Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Follow @tfln
Cracked IndieClick Humor