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Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
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