (7136) Bad night (748)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life. http://tfl.nu/0sjl
  Replies (21) Good night (5163) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game http://tfl.nu/lfk3
  Replies (8) Good night (584) Bad night (6123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse http://tfl.nu/82q3
  Replies (10) Good night (454) Bad night (3875) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK http://tfl.nu/ybgq
  Replies (65) Good night (654) Bad night (8572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY http://tfl.nu/h6do
  Replies (47) Good night (2775) Bad night (13920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk. http://tfl.nu/afjb
  Replies (23) Good night (5364) Bad night (1430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.

  (361): View more from Texas

  I just can't bring boyfriends home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable. (361): I just can't bring boyfriends home. http://tfl.nu/mnpp
  Replies (29) Good night (904) Bad night (4389)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  running late. just ran over a dude on a bike

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): running late. just ran over a dude on a bike http://tfl.nu/e4pf
  Replies (52) Good night (1870) Bad night (7777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship. http://tfl.nu/8xz2
  Replies (26) Good night (7241) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going. http://tfl.nu/dlhh
  Replies (17) Good night (539) Bad night (5429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends. http://tfl.nu/iv37
  Replies (45) Good night (11328) Bad night (1091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you. (1-214): that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary http://tfl.nu/469f
  Replies (36) Good night (7394) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out. http://tfl.nu/7ruz
  Replies (28) Good night (1193) Bad night (4926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): 10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza http://tfl.nu/0z5o
  Replies (35) Good night (7042) Bad night (419) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I'm going for alcohol poisoning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight. (417): I'm going for alcohol poisoning. http://tfl.nu/l0is
  Replies (21) Good night (5767) Bad night (734)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps. http://tfl.nu/w1cf
  Replies (37) Good night (5768) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day. http://tfl.nu/52wz
  Replies (14) Good night (4001) Bad night (545)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on http://tfl.nu/6iv3
  Replies (24) Good night (7199) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this. (517): Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one. http://tfl.nu/v0gx
  Replies (49) Good night (6013) Bad night (1254)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  did u really fuck my little sister???

  (706): View more from Georgia

  im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): did u really fuck my little sister??? (706): im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess" http://tfl.nu/dz4c
  Replies (155) Good night (15026) Bad night (1415)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark http://tfl.nu/4we1
  Replies (56) Good night (5821) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?

  (818): View more from California

  by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA? (818): by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ http://tfl.nu/5i2r
  Replies (43) Good night (13404) Bad night (732)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said" http://tfl.nu/5y3k
  Replies (39) Good night (2379) Bad night (4715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve. http://tfl.nu/el01
  Replies (28) Good night (5805) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to http://tfl.nu/xbm0
  Replies (33) Good night (1398) Bad night (4126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing? http://tfl.nu/c8yk
  Replies (36) Good night (5943) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder. http://tfl.nu/za6c
  Replies (21) Good night (4656) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish. http://tfl.nu/lwox
  Replies (41) Good night (19103) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom". http://tfl.nu/v781
  Replies (16) Good night (851) Bad night (4157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult. http://tfl.nu/hl6i
  Replies (14) Good night (4570) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem http://tfl.nu/7afw
  Replies (27) Good night (1176) Bad night (3948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends" http://tfl.nu/u7q7
  Replies (27) Good night (5874) Bad night (653)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do. http://tfl.nu/xze3
  Replies (22) Good night (8528) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him. http://tfl.nu/xg0w
  Replies (23) Good night (10224) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys. http://tfl.nu/6qzw
  Replies (26) Good night (10757) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide http://tfl.nu/fnhs
  Replies (41) Good night (7117) Bad night (404)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am. http://tfl.nu/0rxk
  Replies (36) Good night (810) Bad night (5320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  bitches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!? (740): bitches. http://tfl.nu/evq4
  Replies (58) Good night (8370) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook. http://tfl.nu/7oed
  Replies (54) Good night (17750) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I don't even know why I got my vag waxed

  (786): View more from Florida

  Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I don't even know why I got my vag waxed (786): Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed. http://tfl.nu/dtgr
  Replies (25) Good night (588) Bad night (4871)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..

  (1-647): View more from Ontario

  who won?

  (647): View more from Ontario

  THAT is your concern right now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest.. (1-647): who won? (647): THAT is your concern right now? http://tfl.nu/f9cv
  Replies (14) Good night (4448) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted http://tfl.nu/844p
  Replies (25) Good night (5095) Bad night (1015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it. http://tfl.nu/5398
  Replies (19) Good night (6135) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Ah, my reputation precedes me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me. (317): Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around. (812): Ah, my reputation precedes me. http://tfl.nu/vl1p
  Replies (25) Good night (1413) Bad night (4131)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame. http://tfl.nu/b4iy
  Replies (10) Good night (1770) Bad night (3441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome? http://tfl.nu/vqed
  Replies (56) Good night (1765) Bad night (9302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right. http://tfl.nu/hrwa
  Replies (71) Good night (6725) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning. http://tfl.nu/jye2
  Replies (14) Good night (5211) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  we need to stop having unprotected sex.

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): we need to stop having unprotected sex. (1-319): ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores. http://tfl.nu/85im
  Replies (31) Good night (927) Bad night (3913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled http://tfl.nu/uuon
  Replies (144) Good night (888) Bad night (6308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers. http://tfl.nu/3nnr
  Replies (37) Good night (901) Bad night (5113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal http://tfl.nu/nm22
  Replies (64) Good night (1115) Bad night (5605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything http://tfl.nu/13bs
  Replies (49) Good night (572) Bad night (6070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him. http://tfl.nu/4998
  Replies (41) Good night (1073) Bad night (4143) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf http://tfl.nu/c2bo
  Replies (47) Good night (6586) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom... http://tfl.nu/aduc
  Replies (80) Good night (777) Bad night (6128) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  "Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): "Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had. http://tfl.nu/szr3
  Replies (61) Good night (693) Bad night (10549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (772): The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again. http://tfl.nu/7v1u
  Replies (28) Good night (427) Bad night (4648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves. http://tfl.nu/q9n8
  Replies (26) Good night (4543) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  is drinking for groundhog day legit?

  (1-484): View more from Pennsylvania

  well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): is drinking for groundhog day legit? (1-484): well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes http://tfl.nu/k04d
  Replies (24) Good night (5904) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters http://tfl.nu/onkh
  Replies (20) Good night (772) Bad night (3730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile. http://tfl.nu/y44t
  Replies (27) Good night (497) Bad night (6787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer. http://tfl.nu/t35w
  Replies (22) Good night (4261) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region? (1-513): The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well. http://tfl.nu/bwog
  Replies (28) Good night (1393) Bad night (5227)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes http://tfl.nu/edsk
  Replies (31) Good night (8849) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame. http://tfl.nu/u712
  Replies (17) Good night (642) Bad night (4095) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life. http://tfl.nu/zayp
  Replies (16) Good night (4050) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA". http://tfl.nu/ak7j
  Replies (9) Good night (3440) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box. http://tfl.nu/rmin
  Replies (22) Good night (5467) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well http://tfl.nu/vcbo
  Replies (27) Good night (621) Bad night (4600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant? http://tfl.nu/9d2p
  Replies (15) Good night (464) Bad night (2900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose http://tfl.nu/p9h0
  Replies (32) Good night (12736) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face http://tfl.nu/40gf
  Replies (23) Good night (812) Bad night (4209) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life http://tfl.nu/pj1v
  Replies (16) Good night (7310) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?

  (475): View more from Connecticut

  Yeah?

  (212): View more from New York

  Stuck it in his pooper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year? (475): Yeah? (212): Stuck it in his pooper. http://tfl.nu/y911
  Replies (209) Good night (10084) Bad night (4223)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source. http://tfl.nu/tbks
  Replies (98) Good night (2613) Bad night (6869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store... http://tfl.nu/z9dc
  Replies (50) Good night (7571) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this... http://tfl.nu/lbrb
  Replies (95) Good night (7250) Bad night (1038) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium http://tfl.nu/41rv
  Replies (20) Good night (3120) Bad night (1201) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?

  (516): View more from New York

  you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain? (516): you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food." http://tfl.nu/33sl
  Replies (67) Good night (11019) Bad night (1006)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/envw
  Replies (55) Good night (8087) Bad night (952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat http://tfl.nu/bqtg
  Replies (40) Good night (5324) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair http://tfl.nu/zl2m
  Replies (35) Good night (4560) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record? http://tfl.nu/dn2a
  Replies (37) Good night (722) Bad night (4107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?

  (301): View more from Maryland

  yes! wait why?

  (240): View more from Maryland

  because i found it in my pocket this morning...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): were you wearing a green and blue thong last night? (301): yes! wait why? (240): because i found it in my pocket this morning... http://tfl.nu/rs9c
  Replies (39) Good night (10905) Bad night (533)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life? http://tfl.nu/2cyx
  Replies (27) Good night (744) Bad night (4866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one http://tfl.nu/66eb
  Replies (29) Good night (792) Bad night (6278) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you. http://tfl.nu/k985
  Replies (44) Good night (7360) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off? http://tfl.nu/2g62
  Replies (80) Good night (4004) Bad night (5145) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch. http://tfl.nu/v1iz
  Replies (47) Good night (11467) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar. http://tfl.nu/ez5w
  Replies (26) Good night (3516) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING. http://tfl.nu/vx02
  Replies (22) Good night (4933) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  mondays should just be called national damage control day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): mondays should just be called national damage control day http://tfl.nu/14ab
  Replies (15) Good night (4452) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside http://tfl.nu/1bna
  Replies (85) Good night (6759) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake. http://tfl.nu/kf3k
  Replies (22) Good night (5239) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  she's into porn, im staying here tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): she's into porn, im staying here tonight http://tfl.nu/jlgw
  Replies (31) Good night (6469) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE http://tfl.nu/7vd6
  Replies (9) Good night (778) Bad night (4338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby (1-515): What the fuck were you doing at wal mart? http://tfl.nu/0ikn
  Replies (50) Good night (7135) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?

  (1-518): View more from New York

  dude. you drew those with your dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from? (1-518): dude. you drew those with your dick http://tfl.nu/4t0i
  Replies (24) Good night (6915) Bad night (1164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home http://tfl.nu/gzni
  Replies (26) Good night (12810) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning

  (1-585): View more from New York

  oh god.. jail?

  (585): View more from New York

  better, on the catwalk of the auditorium

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning (1-585): oh god.. jail? (585): better, on the catwalk of the auditorium http://tfl.nu/ulvj
  Replies (22) Good night (8286) Bad night (376)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  you had an obligation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right? (314): you had an obligation. http://tfl.nu/0hhp
  Replies (20) Good night (7630) Bad night (427)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk

  (1-914): View more from New York

  It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk (1-914): It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you http://tfl.nu/bgwq
  Replies (55) Good night (8274) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team.. http://tfl.nu/ngxj
  Replies (34) Good night (5381) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy! http://tfl.nu/gg3p
  Replies (51) Good night (4990) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  im bored tell me something entertaining

  (206): View more from Washington

  You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): im bored tell me something entertaining (206): You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam. http://tfl.nu/m0ao
  Replies (48) Good night (1286) Bad night (9358)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  ...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?

  (585): View more from New York

  hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that

  (516): View more from New York

  is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): ...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year? (585): hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that (516): is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ? http://tfl.nu/juy6
  Replies (138) Good night (7402) Bad night (912)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them http://tfl.nu/zf3d
  Replies (207) Good night (59255) Bad night (1918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night http://tfl.nu/ddwb
  Replies (30) Good night (4430) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door http://tfl.nu/oj7i
  Replies (57) Good night (1262) Bad night (9327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name http://tfl.nu/x94s
  Replies (24) Good night (5960) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'd give my left nut to see you

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  don't do that. I like the set

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I'd give my left nut to see you (609): don't do that. I like the set http://tfl.nu/41nb
  Replies (12) Good night (9334) Bad night (480)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship. http://tfl.nu/tdmr
  Replies (37) Good night (7287) Bad night (1010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy. http://tfl.nu/3y3a
  Replies (8) Good night (1081) Bad night (2987) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box? http://tfl.nu/nvmk
  Replies (59) Good night (13909) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard." http://tfl.nu/a58r
  Replies (13) Good night (4014) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical http://tfl.nu/u7u5
  Replies (18) Good night (9046) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house. http://tfl.nu/g0ik
  Replies (12) Good night (6928) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name http://tfl.nu/7lfm
  Replies (13) Good night (4526) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics. http://tfl.nu/ug0s
  Replies (6) Good night (927) Bad night (3229)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  You are an asshole

  (574): View more from Indiana

  haha sleeping beauty awakes.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Where did you find this costume?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): You are an asshole (574): haha sleeping beauty awakes. (616): Where did you find this costume? http://tfl.nu/m4ai
  Replies (31) Good night (11794) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life. http://tfl.nu/28dk
  Replies (54) Good night (1362) Bad night (4389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door. http://tfl.nu/090e
  Replies (29) Good night (1900) Bad night (6674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture. http://tfl.nu/0rjo
  Replies (18) Good night (4299) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event. http://tfl.nu/eg4k
  Replies (22) Good night (8389) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone. http://tfl.nu/i40f
  Replies (23) Good night (6456) Bad night (1235)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes. http://tfl.nu/p4s9
  Replies (23) Good night (6322) Bad night (1767)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation? http://tfl.nu/6nb1
  Replies (16) Good night (6801) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high. http://tfl.nu/s4fq
  Replies (33) Good night (5975) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"

  (913): View more from Kansas

  did you yell "are you not entertained?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude" (913): did you yell "are you not entertained?" http://tfl.nu/qa0j
  Replies (21) Good night (6580) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets http://tfl.nu/n8se
  Replies (23) Good night (1278) Bad night (7825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed. http://tfl.nu/ihm6
  Replies (9) Good night (1325) Bad night (3573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  the snow is so cold on my vagina.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  why do you have snow on your vagina?

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  vodka and heels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): the snow is so cold on my vagina. (405): why do you have snow on your vagina? (580): vodka and heels. http://tfl.nu/uvnf
  Replies (45) Good night (5919) Bad night (1080)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp http://tfl.nu/qhzj
  Replies (31) Good night (5069) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped. http://tfl.nu/504u
  Replies (65) Good night (6240) Bad night (1023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority http://tfl.nu/980f
  Replies (27) Good night (4410) Bad night (1316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical. http://tfl.nu/onyl
  Replies (42) Good night (9412) Bad night (1254) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  6 min

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers (1-215): 6 min http://tfl.nu/dx1s
  Replies (64) Good night (9738) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool.... http://tfl.nu/juyn
  Replies (25) Good night (5607) Bad night (935)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning. http://tfl.nu/ff78
  Replies (31) Good night (2233) Bad night (5088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street. http://tfl.nu/uxg0
  Replies (15) Good night (6036) Bad night (1433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can http://tfl.nu/e7bo
  Replies (26) Good night (1014) Bad night (4579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards. http://tfl.nu/evpw
  Replies (17) Good night (882) Bad night (4240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one. http://tfl.nu/i2d2
  Replies (14) Good night (3851) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present? http://tfl.nu/b6gp
  Replies (27) Good night (3964) Bad night (1685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you" http://tfl.nu/p8m9
  Replies (19) Good night (1474) Bad night (5254) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"? http://tfl.nu/cmo1
  Replies (23) Good night (1034) Bad night (5190)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed. http://tfl.nu/y5o9
  Replies (22) Good night (5763) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier. http://tfl.nu/ogdc
  Replies (88) Good night (7019) Bad night (1084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style http://tfl.nu/squ6
  Replies (23) Good night (6422) Bad night (1093) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter. http://tfl.nu/r6gs
  Replies (24) Good night (3901) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."

  (949): View more from California

  little did she know i was taping her the whole time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket." (949): little did she know i was taping her the whole time. http://tfl.nu/jcur
  Replies (53) Good night (9087) Bad night (2147)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while http://tfl.nu/ax7b
  Replies (33) Good night (1346) Bad night (4651)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. http://tfl.nu/mkrc
  Replies (97) Good night (943) Bad night (21442)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out" http://tfl.nu/k16a
  Replies (9) Good night (1194) Bad night (5094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night? http://tfl.nu/u6ad
  Replies (6) Good night (4941) Bad night (1034)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network. http://tfl.nu/cww0
  Replies (19) Good night (5039) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list.. http://tfl.nu/3i91
  Replies (11) Good night (4227) Bad night (409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her. http://tfl.nu/5b2d
  Replies (18) Good night (6968) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker http://tfl.nu/8x3j
  Replies (24) Good night (5815) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard. http://tfl.nu/co7z
  Replies (31) Good night (6588) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch. http://tfl.nu/o7me
  Replies (19) Good night (6573) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls. http://tfl.nu/6oxa
  Replies (37) Good night (5198) Bad night (1133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity http://tfl.nu/4zrt
  Replies (44) Good night (14653) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point http://tfl.nu/7cy0
  Replies (30) Good night (682) Bad night (4130) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him. http://tfl.nu/b6v7
  Replies (49) Good night (8441) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack.. http://tfl.nu/nf69
  Replies (61) Good night (16719) Bad night (708)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life. http://tfl.nu/paqh
  Replies (71) Good night (24621) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3 http://tfl.nu/cutl
  Replies (32) Good night (5102) Bad night (1423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity http://tfl.nu/qinl
  Replies (67) Good night (11338) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore?? http://tfl.nu/voom
  Replies (42) Good night (846) Bad night (9830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends? (1-204): When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why? (204): I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well... http://tfl.nu/o1jd
  Replies (21) Good night (7293) Bad night (491)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate http://tfl.nu/wroe
  Replies (24) Good night (626) Bad night (4778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk. http://tfl.nu/ad2i
  Replies (21) Good night (4598) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved http://tfl.nu/t5ge
  Replies (32) Good night (7787) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it. http://tfl.nu/q87n
  Replies (23) Good night (1214) Bad night (6488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar.. http://tfl.nu/d5fi
  Replies (18) Good night (6474) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear http://tfl.nu/c4tr
  Replies (25) Good night (6268) Bad night (1158) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game http://tfl.nu/ygf5
  Replies (38) Good night (4404) Bad night (1314) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way? http://tfl.nu/etox
  Replies (24) Good night (4836) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal http://tfl.nu/k627
  Replies (36) Good night (5307) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night. http://tfl.nu/1l56
  Replies (16) Good night (1584) Bad night (3825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am http://tfl.nu/p2ec
  Replies (12) Good night (5720) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar. http://tfl.nu/limh
  Replies (8) Good night (4429) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever. http://tfl.nu/iaa1
  Replies (29) Good night (778) Bad night (6245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious. http://tfl.nu/k9y8
  Replies (15) Good night (751) Bad night (4006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser. http://tfl.nu/fqkl
  Replies (115) Good night (2573) Bad night (19669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous

  (269): View more from Michigan

  If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous (269): If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you. http://tfl.nu/8o9h
  Replies (17) Good night (6019) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State. http://tfl.nu/x5jw
  Replies (20) Good night (961) Bad night (3846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding. http://tfl.nu/82eq
  Replies (10) Good night (4137) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter. http://tfl.nu/60s7
  Replies (17) Good night (868) Bad night (4447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (426): View more from

  i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (426): i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair http://tfl.nu/09nr
  Replies (16) Good night (664) Bad night (4737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation. http://tfl.nu/o6ey
  Replies (41) Good night (577) Bad night (9918)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff http://tfl.nu/4b3c
  Replies (33) Good night (497) Bad night (8050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs? http://tfl.nu/ic15
  Replies (31) Good night (8156) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot http://tfl.nu/f7xk
  Replies (52) Good night (5135) Bad night (1301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Im watching someone hooking up in the library

  (970): View more from Colorado

  procrastination at its finest

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): Im watching someone hooking up in the library (970): procrastination at its finest http://tfl.nu/d7sa
  Replies (18) Good night (5891) Bad night (474)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win? (720): This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok? http://tfl.nu/drjm
  Replies (98) Good night (2426) Bad night (5451)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season http://tfl.nu/k0xy
  Replies (54) Good night (4742) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  What did u do?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn.. (1-540): What did u do? (540): turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him.. http://tfl.nu/pi8a
  Replies (50) Good night (10675) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself http://tfl.nu/ot4u
  Replies (30) Good night (4948) Bad night (974)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone http://tfl.nu/w81g
  Replies (25) Good night (6161) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world http://tfl.nu/83f8
  Replies (36) Good night (6977) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds http://tfl.nu/07d1
  Replies (7) Good night (725) Bad night (4168) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you. http://tfl.nu/tn1i
  Replies (10) Good night (734) Bad night (4739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker" http://tfl.nu/30jj
  Replies (44) Good night (17199) Bad night (665)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did http://tfl.nu/11j3
  Replies (11) Good night (920) Bad night (4139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging. (504): Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER http://tfl.nu/kpd3
  Replies (37) Good night (5865) Bad night (416)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight. http://tfl.nu/7iib
  Replies (54) Good night (4314) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy http://tfl.nu/04on
  Replies (25) Good night (5601) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  At what point did I eat out of your mouth?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): At what point did I eat out of your mouth? http://tfl.nu/tcp8
  Replies (9) Good night (792) Bad night (4110) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers http://tfl.nu/mvp5
  Replies (30) Good night (7502) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (567): View more from Ohio

  I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..

  (1-567): View more from Ohio

  How so?

  (567): View more from Ohio

  Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (567): I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand.. (1-567): How so? (567): Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours. http://tfl.nu/38h3
  Replies (9) Good night (736) Bad night (3715)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked http://tfl.nu/iw27
  Replies (33) Good night (7254) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  birth control should be required to get into college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): birth control should be required to get into college http://tfl.nu/91c5
  Replies (28) Good night (5410) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall http://tfl.nu/ckaq
  Replies (25) Good night (5255) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  people are starting to question the shark bite story

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): people are starting to question the shark bite story http://tfl.nu/6iki
  Replies (19) Good night (3709) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!

  (602): View more from Arizona

  so its atleast an 8 for creativity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?! (602): so its atleast an 8 for creativity. http://tfl.nu/ungw
  Replies (22) Good night (1115) Bad night (5318)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying. http://tfl.nu/4ymz
  Replies (18) Good night (2135) Bad night (3350) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Why are my keys in the refrigerator?

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  This explains so much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Why are my keys in the refrigerator? (1-205): You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you. (205): This explains so much. http://tfl.nu/ouwy
  Replies (29) Good night (16812) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.

  (631): View more from New York

  what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night. (631): what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK http://tfl.nu/1v47
  Replies (34) Good night (6860) Bad night (1003)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try". http://tfl.nu/107g
  Replies (16) Good night (681) Bad night (5457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either... http://tfl.nu/vddq
  Replies (45) Good night (547) Bad night (6716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick http://tfl.nu/0oxs
  Replies (12) Good night (850) Bad night (3852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do? http://tfl.nu/tx29
  Replies (46) Good night (8414) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/zfm0
  Replies (73) Good night (38093) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come. http://tfl.nu/tezg
  Replies (23) Good night (5357) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier? http://tfl.nu/2449
  Replies (182) Good night (4963) Bad night (6660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet. http://tfl.nu/znp0
  Replies (48) Good night (9970) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed http://tfl.nu/08b9
  Replies (64) Good night (1664) Bad night (4177) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function. http://tfl.nu/u3j5
  Replies (73) Good night (1019) Bad night (4358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out

  (574): View more from Indiana

  You never cease to amaze me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out (574): You never cease to amaze me. http://tfl.nu/7cst
  Replies (18) Good night (4985) Bad night (585)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  it's like iHOP with fire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): it's like iHOP with fire http://tfl.nu/9idi
  Replies (20) Good night (3666) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20 http://tfl.nu/n9vd
  Replies (48) Good night (927) Bad night (6379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn. http://tfl.nu/bp9j
  Replies (38) Good night (4628) Bad night (1905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  your tears are not going to buy me drinks...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): your tears are not going to buy me drinks... http://tfl.nu/o6xp
  Replies (14) Good night (868) Bad night (3476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come. http://tfl.nu/6ryd
  Replies (75) Good night (5130) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me. http://tfl.nu/6om9
  Replies (14) Good night (3458) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
  Replies (49) Good night (28202) Bad night (859)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season. http://tfl.nu/7bt6
  Replies (12) Good night (3151) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60. http://tfl.nu/7fqw
  Replies (20) Good night (5753) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup http://tfl.nu/zlwx
  Replies (19) Good night (7684) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us.. http://tfl.nu/wn2b
  Replies (33) Good night (1345) Bad night (3592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/xu8i
  Replies (39) Good night (6472) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga http://tfl.nu/cqgc
  Replies (20) Good night (723) Bad night (4408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!! http://tfl.nu/a7ta
  Replies (22) Good night (5874) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs. http://tfl.nu/e9u8
  Replies (28) Good night (3598) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen. http://tfl.nu/ldf9
  Replies (20) Good night (929) Bad night (7081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring. http://tfl.nu/hdeg
  Replies (30) Good night (5696) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating http://tfl.nu/ynhz
  Replies (19) Good night (901) Bad night (3094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off. http://tfl.nu/wwj4
  Replies (11) Good night (3375) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months. http://tfl.nu/uiec
  Replies (28) Good night (727) Bad night (5030) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  mine is 'the'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'. (703): mine is 'the'. http://tfl.nu/v1g1
  Replies (32) Good night (8656) Bad night (514)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  how drunk are you?

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  What does that even mean anymore?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): how drunk are you? (952): What does that even mean anymore? http://tfl.nu/4vkm
  Replies (10) Good night (4834) Bad night (465)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true. http://tfl.nu/r2p3
  Replies (19) Good night (3305) Bad night (1186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar http://tfl.nu/veyr
  Replies (6) Good night (408) Bad night (3282) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight. http://tfl.nu/5341
  Replies (8) Good night (392) Bad night (2899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it. http://tfl.nu/9gem
  Replies (48) Good night (1553) Bad night (5642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado. http://tfl.nu/h7dy
  Replies (25) Good night (5917) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for http://tfl.nu/s392
  Replies (19) Good night (3452) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out http://tfl.nu/k8ty
  Replies (7) Good night (4610) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  New channing tatum movie.

  (858): View more from California

  I'll bring my vibrator.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): New channing tatum movie. (858): I'll bring my vibrator. http://tfl.nu/ing8
  Replies (26) Good night (6037) Bad night (945)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty. http://tfl.nu/8sow
  Replies (8) Good night (4767) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher. http://tfl.nu/6w08
  Replies (9) Good night (825) Bad night (3519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century. http://tfl.nu/yuyb
  Replies (14) Good night (3710) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room. http://tfl.nu/az3h
  Replies (31) Good night (552) Bad night (8280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy http://tfl.nu/s01j
  Replies (11) Good night (3768) Bad night (1132) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing. http://tfl.nu/z54y
  Replies (15) Good night (493) Bad night (6579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  You only like me because I'm a challenge

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You already blew me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): You only like me because I'm a challenge (201): You already blew me http://tfl.nu/s47q
  Replies (21) Good night (5747) Bad night (945)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  wtf

  (1-225): View more from Louisiana

  I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): wtf (1-225): I'm guessing you saw the bathroom? http://tfl.nu/q0h6
  Replies (12) Good night (3945) Bad night (1160) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  bitch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five (1-262): bitch http://tfl.nu/m1tn
  Replies (62) Good night (2728) Bad night (4497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit http://tfl.nu/qd4t
  Replies (63) Good night (934) Bad night (7133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I don't know where I am but there are firefighters

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I don't know where I am but there are firefighters http://tfl.nu/dbyd
  Replies (18) Good night (6042) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A. http://tfl.nu/01sf
  Replies (43) Good night (1627) Bad night (5429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store http://tfl.nu/25ph
  Replies (86) Good night (14135) Bad night (2096) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed. http://tfl.nu/tpz0
  Replies (29) Good night (4915) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this. http://tfl.nu/a7q9
  Replies (28) Good night (1973) Bad night (3500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'. (215): we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/6wc5
  Replies (27) Good night (6308) Bad night (490)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/od5z
  Replies (9) Good night (675) Bad night (3372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here. http://tfl.nu/eefr
  Replies (30) Good night (7779) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go. http://tfl.nu/eq2k
  Replies (38) Good night (5015) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible. http://tfl.nu/n38l
  Replies (30) Good night (518) Bad night (6255) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label. http://tfl.nu/4zf6
  Replies (10) Good night (741) Bad night (3990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break. http://tfl.nu/c9vz
  Replies (34) Good night (4781) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact http://tfl.nu/9ru6
  Replies (26) Good night (6527) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Darwin at his finest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg. (202): Darwin at his finest. http://tfl.nu/rqsd
  Replies (25) Good night (5576) Bad night (936)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Slut skills are useful in every country.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Slut skills are useful in every country. http://tfl.nu/pvtq
  Replies (14) Good night (4409) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex http://tfl.nu/01m8
  Replies (15) Good night (853) Bad night (4745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant http://tfl.nu/i402
  Replies (25) Good night (989) Bad night (10359) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap http://tfl.nu/vpaq
  Replies (14) Good night (763) Bad night (4026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit. http://tfl.nu/pl0y
  Replies (15) Good night (4866) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter. http://tfl.nu/wtfv
  Replies (26) Good night (4822) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out. http://tfl.nu/p4fr
  Replies (16) Good night (4936) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation? http://tfl.nu/0dba
  Replies (15) Good night (4627) Bad night (1522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it. http://tfl.nu/pcok
  Replies (24) Good night (5132) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself. http://tfl.nu/wwab
  Replies (45) Good night (724) Bad night (6952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting http://tfl.nu/k7m6
  Replies (76) Good night (9145) Bad night (1300) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it (973): just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you http://tfl.nu/4uwz
  Replies (60) Good night (1843) Bad night (4810)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger. http://tfl.nu/99q6
  Replies (8) Good night (1246) Bad night (3906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class. http://tfl.nu/k4fe
  Replies (26) Good night (6108) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (737): View more from Texas

  and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (737): and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best" (303 ): I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas." http://tfl.nu/7cf3
  Replies (59) Good night (4292) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you. http://tfl.nu/x6wp
  Replies (9) Good night (5656) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear. http://tfl.nu/hwjh
  Replies (17) Good night (5393) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome http://tfl.nu/ugx7
  Replies (14) Good night (5320) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date. (215): You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds. http://tfl.nu/2p7v
  Replies (38) Good night (5680) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus. http://tfl.nu/murq
  Replies (73) Good night (895) Bad night (4075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago. http://tfl.nu/gs96
  Replies (50) Good night (5207) Bad night (1087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones! http://tfl.nu/aql1
  Replies (72) Good night (6355) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  ravioli

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up (1-609): i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one (609): ravioli http://tfl.nu/eoaw
  Replies (38) Good night (4740) Bad night (2414)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  two words: eviction party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): two words: eviction party http://tfl.nu/l75h
  Replies (28) Good night (5925) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw (651): by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix http://tfl.nu/95z8
  Replies (17) Good night (1118) Bad night (4013)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete. http://tfl.nu/9awl
  Replies (59) Good night (2455) Bad night (4747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night http://tfl.nu/hkfs
  Replies (43) Good night (9649) Bad night (2713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?

  (954): View more from Florida

  Why wouldn't there be.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower? (954): Why wouldn't there be. http://tfl.nu/wwnv
  Replies (28) Good night (7285) Bad night (491)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  pop tarts are not kleenex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): pop tarts are not kleenex http://tfl.nu/wjj4
  Replies (16) Good night (798) Bad night (4443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings. http://tfl.nu/mgul
  Replies (26) Good night (9085) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove. http://tfl.nu/nj9j
  Replies (42) Good night (5504) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.

  (785): View more from Kansas

  again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it. (785): again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now. http://tfl.nu/6i8m
  Replies (35) Good night (1312) Bad night (6687)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on http://tfl.nu/c1eq
  Replies (19) Good night (5067) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class. http://tfl.nu/m667
  Replies (20) Good night (4127) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell.. http://tfl.nu/hsjq
  Replies (37) Good night (12895) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older." http://tfl.nu/7qja
  Replies (8) Good night (3854) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have http://tfl.nu/u3xa
  Replies (17) Good night (911) Bad night (5688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner. http://tfl.nu/ytfs
  Replies (14) Good night (6704) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time. http://tfl.nu/kf31
  Replies (11) Good night (677) Bad night (4138) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids http://tfl.nu/xnc7
  Replies (19) Good night (6638) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience. http://tfl.nu/dazo
  Replies (12) Good night (569) Bad night (3957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry. http://tfl.nu/ss0l
  Replies (13) Good night (8245) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow http://tfl.nu/jea1
  Replies (18) Good night (3931) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic http://tfl.nu/himg
  Replies (20) Good night (4669) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that. (717): I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother... http://tfl.nu/ehm3
  Replies (153) Good night (1627) Bad night (24783)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants http://tfl.nu/4e8k
  Replies (61) Good night (619) Bad night (8125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :) http://tfl.nu/qza7
  Replies (37) Good night (6874) Bad night (609)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up http://tfl.nu/q8f6
  Replies (50) Good night (10017) Bad night (1419) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?

  (573): View more from Missouri

  pat the guy you slept with

  (314): View more from Missouri

  still need a last name

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this? (573): pat the guy you slept with (314): still need a last name http://tfl.nu/e97s
  Replies (53) Good night (10136) Bad night (1444)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth.. http://tfl.nu/cpmo
  Replies (37) Good night (6974) Bad night (1751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him? http://tfl.nu/482n
  Replies (87) Good night (739) Bad night (9686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could http://tfl.nu/0a7l
  Replies (36) Good night (11512) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it. http://tfl.nu/si6n
  Replies (19) Good night (6177) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you http://tfl.nu/ij50
  Replies (27) Good night (3062) Bad night (3809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored. http://tfl.nu/m1fl
  Replies (43) Good night (832) Bad night (7530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean. http://tfl.nu/z8cg
  Replies (22) Good night (483) Bad night (4348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  What?!

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom... (1-913): What?! (913): Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!! http://tfl.nu/4m0s
  Replies (35) Good night (712) Bad night (8601)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that. http://tfl.nu/4x8y
  Replies (15) Good night (3901) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser http://tfl.nu/1hpm
  Replies (16) Good night (4206) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you http://tfl.nu/n6kx
  Replies (20) Good night (5924) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall http://tfl.nu/fpdq
  Replies (36) Good night (7930) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn.... http://tfl.nu/s1xw
  Replies (20) Good night (447) Bad night (5046)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father. http://tfl.nu/ibri
  Replies (21) Good night (2225) Bad night (5095) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.

  (443): View more from Maryland

  im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie. (443): im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile http://tfl.nu/7kar
  Replies (31) Good night (1989) Bad night (5069)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle. http://tfl.nu/5a1c
  Replies (9) Good night (754) Bad night (2677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister? http://tfl.nu/p7gf
  Replies (15) Good night (4957) Bad night (1428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Hi, my name's audrey!

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Max?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Hi, my name's audrey! (614): Max? (740): Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk. http://tfl.nu/di7n
  Replies (31) Good night (5744) Bad night (626)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  Does God suck his dick?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God." (1-270): Does God suck his dick? http://tfl.nu/w42a
  Replies (104) Good night (1010) Bad night (5456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.

  (1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with. (1-724): I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction http://tfl.nu/qhra
  Replies (35) Good night (643) Bad night (4101)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know. http://tfl.nu/ro3k
  Replies (68) Good night (9143) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones http://tfl.nu/3i5q
  Replies (16) Good night (863) Bad night (4044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place" http://tfl.nu/mdbw
  Replies (39) Good night (5796) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it. http://tfl.nu/df00
  Replies (38) Good night (5932) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside. http://tfl.nu/2kyw
  Replies (24) Good night (4682) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches. http://tfl.nu/cp2j
  Replies (14) Good night (5982) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon? http://tfl.nu/jffu
  Replies (9) Good night (4202) Bad night (1029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda. http://tfl.nu/fjuw
  Replies (111) Good night (6325) Bad night (2126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream." http://tfl.nu/w9nn
  Replies (11) Good night (4273) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him. http://tfl.nu/coq9
  Replies (9) Good night (4443) Bad night (1008)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka. http://tfl.nu/pwqr
  Replies (15) Good night (753) Bad night (7750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar. (1-703): I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up? http://tfl.nu/a4zj
  Replies (55) Good night (11278) Bad night (682)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap http://tfl.nu/797p
  Replies (19) Good night (589) Bad night (3628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk. http://tfl.nu/cv1z
  Replies (45) Good night (7335) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was http://tfl.nu/myop
  Replies (17) Good night (959) Bad night (4277) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast. http://tfl.nu/8lsx
  Replies (31) Good night (4163) Bad night (1235) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before http://tfl.nu/y7l7
  Replies (15) Good night (4408) Bad night (357) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard. http://tfl.nu/iuc0
  Replies (20) Good night (4488) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas! http://tfl.nu/ibug
  Replies (10) Good night (5383) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me. http://tfl.nu/2uzy
  Replies (21) Good night (513) Bad night (6309) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life. http://tfl.nu/69tk
  Replies (33) Good night (7077) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man. http://tfl.nu/ikii
  Replies (36) Good night (4787) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (980): How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail? http://tfl.nu/xsa7
  Replies (20) Good night (742) Bad night (5397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating http://tfl.nu/bh4g
  Replies (22) Good night (3247) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am. http://tfl.nu/w1ts
  Replies (34) Good night (4373) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it. http://tfl.nu/g3nc
  Replies (19) Good night (5604) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever http://tfl.nu/n0rq
  Replies (53) Good night (11936) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Why do you apologize after every time we have sex? http://tfl.nu/3g2b
  Replies (27) Good night (532) Bad night (8066) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised http://tfl.nu/005h
  Replies (47) Good night (2141) Bad night (4955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair. http://tfl.nu/elj5
  Replies (17) Good night (1285) Bad night (4034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  of course. lets lasso hookers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): of course. lets lasso hookers. http://tfl.nu/i5g9
  Replies (13) Good night (3796) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I just saw the nastiest chick.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Where?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I just saw the nastiest chick. (1-603): Where? (603): woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you http://tfl.nu/hbsk
  Replies (43) Good night (1002) Bad night (7951)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Why is there a cactus in the microwave?

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  Don't worry about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Why is there a cactus in the microwave? (1-217): Don't worry about it. http://tfl.nu/f5vn
  Replies (25) Good night (10160) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...

  (1-937): View more from Ohio

  I see you've learned your lesson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status... (1-937): I see you've learned your lesson. http://tfl.nu/pjfr
  Replies (12) Good night (6158) Bad night (567)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together http://tfl.nu/isyr
  Replies (12) Good night (5081) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes. http://tfl.nu/5rb1
  Replies (50) Good night (6514) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  maybe i'll see you again later :)

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I'd rather shit a knife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): maybe i'll see you again later :) (774): I'd rather shit a knife. http://tfl.nu/qge0
  Replies (50) Good night (1471) Bad night (10346)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class. http://tfl.nu/tnda
  Replies (28) Good night (3996) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this http://tfl.nu/8ri1
  Replies (29) Good night (6218) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid http://tfl.nu/fpm2
  Replies (26) Good night (7984) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was. http://tfl.nu/57fr
  Replies (27) Good night (5754) Bad night (1378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends http://tfl.nu/kb6r
  Replies (16) Good night (3637) Bad night (932)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night http://tfl.nu/m2bf
  Replies (13) Good night (9446) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked. http://tfl.nu/j4lz
  Replies (7) Good night (508) Bad night (3566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point. http://tfl.nu/b8y5
  Replies (48) Good night (1140) Bad night (5000) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule http://tfl.nu/z9ak
  Replies (8) Good night (3737) Bad night (384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK. http://tfl.nu/aspp
  Replies (26) Good night (6031) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display. http://tfl.nu/9yl8
  Replies (13) Good night (841) Bad night (5425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just remember telling jokes while vomitting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I just remember telling jokes while vomitting http://tfl.nu/rnz0
  Replies (10) Good night (3611) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass http://tfl.nu/h161
  Replies (17) Good night (1005) Bad night (4125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas??? http://tfl.nu/mb80
  Replies (32) Good night (4914) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy." http://tfl.nu/mr96
  Replies (13) Good night (1082) Bad night (3802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): im trying to catch a child molester. call you later. http://tfl.nu/dlxg
  Replies (21) Good night (4948) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning

  (1-253): View more from Washington

  because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'

  (253): View more from Washington

  no more ever clear

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning (1-253): because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha' (253): no more ever clear http://tfl.nu/f9lp
  Replies (33) Good night (7033) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me... http://tfl.nu/5b54
  Replies (9) Good night (4588) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud http://tfl.nu/p0vi
  Replies (44) Good night (1217) Bad night (18050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain. http://tfl.nu/pmdt
  Replies (20) Good night (5417) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again http://tfl.nu/9mpp
  Replies (34) Good night (6025) Bad night (540)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it http://tfl.nu/s684
  Replies (21) Good night (1435) Bad night (2889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight. http://tfl.nu/vmod
  Replies (23) Good night (4551) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  ra ra ra ah ah

  (573): View more from Missouri

  wtf?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  sexting lady gaga style

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): ra ra ra ah ah (573): wtf? (636): sexting lady gaga style http://tfl.nu/2d0r
  Replies (59) Good night (4867) Bad night (1214)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm. http://tfl.nu/qvd0
  Replies (58) Good night (6875) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette. http://tfl.nu/f90v
  Replies (77) Good night (4409) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me http://tfl.nu/jltn
  Replies (49) Good night (498) Bad night (6338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob. http://tfl.nu/tpno
  Replies (41) Good night (4434) Bad night (3347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Who said I want to share with you?

  (269): View more from Michigan

  You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you. (616): Who said I want to share with you? (269): You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book. http://tfl.nu/trh2
  Replies (40) Good night (6445) Bad night (724)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen? http://tfl.nu/jc7g
  Replies (35) Good night (4588) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  no one should ever give us hovercrafts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): no one should ever give us hovercrafts http://tfl.nu/uqn3
  Replies (25) Good night (4208) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there http://tfl.nu/feia
  Replies (19) Good night (390) Bad night (5176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste? http://tfl.nu/l5cc
  Replies (35) Good night (4747) Bad night (1994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done http://tfl.nu/rbbz
  Replies (23) Good night (5400) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think http://tfl.nu/bm7u
  Replies (16) Good night (442) Bad night (3956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different. http://tfl.nu/n2zh
  Replies (38) Good night (6044) Bad night (1295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom? http://tfl.nu/rbqh
  Replies (20) Good night (5704) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers http://tfl.nu/3d71
  Replies (50) Good night (765) Bad night (5990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat http://tfl.nu/os6y
  Replies (29) Good night (6496) Bad night (1044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud. http://tfl.nu/41vp
  Replies (7) Good night (4313) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes http://tfl.nu/8fav
  Replies (17) Good night (741) Bad night (5076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be. http://tfl.nu/1ded
  Replies (14) Good night (795) Bad night (3975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.

  (571): View more from Virginia

  was that a mass text??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing. (571): was that a mass text?? http://tfl.nu/0791
  Replies (60) Good night (10420) Bad night (1951)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies. http://tfl.nu/c673
  Replies (20) Good night (4964) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day

  (240): View more from Maryland

  hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day (240): hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine http://tfl.nu/f8k7
  Replies (10) Good night (3962) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid. http://tfl.nu/x26d
  Replies (19) Good night (1912) Bad night (2993)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets. http://tfl.nu/v2g2
  Replies (40) Good night (4626) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding http://tfl.nu/srhr
  Replies (12) Good night (5156) Bad night (373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her http://tfl.nu/2g5w
  Replies (12) Good night (792) Bad night (3997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle. http://tfl.nu/y634
  Replies (14) Good night (4020) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?

  (1-920): View more from Wisconsin

  no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  he wasn't. neither were you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss? (1-920): no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom? (920): he wasn't. neither were you. http://tfl.nu/3ltg
  Replies (16) Good night (6592) Bad night (849)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....

  (614): View more from Ohio

  We've got ourselves a situation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and.... (614): We've got ourselves a situation http://tfl.nu/efwe
  Replies (51) Good night (6852) Bad night (499)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..

  (951): View more from California

  u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!

  (661): View more from California

  i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break.. (951): u hav a 3 hour lunch break?! (661): i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u http://tfl.nu/1ary
  Replies (40) Good night (7615) Bad night (482)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life http://tfl.nu/pzmw
  Replies (67) Good night (5644) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now. http://tfl.nu/y18v
  Replies (160) Good night (12665) Bad night (1443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons... http://tfl.nu/4olw
  Replies (10) Good night (3473) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever. http://tfl.nu/d9v5
  Replies (8) Good night (2929) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage http://tfl.nu/nrg5
  Replies (39) Good night (916) Bad night (12850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru". http://tfl.nu/gnr7
  Replies (26) Good night (968) Bad night (5717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time http://tfl.nu/c4as
  Replies (19) Good night (4614) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.

  (516): View more from New York

  was the water running?

  (917): View more from New York City

  yeah but he said he knows how to swim

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower. (516): was the water running? (917): yeah but he said he knows how to swim http://tfl.nu/akph
  Replies (10) Good night (6011) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference! http://tfl.nu/5ptk
  Replies (50) Good night (10111) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing. http://tfl.nu/3pw8
  Replies (18) Good night (5553) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  "fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): "fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house...... http://tfl.nu/xvur
  Replies (8) Good night (3627) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  I respect that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice (1-508): I respect that http://tfl.nu/enis
  Replies (53) Good night (9291) Bad night (722)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero... http://tfl.nu/xsvf
  Replies (17) Good night (5965) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass. http://tfl.nu/wkll
  Replies (6) Good night (3420) Bad night (884)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  my vagina's been through so much this weekend

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): my vagina's been through so much this weekend (1-860): you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend? http://tfl.nu/jr6r
  Replies (35) Good night (7271) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned? http://tfl.nu/h3av
  Replies (21) Good night (741) Bad night (5072) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance. http://tfl.nu/vgvp
  Replies (68) Good night (8601) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom. http://tfl.nu/mpyr
  Replies (21) Good night (763) Bad night (3786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be http://tfl.nu/iw79
  Replies (24) Good night (752) Bad night (4121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit. http://tfl.nu/xfz2
  Replies (17) Good night (864) Bad night (3572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal http://tfl.nu/ode2
  Replies (66) Good night (1899) Bad night (4243) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time. http://tfl.nu/8o43
  Replies (22) Good night (5098) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive? http://tfl.nu/xcbd
  Replies (14) Good night (3439) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic? http://tfl.nu/piwl
  Replies (28) Good night (6440) Bad night (457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera. http://tfl.nu/yx0c
  Replies (36) Good night (10332) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point http://tfl.nu/71ih
  Replies (20) Good night (553) Bad night (2784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy http://tfl.nu/gete
  Replies (19) Good night (1369) Bad night (3365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face. http://tfl.nu/zq8n
  Replies (73) Good night (939) Bad night (7758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had. http://tfl.nu/xizg
  Replies (12) Good night (523) Bad night (6014)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse? http://tfl.nu/9r6j
  Replies (37) Good night (683) Bad night (9294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.

  (770): View more from Georgia

  WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama. (770): WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?! http://tfl.nu/mh7d
  Replies (49) Good night (992) Bad night (6735)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate. http://tfl.nu/beue
  Replies (40) Good night (963) Bad night (6745)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made http://tfl.nu/a7md
  Replies (46) Good night (934) Bad night (6385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out http://tfl.nu/gevy
  Replies (63) Good night (800) Bad night (9427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine http://tfl.nu/d7kh
  Replies (12) Good night (626) Bad night (6083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?

  (1-978): View more from Massachusetts

  well apparently not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in? (1-978): well apparently not. http://tfl.nu/kqax
  Replies (50) Good night (1059) Bad night (5099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose? http://tfl.nu/qulw
  Replies (111) Good night (922) Bad night (15532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf. http://tfl.nu/4l78
  Replies (41) Good night (1458) Bad night (9172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  we just fucked in the mcds parking lot

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  wasnt he a virgin

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  yes we got celebratory milkshakes after

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): we just fucked in the mcds parking lot (1-732): wasnt he a virgin (732): yes we got celebratory milkshakes after http://tfl.nu/wnnd
  Replies (60) Good night (12853) Bad night (843)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy. http://tfl.nu/byhd
  Replies (21) Good night (478) Bad night (5750)
• Favorite

  (445): View more from Pennsylvania

  We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (445): We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off http://tfl.nu/9bxu
  Replies (53) Good night (14920) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left. http://tfl.nu/hrhu
  Replies (36) Good night (791) Bad night (6906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter http://tfl.nu/r170
  Replies (18) Good night (711) Bad night (4561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius? http://tfl.nu/ei5s
  Replies (150) Good night (14041) Bad night (2990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet. (919): That explains the puddle of pee in my closet. http://tfl.nu/tfvg
  Replies (7) Good night (916) Bad night (5030)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way. http://tfl.nu/hex7
  Replies (23) Good night (5072) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks http://tfl.nu/wbdh
  Replies (32) Good night (663) Bad night (6796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'. http://tfl.nu/510f
  Replies (26) Good night (4826) Bad night (1833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added http://tfl.nu/jtyi
  Replies (13) Good night (4815) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world. http://tfl.nu/0fm4
  Replies (9) Good night (6235) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice. http://tfl.nu/jk56
  Replies (29) Good night (5508) Bad night (1141) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture. http://tfl.nu/15y7
  Replies (36) Good night (12013) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night..... (617): I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11 http://tfl.nu/wa6u
  Replies (36) Good night (7326) Bad night (1206)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  dont be selfish, show some boob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me (781): dont be selfish, show some boob http://tfl.nu/w4jv
  Replies (54) Good night (6844) Bad night (950)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  He went soft

  (631): View more from New York

  Wait. During?

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): He went soft (631): Wait. During? (260): Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH. http://tfl.nu/18lb
  Replies (98) Good night (620) Bad night (15327)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011 http://tfl.nu/zxkw
  Replies (53) Good night (5549) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit http://tfl.nu/r71a
  Replies (46) Good night (4781) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/nxz1
  Replies (35) Good night (11412) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (171) Good night (49213) Bad night (5112)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread http://tfl.nu/zf7m
  Replies (18) Good night (4510) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink. http://tfl.nu/ugbw
  Replies (60) Good night (13239) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids http://tfl.nu/tr3o
  Replies (38) Good night (9126) Bad night (1264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand. http://tfl.nu/9289
  Replies (7) Good night (4018) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same. http://tfl.nu/qpk7
  Replies (28) Good night (613) Bad night (3756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there. http://tfl.nu/abjc
  Replies (18) Good night (5033) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it? http://tfl.nu/4s1d
  Replies (34) Good night (1782) Bad night (4327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that. http://tfl.nu/ix7p
  Replies (15) Good night (3746) Bad night (1573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him. http://tfl.nu/ufis
  Replies (22) Good night (483) Bad night (4106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out. http://tfl.nu/lsxk
  Replies (18) Good night (3182) Bad night (1537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue http://tfl.nu/qbgw
  Replies (26) Good night (4547) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious. http://tfl.nu/rnvz
  Replies (50) Good night (750) Bad night (11343) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2. http://tfl.nu/m96w
  Replies (84) Good night (26437) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me. http://tfl.nu/hdf0
  Replies (56) Good night (450) Bad night (5402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy http://tfl.nu/zv53
  Replies (57) Good night (5432) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true." http://tfl.nu/yccu
  Replies (17) Good night (5524) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls. (1-614): Which beats the fuck out of good intentions. http://tfl.nu/vjhv
  Replies (30) Good night (5618) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed. http://tfl.nu/kf6i
  Replies (22) Good night (6195) Bad night (320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): At least my shower head will respect me in the morning. http://tfl.nu/vri5
  Replies (32) Good night (4584) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober http://tfl.nu/nwgl
  Replies (10) Good night (4763) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got. http://tfl.nu/vmp4
  Replies (27) Good night (1529) Bad night (5473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat http://tfl.nu/4q7b
  Replies (9) Good night (570) Bad night (5553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave http://tfl.nu/ypxh
  Replies (32) Good night (438) Bad night (4765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms." http://tfl.nu/x5sd
  Replies (43) Good night (1277) Bad night (7494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock. http://tfl.nu/njgo
  Replies (166) Good night (27094) Bad night (2261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him. http://tfl.nu/n48i
  Replies (18) Good night (733) Bad night (4015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex. http://tfl.nu/a138
  Replies (60) Good night (2013) Bad night (7301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie. http://tfl.nu/g56z
  Replies (13) Good night (3414) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on http://tfl.nu/ommd
  Replies (31) Good night (3838) Bad night (1235) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head http://tfl.nu/xp32
  Replies (22) Good night (4456) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time". http://tfl.nu/gojq
  Replies (62) Good night (916) Bad night (8748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer. http://tfl.nu/fxe4
  Replies (31) Good night (400) Bad night (8252) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex http://tfl.nu/02xp
  Replies (36) Good night (768) Bad night (4147) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore http://tfl.nu/jp8t
  Replies (19) Good night (679) Bad night (3852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them? http://tfl.nu/br07
  Replies (99) Good night (1514) Bad night (5339) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is . http://tfl.nu/3c24
  Replies (43) Good night (7811) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his http://tfl.nu/p9g4
  Replies (45) Good night (540) Bad night (5932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass. http://tfl.nu/mex7
  Replies (12) Good night (9288) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD http://tfl.nu/xg03
  Replies (18) Good night (6138) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore http://tfl.nu/xlhh
  Replies (65) Good night (1971) Bad night (4824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends http://tfl.nu/xej0
  Replies (99) Good night (2614) Bad night (5502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path. http://tfl.nu/fhzw
  Replies (17) Good night (814) Bad night (4964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing http://tfl.nu/6ydb
  Replies (47) Good night (554) Bad night (9978) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle http://tfl.nu/jw9o
  Replies (55) Good night (5044) Bad night (1200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  it's not cheating when I paid for it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): it's not cheating when I paid for it http://tfl.nu/o8mk
  Replies (67) Good night (1385) Bad night (5144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds. http://tfl.nu/3v3q
  Replies (48) Good night (472) Bad night (7850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true' http://tfl.nu/1kz1
  Replies (76) Good night (36283) Bad night (1305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person. http://tfl.nu/od1c
  Replies (46) Good night (6735) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes http://tfl.nu/koyr
  Replies (195) Good night (669) Bad night (8041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade. http://tfl.nu/fybc
  Replies (77) Good night (458) Bad night (7103) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen http://tfl.nu/2b2i
  Replies (472) Good night (3792) Bad night (6275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes http://tfl.nu/sup4
  Replies (8) Good night (3098) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats? http://tfl.nu/kev5
  Replies (114) Good night (895) Bad night (3605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please http://tfl.nu/p1fk
  Replies (30) Good night (3032) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room. http://tfl.nu/qe4u
  Replies (22) Good night (6348) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good http://tfl.nu/bhfg
  Replies (73) Good night (10471) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry. http://tfl.nu/el5m
  Replies (65) Good night (823) Bad night (4335)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!" http://tfl.nu/79w8
  Replies (37) Good night (9429) Bad night (1867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break. http://tfl.nu/35mv
  Replies (65) Good night (9492) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation". http://tfl.nu/h2mq
  Replies (83) Good night (2826) Bad night (37937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school http://tfl.nu/ysoe
  Replies (59) Good night (9758) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?

  (941): View more from Florida

  better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Why do guys in porn never have boxers on? (941): better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn http://tfl.nu/0wxg
  Replies (25) Good night (6431) Bad night (758)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from England

  mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.

  (+44): View more from England

  "and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes. (+44): "and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'" http://tfl.nu/aeg7
  Replies (31) Good night (4106) Bad night (1132)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later. http://tfl.nu/9zcr
  Replies (33) Good night (10657) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once? (410): Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women http://tfl.nu/hhx6
  Replies (11) Good night (3150) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student http://tfl.nu/4vc9
  Replies (38) Good night (17987) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving http://tfl.nu/8zv1
  Replies (20) Good night (8609) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy? http://tfl.nu/i95d
  Replies (274) Good night (3852) Bad night (26028) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects. http://tfl.nu/hkn5
  Replies (48) Good night (557) Bad night (5094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): im in his phone as 'great ass to tap' http://tfl.nu/xhkl
  Replies (26) Good night (9643) Bad night (1309) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this. http://tfl.nu/o1x8
  Replies (51) Good night (12071) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening http://tfl.nu/ihge
  Replies (12) Good night (6829) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  what is college for if not random hookup sex?

  (951): View more from California

  learning.

  (209): View more from California

  i would literally fuck learning if i could.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): what is college for if not random hookup sex? (951): learning. (209): i would literally fuck learning if i could. http://tfl.nu/3rtk
  Replies (50) Good night (9104) Bad night (596)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision http://tfl.nu/37aw
  Replies (11) Good night (5654) Bad night (335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (474): View more from

  Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (474): Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now. http://tfl.nu/0awf
  Replies (27) Good night (6308) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA! http://tfl.nu/7pku
  Replies (347) Good night (41958) Bad night (4164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER. http://tfl.nu/9rv5
  Replies (58) Good night (12260) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless. http://tfl.nu/9j3y
  Replies (83) Good night (9407) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck. http://tfl.nu/89bk
  Replies (154) Good night (1243) Bad night (39410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming. http://tfl.nu/oxhe
  Replies (133) Good night (1355) Bad night (36659)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom. http://tfl.nu/rbnh
  Replies (117) Good night (1270) Bad night (43942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point? http://tfl.nu/qhrq
  Replies (15) Good night (4849) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day? http://tfl.nu/b9nt
  Replies (180) Good night (20248) Bad night (2385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter. http://tfl.nu/yfry
  Replies (74) Good night (451) Bad night (6181) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night http://tfl.nu/f5gl
  Replies (92) Good night (30929) Bad night (1346)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there http://tfl.nu/3k7t
  Replies (75) Good night (9558) Bad night (665)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal. http://tfl.nu/ov2w
  Replies (61) Good night (718) Bad night (6271) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol http://tfl.nu/6yav
  Replies (79) Good night (4460) Bad night (1563)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college. http://tfl.nu/456d
  Replies (47) Good night (8366) Bad night (466)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME" http://tfl.nu/3lzs
  Replies (39) Good night (9769) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day http://tfl.nu/prhf
  Replies (18) Good night (6126) Bad night (290) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume. http://tfl.nu/l5xu
  Replies (31) Good night (9605) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (130) Good night (57788) Bad night (1339) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?

  (518): View more from New York

  No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween? (518): No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate. http://tfl.nu/4msk
  Replies (21) Good night (4920) Bad night (596)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good. http://tfl.nu/b46x
  Replies (44) Good night (9725) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example. http://tfl.nu/aei8
  Replies (23) Good night (5595) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex' http://tfl.nu/kqne
  Replies (63) Good night (6740) Bad night (1039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say. http://tfl.nu/fs2e
  Replies (70) Good night (9815) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right? http://tfl.nu/odtd
  Replies (25) Good night (9778) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted. http://tfl.nu/d3cr
  Replies (12) Good night (4943) Bad night (370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked http://tfl.nu/nh0r
  Replies (67) Good night (11631) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven. http://tfl.nu/hg3t
  Replies (280) Good night (52344) Bad night (3941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight http://tfl.nu/ncr8
  Replies (79) Good night (7423) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country. http://tfl.nu/tafy
  Replies (261) Good night (19725) Bad night (1788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls. http://tfl.nu/micp
  Replies (29) Good night (3477) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me http://tfl.nu/ptyo
  Replies (75) Good night (24603) Bad night (1202) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  what happened last night?

  (917): View more from New York City

  u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style

  (718): View more from New York

  that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): what happened last night? (917): u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style (718): that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left http://tfl.nu/i3a9
  Replies (39) Good night (13351) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her... http://tfl.nu/xju0
  Replies (78) Good night (1712) Bad night (27421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially. http://tfl.nu/gw0l
  Replies (24) Good night (8710) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich.... http://tfl.nu/i7fe
  Replies (99) Good night (36577) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien http://tfl.nu/9idk
  Replies (31) Good night (782) Bad night (3486)
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister http://tfl.nu/4kg0
  Replies (56) Good night (8660) Bad night (2165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina http://tfl.nu/y9lz
  Replies (104) Good night (11841) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf. http://tfl.nu/0na3
  Replies (61) Good night (26810) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean? http://tfl.nu/84o9
  Replies (105) Good night (18161) Bad night (1388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me" http://tfl.nu/l7cf
  Replies (130) Good night (8183) Bad night (2876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?

  (1-601): View more from Mississippi

  yes

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest? (1-601): yes (601): did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me? http://tfl.nu/1ahx
  Replies (13) Good night (4541) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room

  (1-225): View more from Louisiana

  haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room (1-225): haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom? http://tfl.nu/q6me
  Replies (55) Good night (9949) Bad night (714)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!? http://tfl.nu/ocr3
  Replies (69) Good night (1542) Bad night (9532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired http://tfl.nu/eibd
  Replies (80) Good night (2120) Bad night (34020)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining. http://tfl.nu/2itw
  Replies (30) Good night (3754) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago

  (404): View more from Georgia

  so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago (404): so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me? http://tfl.nu/o0wy
  Replies (30) Good night (8258) Bad night (798)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..

  (703): View more from Virginia

  this can't be going anywhere good

  (571): View more from Virginia

  nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah.. (703): this can't be going anywhere good (571): nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\ http://tfl.nu/4i13
  Replies (194) Good night (1469) Bad night (25707)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine. http://tfl.nu/dowa
  Replies (31) Good night (1617) Bad night (3419) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever. http://tfl.nu/d1ay
  Replies (21) Good night (8346) Bad night (358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night. http://tfl.nu/bhg6
  Replies (12) Good night (1586) Bad night (2844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs. http://tfl.nu/ibfv
  Replies (124) Good night (40249) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok http://tfl.nu/x8pl
  Replies (17) Good night (4144) Bad night (437) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww http://tfl.nu/qfxi
  Replies (104) Good night (946) Bad night (31347)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe. http://tfl.nu/ztj4
  Replies (42) Good night (9557) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!' http://tfl.nu/twcd
  Replies (28) Good night (7125) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman. http://tfl.nu/dzx3
  Replies (55) Good night (6893) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.

  (845): View more from New York

  Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell. (845): Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts. http://tfl.nu/04jv
  Replies (18) Good night (7001) Bad night (748)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you http://tfl.nu/fjdb
  Replies (25) Good night (376) Bad night (4704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend? http://tfl.nu/yv1m
  Replies (109) Good night (540) Bad night (8943) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table... http://tfl.nu/njar
  Replies (9) Good night (3185) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep.. http://tfl.nu/e7l5
  Replies (39) Good night (7781) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic. http://tfl.nu/t71g
  Replies (12) Good night (3698) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner. http://tfl.nu/q9zc
  Replies (2) Good night (2496) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein http://tfl.nu/1rbx
  Replies (36) Good night (4799) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
  Replies (124) Good night (122232) Bad night (2213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever. http://tfl.nu/idj0
  Replies (39) Good night (5332) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable. http://tfl.nu/fbq8
  Replies (12) Good night (5171) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1. http://tfl.nu/ep6p
  Replies (14) Good night (4042) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done. http://tfl.nu/92fz
  Replies (4) Good night (2734) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal? http://tfl.nu/1tlo
  Replies (13) Good night (3725) Bad night (1249) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me. http://tfl.nu/uo6c
  Replies (108) Good night (1838) Bad night (34443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (816) Good night (136713) Bad night (8409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common. http://tfl.nu/z1qj
  Replies (7) Good night (493) Bad night (3100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week." http://tfl.nu/whj8
  Replies (86) Good night (19371) Bad night (1200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed. http://tfl.nu/qpmm
  Replies (100) Good night (29418) Bad night (4462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS. http://tfl.nu/9dm1
  Replies (27) Good night (8284) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts. http://tfl.nu/x2s5
  Replies (18) Good night (4490) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy http://tfl.nu/fggt
  Replies (15) Good night (3486) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?

  (1-323): View more from California

  We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?

  (323): View more from California

  Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender? (1-323): We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out? (323): Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture. http://tfl.nu/sr23
  Replies (43) Good night (973) Bad night (27071)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments. http://tfl.nu/bi4c
  Replies (11) Good night (4025) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/icyg
  Replies (11) Good night (1038) Bad night (2332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote. http://tfl.nu/5km0
  Replies (127) Good night (882) Bad night (33770)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny http://tfl.nu/3xi0
  Replies (11) Good night (415) Bad night (3930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  It was like doing yoga with his dick in me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): It was like doing yoga with his dick in me http://tfl.nu/3yb0
  Replies (107) Good night (9203) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps. http://tfl.nu/jawa
  Replies (51) Good night (16895) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  That burning is chlamydia

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence (202): That burning is chlamydia http://tfl.nu/w9ru
  Replies (9) Good night (702) Bad night (3554)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period http://tfl.nu/tso5
  Replies (217) Good night (1125) Bad night (28012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion http://tfl.nu/golc
  Replies (262) Good night (3121) Bad night (30402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco http://tfl.nu/bj4m
  Replies (61) Good night (2979) Bad night (1224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that. http://tfl.nu/304s
  Replies (89) Good night (13342) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up. http://tfl.nu/sgel
  Replies (131) Good night (876) Bad night (29011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy. http://tfl.nu/fwj0
  Replies (53) Good night (5969) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  pussy has no personality

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Amen to that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that (484): pussy has no personality (609): Amen to that http://tfl.nu/mkon
  Replies (17) Good night (2547) Bad night (450)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine... http://tfl.nu/msgo
  Replies (34) Good night (12194) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off. http://tfl.nu/yt3u
  Replies (10) Good night (2519) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive http://tfl.nu/u0dx
  Replies (55) Good night (4232) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I wish facebook had a fuck off button.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I wish facebook had a fuck off button. http://tfl.nu/0iiv
  Replies (34) Good night (10050) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.

  (1-916): View more from California

  Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids. (1-916): Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions. http://tfl.nu/28ax
  Replies (27) Good night (3682) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."

  (1-708): View more from Illinois

  Let's do it. All homo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks." (1-708): Let's do it. All homo http://tfl.nu/evdg
  Replies (30) Good night (4093) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face. http://tfl.nu/puwv
  Replies (30) Good night (1041) Bad night (3808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus. http://tfl.nu/kpmf
  Replies (26) Good night (8616) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever. http://tfl.nu/rea8
  Replies (358) Good night (23566) Bad night (6796)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks. (314): Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this. http://tfl.nu/u3mg
  Replies (30) Good night (4324) Bad night (378)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day. http://tfl.nu/2twt
  Replies (37) Good night (16693) Bad night (1230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat? http://tfl.nu/3sn0
  Replies (93) Good night (874) Bad night (3074) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please? (443): he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag? http://tfl.nu/5o6h
  Replies (132) Good night (12127) Bad night (24666)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable. http://tfl.nu/uirm
  Replies (22) Good night (692) Bad night (3179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  Shut up. I did not.

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I really wish I was making that up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras. (1-918): Shut up. I did not. (918): I really wish I was making that up. http://tfl.nu/wbcz
  Replies (35) Good night (6250) Bad night (430)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock. http://tfl.nu/ip50
  Replies (16) Good night (3834) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.

  (360): View more from Washington

  I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch. (360): I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina. http://tfl.nu/x3ve
  Replies (92) Good night (4348) Bad night (677)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her! http://tfl.nu/ypk8
  Replies (48) Good night (4314) Bad night (303) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on. http://tfl.nu/vax8
  Replies (15) Good night (3234) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag. http://tfl.nu/mbm9
  Replies (207) Good night (4367) Bad night (27693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (49054) Bad night (2223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1608) Good night (161239) Bad night (40087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent http://tfl.nu/r5vc
  Replies (44) Good night (1099) Bad night (2391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  and?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  RIP clitoris

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there... (1-609): and? (609): RIP clitoris http://tfl.nu/1ub6
  Replies (589) Good night (4041) Bad night (98821)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you. http://tfl.nu/poyo
  Replies (12) Good night (2106) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."

  (1-608): View more from Wisconsin

  At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke." (1-608): At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account. (608): Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot. http://tfl.nu/k199
  Replies (66) Good night (4231) Bad night (934)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date. http://tfl.nu/xryi
  Replies (43) Good night (7857) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt. http://tfl.nu/ymql
  Replies (17) Good night (4343) Bad night (378)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice. http://tfl.nu/k20h
  Replies (76) Good night (484) Bad night (7091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see. http://tfl.nu/n17o
  Replies (13) Good night (561) Bad night (2331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  happy early fathers day!!!

  (829): View more from Dominican Rep

  im not a father

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  about that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z
  Replies (221) Good night (6514) Bad night (70167)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (95) Good night (38045) Bad night (1193)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid? http://tfl.nu/a3m4
  Replies (49) Good night (365) Bad night (3687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled. http://tfl.nu/wz50
  Replies (11) Good night (2639) Bad night (356)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch. http://tfl.nu/64iu
  Replies (28) Good night (4543) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  are you so shy because you have an std?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): are you so shy because you have an std? http://tfl.nu/9nrw
  Replies (8) Good night (327) Bad night (3012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage? http://tfl.nu/3y3m
  Replies (35) Good night (541) Bad night (3207) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder. http://tfl.nu/3ets
  Replies (268) Good night (3335) Bad night (66315)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you??? http://tfl.nu/p9qq
  Replies (171) Good night (2419) Bad night (31285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off http://tfl.nu/1xv0
  Replies (2) Good night (4107) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants. http://tfl.nu/mk0c
  Replies (46) Good night (924) Bad night (4360)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?

  (904): View more from Florida

  Both

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): What are you talking about? And how drunk are you? (904): Both http://tfl.nu/7q6w
  Replies (18) Good night (5778) Bad night (438)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill http://tfl.nu/19kp
  Replies (3) Good night (333) Bad night (1893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again? http://tfl.nu/5xp9
  Replies (19) Good night (2937) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  children are so perceptive these days... and horny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): 5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF (973): children are so perceptive these days... and horny http://tfl.nu/81nd
  Replies (32) Good night (2114) Bad night (483)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way http://tfl.nu/rl6u
  Replies (220) Good night (2061) Bad night (27371)
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex.. http://tfl.nu/ynb7
  Replies (121) Good night (3225) Bad night (60403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude. http://tfl.nu/5a88
  Replies (174) Good night (5431) Bad night (77627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said

  (770): View more from Georgia

  she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You KNEW her power was out...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said (770): she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to (404): You KNEW her power was out... http://tfl.nu/ggzc
  Replies (39) Good night (11264) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever. http://tfl.nu/2p77
  Replies (283) Good night (28512) Bad night (12396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him http://tfl.nu/axwb
  Replies (165) Good night (87462) Bad night (3242) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): her vagina looked like a handful of raisins. http://tfl.nu/5whx
  Replies (91) Good night (947) Bad night (23450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  69 |D_O

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  wtf does that mean??

  (602): View more from Arizona

  it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): 69 |D_O (1-602): wtf does that mean?? (602): it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently" http://tfl.nu/6ega
  Replies (59) Good night (6929) Bad night (573)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (468) Good night (165239) Bad night (6020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  yo im tryna cop a beej tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): yo im tryna cop a beej tonight http://tfl.nu/fc5c
  Replies (24) Good night (2400) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location. http://tfl.nu/j750
  Replies (30) Good night (4256) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!? http://tfl.nu/lfzq
  Replies (9) Good night (3749) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah" http://tfl.nu/d8s5
  Replies (97) Good night (6146) Bad night (58582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever. http://tfl.nu/p67s
  Replies (178) Good night (82698) Bad night (2375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...

  (623): View more from Arizona

  What did she do!?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I didn't tell her...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her... (623): What did she do!? (602): I didn't tell her... http://tfl.nu/i351
  Replies (218) Good night (4824) Bad night (23574)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal. http://tfl.nu/j0la
  Replies (69) Good night (36483) Bad night (1530)
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning... http://tfl.nu/swvs
  Replies (40) Good night (359) Bad night (2392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant. http://tfl.nu/hikv
  Replies (1) Good night (1717) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (848): I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa http://tfl.nu/605l
  Replies (149) Good night (4959) Bad night (55676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i think i'm in class. and blacked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i think i'm in class. and blacked out. http://tfl.nu/l2ml
  Replies (5) Good night (1863) Bad night (369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  Two?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Two.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs. (1-404): Two? (404): Two. http://tfl.nu/opzf
  Replies (253) Good night (3186) Bad night (75933)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8
  Replies (484) Good night (128189) Bad night (5060)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more http://tfl.nu/zuqw
  Replies (202) Good night (112762) Bad night (2648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4. http://tfl.nu/sr4z
  Replies (375) Good night (124229) Bad night (3442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6143) Bad night (39426)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  one word: firstdatebathroomanal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): one word: firstdatebathroomanal http://tfl.nu/h4q1
  Replies (24) Good night (4454) Bad night (1060) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
  Replies (208) Good night (49126) Bad night (2154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present. http://tfl.nu/xf6g
  Replies (767) Good night (6467) Bad night (106515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then. http://tfl.nu/hci4
  Replies (9) Good night (1986) Bad night (318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  just caught grandpa beating off in the living room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): just caught grandpa beating off in the living room http://tfl.nu/3g7q
  Replies (127) Good night (6876) Bad night (59114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (434) Good night (107955) Bad night (8845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home? http://tfl.nu/fztn
  Replies (98) Good night (3997) Bad night (52306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  What'd you do?

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Its more like what im about to do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight. (734): What'd you do? (313): Its more like what im about to do. http://tfl.nu/2yqx
  Replies (6) Good night (3342) Bad night (417)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me http://tfl.nu/erth
  Replies (71) Good night (773) Bad night (2138) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks. http://tfl.nu/kxma
  Replies (34) Good night (1843) Bad night (2252)
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad http://tfl.nu/3y6v
  Replies (98) Good night (3102) Bad night (64623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)

  (650): View more from California

  nah, i'm gonna grab some food

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;) (650): nah, i'm gonna grab some food http://tfl.nu/jz1a
  Replies (116) Good night (3850) Bad night (34505)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would do horrible things to your vagina.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Prove it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I would do horrible things to your vagina. (978): Prove it. http://tfl.nu/qld3
  Replies (178) Good night (89868) Bad night (3912)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true http://tfl.nu/y8hf
  Replies (405) Good night (100888) Bad night (8674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted. http://tfl.nu/575h
  Replies (134) Good night (6485) Bad night (53644)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting. http://tfl.nu/c1w6
  Replies (139) Good night (42582) Bad night (8882)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk. http://tfl.nu/5huo
  Replies (4) Good night (668) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling http://tfl.nu/6n5a
  Replies (1) Good night (378) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (855): View more from

  somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (855): somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs http://tfl.nu/4p1d
  Replies (6) Good night (1050) Bad night (277)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again. http://tfl.nu/hfw8
  Replies (2) Good night (695) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  didnt we say no more talking to eachother

  (906): View more from Michigan

  it will help you get over me i promise

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  im horny

  (906): View more from Michigan

  ok i will unlock the door

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): didnt we say no more talking to eachother (906): it will help you get over me i promise (414): im horny (906): ok i will unlock the door http://tfl.nu/m6ae
  Replies (16) Good night (2183) Bad night (366)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  and what kinds of feelings would these be?

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Happy, horny, occasionally hungry

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig? (1-586): and what kinds of feelings would these be? (586): Happy, horny, occasionally hungry http://tfl.nu/z6jk
  Replies (7) Good night (1071) Bad night (235)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  dude you need to get laid

  (906): View more from Michigan

  me?

  (616): View more from Michigan

  no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months

  (906): View more from Michigan

  oh I thought you were talkin about me

  (906): View more from Michigan

  wait

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): dude you need to get laid (906): me? (616): no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months (906): oh I thought you were talkin about me (906): wait http://tfl.nu/self
  Replies (10) Good night (689) Bad night (1595)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up http://tfl.nu/mvat
  Replies (3) Good night (1398) Bad night (301) Order T-Shirt