Texts From Last Night

pichu180's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1608) Good night (161239) Bad night (40087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (434) Good night (107955) Bad night (8845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (499) Good night (82815) Bad night (7566)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (196) Good night (76748) Bad night (3808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (292) Good night (69192) Bad night (1984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (246) Good night (64506) Bad night (2455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (151) Good night (62674) Bad night (2952)
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
  Replies (208) Good night (49126) Bad night (2154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (178) Good night (48655) Bad night (1815)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Tie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet (908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building (201): Tie http://tfl.nu/a5wy
  Replies (97) Good night (41863) Bad night (1189)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right http://tfl.nu/htd0
  Replies (30) Good night (27434) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes. http://tfl.nu/4wgk
  Replies (45) Good night (27372) Bad night (1660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars? http://tfl.nu/0mdx
  Replies (56) Good night (25372) Bad night (1283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  hows the party?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ists fjcssing insceredle

  (913): View more from Kansas

  be there in 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): hows the party? (816): ists fjcssing insceredle (913): be there in 10 http://tfl.nu/innz
  Replies (60) Good night (25206) Bad night (829)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Heyyyy darlin are you busy?

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Heyyyy darlin are you busy? (1-319): Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night. http://tfl.nu/pwb0
  Replies (34) Good night (23965) Bad night (1287)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i hate you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0
  Replies (43) Good night (21132) Bad night (1201)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy." http://tfl.nu/a1we
  Replies (91) Good night (20561) Bad night (2710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. http://tfl.nu/qw6q
  Replies (48) Good night (18691) Bad night (1653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Why are my keys in the refrigerator?

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  This explains so much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Why are my keys in the refrigerator? (1-205): You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you. (205): This explains so much. http://tfl.nu/ouwy
  Replies (29) Good night (16812) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You mean bread?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast? (404): You mean bread? http://tfl.nu/0bp8
  Replies (60) Good night (16100) Bad night (990)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted. http://tfl.nu/tz2e
  Replies (40) Good night (15942) Bad night (1893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that. http://tfl.nu/jia8
  Replies (110) Good night (14038) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty. http://tfl.nu/tep7
  Replies (30) Good night (13835) Bad night (814)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta. http://tfl.nu/sa2y
  Replies (41) Good night (13743) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments http://tfl.nu/75se
  Replies (86) Good night (13615) Bad night (2319) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar. (1-703): I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up? http://tfl.nu/a4zj
  Replies (55) Good night (11278) Bad night (682)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight] http://tfl.nu/2cq7
  Replies (29) Good night (10880) Bad night (2110) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera. http://tfl.nu/yx0c
  Replies (36) Good night (10332) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :) http://tfl.nu/dwum
  Replies (36) Good night (10162) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): 4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens. http://tfl.nu/m8yq
  Replies (55) Good night (10161) Bad night (2774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Everybody was literally kung fu fighting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Everybody was literally kung fu fighting http://tfl.nu/75ca
  Replies (33) Good night (10036) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume. http://tfl.nu/l5xu
  Replies (31) Good night (9604) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Are you still giving blowjobs?

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Who is this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Are you still giving blowjobs? (1-850): Who is this? http://tfl.nu/iq9v
  Replies (29) Good night (9241) Bad night (1862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  you guys were way drunker than both of me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): you guys were way drunker than both of me http://tfl.nu/x140
  Replies (11) Good night (8954) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone just got laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness? (774): Someone just got laid. http://tfl.nu/ub8q
  Replies (17) Good night (8717) Bad night (853)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous http://tfl.nu/ia7j
  Replies (28) Good night (8668) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose. http://tfl.nu/41p8
  Replies (35) Good night (8557) Bad night (875) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist. http://tfl.nu/t4io
  Replies (26) Good night (8526) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/tadi
  Replies (11) Good night (8319) Bad night (1608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  like hot dogs and buns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky (267): like hot dogs and buns. http://tfl.nu/crsi
  Replies (22) Good night (7793) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room http://tfl.nu/jsw5
  Replies (22) Good night (7457) Bad night (985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate http://tfl.nu/e0yr
  Replies (22) Good night (7220) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate? (816): um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan http://tfl.nu/0tla
  Replies (11) Good night (7218) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone http://tfl.nu/wd7b
  Replies (33) Good night (7206) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better http://tfl.nu/pitl
  Replies (42) Good night (7178) Bad night (1809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar. http://tfl.nu/5kvp
  Replies (9) Good night (7169) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost. http://tfl.nu/w01g
  Replies (17) Good night (6655) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you" http://tfl.nu/hln2
  Replies (19) Good night (6577) Bad night (1638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  happy early fathers day!!!

  (829): View more from Dominican Rep

  im not a father

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  about that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z
  Replies (221) Good night (6514) Bad night (70167)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush. http://tfl.nu/l70n
  Replies (16) Good night (6514) Bad night (2042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep. http://tfl.nu/tjlf
  Replies (15) Good night (6508) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I know she was great

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day (267): I know she was great http://tfl.nu/ms90
  Replies (26) Good night (6502) Bad night (1151)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn? http://tfl.nu/bm5d
  Replies (11) Good night (6406) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?! http://tfl.nu/h1we
  Replies (13) Good night (6290) Bad night (741)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  That was the greatest thing i have ever read.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping. (314): That was the greatest thing i have ever read. http://tfl.nu/0exi
  Replies (33) Good night (6270) Bad night (1391)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh. http://tfl.nu/1se4
  Replies (72) Good night (6252) Bad night (1670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are http://tfl.nu/ste8
  Replies (16) Good night (6251) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  Vomiting outside the employee entrance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me? (1-217): Vomiting outside the employee entrance http://tfl.nu/gco9
  Replies (15) Good night (6237) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool. http://tfl.nu/8q12
  Replies (14) Good night (6193) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You're such a slut.

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I prefer opportunist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): You're such a slut. (318): I prefer opportunist. http://tfl.nu/49c1
  Replies (27) Good night (6172) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6143) Bad night (39426)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!" http://tfl.nu/yfbj
  Replies (19) Good night (6106) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke http://tfl.nu/o61t
  Replies (16) Good night (6067) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon? (1-732): shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work http://tfl.nu/tkf9
  Replies (18) Good night (5990) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing. http://tfl.nu/gyso
  Replies (21) Good night (5853) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+30): View more from

  Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+30): Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi http://tfl.nu/acnu
  Replies (13) Good night (5772) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate. http://tfl.nu/t5hj
  Replies (31) Good night (5705) Bad night (1216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!" http://tfl.nu/u8jk
  Replies (23) Good night (5682) Bad night (356)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure. http://tfl.nu/ruyi
  Replies (10) Good night (5580) Bad night (1283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina. http://tfl.nu/8zh1
  Replies (41) Good night (5436) Bad night (1244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people. http://tfl.nu/uumz
  Replies (23) Good night (5394) Bad night (689)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  It was just a squirrel

  (253): View more from Washington

  You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): It was just a squirrel (253): You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar http://tfl.nu/smls
  Replies (11) Good night (5372) Bad night (609)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog. http://tfl.nu/lwrd
  Replies (11) Good night (5354) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  she's a dina-saur

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct (973): that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand (201): she's a dina-saur http://tfl.nu/b0aw
  Replies (32) Good night (5110) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it. http://tfl.nu/3ywv
  Replies (24) Good night (5074) Bad night (985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/d61m
  Replies (18) Good night (5063) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea. http://tfl.nu/4ze6
  Replies (40) Good night (5048) Bad night (3190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom http://tfl.nu/am8n
  Replies (11) Good night (5036) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth? http://tfl.nu/ukqr
  Replies (21) Good night (4862) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked http://tfl.nu/kcmn
  Replies (24) Good night (4718) Bad night (1580)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride http://tfl.nu/vufa
  Replies (23) Good night (4659) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin http://tfl.nu/5vsk
  Replies (15) Good night (4657) Bad night (751)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears. http://tfl.nu/6ckb
  Replies (14) Good night (4627) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch. http://tfl.nu/64iu
  Replies (28) Good night (4543) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic http://tfl.nu/acyn
  Replies (6) Good night (4535) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila. http://tfl.nu/p50o
  Replies (10) Good night (4499) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (551): View more from New Jersey

  Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (551): Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead (201): NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it" http://tfl.nu/4pzt
  Replies (85) Good night (4484) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Jake died.

  (310): View more from California

  WTF????????? That's how you tell me????

  (818): View more from California

  Oops typo. Jake cried.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Jake died. (310): WTF????????? That's how you tell me???? (818): Oops typo. Jake cried. http://tfl.nu/zib8
  Replies (41) Good night (4459) Bad night (1018)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My face left an imprint in the loaf...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning (215): My face left an imprint in the loaf... http://tfl.nu/s8i8
  Replies (12) Good night (4431) Bad night (774)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't. http://tfl.nu/9mwz
  Replies (12) Good night (4325) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this http://tfl.nu/mfxc
  Replies (11) Good night (4287) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police

  (616): View more from Michigan

  What?!?

  (810): View more from Michigan

  What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police (616): What?!? (810): What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police http://tfl.nu/unre
  Replies (20) Good night (4209) Bad night (474)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  I met the friendliest cop last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): I met the friendliest cop last night http://tfl.nu/2xxe
  Replies (12) Good night (4084) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off. http://tfl.nu/sc97
  Replies (19) Good night (3962) Bad night (1189) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children http://tfl.nu/7xpu
  Replies (6) Good night (3958) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge." http://tfl.nu/7x8q
  Replies (26) Good night (3933) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me. http://tfl.nu/76by
  Replies (17) Good night (3915) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.

  (214): View more from Texas

  Does it taste like semen?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it. (214): Does it taste like semen? http://tfl.nu/qasv
  Replies (10) Good night (3836) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers" http://tfl.nu/lsqw
  Replies (16) Good night (3813) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO (908) dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me http://tfl.nu/s889
  Replies (27) Good night (3752) Bad night (651)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing http://tfl.nu/zvza
  Replies (10) Good night (3744) Bad night (1078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it. http://tfl.nu/o1jt
  Replies (8) Good night (3702) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now. (1-850): Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel. http://tfl.nu/j1ot
  Replies (80) Good night (3688) Bad night (399)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  just survived the first fart of the relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): just survived the first fart of the relationship. http://tfl.nu/r3p3
  Replies (15) Good night (3668) Bad night (508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust. http://tfl.nu/5llx
  Replies (8) Good night (3665) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!

  (1-650): View more from California

  noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish! (1-650): noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish! http://tfl.nu/qi3r
  Replies (86) Good night (3374) Bad night (1198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays http://tfl.nu/fevr
  Replies (9) Good night (3303) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism. http://tfl.nu/5nmw
  Replies (8) Good night (3290) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo. http://tfl.nu/5daz
  Replies (5) Good night (3234) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you. http://tfl.nu/wybw
  Replies (6) Good night (3200) Bad night (541)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way. http://tfl.nu/3diq
  Replies (49) Good night (3182) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea http://tfl.nu/v62m
  Replies (5) Good night (3137) Bad night (427)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future? http://tfl.nu/6a5x
  Replies (5) Good night (3111) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  She just gave me a free latte.

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): She just gave me a free latte. (416): Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina. http://tfl.nu/g8qo
  Replies (7) Good night (3066) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  4.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner? (402): 4. http://tfl.nu/fuje
  Replies (15) Good night (2948) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer... http://tfl.nu/1ty6
  Replies (28) Good night (2947) Bad night (6096) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk. http://tfl.nu/wlu8
  Replies (100) Good night (2692) Bad night (11567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday. http://tfl.nu/7ydm
  Replies (10) Good night (2663) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that. http://tfl.nu/f0c3
  Replies (24) Good night (2644) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels (1-603) Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know http://tfl.nu/7nn4
  Replies (33) Good night (2607) Bad night (348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie. http://tfl.nu/yx94
  Replies (6) Good night (2574) Bad night (958)
• Favorite

  (587): View more from Alberta

  My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (587): My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween http://tfl.nu/z2rb
  Replies (15) Good night (2486) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary. http://tfl.nu/s27x
  Replies (2) Good night (2433) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking. http://tfl.nu/rroe
  Replies (24) Good night (2189) Bad night (4358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go. http://tfl.nu/oxgw
  Replies (2) Good night (2146) Bad night (307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie http://tfl.nu/901f
  Replies (3) Good night (2111) Bad night (538)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE http://tfl.nu/wmq4
  Replies (5) Good night (2067) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I puked off the balcony.

  (1-831): View more from California

  Not horrible

  (831): View more from California

  Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): I puked off the balcony. (1-831): Not horrible (831): Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza. http://tfl.nu/7wv6
  Replies (11) Good night (2047) Bad night (8684)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life. http://tfl.nu/6m4u
  Replies (8) Good night (2037) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you? http://tfl.nu/xnnk
  Replies (16) Good night (2037) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up. http://tfl.nu/edto
  Replies (5) Good night (2027) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Rock

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Scissors

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Fuck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Rock (630): Scissors (630): Fuck http://tfl.nu/tdxv
  Replies (14) Good night (2019) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real. http://tfl.nu/3nu3
  Replies (31) Good night (1930) Bad night (6011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Home?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus? (912): Home? http://tfl.nu/7r1y
  Replies (2) Good night (1899) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  There's a dead frog in my kitchen?

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): There's a dead frog in my kitchen? (402): Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush. (402): The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all" http://tfl.nu/9htk
  Replies (34) Good night (1751) Bad night (4313)
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?

  (210): View more from Texas

  no

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge? (210): no http://tfl.nu/pkgs
  Replies (15) Good night (1611) Bad night (4645)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning

  (410): View more from Maryland

  how does that even happen??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning (410): how does that even happen?? http://tfl.nu/16pg
  Replies (3) Good night (1601) Bad night (397)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot http://tfl.nu/gw1u
  Replies (366) Good night (1574) Bad night (51717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns http://tfl.nu/s30q
  Replies (11) Good night (1558) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse http://tfl.nu/7lt4
  Replies (5) Good night (1516) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. http://tfl.nu/kla9
  Replies (3) Good night (1429) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck! http://tfl.nu/jvh5
  Replies (8) Good night (1339) Bad night (4165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault. http://tfl.nu/rtqq
  Replies (20) Good night (1334) Bad night (4128) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears. http://tfl.nu/gqzu
  Replies (8) Good night (1320) Bad night (3286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation? http://tfl.nu/5k7a
  Replies (9) Good night (1312) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/17ls
  Replies (7) Good night (1309) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  What?

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just dont open the beer drawer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge. (1-352): What? (352): Just dont open the beer drawer. http://tfl.nu/02la
  Replies (16) Good night (1280) Bad night (5372)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You spelled "worthless" wrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note. (773): You spelled "worthless" wrong. http://tfl.nu/nbo3
  Replies (66) Good night (1243) Bad night (8213)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): apparently farting at a cop is considered assault. http://tfl.nu/4f0p
  Replies (24) Good night (1230) Bad night (3486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst? http://tfl.nu/5xe1
  Replies (66) Good night (1228) Bad night (24751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo. http://tfl.nu/xop1
  Replies (13) Good night (1216) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted? http://tfl.nu/v1i6
  Replies (11) Good night (1184) Bad night (2810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad http://tfl.nu/podg
  Replies (3) Good night (1054) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door. http://tfl.nu/oawg
  Replies (13) Good night (960) Bad night (2244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone. http://tfl.nu/x5d3
  Replies (12) Good night (960) Bad night (4164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever. http://tfl.nu/1b0y
  Replies (57) Good night (943) Bad night (7060)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  it wasn't lemon gatorade

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): it wasn't lemon gatorade http://tfl.nu/yeyb
  Replies (22) Good night (942) Bad night (17251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever. http://tfl.nu/sogf
  Replies (29) Good night (927) Bad night (3512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos. http://tfl.nu/b1xi
  Replies (22) Good night (852) Bad night (3772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this http://tfl.nu/u2zv
  Replies (20) Good night (831) Bad night (5773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results... http://tfl.nu/tn0b
  Replies (14) Good night (827) Bad night (7473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I think my fart just growled at me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I think my fart just growled at me. http://tfl.nu/gjsq
  Replies (7) Good night (762) Bad night (1944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars. http://tfl.nu/v0mr
  Replies (29) Good night (743) Bad night (2698)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue. http://tfl.nu/xccr
  Replies (8) Good night (715) Bad night (2895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever. http://tfl.nu/r25i
  Replies (23) Good night (706) Bad night (6573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream. http://tfl.nu/6zy9
  Replies (1) Good night (697) Bad night (1132) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober? http://tfl.nu/qjrt
  Replies (30) Good night (615) Bad night (1803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  who is this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me. (248): who is this? http://tfl.nu/n5nl
  Replies (4) Good night (614) Bad night (680)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru http://tfl.nu/806s
  Replies (22) Good night (605) Bad night (2317) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry

  (1-307): View more from Wyoming

  I'm hurrying

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Dude. She just shit herself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry (1-307): I'm hurrying (307): Dude. She just shit herself. http://tfl.nu/4o8b
  Replies (20) Good night (601) Bad night (3640)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  He's been sleeping iwht ***

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Nooo

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb

  (816): View more from Missouri

  And then hit her in the face with a shovel

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): He's been sleeping iwht *** (1-816): Nooo (816): Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb (816): And then hit her in the face with a shovel http://tfl.nu/a1q0
  Replies (3) Good night (585) Bad night (1539)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it. http://tfl.nu/stvk
  Replies (8) Good night (565) Bad night (2327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  dying kittens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner? (1-201): dying kittens. http://tfl.nu/66tr
  Replies (19) Good night (506) Bad night (1673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not. http://tfl.nu/ari1
  Replies (15) Good night (504) Bad night (7196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass. http://tfl.nu/pyjz
  Replies (15) Good night (343) Bad night (4835) Order T-Shirt