Texts From Last Night

UnicornPlate's Favorites Texts:

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  (214): View more from Texas

  dude. I'm so drunk.

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is bryce's mom

  (214): View more from Texas

  I can't wait to have my cock in your ass

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is still bryce's mom

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  (214): dude. I'm so drunk. (972): pete, this is bryce's mom (214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass (972): pete, this is still bryce's mom http://tfl.nu/lat0
  Replies (180) Good night (36469) Bad night (4993)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.

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  (630): My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock. http://tfl.nu/njgo
  Replies (166) Good night (28032) Bad night (2537) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm so horny!

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm so hungry

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  For your pussy...

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  (508): I'm so horny! (781): I'm so hungry (508): WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY! (781): For your pussy... http://tfl.nu/7j50
  Replies (64) Good night (23873) Bad night (1499)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.

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  (304): He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight. http://tfl.nu/5vdu
  Replies (59) Good night (14861) Bad night (1930) Order T-Shirt
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  (650): View more from California

  I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.

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  (650): I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats. http://tfl.nu/rm40
  Replies (41) Good night (13983) Bad night (757)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.

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  (216): fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again. http://tfl.nu/nv5y
  Replies (28) Good night (13053) Bad night (1837) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever

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  (919): I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever http://tfl.nu/iy56
  Replies (51) Good night (10824) Bad night (1082)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.

  (407): View more from Florida

  i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.

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  (850): TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas. (407): i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful. http://tfl.nu/1iey
  Replies (32) Good night (10416) Bad night (655)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.

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  (501): Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog. http://tfl.nu/8mg1
  Replies (18) Good night (10021) Bad night (1652) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.

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  (407): I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying. http://tfl.nu/u472
  Replies (30) Good night (8901) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  You could give me a blowjob later? :)

  (1-321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I meant do something romantic..

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Blowjob In the moonlight?

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  (321): You could give me a blowjob later? :) (1-321): I meant do something romantic.. (321): Blowjob In the moonlight? http://tfl.nu/na1u
  Replies (13) Good night (6056) Bad night (1277)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.

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  (214): Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing. http://tfl.nu/4y7p
  Replies (9) Good night (5920) Bad night (1087)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"

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  (319): We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30" http://tfl.nu/oadk
  Replies (9) Good night (5718) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.

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  (+64): And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical. http://tfl.nu/yu5v
  Replies (22) Good night (5547) Bad night (1326) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"

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  (516): Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn" http://tfl.nu/e8ge
  Replies (19) Good night (5519) Bad night (1139)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You know how to spell recollection?

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  (724): You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there (412): You know how to spell recollection? http://tfl.nu/3vjh
  Replies (16) Good night (5337) Bad night (1278)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away

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  (801): So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away http://tfl.nu/h2fc
  Replies (11) Good night (5158) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them

  (514): View more from Quebec

  the remaining ten - you weren't in

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  (514): i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them (514): the remaining ten - you weren't in http://tfl.nu/19lj
  Replies (32) Good night (4867) Bad night (529)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street

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  (724): the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street http://tfl.nu/sbee
  Replies (13) Good night (4404) Bad night (1357) Order T-Shirt
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge

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  (828): then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge http://tfl.nu/hh8c
  Replies (10) Good night (4086) Bad night (1112) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF

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  (203): THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF http://tfl.nu/hsyz
  Replies (20) Good night (3710) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"

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  (336): He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth" http://tfl.nu/505h
  Replies (11) Good night (3543) Bad night (1976) Order T-Shirt
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?

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  (571): What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song? http://tfl.nu/zr38
  Replies (26) Good night (3135) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever

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  (570): Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever http://tfl.nu/sgij
  Replies (86) Good night (2979) Bad night (15019)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.

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  (973): They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos. http://tfl.nu/2qr6
  Replies (8) Good night (2905) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker

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  (313): Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker http://tfl.nu/hydd
  Replies (12) Good night (2798) Bad night (2560) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.

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  (970): You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip. http://tfl.nu/rzap
  Replies (3) Good night (2740) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  Man I wish I had been there

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.

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  (314): Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours. (1-314): Man I wish I had been there (314): Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again. http://tfl.nu/g53a
  Replies (11) Good night (2573) Bad night (486)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.

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  (336): Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her. http://tfl.nu/icjy
  Replies (54) Good night (2478) Bad night (14817) Order T-Shirt
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  (352): View more from Florida

  So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field

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  (352): So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field http://tfl.nu/5are
  Replies (16) Good night (2447) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.

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  (810): Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there. http://tfl.nu/7hmv
  Replies (12) Good night (1244) Bad night (4248) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.

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  (850): HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF. http://tfl.nu/8qce
  Replies (12) Good night (986) Bad night (2645) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)

  (661): View more from California

  should have blown me.

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  (818): thank you for a lively/lovely evening :) (661): should have blown me. http://tfl.nu/rnof
  Replies (50) Good night (778) Bad night (3864)
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  (315): View more from New York

  So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.

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  (315): So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave. http://tfl.nu/cgpg
  Replies (46) Good night (676) Bad night (9449)