Texts From Last Night

dinosaurus's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (178) Good night (48655) Bad night (1815)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Tie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet (908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building (201): Tie http://tfl.nu/a5wy
  Replies (97) Good night (41863) Bad night (1189)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ". http://tfl.nu/tf5y
  Replies (385) Good night (39830) Bad night (3547)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix
  Replies (101) Good night (36403) Bad night (1392)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (40) Good night (34729) Bad night (1080)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends? http://tfl.nu/08w4
  Replies (98) Good night (32301) Bad night (3093) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2
  Replies (81) Good night (31292) Bad night (994)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock. http://tfl.nu/njgo
  Replies (166) Good night (27094) Bad night (2261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything. http://tfl.nu/pmpx
  Replies (76) Good night (26528) Bad night (1349)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Yup.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Yup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then? (636): Yup. (314): Yup. http://tfl.nu/bp2u
  Replies (70) Good night (23407) Bad night (1429)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom http://tfl.nu/itfy
  Replies (47) Good night (21228) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i hate you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0
  Replies (43) Good night (21132) Bad night (1201)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  You weighed it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car? (1-817): You weighed it? http://tfl.nu/lai6
  Replies (37) Good night (21007) Bad night (1173) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay http://tfl.nu/s2rn
  Replies (65) Good night (19437) Bad night (1464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. http://tfl.nu/qw6q
  Replies (48) Good night (18691) Bad night (1653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.

  (1-931): View more from Tennessee

  Wtf? What happened?

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other. (1-931): Wtf? What happened? (931): Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home. http://tfl.nu/q0zo
  Replies (41) Good night (16674) Bad night (662)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk. http://tfl.nu/ivw8
  Replies (32) Good night (16568) Bad night (927)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal. http://tfl.nu/qev8
  Replies (26) Good night (16476) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating. http://tfl.nu/umg8
  Replies (34) Good night (16417) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
  Replies (51) Good night (15595) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace. http://tfl.nu/irh2
  Replies (39) Good night (15456) Bad night (983)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning. http://tfl.nu/odgl
  Replies (57) Good night (15411) Bad night (3105)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog

  (716): View more from New York

  do you not see the irony in that??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog (716): do you not see the irony in that?? http://tfl.nu/h8wi
  Replies (72) Good night (15134) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork. http://tfl.nu/6zkt
  Replies (37) Good night (14677) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades? http://tfl.nu/s5wu
  Replies (76) Good night (14662) Bad night (2376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston, we have a problem

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  where are u?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Houston, we have a problem (781): where are u? (617): Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here. http://tfl.nu/zyw6
  Replies (43) Good night (14194) Bad night (973)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way. http://tfl.nu/w85x
  Replies (26) Good night (14156) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice http://tfl.nu/hsgc
  Replies (45) Good night (14045) Bad night (1411)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf http://tfl.nu/hwzk
  Replies (44) Good night (14017) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after http://tfl.nu/tns7
  Replies (38) Good night (13934) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty. http://tfl.nu/tep7
  Replies (30) Good night (13835) Bad night (814)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  what was she crying about?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle. (1-734): what was she crying about? (734): i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job. http://tfl.nu/fomm
  Replies (47) Good night (13670) Bad night (1419)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?

  (708): View more from Illinois

  We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday? (708): We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us. http://tfl.nu/9z48
  Replies (47) Good night (13233) Bad night (634)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?

  (949): View more from California

  I gave it to your brother to give to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it? (949): I gave it to your brother to give to you. http://tfl.nu/fwxt
  Replies (55) Good night (12901) Bad night (4751)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock

  (347): View more from New York

  I THOUGHT I SAW YOU

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock (347): I THOUGHT I SAW YOU http://tfl.nu/jrv0
  Replies (27) Good night (12739) Bad night (1707)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Previous statement retracted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay. (828): Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner (864): Previous statement retracted. http://tfl.nu/e7pe
  Replies (46) Good night (12576) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual. http://tfl.nu/97w0
  Replies (44) Good night (12455) Bad night (813)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours http://tfl.nu/1nv0
  Replies (15) Good night (12369) Bad night (730)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love http://tfl.nu/knwu
  Replies (35) Good night (11783) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat. (1-303): ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent. http://tfl.nu/2smi
  Replies (17) Good night (11780) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  are you high?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers (1-402): are you high? http://tfl.nu/fjf1
  Replies (36) Good night (11700) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!

  (1-310): View more from California

  you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee! (1-310): you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right? http://tfl.nu/vyk6
  Replies (30) Good night (11087) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  dude how high are you right now?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground. (1-256): dude how high are you right now? (256): do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves. http://tfl.nu/7ihc
  Replies (38) Good night (11050) Bad night (844)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  You guys make me sad

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You misspelled jealous there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone. (540): You guys make me sad (703): You misspelled jealous there http://tfl.nu/wtst
  Replies (23) Good night (10978) Bad night (952)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass. http://tfl.nu/6q4x
  Replies (27) Good night (10936) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed http://tfl.nu/x5dq
  Replies (52) Good night (10883) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face http://tfl.nu/4iya
  Replies (26) Good night (10803) Bad night (1301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant. http://tfl.nu/aq1y
  Replies (25) Good night (10735) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was... http://tfl.nu/7mx1
  Replies (49) Good night (10687) Bad night (2185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up". http://tfl.nu/5shs
  Replies (39) Good night (10643) Bad night (1448)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory http://tfl.nu/t9t2
  Replies (21) Good night (10537) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors. http://tfl.nu/cath
  Replies (10) Good night (10510) Bad night (619)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying" http://tfl.nu/wtiy
  Replies (19) Good night (10139) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed http://tfl.nu/38z7
  Replies (25) Good night (10044) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay. http://tfl.nu/hfdj
  Replies (19) Good night (10015) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever http://tfl.nu/gvxq
  Replies (21) Good night (9982) Bad night (1541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn. http://tfl.nu/voym
  Replies (43) Good night (9888) Bad night (1490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook http://tfl.nu/ft2u
  Replies (36) Good night (9879) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say. http://tfl.nu/fs2e
  Replies (70) Good night (9815) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  so how was last night?

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): so how was last night? (1-586): got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages. http://tfl.nu/4xoa
  Replies (21) Good night (9811) Bad night (727)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.

  (1405): View more from

  I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie. (1405): I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes? http://tfl.nu/u9sc
  Replies (45) Good night (9635) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this. http://tfl.nu/u3zd
  Replies (45) Good night (9506) Bad night (1020)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call" http://tfl.nu/7z02
  Replies (29) Good night (9469) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar. (1-519): You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make. http://tfl.nu/j6t1
  Replies (12) Good night (9454) Bad night (789)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper. http://tfl.nu/3leu
  Replies (16) Good night (9415) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog. http://tfl.nu/8mg1
  Replies (18) Good night (9396) Bad night (1209) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found... http://tfl.nu/titb
  Replies (15) Good night (9322) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper http://tfl.nu/xl5z
  Replies (89) Good night (9300) Bad night (1303) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra. http://tfl.nu/7xhn
  Replies (51) Good night (9291) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits. http://tfl.nu/2cej
  Replies (10) Good night (9184) Bad night (571)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit http://tfl.nu/6wkt
  Replies (12) Good night (9117) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now http://tfl.nu/4db9
  Replies (31) Good night (9102) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer. http://tfl.nu/u1k3
  Replies (17) Good night (9054) Bad night (938)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful. http://tfl.nu/q2qd
  Replies (21) Good night (9046) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Who won?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  All of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away. (504): Who won? (225): All of them. http://tfl.nu/xlra
  Replies (81) Good night (9035) Bad night (1427)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.

  (1-321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  no his phone, idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot. (1-321): he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn. (321): no his phone, idiot. http://tfl.nu/beyf
  Replies (43) Good night (8978) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight. http://tfl.nu/ioqv
  Replies (29) Good night (8950) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house? http://tfl.nu/bc2r
  Replies (13) Good night (8945) Bad night (1935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me. http://tfl.nu/z6ig
  Replies (20) Good night (8932) Bad night (1081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth. http://tfl.nu/5m3k
  Replies (39) Good night (8929) Bad night (2935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands." http://tfl.nu/l3oo
  Replies (17) Good night (8886) Bad night (1201) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase http://tfl.nu/jdu6
  Replies (24) Good night (8864) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  OMG THAT WAS YOU?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building. (603): OMG THAT WAS YOU?! http://tfl.nu/kd7y
  Replies (42) Good night (8863) Bad night (1080)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin! http://tfl.nu/gtgt
  Replies (14) Good night (8796) Bad night (1285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Why was I handcuffed to the roof?

  (518): View more from New York

  It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Why was I handcuffed to the roof? (518): It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly http://tfl.nu/nk88
  Replies (27) Good night (8740) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol. http://tfl.nu/qjw2
  Replies (10) Good night (8645) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college

  (516): View more from New York

  is she hot?

  (802): View more from Vermont

  She is now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college (516): is she hot? (802): She is now http://tfl.nu/4xoq
  Replies (34) Good night (8589) Bad night (490)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying. http://tfl.nu/u472
  Replies (30) Good night (8587) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter. http://tfl.nu/ujkx
  Replies (6) Good night (8452) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud. http://tfl.nu/mlmc
  Replies (20) Good night (8411) Bad night (980)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials." http://tfl.nu/vm6j
  Replies (20) Good night (8359) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one? http://tfl.nu/k16y
  Replies (15) Good night (8307) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid. http://tfl.nu/t711
  Replies (33) Good night (8304) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow. http://tfl.nu/8b4m
  Replies (13) Good night (8291) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts. http://tfl.nu/ngvo
  Replies (52) Good night (8259) Bad night (1303)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later http://tfl.nu/a1zy
  Replies (19) Good night (8220) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus

  (1-409): View more from Texas

  How are you texting me from 1998?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus (1-409): How are you texting me from 1998? http://tfl.nu/t1vq
  Replies (27) Good night (8135) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee http://tfl.nu/57zq
  Replies (20) Good night (8124) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years http://tfl.nu/cjjj
  Replies (27) Good night (8058) Bad night (1282)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old http://tfl.nu/b9xq
  Replies (33) Good night (8025) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars. http://tfl.nu/f73b
  Replies (14) Good night (8011) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox. http://tfl.nu/xeau
  Replies (41) Good night (7995) Bad night (4426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  What happened to chicks over dicks?

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): What happened to chicks over dicks? (1-514): That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks.. http://tfl.nu/nat7
  Replies (49) Good night (7994) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  That's why Kanye is a gay fish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): That's why Kanye is a gay fish. http://tfl.nu/hy3e
  Replies (103) Good night (7990) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror. http://tfl.nu/is4s
  Replies (24) Good night (7965) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins. http://tfl.nu/qxz4
  Replies (38) Good night (7954) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister. http://tfl.nu/9ks8
  Replies (37) Good night (7894) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?' http://tfl.nu/x9n6
  Replies (13) Good night (7835) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things. http://tfl.nu/13io
  Replies (35) Good night (7834) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING (617): you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me. http://tfl.nu/bj47
  Replies (33) Good night (7831) Bad night (1193)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer. http://tfl.nu/l87h
  Replies (10) Good night (7800) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  At least he's a nutritious stoner...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches. (1-402): At least he's a nutritious stoner... http://tfl.nu/2qp4
  Replies (18) Good night (7722) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.

  (480): View more from Arizona

  What will that accomplish?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on. (480): What will that accomplish? (602): It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on. http://tfl.nu/n4ns
  Replies (23) Good night (7691) Bad night (1129)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone http://tfl.nu/zfoz
  Replies (8) Good night (7654) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin. http://tfl.nu/un5l
  Replies (18) Good night (7643) Bad night (784)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  she pinky promised me she was 18

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): she pinky promised me she was 18 http://tfl.nu/cbo2
  Replies (67) Good night (7585) Bad night (2698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up. http://tfl.nu/h2lf
  Replies (23) Good night (7578) Bad night (4487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  The pine trees are waving at me.

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Put the pipe down honey.

  (253): View more from Washington

  Hi trees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): The pine trees are waving at me. (907): Put the pipe down honey. (253): Hi trees. http://tfl.nu/6b23
  Replies (16) Good night (7574) Bad night (1249)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job. http://tfl.nu/97jt
  Replies (18) Good night (7534) Bad night (1457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?" http://tfl.nu/fnwu
  Replies (11) Good night (7529) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did. http://tfl.nu/3qcv
  Replies (7) Good night (7447) Bad night (1751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo. http://tfl.nu/korz
  Replies (12) Good night (7445) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  this will be a night to untag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): this will be a night to untag. http://tfl.nu/f6xw
  Replies (6) Good night (7404) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck. http://tfl.nu/69rd
  Replies (16) Good night (7386) Bad night (1689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes (1-352): I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos. http://tfl.nu/ch4a
  Replies (13) Good night (7337) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town. http://tfl.nu/b29o
  Replies (31) Good night (7323) Bad night (2121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Nobody is perfect

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page. (913): Nobody is perfect (816): I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other http://tfl.nu/yd5r
  Replies (11) Good night (7318) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin" http://tfl.nu/odvv
  Replies (16) Good night (7273) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes http://tfl.nu/cth1
  Replies (21) Good night (7254) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/mefj
  Replies (38) Good night (7207) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark. http://tfl.nu/009s
  Replies (44) Good night (7207) Bad night (1729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something http://tfl.nu/ax1a
  Replies (28) Good night (7191) Bad night (1389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time http://tfl.nu/w7q6
  Replies (13) Good night (7164) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid. http://tfl.nu/2ym3
  Replies (25) Good night (7162) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front. http://tfl.nu/08qp
  Replies (9) Good night (7117) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Umm you met him three days ago....

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I said what I said

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for (215): Umm you met him three days ago.... (267): I said what I said http://tfl.nu/18h0
  Replies (30) Good night (7051) Bad night (1185)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something" http://tfl.nu/rcyf
  Replies (26) Good night (7049) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well. http://tfl.nu/7lfy
  Replies (20) Good night (6998) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI. http://tfl.nu/868g
  Replies (27) Good night (6980) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit? http://tfl.nu/kt2r
  Replies (24) Good night (6972) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer... http://tfl.nu/lulm
  Replies (8) Good night (6972) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time http://tfl.nu/ixfn
  Replies (44) Good night (6969) Bad night (3712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not. http://tfl.nu/wxss
  Replies (19) Good night (6969) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright. http://tfl.nu/328h
  Replies (17) Good night (6867) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ...... wtf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Where'd you guys get the alcohol from? (1-816): Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower. (816): ...... wtf. http://tfl.nu/k9gx
  Replies (23) Good night (6862) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry. http://tfl.nu/e7cu
  Replies (9) Good night (6859) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  so finals studying is going well?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons. (309): so finals studying is going well? http://tfl.nu/jt5e
  Replies (13) Good night (6848) Bad night (726)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle

  (648): View more from

  Since when is drunk an angle?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle (648): Since when is drunk an angle? http://tfl.nu/dhcr
  Replies (12) Good night (6837) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink http://tfl.nu/w0ij
  Replies (12) Good night (6823) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time http://tfl.nu/nmkk
  Replies (4) Good night (6792) Bad night (966) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though http://tfl.nu/u94q
  Replies (16) Good night (6788) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle" http://tfl.nu/m65a
  Replies (17) Good night (6785) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you. http://tfl.nu/04eg
  Replies (25) Good night (6765) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came http://tfl.nu/4ft9
  Replies (16) Good night (6753) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  That reminds me...we need to get swords

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): That reminds me...we need to get swords http://tfl.nu/9ivg
  Replies (15) Good night (6730) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that. http://tfl.nu/vu87
  Replies (14) Good night (6678) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands http://tfl.nu/ha5y
  Replies (15) Good night (6668) Bad night (1255) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked. http://tfl.nu/z7yx
  Replies (11) Good night (6649) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods http://tfl.nu/a68f
  Replies (13) Good night (6601) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said. http://tfl.nu/hb96
  Replies (58) Good night (6563) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear" http://tfl.nu/r2vo
  Replies (7) Good night (6556) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming. http://tfl.nu/nho3
  Replies (12) Good night (6546) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad. http://tfl.nu/gbnx
  Replies (16) Good night (6520) Bad night (599)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places. http://tfl.nu/fel2
  Replies (81) Good night (6483) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  get to allyx's house asap

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Ok is everything ok

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Yeah, theres just lesbians

  (312): View more from Illinois

  omg yes on my way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): get to allyx's house asap (312): Ok is everything ok (224): Yeah, theres just lesbians (312): omg yes on my way http://tfl.nu/mxwb
  Replies (38) Good night (6480) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets... http://tfl.nu/jeys
  Replies (27) Good night (6469) Bad night (1496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt. http://tfl.nu/2jv4
  Replies (10) Good night (6426) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Hm. I declare blue a flavor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Hm. I declare blue a flavor. http://tfl.nu/1q5w
  Replies (58) Good night (6424) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand. http://tfl.nu/k6dt
  Replies (26) Good night (6417) Bad night (1061)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn? http://tfl.nu/bm5d
  Replies (11) Good night (6406) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now. http://tfl.nu/xg11
  Replies (15) Good night (6382) Bad night (1862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian http://tfl.nu/9eu3
  Replies (29) Good night (6378) Bad night (2405)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water... http://tfl.nu/8ncn
  Replies (12) Good night (6373) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing. http://tfl.nu/5987
  Replies (20) Good night (6354) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk. http://tfl.nu/el36
  Replies (12) Good night (6354) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you. http://tfl.nu/btkl
  Replies (11) Good night (6344) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys http://tfl.nu/ae48
  Replies (22) Good night (6319) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK. http://tfl.nu/7sxv
  Replies (9) Good night (6312) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.

  (619): View more from California

  you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up. (619): you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS http://tfl.nu/a8ci
  Replies (22) Good night (6308) Bad night (850)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Update, its a couple

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho. (402): Update, its a couple http://tfl.nu/mrbp
  Replies (16) Good night (6307) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany! http://tfl.nu/9nli
  Replies (14) Good night (6281) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder. http://tfl.nu/z8u4
  Replies (49) Good night (6251) Bad night (2134) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!

  (1-859): View more from Kentucky

  please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes! (1-859): please elaborate on, "atleast one ear" http://tfl.nu/8j2w
  Replies (19) Good night (6248) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel. http://tfl.nu/te56
  Replies (10) Good night (6247) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...

  (805): View more from California

  i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday... (805): i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it" http://tfl.nu/3fjc
  Replies (22) Good night (6237) Bad night (1311)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do. http://tfl.nu/0i65
  Replies (13) Good night (6231) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night http://tfl.nu/pxx7
  Replies (14) Good night (6226) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking. http://tfl.nu/uq3n
  Replies (47) Good night (6223) Bad night (1159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move (617): that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame http://tfl.nu/79g6
  Replies (15) Good night (6215) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool. http://tfl.nu/8q12
  Replies (14) Good night (6193) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer http://tfl.nu/hop7
  Replies (25) Good night (6185) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Dude you has no fucking this poptart

  (719): View more from Colorado

  What?

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I dont know to explain this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Dude you has no fucking this poptart (719): What? (843): I dont know to explain this. http://tfl.nu/kk1s
  Replies (35) Good night (6172) Bad night (1013)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today" http://tfl.nu/nsmf
  Replies (20) Good night (6160) Bad night (2022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy http://tfl.nu/rk38
  Replies (16) Good night (6156) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah" http://tfl.nu/d8s5
  Replies (97) Good night (6146) Bad night (58582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots http://tfl.nu/r6ov
  Replies (100) Good night (6106) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside" http://tfl.nu/md9m
  Replies (12) Good night (6083) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do. http://tfl.nu/ggug
  Replies (28) Good night (6077) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Why are you covered in frosting?

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): Why are you covered in frosting? (262): Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy. http://tfl.nu/9hct
  Replies (24) Good night (6036) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet. http://tfl.nu/hq1s
  Replies (19) Good night (6032) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me. http://tfl.nu/2kto
  Replies (13) Good night (6019) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick? http://tfl.nu/mjo7
  Replies (25) Good night (6015) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics http://tfl.nu/o0a3
  Replies (21) Good night (6006) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon? (1-732): shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work http://tfl.nu/tkf9
  Replies (18) Good night (5990) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now http://tfl.nu/j96j
  Replies (40) Good night (5978) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court. http://tfl.nu/8rt0
  Replies (10) Good night (5966) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned http://tfl.nu/3gli
  Replies (30) Good night (5958) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you. http://tfl.nu/gxjs
  Replies (10) Good night (5956) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene. http://tfl.nu/fj0l
  Replies (38) Good night (5954) Bad night (1674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money" http://tfl.nu/engr
  Replies (13) Good night (5954) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot

  (1-305): View more from Florida

  lets call myth busters

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot (1-305): lets call myth busters http://tfl.nu/n34m
  Replies (22) Good night (5939) Bad night (1143) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink http://tfl.nu/i8us
  Replies (9) Good night (5932) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay. http://tfl.nu/nx25
  Replies (35) Good night (5926) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom? http://tfl.nu/5x0x
  Replies (48) Good night (5922) Bad night (1377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast. http://tfl.nu/9556
  Replies (17) Good night (5920) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love. http://tfl.nu/koii
  Replies (22) Good night (5918) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle. http://tfl.nu/3luk
  Replies (25) Good night (5896) Bad night (1589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail. http://tfl.nu/mxx0
  Replies (15) Good night (5887) Bad night (1563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS. http://tfl.nu/77gw
  Replies (16) Good night (5866) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing. http://tfl.nu/gyso
  Replies (21) Good night (5853) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother. http://tfl.nu/97xz
  Replies (20) Good night (5845) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird http://tfl.nu/vuhd
  Replies (11) Good night (5841) Bad night (1253) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire. http://tfl.nu/5e7s
  Replies (9) Good night (5833) Bad night (1248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet? http://tfl.nu/uydl
  Replies (9) Good night (5828) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it. http://tfl.nu/vg3u
  Replies (22) Good night (5819) Bad night (1018) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life. http://tfl.nu/t3n8
  Replies (21) Good night (5807) Bad night (1300) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves http://tfl.nu/mggy
  Replies (20) Good night (5797) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock? http://tfl.nu/k7ck
  Replies (27) Good night (5793) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock http://tfl.nu/oxvs
  Replies (14) Good night (5787) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I drank myself into bisexuality again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I drank myself into bisexuality again. http://tfl.nu/eg45
  Replies (16) Good night (5786) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out http://tfl.nu/oush
  Replies (12) Good night (5759) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner. http://tfl.nu/g7ai
  Replies (5) Good night (5756) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans. http://tfl.nu/11hu
  Replies (14) Good night (5743) Bad night (1430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same http://tfl.nu/kiu0
  Replies (19) Good night (5742) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just realized these events may be related.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window. (352): Just realized these events may be related. http://tfl.nu/i6sd
  Replies (21) Good night (5735) Bad night (1376)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok

  (850): View more from Florida

  They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok (850): They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good http://tfl.nu/qtm7
  Replies (10) Good night (5721) Bad night (1076)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team http://tfl.nu/ke7v
  Replies (42) Good night (5710) Bad night (702)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  wanna hang out tonight and remember it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): wanna hang out tonight and remember it? http://tfl.nu/5q3c
  Replies (18) Good night (5703) Bad night (1320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten. http://tfl.nu/8y7f
  Replies (21) Good night (5698) Bad night (1509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night. http://tfl.nu/12y8
  Replies (9) Good night (5697) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer. http://tfl.nu/u6do
  Replies (12) Good night (5690) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing. http://tfl.nu/gg1f
  Replies (26) Good night (5690) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  I feel like half our conversations start this way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED (1-603): I feel like half our conversations start this way. http://tfl.nu/9770
  Replies (16) Good night (5690) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday. http://tfl.nu/vkd1
  Replies (5) Good night (5668) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Found your pants in the mailbox

  (646): View more from New York

  What were my pants doing in the mailbox?

  (516): View more from New York

  I don't know but there's postage on them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Found your pants in the mailbox (646): What were my pants doing in the mailbox? (516): I don't know but there's postage on them http://tfl.nu/6yt8
  Replies (36) Good night (5646) Bad night (868)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  The panties match.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  I'll be right there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): The panties match. (1-847): I'll be right there. http://tfl.nu/jbhz
  Replies (35) Good night (5633) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  and then ....

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas. (1-215): and then .... (215): he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut. http://tfl.nu/qu6h
  Replies (23) Good night (5626) Bad night (1218)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  (917) i just came from walking.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  haha you just came from walking?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): (917) i just came from walking. (309) haha you just came from walking? http://tfl.nu/6hd4
  Replies (53) Good night (5614) Bad night (661)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy. http://tfl.nu/h40g
  Replies (7) Good night (5591) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians. http://tfl.nu/d2bn
  Replies (20) Good night (5585) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me. http://tfl.nu/retd
  Replies (42) Good night (5568) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex. http://tfl.nu/jc5g
  Replies (8) Good night (5545) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened. http://tfl.nu/mg5e
  Replies (21) Good night (5533) Bad night (1213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30" http://tfl.nu/oadk
  Replies (9) Good night (5521) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur. http://tfl.nu/9vxg
  Replies (11) Good night (5484) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience. http://tfl.nu/sxy7
  Replies (12) Good night (5482) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!" http://tfl.nu/l7i0
  Replies (6) Good night (5474) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there.... http://tfl.nu/ypb5
  Replies (10) Good night (5448) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet. http://tfl.nu/oxv5
  Replies (11) Good night (5447) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza. http://tfl.nu/scf8
  Replies (10) Good night (5447) Bad night (873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!

  (703): View more from Virginia

  well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days! (804): Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us! (703): well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted. http://tfl.nu/ybes
  Replies (48) Good night (5433) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa. http://tfl.nu/0b4p
  Replies (28) Good night (5428) Bad night (1406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook. http://tfl.nu/wajd
  Replies (18) Good night (5406) Bad night (1200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that http://tfl.nu/vsra
  Replies (33) Good night (5402) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): 16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay http://tfl.nu/u1h0
  Replies (24) Good night (5391) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her http://tfl.nu/4r4o
  Replies (11) Good night (5380) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far http://tfl.nu/58dc
  Replies (11) Good night (5359) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response. http://tfl.nu/yy5l
  Replies (9) Good night (5354) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  you'll never guess what i found when i got home...

  (928): View more from Arizona

  a cake, in the toilet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): you'll never guess what i found when i got home... (928): a cake, in the toilet http://tfl.nu/md4l
  Replies (25) Good night (5351) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Quick, to the slutcave!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Quick, to the slutcave! http://tfl.nu/wu8s
  Replies (24) Good night (5348) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom. http://tfl.nu/hw22
  Replies (13) Good night (5339) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified. http://tfl.nu/k6t4
  Replies (15) Good night (5336) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised... http://tfl.nu/krhx
  Replies (14) Good night (5333) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season. http://tfl.nu/uyun
  Replies (17) Good night (5318) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night. http://tfl.nu/7pk1
  Replies (11) Good night (5308) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls... http://tfl.nu/1wve
  Replies (30) Good night (5283) Bad night (1087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that. http://tfl.nu/tj9k
  Replies (6) Good night (5270) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  yes. helicopter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back? (816): yes. helicopter. http://tfl.nu/re1i
  Replies (19) Good night (5256) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome http://tfl.nu/k9p3
  Replies (25) Good night (5253) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes. http://tfl.nu/ocj3
  Replies (21) Good night (5253) Bad night (2909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin! http://tfl.nu/ygvu
  Replies (18) Good night (5241) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?! http://tfl.nu/kaoo
  Replies (21) Good night (5235) Bad night (973)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it" http://tfl.nu/04ug
  Replies (4) Good night (5186) Bad night (621)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old. http://tfl.nu/njv7
  Replies (13) Good night (5182) Bad night (1618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!" http://tfl.nu/hob5
  Replies (12) Good night (5168) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment. http://tfl.nu/j2q1
  Replies (9) Good night (5163) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house. http://tfl.nu/8emi
  Replies (13) Good night (5161) Bad night (876)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail". http://tfl.nu/2qss
  Replies (26) Good night (5138) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.

  (1-312): View more from Illinois

  None of that is ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there. (1-312): None of that is ok. http://tfl.nu/fi6r
  Replies (38) Good night (5136) Bad night (3366)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible. http://tfl.nu/r17h
  Replies (12) Good night (5129) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about http://tfl.nu/0nal
  Replies (12) Good night (5107) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me. http://tfl.nu/06ls
  Replies (21) Good night (5105) Bad night (1673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party http://tfl.nu/zlvv
  Replies (9) Good night (5096) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands

  (713): View more from Texas

  When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands (713): When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things http://tfl.nu/2j2p
  Replies (28) Good night (5095) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb. http://tfl.nu/thcm
  Replies (6) Good night (5094) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest http://tfl.nu/2mrs
  Replies (37) Good night (5088) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in. http://tfl.nu/z4b8
  Replies (9) Good night (5059) Bad night (1889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire. http://tfl.nu/v2n0
  Replies (19) Good night (5050) Bad night (1219) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them. http://tfl.nu/wqtw
  Replies (32) Good night (5022) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date

  (845): View more from New York

  i guess it runs in the family.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date (845): i guess it runs in the family. http://tfl.nu/gfn4
  Replies (6) Good night (5021) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water http://tfl.nu/ivkw
  Replies (14) Good night (5013) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy. http://tfl.nu/gapv
  Replies (28) Good night (4997) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were. http://tfl.nu/skxs
  Replies (5) Good night (4990) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it. http://tfl.nu/lrhx
  Replies (10) Good night (4984) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher. http://tfl.nu/14gf
  Replies (16) Good night (4963) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did http://tfl.nu/hfoj
  Replies (21) Good night (4952) Bad night (1802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night? http://tfl.nu/u6ad
  Replies (6) Good night (4941) Bad night (1034)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night. http://tfl.nu/mu48
  Replies (10) Good night (4938) Bad night (625)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar. http://tfl.nu/ucur
  Replies (15) Good night (4934) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up. http://tfl.nu/ttp7
  Replies (14) Good night (4909) Bad night (1037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (731): who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you. http://tfl.nu/e0pj
  Replies (39) Good night (4889) Bad night (1898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right? http://tfl.nu/xt5v
  Replies (37) Good night (4871) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...

  (480): View more from Arizona

  exactly, that's why i want something interesting

  (512): View more from Texas

  slutty neuroscientist?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc... (480): exactly, that's why i want something interesting (512): slutty neuroscientist? http://tfl.nu/zg01
  Replies (34) Good night (4856) Bad night (388)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.

  (518): View more from New York

  I am in love with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think. (518): I am in love with you. http://tfl.nu/yy5e
  Replies (5) Good night (4839) Bad night (651)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits http://tfl.nu/a8f8
  Replies (15) Good night (4822) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there http://tfl.nu/9lof
  Replies (12) Good night (4814) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon. http://tfl.nu/bjrm
  Replies (12) Good night (4809) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us? http://tfl.nu/e7z7
  Replies (12) Good night (4802) Bad night (1046) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid. (604): HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES http://tfl.nu/zs3p
  Replies (26) Good night (4797) Bad night (997)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh! http://tfl.nu/nhcn
  Replies (43) Good night (4757) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard http://tfl.nu/y6ds
  Replies (12) Good night (4744) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot. http://tfl.nu/w0w1
  Replies (36) Good night (4741) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis. http://tfl.nu/ymag
  Replies (16) Good night (4723) Bad night (385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode? http://tfl.nu/1peu
  Replies (15) Good night (4723) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room http://tfl.nu/x49g
  Replies (5) Good night (4714) Bad night (1650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list http://tfl.nu/yikq
  Replies (23) Good night (4710) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period. http://tfl.nu/d1q3
  Replies (7) Good night (4708) Bad night (648)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i dont know what to do

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  with your life?

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i dont know what to do (1-732): with your life? (732): no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3 http://tfl.nu/i8yp
  Replies (17) Good night (4688) Bad night (1924)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night http://tfl.nu/r09y
  Replies (9) Good night (4681) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic http://tfl.nu/himg
  Replies (20) Good night (4669) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night http://tfl.nu/dx83
  Replies (26) Good night (4665) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet. http://tfl.nu/v8co
  Replies (11) Good night (4647) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you. http://tfl.nu/a558
  Replies (9) Good night (4644) Bad night (961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs. http://tfl.nu/jax9
  Replies (34) Good night (4630) Bad night (5957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high http://tfl.nu/24mk
  Replies (11) Good night (4627) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad. http://tfl.nu/4uh2
  Replies (16) Good night (4606) Bad night (1179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"? http://tfl.nu/nflv
  Replies (13) Good night (4593) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM. http://tfl.nu/5j68
  Replies (19) Good night (4584) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay. http://tfl.nu/aupb
  Replies (16) Good night (4583) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever. http://tfl.nu/bxqj
  Replies (9) Good night (4555) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  How's work?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Spinning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): How's work? (978): Spinning. http://tfl.nu/6xgd
  Replies (9) Good night (4546) Bad night (730)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.' http://tfl.nu/uc3v
  Replies (23) Good night (4537) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend. http://tfl.nu/xojm
  Replies (18) Good night (4530) Bad night (1872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only. http://tfl.nu/ffub
  Replies (7) Good night (4529) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars" http://tfl.nu/ujcf
  Replies (7) Good night (4517) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate http://tfl.nu/0wu1
  Replies (3) Good night (4495) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom." http://tfl.nu/5uyu
  Replies (20) Good night (4476) Bad night (1502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed http://tfl.nu/tu27
  Replies (26) Good night (4474) Bad night (1141) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off. http://tfl.nu/eb22
  Replies (15) Good night (4463) Bad night (1531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that. (905): I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory. http://tfl.nu/dnea
  Replies (8) Good night (4433) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice. http://tfl.nu/mmqq
  Replies (11) Good night (4423) Bad night (1405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw. http://tfl.nu/9aqz
  Replies (17) Good night (4418) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick. http://tfl.nu/b0h6
  Replies (18) Good night (4415) Bad night (1771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic. http://tfl.nu/n8qw
  Replies (18) Good night (4414) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses" http://tfl.nu/fgtz
  Replies (13) Good night (4393) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy. http://tfl.nu/c9sd
  Replies (17) Good night (4353) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle. http://tfl.nu/q5ra
  Replies (17) Good night (4348) Bad night (1074) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  You are nothing if not reliable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different. (1-206): You are nothing if not reliable. http://tfl.nu/5ioj
  Replies (11) Good night (4340) Bad night (984)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob. http://tfl.nu/pwq0
  Replies (26) Good night (4303) Bad night (2146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill. http://tfl.nu/ungu
  Replies (10) Good night (4292) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that. http://tfl.nu/hvnx
  Replies (11) Good night (4285) Bad night (880)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms http://tfl.nu/7buk
  Replies (8) Good night (4265) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru http://tfl.nu/iwra
  Replies (10) Good night (4257) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on. http://tfl.nu/shul
  Replies (20) Good night (4244) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams. http://tfl.nu/lmv8
  Replies (20) Good night (4237) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you http://tfl.nu/oh5b
  Replies (10) Good night (4215) Bad night (265) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection. http://tfl.nu/273s
  Replies (17) Good night (4179) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week. http://tfl.nu/ufqh
  Replies (20) Good night (4162) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge? http://tfl.nu/xxhq
  Replies (8) Good night (4155) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist. http://tfl.nu/mma2
  Replies (35) Good night (4154) Bad night (985)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form http://tfl.nu/mrkk
  Replies (6) Good night (4150) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.' http://tfl.nu/h44o
  Replies (58) Good night (4138) Bad night (1771)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore http://tfl.nu/6gwp
  Replies (10) Good night (4122) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."

  (1-708): View more from Illinois

  Let's do it. All homo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks." (1-708): Let's do it. All homo http://tfl.nu/evdg
  Replies (30) Good night (4093) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave. http://tfl.nu/yi61
  Replies (21) Good night (4081) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl. http://tfl.nu/qaad
  Replies (19) Good night (4076) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life. http://tfl.nu/fi4n
  Replies (6) Good night (4072) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another. http://tfl.nu/sx70
  Replies (11) Good night (4065) Bad night (1270) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off. http://tfl.nu/r6m3
  Replies (12) Good night (4028) Bad night (1390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far" http://tfl.nu/vzxo
  Replies (7) Good night (4028) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk http://tfl.nu/l5et
  Replies (7) Good night (4023) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink. http://tfl.nu/mebb
  Replies (29) Good night (4021) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles http://tfl.nu/bowu
  Replies (9) Good night (4012) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied. http://tfl.nu/sqjw
  Replies (10) Good night (4004) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom." http://tfl.nu/h2e6
  Replies (15) Good night (3985) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?

  (1-361): View more from Texas

  These are the tickets we got last night.

  (361): View more from Texas

  Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?

  (1-361): View more from Texas

  Yes...yes you did.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): What are these yellow papers in the kitchen? (1-361): These are the tickets we got last night. (361): Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear? (1-361): Yes...yes you did. http://tfl.nu/myva
  Replies (25) Good night (3977) Bad night (341)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance. http://tfl.nu/0bj8
  Replies (13) Good night (3973) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart. http://tfl.nu/2rds
  Replies (22) Good night (3972) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes. http://tfl.nu/1ozx
  Replies (16) Good night (3963) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat. http://tfl.nu/tzy1
  Replies (15) Good night (3945) Bad night (1538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling

  (1-239): View more from Florida

  You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling (1-239): You hooked up with minors in a golf cart? http://tfl.nu/sx7k
  Replies (7) Good night (3924) Bad night (805)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch http://tfl.nu/datu
  Replies (14) Good night (3919) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me. http://tfl.nu/76by
  Replies (17) Good night (3915) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony http://tfl.nu/e5l6
  Replies (11) Good night (3907) Bad night (1066) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well. http://tfl.nu/6mn8
  Replies (6) Good night (3903) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant. http://tfl.nu/2b7s
  Replies (6) Good night (3897) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people http://tfl.nu/thju
  Replies (12) Good night (3895) Bad night (281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours (484): andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you http://tfl.nu/ooyd
  Replies (17) Good night (3882) Bad night (998)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  No subtext here. People are naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): No subtext here. People are naked. http://tfl.nu/tn4y
  Replies (7) Good night (3878) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar. http://tfl.nu/5cy5
  Replies (6) Good night (3867) Bad night (1482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins" http://tfl.nu/7zd1
  Replies (5) Good night (3850) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout. http://tfl.nu/vj0i
  Replies (6) Good night (3845) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see.. http://tfl.nu/ubpf
  Replies (9) Good night (3841) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny http://tfl.nu/vl4i
  Replies (15) Good night (3826) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover. http://tfl.nu/cpec
  Replies (13) Good night (3816) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there. http://tfl.nu/tyej
  Replies (14) Good night (3811) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong http://tfl.nu/4bke
  Replies (136) Good night (3798) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver. http://tfl.nu/zvig
  Replies (15) Good night (3793) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk http://tfl.nu/jf67
  Replies (29) Good night (3780) Bad night (1101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me http://tfl.nu/zcpa
  Replies (6) Good night (3766) Bad night (755)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am? http://tfl.nu/uaqy
  Replies (11) Good night (3758) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  wait, did i just see you litter out your window??

  (281): View more from Texas

  umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): wait, did i just see you litter out your window?? (281): umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out. http://tfl.nu/y9ae
  Replies (35) Good night (3757) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming. http://tfl.nu/eg1m
  Replies (6) Good night (3754) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  This dress was meant to end up on your floor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): This dress was meant to end up on your floor http://tfl.nu/t8yv
  Replies (7) Good night (3753) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about. http://tfl.nu/tvk3
  Replies (4) Good night (3732) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  As in blowjob or cannibalism?

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance. (1-515): As in blowjob or cannibalism? (515): I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal. http://tfl.nu/r3de
  Replies (71) Good night (3731) Bad night (1179)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx. http://tfl.nu/hq1e
  Replies (187) Good night (3722) Bad night (1650)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him http://tfl.nu/a0ny
  Replies (14) Good night (3720) Bad night (1496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker... http://tfl.nu/b9kq
  Replies (10) Good night (3706) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic. http://tfl.nu/t71g
  Replies (12) Good night (3698) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me. http://tfl.nu/tnbf
  Replies (9) Good night (3679) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono http://tfl.nu/k8o2
  Replies (17) Good night (3676) Bad night (1681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend. http://tfl.nu/xxmf
  Replies (6) Good night (3672) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol http://tfl.nu/wxs2
  Replies (14) Good night (3669) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic. http://tfl.nu/hh2b
  Replies (32) Good night (3644) Bad night (4728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised http://tfl.nu/5ukp
  Replies (10) Good night (3611) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?

  (509): View more from Washington

  You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it? (509): You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge. http://tfl.nu/hjyd
  Replies (7) Good night (3606) Bad night (475)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers. http://tfl.nu/9jml
  Replies (5) Good night (3605) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky. http://tfl.nu/cr7y
  Replies (36) Good night (3603) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex http://tfl.nu/r82f
  Replies (3) Good night (3603) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class. http://tfl.nu/1es6
  Replies (7) Good night (3602) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it http://tfl.nu/a65q
  Replies (16) Good night (3595) Bad night (725)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  yes

  (703): View more from Virginia

  ... don't judge me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing? (1-703): yes (703): ... don't judge me http://tfl.nu/twd6
  Replies (20) Good night (3594) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap. http://tfl.nu/9p7s
  Replies (8) Good night (3588) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples. http://tfl.nu/kf5x
  Replies (16) Good night (3551) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey. http://tfl.nu/dkad
  Replies (37) Good night (3536) Bad night (1337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  17 year olds will be the death of me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): 17 year olds will be the death of me. http://tfl.nu/j3yc
  Replies (36) Good night (3532) Bad night (2541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk. http://tfl.nu/u52z
  Replies (19) Good night (3515) Bad night (1310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless http://tfl.nu/2knh
  Replies (73) Good night (3504) Bad night (1213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra http://tfl.nu/fzzx
  Replies (5) Good night (3485) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish. http://tfl.nu/pnvl
  Replies (3) Good night (3484) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was. http://tfl.nu/20o3
  Replies (6) Good night (3481) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings. http://tfl.nu/tdjs
  Replies (13) Good night (3479) Bad night (1100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life? http://tfl.nu/lv3r
  Replies (10) Good night (3423) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber http://tfl.nu/88lc
  Replies (10) Good night (3422) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut http://tfl.nu/x9ek
  Replies (14) Good night (3421) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree

  (404): View more from Georgia

  YES.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree (404): YES. http://tfl.nu/chua
  Replies (5) Good night (3415) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on? http://tfl.nu/ru4x
  Replies (20) Good night (3404) Bad night (1086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth" http://tfl.nu/505h
  Replies (11) Good night (3397) Bad night (1836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter. http://tfl.nu/0enu
  Replies (19) Good night (3382) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  What?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH. (610): What? (484): A TROUGH FOR VOMIT. http://tfl.nu/8z8s
  Replies (17) Good night (3366) Bad night (2772)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants? http://tfl.nu/24sn
  Replies (7) Good night (3362) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue. http://tfl.nu/4rks
  Replies (7) Good night (3361) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy http://tfl.nu/uhwk
  Replies (13) Good night (3346) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway. http://tfl.nu/y0w4
  Replies (9) Good night (3344) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow? http://tfl.nu/hfr5
  Replies (14) Good night (3341) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian. http://tfl.nu/ky2c
  Replies (51) Good night (3339) Bad night (419) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason. http://tfl.nu/7b14
  Replies (12) Good night (3335) Bad night (918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa? http://tfl.nu/j68l
  Replies (7) Good night (3330) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that. http://tfl.nu/a0qi
  Replies (11) Good night (3324) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of http://tfl.nu/1krw
  Replies (10) Good night (3316) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently. http://tfl.nu/85of
  Replies (7) Good night (3312) Bad night (292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man. http://tfl.nu/yftr
  Replies (5) Good night (3298) Bad night (1052) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome. http://tfl.nu/309i
  Replies (8) Good night (3296) Bad night (1275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian. http://tfl.nu/yx8n
  Replies (6) Good night (3235) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall. http://tfl.nu/7ndl
  Replies (3) Good night (3229) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger. http://tfl.nu/jxnv
  Replies (16) Good night (3183) Bad night (3511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay. http://tfl.nu/7ezq
  Replies (9) Good night (3170) Bad night (983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week. http://tfl.nu/ckos
  Replies (8) Good night (3157) Bad night (788)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar. http://tfl.nu/427l
  Replies (7) Good night (3126) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping? http://tfl.nu/8mwq
  Replies (7) Good night (3112) Bad night (875) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!

  (812): View more from Indiana

  ?

  (646): View more from New York

  Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE! (812): ? (646): Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that? http://tfl.nu/5o1s
  Replies (37) Good night (3097) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell. http://tfl.nu/5mii
  Replies (7) Good night (3094) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater. http://tfl.nu/8ycg
  Replies (3) Good night (3075) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep http://tfl.nu/uxq8
  Replies (4) Good night (3056) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner. http://tfl.nu/w2xi
  Replies (12) Good night (3043) Bad night (1584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores http://tfl.nu/lmvr
  Replies (10) Good night (3025) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Are you okay?

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Are you okay? (508): Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry. http://tfl.nu/ztu1
  Replies (19) Good night (2998) Bad night (430)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok http://tfl.nu/hllh
  Replies (7) Good night (2994) Bad night (684)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend http://tfl.nu/ejvb
  Replies (10) Good night (2994) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing. http://tfl.nu/ut8a
  Replies (4) Good night (2986) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again. http://tfl.nu/goom
  Replies (6) Good night (2985) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?

  (573): View more from Missouri

  You can't be serious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right? (573): You can't be serious. http://tfl.nu/cmch
  Replies (58) Good night (2984) Bad night (464)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape. http://tfl.nu/9ahj
  Replies (2) Good night (2972) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD. http://tfl.nu/zazo
  Replies (7) Good night (2959) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often http://tfl.nu/h345
  Replies (5) Good night (2957) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant. http://tfl.nu/c7ag
  Replies (23) Good night (2929) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday http://tfl.nu/fl8q
  Replies (2) Good night (2912) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you." http://tfl.nu/h98x
  Replies (3) Good night (2902) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik? http://tfl.nu/lg9s
  Replies (41) Good night (2901) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  what do you have against ST

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): what do you have against ST (1-540): DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS. http://tfl.nu/zpvl
  Replies (11) Good night (2889) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships... http://tfl.nu/1r9u
  Replies (42) Good night (2884) Bad night (6376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up. http://tfl.nu/j6op
  Replies (8) Good night (2883) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive. http://tfl.nu/w5b0
  Replies (22) Good night (2880) Bad night (5375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  can we get nightvision for the apartment?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): can we get nightvision for the apartment? http://tfl.nu/dotm
  Replies (7) Good night (2858) Bad night (348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  ..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): ..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe. http://tfl.nu/gys8
  Replies (10) Good night (2839) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Grow some girl-balls and come out already

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Grow some girl-balls and come out already http://tfl.nu/dlf5
  Replies (8) Good night (2800) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages. http://tfl.nu/6cym
  Replies (16) Good night (2776) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both http://tfl.nu/4hk0
  Replies (9) Good night (2700) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks. http://tfl.nu/9rpm
  Replies (8) Good night (2674) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off. http://tfl.nu/irzu
  Replies (22) Good night (2647) Bad night (422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk. http://tfl.nu/vuiq
  Replies (10) Good night (2639) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park http://tfl.nu/d8es
  Replies (6) Good night (2618) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children. http://tfl.nu/9yhs
  Replies (3) Good night (2615) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  What's the big deal? you guys fuck

  (1-870): View more from Arkansas

  3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): What's the big deal? you guys fuck (1-870): 3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times http://tfl.nu/e13u
  Replies (21) Good night (2599) Bad night (1374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish http://tfl.nu/gqzy
  Replies (26) Good night (2597) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together. http://tfl.nu/tn1p
  Replies (8) Good night (2591) Bad night (1382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have. http://tfl.nu/pc4d
  Replies (30) Good night (2580) Bad night (7223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow http://tfl.nu/pzca
  Replies (5) Good night (2569) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting http://tfl.nu/p9om
  Replies (9) Good night (2566) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  One blow job doesn not make me gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): One blow job doesn not make me gay. http://tfl.nu/ismv
  Replies (85) Good night (2556) Bad night (8023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock" http://tfl.nu/flxw
  Replies (6) Good night (2502) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away

  (440): View more from Ohio

  isn't bella the cat???

  (216): View more from Ohio

  that she is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away (440): isn't bella the cat??? (216): that she is http://tfl.nu/l83t
  Replies (9) Good night (2498) Bad night (716)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair http://tfl.nu/uyhj
  Replies (5) Good night (2490) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy. http://tfl.nu/ogyk
  Replies (15) Good night (2476) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (546): View more from

  Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (546): Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money. http://tfl.nu/o990
  Replies (65) Good night (2458) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware. http://tfl.nu/z086
  Replies (4) Good night (2448) Bad night (1480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?

  (1-978): View more from Massachusetts

  Nah. I did too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him? (1-978): Nah. I did too. http://tfl.nu/9ism
  Replies (67) Good night (2428) Bad night (3795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations http://tfl.nu/c8fe
  Replies (6) Good night (2427) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation. http://tfl.nu/u8wd
  Replies (5) Good night (2426) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy http://tfl.nu/yz4e
  Replies (4) Good night (2422) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian. http://tfl.nu/grua
  Replies (20) Good night (2391) Bad night (4109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!" http://tfl.nu/qjvm
  Replies (40) Good night (2369) Bad night (8974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off http://tfl.nu/s9m5
  Replies (4) Good night (2357) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in. http://tfl.nu/kbab
  Replies (12) Good night (2335) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl http://tfl.nu/5x3v
  Replies (19) Good night (2301) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Barsexuality is the new black.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): Barsexuality is the new black. http://tfl.nu/lc2j
  Replies (7) Good night (2297) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos. http://tfl.nu/fazf
  Replies (5) Good night (2283) Bad night (1556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.. http://tfl.nu/zyk4
  Replies (9) Good night (2270) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over. http://tfl.nu/ztri
  Replies (7) Good night (2253) Bad night (1367) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  He is an equal opportunity slut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): He is an equal opportunity slut. http://tfl.nu/40gq
  Replies (10) Good night (2246) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys http://tfl.nu/w106
  Replies (14) Good night (2198) Bad night (4163) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar http://tfl.nu/20ke
  Replies (6) Good night (2189) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips." http://tfl.nu/kfac
  Replies (5) Good night (2186) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Why were you high on a thursday?

  (1-650): View more from California

  today's a wednesday

  (650): View more from California

  I asked first.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Why were you high on a thursday? (1-650): today's a wednesday (650): I asked first. http://tfl.nu/enxr
  Replies (9) Good night (2170) Bad night (279)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina. http://tfl.nu/3vsv
  Replies (78) Good night (2160) Bad night (7723)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that. http://tfl.nu/622i
  Replies (20) Good night (2141) Bad night (4386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake http://tfl.nu/w9rn
  Replies (8) Good night (2125) Bad night (5127) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again. http://tfl.nu/6j6o
  Replies (43) Good night (2117) Bad night (4637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  children are so perceptive these days... and horny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): 5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF (973): children are so perceptive these days... and horny http://tfl.nu/81nd
  Replies (32) Good night (2114) Bad night (483)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine. http://tfl.nu/wlnl
  Replies (49) Good night (2109) Bad night (7457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab

  (253): View more from Washington

  I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab (253): I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea. http://tfl.nu/y0mn
  Replies (3) Good night (2090) Bad night (378)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/raiw
  Replies (9) Good night (2064) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer. http://tfl.nu/xz6n
  Replies (24) Good night (2051) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version http://tfl.nu/ectn
  Replies (32) Good night (2034) Bad night (4327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that. http://tfl.nu/kyk3
  Replies (24) Good night (1984) Bad night (3374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  whatever it's not my family

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment. (1-847): whatever it's not my family http://tfl.nu/qbfh
  Replies (1) Good night (1981) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  can I come stay the night

  (217): View more from Illinois

  yeah, but no sex tonight

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'll stay home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): can I come stay the night (217): yeah, but no sex tonight (810): I'll stay home http://tfl.nu/tu8g
  Replies (34) Good night (1963) Bad night (7642)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear http://tfl.nu/fvq9
  Replies (9) Good night (1919) Bad night (3404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich? http://tfl.nu/e2fw
  Replies (17) Good night (1858) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter http://tfl.nu/xmwz
  Replies (17) Good night (1852) Bad night (300)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin

  (914): View more from New York

  and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin (914): and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston http://tfl.nu/bnxc
  Replies (3) Good night (1845) Bad night (384)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented". http://tfl.nu/soll
  Replies (10) Good night (1787) Bad night (3142) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries http://tfl.nu/sog5
  Replies (15) Good night (1759) Bad night (3603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like. http://tfl.nu/1vno
  Replies (18) Good night (1758) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other. http://tfl.nu/212r
  Replies (19) Good night (1741) Bad night (2962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker" http://tfl.nu/kgaf
  Replies (15) Good night (1726) Bad night (5144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago" http://tfl.nu/h89t
  Replies (45) Good night (1719) Bad night (7490)
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.

  (1-857): View more from Massachusetts

  Doors?

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now. (1-857): Doors? (857): Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet. http://tfl.nu/ic4r
  Replies (6) Good night (1697) Bad night (420)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeeah thank god

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant... (1-816): Yeeah thank god (816): Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million. http://tfl.nu/pevw
  Replies (54) Good night (1687) Bad night (14820)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend. http://tfl.nu/j59u
  Replies (4) Good night (1675) Bad night (2690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again. http://tfl.nu/54yy
  Replies (18) Good night (1626) Bad night (5871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville.. http://tfl.nu/vgyl
  Replies (38) Good night (1590) Bad night (5065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts" http://tfl.nu/ong1
  Replies (12) Good night (1589) Bad night (4818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok. http://tfl.nu/sac8
  Replies (15) Good night (1583) Bad night (4258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine. http://tfl.nu/ewch
  Replies (18) Good night (1569) Bad night (3822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan." http://tfl.nu/9mrq
  Replies (17) Good night (1487) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little. http://tfl.nu/kc37
  Replies (16) Good night (1479) Bad night (2447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow http://tfl.nu/h8bi
  Replies (10) Good night (1463) Bad night (3888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation. http://tfl.nu/l508
  Replies (6) Good night (1457) Bad night (3135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest http://tfl.nu/rx4r
  Replies (4) Good night (1448) Bad night (235) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer. http://tfl.nu/ikr9
  Replies (22) Good night (1433) Bad night (5449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal http://tfl.nu/oaxp
  Replies (35) Good night (1432) Bad night (3805)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis. http://tfl.nu/zjdj
  Replies (31) Good night (1428) Bad night (3711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this. http://tfl.nu/rcac
  Replies (25) Good night (1425) Bad night (5418)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson. http://tfl.nu/6x6n
  Replies (22) Good night (1401) Bad night (5284) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+64): I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer http://tfl.nu/8v2s
  Replies (14) Good night (1387) Bad night (3123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.

  (1-646): View more from New York

  Your pregnant arnt you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil. (1-646): Your pregnant arnt you http://tfl.nu/t59m
  Replies (21) Good night (1374) Bad night (5040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  did he notice?

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself. (215): did he notice? (267): of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up.. http://tfl.nu/7kng
  Replies (82) Good night (1369) Bad night (9540)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES. http://tfl.nu/rhol
  Replies (32) Good night (1333) Bad night (6606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.

  (1-815): View more from Illinois

  you need to get laid.. and an oil change.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since. (1-815): you need to get laid.. and an oil change. http://tfl.nu/z8d3
  Replies (18) Good night (1323) Bad night (4602)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him. http://tfl.nu/k2hw
  Replies (27) Good night (1321) Bad night (2943) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone? http://tfl.nu/d362
  Replies (8) Good night (1312) Bad night (2305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin? (1-203): I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight. http://tfl.nu/pi9j
  Replies (18) Good night (1287) Bad night (5961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay. http://tfl.nu/s74r
  Replies (27) Good night (1286) Bad night (3853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  who is this?

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  jesse's little brother

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good (651): who is this? (612): jesse's little brother http://tfl.nu/8x0e
  Replies (42) Good night (1266) Bad night (4426)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night http://tfl.nu/nbdz
  Replies (13) Good night (1265) Bad night (3984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth http://tfl.nu/91m9
  Replies (16) Good night (1259) Bad night (3176)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him http://tfl.nu/x0sm
  Replies (31) Good night (1246) Bad night (6055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace http://tfl.nu/tutd
  Replies (10) Good night (1244) Bad night (4106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language. http://tfl.nu/immq
  Replies (11) Good night (1220) Bad night (3443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long. http://tfl.nu/opva
  Replies (14) Good night (1201) Bad night (2614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding.. http://tfl.nu/h93z
  Replies (16) Good night (1200) Bad night (5222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus. http://tfl.nu/iii0
  Replies (15) Good night (1200) Bad night (5004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg (1-973): gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something? (973): yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars http://tfl.nu/7tyz
  Replies (18) Good night (1194) Bad night (5359)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone. http://tfl.nu/u2hu
  Replies (17) Good night (1178) Bad night (4092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day. http://tfl.nu/kbev
  Replies (7) Good night (1169) Bad night (2379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen. http://tfl.nu/rhei
  Replies (27) Good night (1165) Bad night (6121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off http://tfl.nu/9bti
  Replies (86) Good night (1163) Bad night (9991) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay. http://tfl.nu/hmq3
  Replies (10) Good night (1154) Bad night (2624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown http://tfl.nu/j7bk
  Replies (3) Good night (1151) Bad night (300) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy http://tfl.nu/15j4
  Replies (26) Good night (1126) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last http://tfl.nu/oknv
  Replies (34) Good night (1125) Bad night (5149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you. http://tfl.nu/o9a4
  Replies (3) Good night (1117) Bad night (2777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him http://tfl.nu/3fbj
  Replies (21) Good night (1111) Bad night (8471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours http://tfl.nu/fxuo
  Replies (9) Good night (1106) Bad night (308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness. http://tfl.nu/49ei
  Replies (11) Good night (1104) Bad night (3720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward. http://tfl.nu/6x5x
  Replies (15) Good night (1099) Bad night (6566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top? http://tfl.nu/gcls
  Replies (47) Good night (1094) Bad night (6535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles http://tfl.nu/qmb2
  Replies (8) Good night (1091) Bad night (2198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment. http://tfl.nu/dli5
  Replies (11) Good night (1065) Bad night (1932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap http://tfl.nu/bmh2
  Replies (13) Good night (1055) Bad night (4906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet?? http://tfl.nu/wkxa
  Replies (39) Good night (1051) Bad night (5244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there. http://tfl.nu/zqp7
  Replies (13) Good night (1050) Bad night (5968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936. http://tfl.nu/hg2d
  Replies (22) Good night (1044) Bad night (9154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay http://tfl.nu/rfq4
  Replies (43) Good night (1038) Bad night (8071) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots. http://tfl.nu/8qei
  Replies (23) Good night (1032) Bad night (5476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  In the future we'll all be gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): In the future we'll all be gay http://tfl.nu/j6qt
  Replies (7) Good night (1028) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup. http://tfl.nu/26kw
  Replies (14) Good night (1019) Bad night (5203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery. http://tfl.nu/hbuh
  Replies (7) Good night (1014) Bad night (4069)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf http://tfl.nu/5frw
  Replies (28) Good night (1006) Bad night (6794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water.. http://tfl.nu/3ccr
  Replies (16) Good night (1001) Bad night (3857)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare. http://tfl.nu/ceys
  Replies (19) Good night (997) Bad night (5811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina. http://tfl.nu/7xv1
  Replies (14) Good night (987) Bad night (4050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship" http://tfl.nu/t0by
  Replies (24) Good night (986) Bad night (3561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth http://tfl.nu/4taz
  Replies (13) Good night (979) Bad night (3826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone. http://tfl.nu/x5d3
  Replies (12) Good night (960) Bad night (4164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Thats gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic (1-313): so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation? (313): Thats gay http://tfl.nu/2245
  Replies (2) Good night (952) Bad night (255)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo ! http://tfl.nu/e5q2
  Replies (5) Good night (951) Bad night (425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks! http://tfl.nu/xdy8
  Replies (7) Good night (941) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined. http://tfl.nu/ti88
  Replies (8) Good night (935) Bad night (5079) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand. http://tfl.nu/s680
  Replies (13) Good night (934) Bad night (4232)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.

  (1-914): View more from New York

  That's cute.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding. (1-914): That's cute. http://tfl.nu/zzhb
  Replies (27) Good night (930) Bad night (2214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are http://tfl.nu/18r6
  Replies (4) Good night (928) Bad night (1459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his http://tfl.nu/lwp2
  Replies (25) Good night (928) Bad night (6430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving http://tfl.nu/xstl
  Replies (19) Good night (927) Bad night (3428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+06): View more from

  it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+06): it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever.. http://tfl.nu/huu2
  Replies (36) Good night (924) Bad night (7129) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/9a80
  Replies (14) Good night (918) Bad night (4571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower.... http://tfl.nu/5ddp
  Replies (13) Good night (914) Bad night (3993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster. http://tfl.nu/4s0b
  Replies (10) Good night (909) Bad night (3634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that http://tfl.nu/uqyw
  Replies (23) Good night (904) Bad night (3517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative http://tfl.nu/7tsg
  Replies (15) Good night (904) Bad night (5354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised. http://tfl.nu/cxq4
  Replies (7) Good night (893) Bad night (3563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.

  (1-559): View more from California

  Yup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again. (1-559): Yup. http://tfl.nu/egb3
  Replies (20) Good night (886) Bad night (2229) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny http://tfl.nu/sg6f
  Replies (12) Good night (885) Bad night (3026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine. http://tfl.nu/yvwg
  Replies (15) Good night (880) Bad night (5106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system. http://tfl.nu/14j2
  Replies (16) Good night (877) Bad night (3718)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  So did the night end well for you?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): So did the night end well for you? (248): I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text http://tfl.nu/n8vz
  Replies (31) Good night (873) Bad night (8757)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy... http://tfl.nu/q7uq
  Replies (14) Good night (855) Bad night (2130) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom". http://tfl.nu/v781
  Replies (16) Good night (851) Bad night (4157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  dude i doubt hes gay

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): dude i doubt hes gay (1-850): I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH! http://tfl.nu/cmky
  Replies (24) Good night (847) Bad night (4015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood http://tfl.nu/k7f1
  Replies (1) Good night (843) Bad night (1427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before http://tfl.nu/9maa
  Replies (84) Good night (835) Bad night (3529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils http://tfl.nu/glcj
  Replies (8) Good night (834) Bad night (2609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me. http://tfl.nu/i71i
  Replies (13) Good night (830) Bad night (4382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate. http://tfl.nu/oa41
  Replies (22) Good night (829) Bad night (4109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again http://tfl.nu/89sh
  Replies (29) Good night (827) Bad night (2626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award? (734): She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy. http://tfl.nu/0kwr
  Replies (33) Good night (815) Bad night (2641)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  told you he was gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head... (1-401): told you he was gay. http://tfl.nu/35fi
  Replies (17) Good night (814) Bad night (6333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  One girl and one boy is just not enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): One girl and one boy is just not enough. http://tfl.nu/qv4l
  Replies (8) Good night (813) Bad night (295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11. http://tfl.nu/hmrj
  Replies (37) Good night (811) Bad night (8841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule http://tfl.nu/5d7q
  Replies (44) Good night (808) Bad night (3155) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+41): View more from Switzerland

  I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+41): I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples http://tfl.nu/80un
  Replies (16) Good night (802) Bad night (4808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke. http://tfl.nu/as75
  Replies (8) Good night (800) Bad night (4210) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce http://tfl.nu/158e
  Replies (41) Good night (800) Bad night (2749)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  God, you're like boner-b-gone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): God, you're like boner-b-gone http://tfl.nu/0pn8
  Replies (10) Good night (796) Bad night (5137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd http://tfl.nu/je1e
  Replies (6) Good night (786) Bad night (1838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  What!?!?! How are you txting?!

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you. (1-775): What!?!?! How are you txting?! (775): Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/1ioc
  Replies (55) Good night (786) Bad night (2711)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone.. http://tfl.nu/l9l0
  Replies (10) Good night (774) Bad night (3114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  My hair reeks of homosexuality.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): My hair reeks of homosexuality. http://tfl.nu/3s1n
  Replies (17) Good night (761) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over. http://tfl.nu/n4d4
  Replies (43) Good night (759) Bad night (8391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka. http://tfl.nu/pwqr
  Replies (15) Good night (753) Bad night (7750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website. http://tfl.nu/9e82
  Replies (28) Good night (753) Bad night (4586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice. http://tfl.nu/2mv5
  Replies (11) Good night (750) Bad night (3117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness. http://tfl.nu/hbrf
  Replies (10) Good night (743) Bad night (4340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son http://tfl.nu/qxal
  Replies (7) Good night (729) Bad night (2552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer http://tfl.nu/pw3y
  Replies (16) Good night (725) Bad night (1251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar http://tfl.nu/o1eu
  Replies (19) Good night (715) Bad night (4924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me. http://tfl.nu/9xpz
  Replies (21) Good night (705) Bad night (2695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle. http://tfl.nu/1g9t
  Replies (4) Good night (700) Bad night (3495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie http://tfl.nu/dtyw
  Replies (11) Good night (695) Bad night (3027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window http://tfl.nu/m081
  Replies (12) Good night (693) Bad night (2586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting http://tfl.nu/4np3
  Replies (1) Good night (692) Bad night (287) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name... http://tfl.nu/e8r1
  Replies (18) Good night (687) Bad night (4252) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Plan B is the new Plan A

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Plan B is the new Plan A http://tfl.nu/yxtj
  Replies (8) Good night (685) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Did you fuck her?

  (212): View more from New York

  If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Did you fuck her? (212): If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that. http://tfl.nu/y42g
  Replies (3) Good night (674) Bad night (2773)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to? http://tfl.nu/yov7
  Replies (25) Good night (673) Bad night (2517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa

  (404): View more from Georgia

  sure if you go to prison

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa (404): sure if you go to prison http://tfl.nu/yad5
  Replies (24) Good night (673) Bad night (2572)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores" http://tfl.nu/e2re
  Replies (37) Good night (672) Bad night (8363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel" http://tfl.nu/ti94
  Replies (12) Good night (663) Bad night (1947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined..... http://tfl.nu/yuuz
  Replies (13) Good night (661) Bad night (4209) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers http://tfl.nu/3qjt
  Replies (22) Good night (647) Bad night (274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me http://tfl.nu/1pq8
  Replies (2) Good night (644) Bad night (335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things. http://tfl.nu/z35b
  Replies (4) Good night (626) Bad night (1626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Hey man sorry I got all grabby

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Hey man sorry I got all grabby http://tfl.nu/1c4w
  Replies (3) Good night (623) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming http://tfl.nu/enr3
  Replies (19) Good night (621) Bad night (2454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number. http://tfl.nu/0dku
  Replies (7) Good night (618) Bad night (4185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay. http://tfl.nu/14mn
  Replies (15) Good night (605) Bad night (6160) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night

  (248): View more from Michigan

  he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night (248): he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit http://tfl.nu/a46h
  Replies (6) Good night (604) Bad night (1176)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her http://tfl.nu/dn9c
  Replies (48) Good night (592) Bad night (5198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  :O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): :O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out" http://tfl.nu/uf6x
  Replies (30) Good night (590) Bad night (11180) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay http://tfl.nu/llvu
  Replies (14) Good night (581) Bad night (4990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning? http://tfl.nu/326j
  Replies (31) Good night (579) Bad night (2032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet. http://tfl.nu/xezw
  Replies (12) Good night (543) Bad night (3234) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay. http://tfl.nu/ttff
  Replies (4) Good night (535) Bad night (2050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me http://tfl.nu/xox1
  Replies (23) Good night (515) Bad night (5731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you. http://tfl.nu/1g0q
  Replies (5) Good night (500) Bad night (2482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey kate, how is it?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Hey kate, how is it? (610): sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving. http://tfl.nu/94qm
  Replies (14) Good night (476) Bad night (2692)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d. http://tfl.nu/ncdi
  Replies (12) Good night (425) Bad night (1688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me. http://tfl.nu/kgtm
  Replies (19) Good night (419) Bad night (2043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so http://tfl.nu/bpeg
  Replies (29) Good night (412) Bad night (1791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess http://tfl.nu/vowo
  Replies (3) Good night (411) Bad night (1346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning. http://tfl.nu/oj20
  Replies (7) Good night (397) Bad night (3399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises. http://tfl.nu/b9dr
  Replies (14) Good night (381) Bad night (2511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute. http://tfl.nu/bjrt
  Replies (11) Good night (329) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt